Thursday, May 12, 2005

Yup, I used to sport 80 extra lbs

I'm trying to catch up on all of my "What Makes Me Weird" listings.

So, I've worked my way up to the days when I weighed 200 lbs (on my home scale it was just 198 lbs!!!). It all started with pregnancy cravings and a quaint little place called Ninfa's. They had this fabulous green sauce - a nice break in the monotony of salsa. It was a tiny bit spicy, creamy and you just could never eat enough. Over about six months, I ate 80 lbs worth.

Ok, okay ... maybe it's not so simple (and maybe it was a little more than just the green sauce). Regardless, I started at 120 lbs. Somewhere around 150 lbs, I just stopped stepping on scales (and would divert my eyes at the doctor's office). I finally had the guts in my last month to see if the silly thing would explode under my weight. That's where I came up with the 198 mark.

I would love to say that I was retaining water, but my feet never swelled. I'd love to blame it on the weight of the baby, but my daughter had to be rounded up to 6 lbs! It's not anything magical. I just ate .. and ate .. then ate some more.

At my six week check-up, my OBGYN looked at me (as I was crying over my weight), and said, "You didn't gain this weight overnight, and you won't lose it overnight either. Lose it SLOWLY. Change the way you eat, and do it for the rest of your life. DON'T DIET!" She also tagged on the golden nugget of all weight-loss advice, "Your goal should not be to lose this weight. It should be to keep it off for a year!"

I actually listened to her. I did some aerobics on occasion. I breastfed. I relished being poor, because we couldn't afford prepackaged-make-u-fat snacks. I lost it ... slowly. I had the majority of it gone when I became pregnant with my son. I boycotted Ninfa's and only gained 28 lbs with him. I stuck with the plan, and the weight continued to (SLOWLY) melt away. Then I watched the calendar .... not changing anything for a year!

She had totally saved me. By keeping it off for a year, I had developed all new habits. There was nothing to "go back to," because I had a new way of doing things that now felt like old habits.

Now, here's the catch!

It is now about seven years since that time. I have kept up this new way of life. However, I didn't get skinny one day, and all of the sudden I felt so great that I never wanted another donut (my problem being ... I never had just ONE donut). I still crave Ninfa's green sauce. When I'm eating breakfast, I'm fantasizing about what I want for lunch. I am a binge eater, who cannot make good choices at my weakest moments. I feed my feelings often. So, I have to keep my home safe. When I was working in an office, I had to keep my office area safe from unhealthy munchies.

Hear me: my son had the most delicious birthday cake last week. I had fifteen pieces (I am NOT exaggerating ... I am NOT trying to be funny .. I'm trying to tell you that I understand you - I ate 15 stinkin' pieces of my child's birthday cake, because the whipped cream frosting kept calling my name from the fridge). It is gone now. I will be having a fruit tray for my b-day.

I LOVE TO EAT, and that will never change. I eat for every single emotion in the book. Every single day I have to make the choice to stay healthy and love myself. Every single day I want to gorge on birthday cake, or Ben & Jerry's or Reese's.

So, I have to find something else to do with my time. Speaking of, the next time someone says, "With all this blogging, you must have WAY too much time on your hands!" Perhaps I'll moon them and ask, "Would you rather me have my head buried in ice cream???" It keeps me out of the fridge. I could be here, or I could be eating. The laundry is done ... the kids are playing ... maybe I don't really like to write ... I'm just hungry!


DC said...

Got to love the Tomatilla Sauce at Ninfa's.

Sour Cream

It's paradise. I have the "secret formula" if you want to have it as a "reward/splurge meal".


Anonymous said...

I'll bet if you made that with fat free sour cream and put it on a shrimp or veggie taco, it wouldn't be too bad!

beth said...

Oh, girl - I haven't thought about Ninfa's in ages! I lived in TX until 2000 - Granbury, Hico, Fourt Worth, Grand Prairie...and Ninfas was the BEST. Are they still in operation? I'd consider coming back to TX just for lunch...Seriously, your post and the insight to eating made so much sense to me. Thanks for sharing. I still struggle...after I reading, I walked downstairs and put the Tostitos back...

Becky said...

Thank you for posting this. I know it's an old post but I found it in your favorites. I am glad I am not the only one that eats something in total excess just because it is that GOOD! I am not an emotional eater, I am a binger because it tastes so good I just have to have more and more and more. You are now officially my weight loss inspiration!

God bless.

BTW, you came to my blog today at Home Sweet Homeschool. That's how I found you and I feel really lucky I did!!