Hooping through Lent

I am taking another hoop challenge presented by Pandora's Healing Hoops. We're posting pics and chatting it up to keep our butts in the game this time around. Join us on the FaceBook!

"Lenten Hoop Challenge, to hoop a minimum 30 minutes daily from 2/22 to 4/5.

I did not grow up practicing Lent but I like the idea of devoting time to make a commitment to your higher power and to remind oneself that the less productive things we indulge in are not our higher power or our greater commitment. Rather than give up chocolate, I have chosen to deepen my devotion to my higher power while treating my body as a temple.

For those who believe that Lent must contain an element of sacrifice, a concept that I don't personally subscribe to, but I do understand opportunity cost. For every moment you spend hooping, you are sacrificing something else you could do with that time.

Who's in?"

As you can see, I knocked out day two blindfolded. My new polypro came in the mail, and I decided to only "feel" it the first time I hooped with it. It was a very interesting experience. And slightly entertaining for my kids, the cats and several dudes in big trucks that drove by.

29

We. did. it.

(thanks to Dennis and Jenny for our shirts - they are uber awesome)

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Ruth, used with permission)

*you can submit your own picture to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

The power of touch

A long time ago I heard someone say, "There's no such thing as sidewalk rage."

You separate people in cars, and they are disconnected and anger is fueled instead of squashed. The same thing happens online. On email. On FaceBook. On Twitter. There is a disconnect that can be fatal to a positive interaction.

On a sidewalk, however ... you bump into someone and there is a connection. Immediate feedback. Reminder of the humanness in front of you. Eye contact. Voice. Touch. Quick repair. Everyone moves on.

Even waiting in line at the grocery store creates much less angst than waiting in line in traffic. People in the line begin connecting, feel comradery. They are frustrated together, and that eases the ... well ... frustration!

Today I was really put out with one of my kids. I have been the punching bag for them quite a bit lately. I had helped to create an invisible wall between us. I knew it was there. Heck, the drywall and decor were going up!

So, today I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I walked over and took their hand. I held it while we talked. I made eye contact. It softened me. It softened them. I got my first smile in four days.

It is magical.

It has power.

And yeah, I'm mad that it was so magical, because I didn't want to do it. Yet, I can't deny the role it played in bringing connection and healing. I just made myself because I knew it was best and right. I practiced doing the very thing I ask my kids to do.

And the magic all started with just holding hands.

Inspired by Sexuary

"After reading your blog post and feeling VERY convicted by my study of Paul and Corinthians this week I did something I rarely, ok never do anymore. Got out of the shower and surprised [my husband] with a little morning quicky. Since our child's birth almost two years ago it has been misery in that department. One of the reasons for my hysterectomy in the fall. Since that surgery, I have been so hesitant. Anyway...as you can imagine [my husband] and I have been at odds for months. His job keeps him away from home several days each week. It has been so stressful, then add in [our child with special needs] and all the therapies...well you know that drill. Anyway...all that to say, I have one happy guy this morning and I am doing pretty good too. I am resolving to make the decision to try to be more giving and open and see what happens. So thank you!"

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I always look forward to your blog posts. Sexuary hasn't just been about the XXX, but honesty and communication. It's forced us to add a little fire to our daily lives and break the routine. You're like the modern day Gloria Steinem."

"I'm a long time lurker of your blog and look forward to reading everything you post. My hubby of just over a year and I have been very inspired by Sexuary this year and have really amped up the sexy time in spite of colds. We also have my 17 year old step son, his girlfriend, and their 8 month old baby living with us so it's a big ball of sexy time around our house - NOT! Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your "Booty" post you wrote the other day. Hubby and I have experimented in the past with this. I always liked it physically but couldn't get the whole Super-Christian 'This is so wrong and not the way God intended it' out of my head. So, last night, I opened up my mind and kicked the voices out. Let's just say, I was very satisfied with the result (and the Husband was very happy too)! Thanks so much for your inspiration!"

"Don't know quite how to thank you for Sexuary. These have been the hardest nine months of our marriage. I don't say that lightly considering we walked through the challenge of adultery in 1994. Adopting two children in 2 years is hard. Adopting two children with RAD sucks. We have really struggled and just began attachment therapy last month. I was starting to see some blue skies through the black clouds and then came Sexuary!! The sky has never been bluer. Ok that might be a bit of an exaggeration but WOW sex sure does help. Thanks for provoking me and challenging me. We are actually leaving to go away tomorrow for 30 hours alone. I CAN'T WAIT!!! I have actually been thinking about sex daily and that isn't something that I have done monthly the past nine months. So thanks again and my husband thanks you also!!"

"My husband was sexually abused as a child. I was sexually, physically, and mentally abused in a relationship as a teenager. Neither of us came from families that addressed our trauma. Then we got married and as you might expect sex has been an issue for us! We've had sex for six days straight, which was double our record before, including the honeymoon. After six days we both needed a break from the "expected to" feeling and so we're taking one. We plan to finish the month with another four or five days in a row. I can honestly hardly believe it, but it's true and it's good."

Respect

"If you find yourself treating your children disrespectfully because you feel they are not respecting you, remember that they are watching how you behave in order to learn how they should behave. Respond to disrespect in a respectful way, and give them time to feel and see the difference in how they are being treated. To change the dynamic in your relationship, you have to be the one willing to make changes to yourself." ~Rue Kream

I hate it when I'm right

I was recently asked, "When your child [with a history of trauma] finally settles and is able to reconnect and ready to move on ... how do you let them? How do you just ... ya' know ... just ..."

"Stop being mad??"

"YES! Do you just fake it til you make it? What do you do?"

My response?

"I'll let you know in a few days, cause I'm still pretty livid with one of my kids."

I joke, but I'm SO not joking.

We have experienced a new phenomenon in our home in the last few weeks. After a child has been speaking their pain through behaviors, and they finally reach regulation, and life has continued on ... they are doing the craziest thing. I have actually heard, several times, "Mom, I'm very sorry about what I did earlier. Is there something I can do to put love back into you, since I hurt you?"

HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY CCCCCRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!

I should be dancing, right? I should be making banners and sending out cards to friends and family, right? I should be SO EXCITED, RIGHT?!?

Yet, I'm human. Ya' know what I've been feeling instead? Right in that moment?

I'M. NOT. DONE. BEING. MAD. YET.

Right smack in that second I am so ticked off at anything I have ever taught my kids. I have said things like, "It's okay to have big feelings, but it's not okay to hurt people with those feelings." And then I've taught them ways to still have the feelings, but not take them out on others or try to get others to join in their misery in an unhealthy way.

My words echo in my head.

I give myself the finger.

I want my kids to do it, but I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!

Frick.

So, I'm writing it out to honor this amazing strength we are seeing in each of our children. It's a big deal. It's a giant deal. Truly amazing and brave and oozes with health and healing.

I'm also writing it out to admit I can still be a big pouty baby in the middle of it. I don't want to do the right thing. I don't want to lead by example.



No me want to!

My friend, Billy, would say, "Then ... don't!"

We all know how that would play out. He really sucks that way, in all his crappy wisdom.

So, I'm going to listen to my own stupid advice. I'm going to use the tools I know work. I'm going to lead by example.

Frick.

Sexuary 2012 - the halfway mark

Valentine's Day 2012 will be one to live in infamy. We hit our 23rd straight day of sex.

No, really.

We started early so I could blog ahead, and also to help us work around a big trip I have at the beginning of March (I will NOT go to Orlando with a yeast infection!).

Twenty-three days.

Allow us to recap all we've learned ... in all honesty:

* Sex means a lot of things. We have always known that, but this month has been full of reminders. Sex is not only defined as PIV. It is not only defined by climaxing. Neither of those can be possible every single day for 23 days straight. Well, unless you have a vagina made of steel and the libido of ... um ... NOT me.

* It is possible to have an argument - a massive argument - and find your way back to intimacy. It is hard. It is sometimes ugly. It really pissed me off a lot. I was mad at myself for making this stupid goal. I was mad that I had to work through things and not withhold sex in my anger. I did it. Begrudgingly, several times. In XXIII days, we had five arguments about something non-sex related, before having to get ourselves all sex-related. Holy hooch, those nights were a butt-whoopin'. But we did it. Sometimes it brought us closer. Sometimes it didn't. We had to talk more later. Sometimes it was WEIRD and/or awkward.

* We have learned what it takes to heal our hearts to feel sexual again. We have learned that sometimes you can just "do it," without having to feel emotionally connected. That can be awful and sometimes it can be awesome.

* Coconut oil, garlic and Vitamin C are mighty warriors against yeast infections.

* Technology is your friend. If you must be apart (or if you choose to do this just for fun!), your possibilities are endless. Skype, sexting, video, pictures - the sky is the limit! Note, however: you might want to clear all images off your phone before handing it over to someone to take your picture. If someone doesn't know how to use your iPhone, they may just start clicking all over the screen and open your photo album. I dodged that bullet twice this month. Note to self: it's time to learn how to create multiple photo albums on your iPhone!

* If you knock one out in the morning, it's completely normal to feel relief that you just freed up your whole evening to watch a movie on Netflix. This Sexuary stuff takes time, yo. It's alright to have a moment of, "Oh, thank God. I can finish up some Weeds and still get to bed at a decent hour!"

* Doing something for 21 days really does start to create a new habit. We are both not sure we are going to just stop after 29 days. Maybe we will. The thought of it makes us a little sad. Well, mostly sad. After the giant fight on Day 22, I wasn't feeling sad. I was ready for it. Cause I'm human.

* We started off taking turns each day. One person got to choose what we would do that evening. As life made things harder, we hit a point where we forgot whose turn it was. We made do, and just let the most stressed or exhausted person decide. That worked very well in my favor!

* When you host and promote Sexuary, you basically have turned your body and email inbox into a giant neon beacon that says, "Ask me anything. Tell me anything. I am your safe space." I know so many of you so intimately now, and I thank you for it. It has been a gift and a blessing to hear your stories and offer advice. I've also learned from you. I have been challenged by you. I have cried for/with you. I have celebrated with you. I'm honored that you would dare share that space with me. Thank you.

* Apparently some student ministry at some church is doing a February Bible study series called "Sexuary." Really. And they created a Twitter hashtag. So, all of our Sexuary tweets are intermingled on their hashtag tweets. It's kinda hysterical.



I think the biggest thing we continue to learn is that even after all these years, there is always something new to experience or discover about ourselves and each other. If we try.

We have every intention of finishing up 29 full days. At that time, you will hear the fanfare and see the confetti, no matter where you are on the planet.

Send me a message or leave a comment with your own experiences. I'm sharing a lot of them as I can, to help others. We've been a giant party of sharing and caring this month!

Happy Sexuary!

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Mommy Needs Therapy, used with permission - click here to read her beautiful writing about the gift of breastfeeding)



You can submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Inspired by Sexuary

Taken from the comments section on Monday, from Dennis, a friend of mine. That's he and his sweet wife, Jenny, above. Their love and spirit and passion for one another truly inspires me. Not to mention, they're dang fun:

"Ok, I have to chime in here. As a guy who is married to one of the sexiest women I know, I've come to figure out "sexy" is more about an attitude then it is about a dress size. I've met women of all shapes and sizes that are sexy as hell. And yet I can look at some of the 'runway models' and think, 'what the hell is that?' with no sex appeal because of their attitudes.

Todays blog reminded me of a Trace Adkins song "Hot Mama" that came out about 10 years ago. The first 2 verses were:

You're doin' all you can to get in them old jeans.
You want that body back, you had at seventeen.
Baby, don't get down; don't worry 'bout a thing.
'Cause the way you fill 'em out, hey, that's all right with me.
I don't want the girl you used to be.
An' if you ain't noticed, the kids are fast asleep,

An' you're one hot mama;
You turn me on, let's turn it up,
An' turn this room into a sauna.
One hot mama,
Oh, whaddya say, baby?
You wanna?

Well, I know sometimes you think that all you really are,
Is the woman with the kids an' the groceries in the car.
An' you worry about your hips an' you worry about your age.
Meanwhile I'm tryin' to catch the breath you take away.
Oh, an' believe me, you still do.
Baby, all I see, when I look at you, (refrain - You're one hot mama!)

I truly believe most me have this attitude when it comes to their partners. We WANT to be intimate with you because you're hot as hell to us! And we really wish you could see yourselves through our eyes and see just how hot you are!

So my 2 cents worth boils down to this:

Feel Sexy - Because as men we start drooling as soon as you put on that feel. We loose all sense of control and ability to think straight.

Act Sexy - There is not many things hotter than a woman acting like she already knows how hot she is. There are some cloths my wife puts on (not just negligees) that she acts totally different in, and she acts sooo freaking sexy in....I have hard times those days not acting like a wild man trying to seduce her.

It's not the weight - You might want to loose the 15 lbs because of health reasons, but don't ever think your weight has anything to do with sexy. They are 2 different animals all together.

God I LOVE Sexuary! Thanks Christine for topics like this. It's real, and I've spoken to many over the years that just don't believe how sexy they really are to the guy standing right next to them drooling over their hiney!

Dennis"


Jenny's follow-up comment:

"I just wanna say....I love my hubby Dennis! Even when I'm not acting attractive or sexy he does things like what he said above and makes my heart swell when I know HE IS ALL MINE ;) he makes me feel sexy. I can remember we were dateing when that song came out and he would roll the windows down, turn the radio up and sing it to me.....even louder if the boys were in the car!"

And one more comment from Jenny that came in today. I think this is the most important. In case you're looking at this couple and thinking, "This just comes easily for them. This is how they are. I'm not like that!" Yeah. Close that mouth and open those ears. Learn from their story. It's still evolving. It's beautiful because it's real:

"It was so hard to take this picture! But yesterday while at the Reinfair I realized just how "sexy" I felt. Even had someone I was with say she loves being around me because she thinks I am so sexy, that I am opened about it and have such a free spirit. I never knew that she saw it, while I am still up and down with my own feelings about myself. It helps when I have a world of support to help me when I am feeling down about myself. I am not sure why in the last 6 months my whole attitude about myself has changed but it has and it's breached all areas in my life. My depression is better, my allergies are better, and to be frank my sex life is better. When all those things are better I feel better about myself ... Life is so GRAND right now..."