Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by LeeAnn; used with permission) 

"I nursed my little sweetie pie - birth to 19 months via natural and herbal induced lactation.  (no meds)

When the princess joined our family almost two years ago, at 3 days old, I solely breastfed until 19 months, using a Lact-Aid or the SNS until my milk supply was established and for any supplementation that was necessary afterward.  It was hard work in the beginning but so very worth it.  I would do it all over again in a moment.

If you're interested you can read the hows of it all on my blog.

The above link goes to my last post about induced lactation (with links to my earlier posts).  I continued to nurse her solely for another 8 months after this post."

You may submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com 

If you are here to learn about adoption ...

(photo by George Bosela; used with permission)

I talk about whatever is floating my boat at the moment.  Sometimes I'm purposefully not talking about something because it's a current struggle.

Adoption.  A current struggle.

Certain topics come in waves throughout social media, and sometimes they come in waves because of atrocities occurring.  In adoption, atrocities are always occurring.

Beauty, love, thoughtfulness, justice ... these things also occur all the time in adoption.

However, that is the default conversation.  To truly support and help these things stay a constant, we must have the conversation around the things that can never and should never be okay.  Acceptable.  Ignored.

I have very little to add to the conversations which have already started, so I wanted to share the words of others.  I hope to continue to add to this post, and make it a good gathering place for those who are just learning or who are looking to better educate themselves an advocate.  Please, take the time to read through each post.

"But birth families are not prioritized; adopters are. The system is geared to make us happy, to keep us coming. There is this silent belief that kids are better off with us, period. We say, “God chose this child for me. She is mine. She was always meant to be mine.” No. Our children were meant for their birth families, the way every child ever born is. God did not intend these children for my wealthy home and accidentally put them in Ethiopian wombs. Does God not weep for birth moms who were tricked? Who were coerced? Who were so vulnerable? Were their children gifts for us and not them? This perspective insidiously tricks us into overvaluing our "rights" and devaluing first families or reunification efforts."

From "Examining Adoption Ethics:  Part One," by Jen Hatmaker




"I would heavily discourage independent adoptions. I know they are faster and smoother and maybe the only possibility in certain countries, but we want more oversight, not less in international adoption. The more people, systems, and organization in place, the higher the accountability, and I cannot stress this enough: we want the highest possible accountability here. If adoptions are not possible through formal channels, there is probably a reason. This ball is in our court, PAPs. Of the few things we can control, this is one."

From "Examining Adoption Ethics:  Part Two," by Jen Hatmaker (If you are considering adoption, start here!)




"I am expressing things that make some folks feel defensive, I recognize that.  I am sorry that is the case but I believe that in order to be truthful with myself I need to be wrestling with a lot of these things and trying to live honestly in the difficult tension of this truth: Adoption can be redemptive and beautiful AND adoption can be painful and destructive. To claim it is all glory and all beauty is incredibly insensitive to those that have lost much."

From "Of Reunions, Clarification and Closure," by Tara Livesay




"I am concerned about something. I am finding that some first world parents feel like they are generally going to be a better answer for a child born to a poor mother.  And there, we part ways. Au revoir. It is almost like they believe materially poor people cannot love their children adequately.  (To clarify, we are not talking about abusive parents or mentally ill parents here.) 

For whatever reason, there is an undercurrent that involves privilege. American privilege, consumer privilege, born into money and things privilege, white privilege, Christian wanting to convert others privilege, whatever it is... probably some combination of all, that says, 'I am better for this kid than you, poor person.' 

I'll submit sometimes that is true; sometimes a materially poor or mentally ill or terribly abusive parent cannot care for a child - but not always and not even usually. It doesn't take all that much to love a first family and give them a hand up, it doesn't take much to encourage and cheer on a first mother. We just have to be willing to do it."

From "The Ongoing Adoption Ethics Discussion," by Tara Livesay



"There's always lots of talk about ethics in international adoption, and that's great because there always should be. But what does that word mean: ethics? I'm pretty sure that people use it to mean many different things. So, this is my attempt to answer the question: What am I talking about when I talk about an ethical adoption? To me, an ethical adoption starts with one simple thing: A wall. A great big, unclimbable, immovable, unbreachable wall."
From "The Wall: A Map Of Adoption Ethics According to Me (Part One)" by Claudia. 




"The best way to address a problem is not to pick up the pieces, it's to stop it happening in the first place. If we are looking to have long term, big-picture impact on children's lives, we want the swamp of adversity to dry up. We have to build a dam."

From "The Periscope and The Dam: A Map Of Adoption Ethics According to Me (Part Two)" by Claudia

 

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

"My view the past 12 weeks."

(photo by reddit user, frazzledmomof3; used with permission)



You may submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Mother's Day 2013

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by heartlineministries.org; take and used with permission by Heartline and mama)

 This is mom, Jimema, and her second set of twins.  The other set is also girls, who are 4 years old.

You may submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

The slippery-slope argument

(photo by Bethany Carlson; used with permission)

I have been spending some time challenging myself when it comes to logical fallacies.  I know that these aren't just issues that creep up in politics and media.  When looking at my own life, I can see how I use them, even in my parenting.

While I fight hard to avoid using the classic "slippery-slope argument," and also encourage others to do the same, I have to admit that I'm pulled to it like a magnet when guiding my kids.  I know why I do it (fear, much?).  I know why I ignore that I do it (again with the fear).

Okay, so you may not have a clue what I'm talking about.  What is this whole slippery-slope thing?  We've all heard it, experienced it and probably used it.

"A slippery slope argument goes like this.

If you take position A, you run the risk of taking position B;
position B is wrong,
therefore A is also wrong." - John Frame

We want to protect our kids.  We want them to learn from our mistakes (meaning:  we want them to be totally different from the way we were at their age).  If we are concerned with their choices, we feel extremely out of control.  That giant feeling then creates havoc in our brains which causes us to want to fight against it.  If you can't stop someone with brute force, then ... maybe you can stop them with fear. Slippery-slope argument, enter stage left.

"Smoking will lead to drugs."

"Drinking will lead to drugs."

"Not cleaning your room will lead to drugs."

"Premarital sex will lead to dancing!"  (sorry ... any other recovering Southern Baptists in the house?)

I kid, I kid.  But we do it.  We do it even in the tiniest of things.  I have four teenagers, and am trying to focus hard on my words and my intentions.  Mostly my intentions.  That's where I start to screw up.

In our home, we focus a lot on living in community:  within these walls, within our park/small business, within ... the world.  We talk about a balance between creativity, self-expression, radical acceptance, teamwork with the human race and thoughtfulness.  It is a constant tension.  We get it right as much as we get it wrong, because there are a million different nuances to it.

I have things I can teach my children.  I have things I can guide them through.  They can choose to absorb that information or not (and sometimes, their lack of absorption is not a choice ... they're busy working out something else in their heart/mind/life).  My fear, however, is something I can count on most of the time.

Over the last two weeks I have repeated something to at least five other parents that resonates with them.  It is true for me over and over again.  When I find myself facing a behavior (or what appears to be a "snowball" of behaviors) with one of my kids, I start to panic.  I could easily name that feeling as "fear," but even more so, it is a big wad of, "I want it to stop.  I want to make it stop.  Stop!  I NEED IT TO STOP!"  It is unbelievably intense.  Overwhelming.

That's when I love to use those slippery-slope arguments with my kids.  I don't think about it.  Instead, my words just start to move there.  I want them to be scared.  I want them to be as scared as I am.

Yeesh.  Okay.  I said it out loud.

I am currently working extra hard on all of this.  With all the talk of same-sex marriage, I've also seen a surge in slippery-slope arguments.  I want to make sure I'm not countering those arguments if I'm doing the same thing myself.  Not just in political or human rights discussions, but sitting right here at my kitchen table.

So, every time I go there (or I want to go there) I'm asking myself, "What am I afraid of?"

Then I'm reminding myself that I do not want to live a life of fear.  So, I should choose my words and my actions based on what is actually happening and what is actually true.

Even when I still feel afraid.

Especially when I still feel afraid.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo from Tanya; used with permission)

"I have been meaning to dig out this picture of me breastfeeding my twins 14.5 years ago.  It was the only picture of me nursing any of my four biological babies, which is sad considering I spent three years of my life in the nursing position!

In the past 6 years we have added 4 more children to our family via adoption, a newborn from the US (now 6, that I bottle fed, and can say 100% that for ME, being able to compare the two- breastfeeding was way easier than bottle feeding- and yes, I did try to get my milk to come in so I could nurse him too, but he was born early), a son from Haiti and a son and daughter from Ethiopia.

We have 4 boys and 4 girls ages ranging from 6 to 16.

I love seeing your magical milk pics, and I always get a little teary eyed remembering those sweet moments with my own babies."



You may submit your own Magical Milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by scatterpig; used with permisison)

You may submit your own magical milk pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

I am beautiful. I am lovely.

I watched a video this morning that spoke to me.  It's an ad.  I hate that it's an ad, but I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bath water.  I'm going learn from the message, despite its source.  What I'm taking away from this, is not only the reminder that I should be very aware of my own beauty, but also:

My children internalize everything I say about them.  Or don't say about them.  They internalize everything that we say about a birth parent.  Or everything we say about a divorced spouse.

That hit me hard when I heard the woman say, "My mom said I had a big jaw."

Her mother was hurting the day she said that.  She was human.  She put her pain onto her child.  We all do that.  We all do that.  As long as we're breathing, we can fill back up that hole that was created inside ourselves ... the hole we create inside our child.

In the work place, it takes 2-3 positive comments to motivate and maintain connection after one criticism.  In parenting, it's more.  Some say 10-to-1.  I have no idea how many it would take for a grown adult still carrying around the pain.  I'm gonna' make a guess of - much more!

If a parent projected their own pain into your soul, and they weren't emotionally healthy enough to cover it with ten truths ... do it for yourself.  You can't do it for your children and the people closest to you until you've done it for yourself.

Ask 15 friends today to watch this video and send you a message describing YOU.  Do it.  When you find yourself arguing with with these truths, write me and allow me to argue right back!

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Tinkymama; used with permission)

You may submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com