So, how is the ... sex?

If you have not yet joined in on the 2010 Sex-periment Challenge, I encourage you to do so. It's a bit of a butt kick for those of us who may be in a relationship where the lights are dimming (not in a good way). The truth is, sometimes sex fizzles, and the days just keep passing by before we realize how much our physical relationship has flat lined.

Denise A. Donnelly is an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, and she studies sexless marriages. I can't decide if that is a fascinating endeavor, or if it leans more toward depressing. In her studies, she has discovered that 15% of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.

So, you're sitting at the Saturday morning soccer game. Look around you. Out of the ten families represented, there are approximately two couples on those bleachers who are NOT going bump in the night, and probably more.

For women, increasing the frequency of sex is not always easy. Stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise can all contribute to a low libido. Yet, being a woman and/or a mother can certainly LEAD to stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise. It is as if we can't win for losing. We love being women. We love our complicated and difficult roles in life. However, those roles seem to have shuttled "sex kitten" to the back corner.

We have to reorganize some things.

Bentley College in Massachusetts discovered that women in their 40s had sex about seven times per month when they were physically active. Those who were not physically active ... not so much! Just a 30 minute walk three times a week will stimulate your hormones, relieve stress and improve blood circulation. Thirty minutes is not all that long. Three times a week is not all that much. Make it a family outing. The kids don't have to know it's a form of foreplay!

Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center, says "Sex is really about circuitry." That means you can improve your libido by improving your neurological function. I take a fish oil capsule every night. It's great for my brain. Great for my heart. Also great for my va-va-va-voom. Gives new meaning to the "O" in Omega-3's. I also throw some flax seed in my food whenever I have the chance. I like to think of it as magical fairy libido dust.

Are you eating healthy? Did you know your liver metabolizes cholesterol and you need to be pumping in the good, healthy fats to keep that estrogen flowing? Studies for decades have shown a correlation between unhealthy weight and sexual issues. So see - it's not just about getting INTO your skinny jeans, but one day wanting to get back OUT of them. *wink-wink*

To top it all off, Donnelly also states couples who are having more sex report they are happier than those who are not. We do not just want to be happy, but most of us would like to be happy that we are wanting to have sex (and right now, we're still wanting to WANT to). We give and we give to those in our lives, and we forget about ourselves. It literally affects every inch of us. We have to choose to keep ourselves on the priority list. We have to give ourselves permission to say, "No, thank you," to that committee or another commitment ... so we can say yes to sex!

More of the therapeutic parenting vlogging

Pa-ching!

* Husband is taking his test on Tuesday to be certified for all levels of Math. It's a bear. He loves math ... but still ... bear. Won't know for awhile if he passed, which I think is just tooty.

* There is a group of guys who gather down the road every few weeks on a Saturday night and jam. They plug in and everything. Think they meet under someone's carport or something. You can hear the bass all the way down here. I need to walk down there some night. Heard the mic check earlier when I was pulling weeds. Willie says they're a bunch of drunks. Sounds right up my alley. Not to mention, the bass player sounds sober enough to hang pretty tight.

* We have several new people in the park and have had several leave. That's the nature of things. Our new peeps are so very nice. One lady came by to pay, I offered her a cup of coffee and she camped on my sofa and stayed awhile to talk. Has been through so much in her life, loves to be around people, and swats her husband mercilessly anytime he makes a crack about my hair. I like her very much.

* The Janssen's are coming soon. They'll be here for a while ... a spell ... whatever the kids are calling it these days. Sara has introduced me to another new friend via Facebook, and THEY are coming for two weeks in March. Such a treat. It was Summer who told Sara about us, when she read they would be headed to Texas. Friends bringing me more friends bringing me more friends.

* Did anyone else realize it's February? Geeezy.

* The good news? February means that it is almost March which means it is very close to me going to Florida. I have no words to explain how excited I am. I am long overdue for this hefty of a parenting break. Much needed. Way, very much needed. We've had some financial glitches along the way, and I have looked at my husband and said, "Honey, we can use my trip money for that," to which he has replied, "YOU. ARE. GOING. TO. FLORIDA." Sure enough, things have always worked out and the Florida money has remained untouched. I. AM. GOING. TO. FLORIDA.

* We have brought home every last thing from storage (meaning, Goodwill is LOVING us). Today, I broke down all the boxes and laid the flattened cardboard along the front of the house. Covered that with the four million leaves which have fallen from our very shady RV park. Hauled over tons of logs from a few dead trees which had to come down. BOOM - the base for a future flower bed. Cost = zero.

* I did fill one big box full of the packing paper. Crammed it in there good. Then hauled it out to our big fire pit spot in the field, turned it upside down and set that puppy on fire (from underneath). SO FUN. I love fire very much. It's the little things that make my day.

Therapeutic Parenting - The Power of Being Present

THEY ARE OKAY!

All seven are uninjured. They are receiving the provisions they are needing. Will receive pics tomorrow!

Adopting from Haiti

In the three weeks since the January 12th earthquake, which rocked the island of Haiti, there has been a tremendous increase in adoption inquiries. As the rest of the world watches, we cannot help but hurt and hope and desperately seek ways to help. Pictures of orphans and news stories of destruction cause us all to want to grab a passport and come home with as many children possible.

It is normal.

Yet, it is not practical. At this point in time, it is also not best.

Haiti's infrastructure is almost impossible for many Americans to comprehend. There is no public postal system as we know it. Chief Postal Inspector William R. Gilligan, Jr., of the USPS has recently stated "Members of the Universal Postal Union all are playing a role in rebuilding the Haitian Postal System." Yet, those who are familiar with Haiti know that means starting with basically nothing. If you pay for electricity, you are not guaranteed electricity in Haiti. It comes and goes in no predictable pattern. Infrastructure helps or hinders adoption.

The children of Haiti need every opportunity to be raised, in Haiti, in a safe and healthy home (even if, right now, it is a tent). Due to the recent catastrophe, it will easily take weeks, possibly months, to locate family of displaced children. Yet, for the sake of these kids, that must be the main focus at this time.

Just this week, Licia Betor of the Real Hope for Haiti Rescue Center (RHFH), talked about a young boy who had been treated at the US Comfort ship. International rescue teams pulled him from rubble three days after the quake. There were nine members of his family living in his home. He was the only one to survive. The people at RHFH worked diligently to find more extended family. They discovered his father was living, but the two had no relationship. Finally, an uncle was discovered. "The family has no house to live in so we will keep him here awhile long to recover. His uncle is working on finding a place for them to live," said Betor.

This boy will remain in his country, with family he knows and with whom he already has a bond. That must remain the main goal for now, as more people are located and more families are reunited.

On the flip side, UNICEF has certainly been at the fore-front in the adoption discussion during the past three weeks. I do not agree with UNICEF's hardcore stance against international adoption. While UNICEF does many things well, they have hurt and hindered children in this area. In the areas of poverty, political unrest and lack of infrastructure, I believe there has to be a balance. UNICEF does not agree.

In 2008, after excessive pressure from UNICEF, Guatemala agreed to try a very radical approach to their orphan crisis. Adoptions outside the country were closed, and an aggressive campaign began to recruit foster and adoptive homes. In October of that year, Oscar Avila of the Chicago Tribune wrote a piece on this program titled, "Guatemala Seeks Domestic Fix to Troubled Overseas Adoptions." He reported that the program was not only questionable, but appeared to be falling on its face. "Only about 45 families in a nation of 13 million currently have taken in foster children since the program began this year," Avila wrote.

So, should we adopt from Haiti? Should we not?

Yes.

For now, we must wait. For the children and all they deserve, we must wait. It is okay to be fighting for those already in the process. Those children have been matched. Those regulations have already been met. Yet, for those who just now appear orphaned, we must allow time for their story to be uncovered and their appropriate "forever" to be secured.

When the time does come, I encourage everyone who has an interest to begin to ask a lot of questions and truly learn what it is to raise a child from another race and/or culture. If you don't love Haiti, you can't love these kids. So, it's okay to find out and uncover whether or not this is more for you than just a tugging of the heartstrings. I've had plenty of tugs in my life, but the actual parenting part requires some heavy-gauge wire!

In the meantime, there are some efforts beginning to surface in ways which we can all help children in Haiti, by helping families. Keep your eyes on Heartline Ministries as they hope to soon be announcing the opportunity to sponsor an entire family. How wonderful to give a family what they are lacking to provide for themselves, and keep children with their first loves.

The children of Haiti deserve our effort, our voices, our understanding ... and our patience.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

Photo by Amy King - "I am so. very. thankful. for the latte & blueberry scone I'll be having for *breakfast* .....so many in Haiti want breakfast, too. The babies want milk. The mommas want their milk to. come. in.

From Dr Tom re: our new challenges at the hospital.....
'Every patient is now dehydrated. We had a patient's family member faint....and now she is a patient herself. This is ***not*** a 6-month disaster. We. are. a. refugee. camp. now.'

Beth told momma that if she tried to feed baby for 15 min...we'd give her a bowl of rice & beans...."

That's the Beth we've all grown to know and love at Heartline. They still need us. Every day they need us.