Last night, my husband walked through and asked, "Whatcha' doin'?"
I replied, "Reading stuff on Babywise."
His response, "WHY????"
Me, "No, honey ... the bad stuff ... I'm helping to research it for people, so they won't support his stuff."
And he breathes a sigh of relief.
So, that's exactly what I did. It seems to be a recurring theme lately in the mommy-blogging world. I want to help out as much as I can, and do some research for others who might be drooling over the idea of a perfectly compliant infant.
I had to point out something a little humorous. Gary Ezzo has a rebutle on his web site, concerning the things said against his parenting philosophies. He actually uses quotes from his book to show how it is "in agreement" with La Leche League or the AAP. Yet, both of these nationally respected organizations have spoken in direct opposition to his type of infant care. He also doesn't address the scripture references taken entirely out of context (in the scriptural version: Preparation for Parenting), and the impression he exudes, that his way is "God's way."
Could someone move all of the "red flags" out of the way for a moment? There's no room to walk!
So, sorry to beat a dead Gary ... uh, HORSE, but I wanted to throw out one of my new favorite posts on the Babywise phenominuh-non:
http://www.justchance.com/2005/05/babywise.html
Outside of www.ezzo.info, do you guys have any others that you've read? Any personal experiences posted online?
Here is Tulip Girl's latest: Ezzo Week 2005
A Flawed Parenting Philosophy from BabyCenter
Monday, July 18, 2005
God is Wise - Gary Ezzo ... not so much!
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11 comments:
delurking...
Right now on the Breastfeeding forum of Ovusoft (http://www.ovusoft.com/forum/tt.asp?appid=35) there is a pretty heated debate going on about Babywise. The consensus seems to be that it's a bunch of hooey.
You know, before I actually had my baby, I was all "Go Babywise!" But now that I have my daughter, I think it is pretty dangerous and unbased in reality. My fellow Christian mother friend gave me the book to read to "help." I felt like such a horrible mother after I read it. I thought, "I'm spoiling her!" Thankfully, I have such a demanding child that I didn't even really try it. There is NO WAY she will wait for four hours to eat. She is every two hours, like clockwork. And as far as crying herself down to sleep... ha. I would listen to her for five minutes and go get her. I just couldn't bear it. I wondered why it didn't work for me, then I went to that ezzo.info site. Well, duh! It didn't work for me because it doesn't work... period.
I started thinking about the moms I know that used Babywise to the letter. They are good moms, but their children all seem to be slightly detached from them. My mother friend that gave me the book-- her son calls for Daddy in the night if he gets scared. Suddenly it occured to me that was a little odd.
Truthfully, I LIKE nursing her to sleep. I don't mind rocking her. She's not going to be a baby for long, and I know that I will miss nursing her so often. I think that God wants me to love her and cherish her, not listen to her cry for three hours. I just wish I could get rid of the book from my head whispering that I am spoiling her.
This is not to say that I think that it's never okay to let your baby cry, or that I think that mothers who do Babywise are monsters and don't love their kids. But I think that we put way too much trust in a man that wants us to go against our God-given maternal instinct. It seems silly to me now that I ever considered it.
(sorry for the book I wrote! I've just been thinking about this a lot lately.)
Ellen -
When I heard about Babywise/Prep for Parenting, there was just enough confidence and scripture mixed in (and it was being held at a local church), that I never questioned it before our daughter was born.
What I found was that it really preys on your fears - fears that your child will be spoiled, they'll be one of "those kids" that makes restaurants unbearable, etc. It has been amazing to me, now that I'm a mom, that there are some who equate extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc., with lack of discipline. They have somehow tangled up nurturing with discipline!
You can co-sleep with an older child, and yet still enforce bedtime. You can breastfeed for an extended amount of time, and yet still teach a two year old, that it's not polite to interrupt a conversation and scream for a drink.
As you and your child grow together, you will start to see when he is reaching the point of defiance ... and it's not NOW!! You are not spoiling him, you are meeting his needs. It's so funny how Babywise moms will agree that babies have a nonnutritive need to suck before six months of age ... but they don't have a need to be held? Rocked or nursed to sleep? Perhaps those could be actual needs, as well, instead of selfish "wants."
It's a lot to think about. I wish I had done my research before even trying it. I had to go through Ezzo-detox just like you! ha! ha!
Wow - I was shocked when I saw this. My son is almost 16, but when he was still young we did the Growing Kids God's Way study with some other couples in our church. We all thought it was great. One couple led that study several times for other couples in our church. I was not familiar with this Babywise book. Did not know anything about it. So is the opposition just on that book or all the thinks Ezzo's done?
Jojo -
While in all of Ezzo's stuff, you can find some very practical, and positive advice, there are so many underlying problems that I discourage anyone from purchasing his materials. You can easily find all of the "good stuff" in many other resources.
The Babywise book is the same exact program as "Preparation for Parenting" (the newborn curriculum of "Growing Kids God's Way" that is taught in churches). However, they removed all scripture references and directly spiritual remarks, and market it on the secular circuit as "Babywise."
I encourage everyone to really look deeply into Gary Ezzo's history (with his own church and publishers), the scriptures he uses in teaching infant care (specifically, how they are used out of context), and read what other experts in the field of pediatrics have to say about his work (Christian and non-Christian alike).
Would like to see the Awareparent board promoted more - it's at http://www.awareparent.net - I spoke to the folks that run the board and they have just redone it with some new software but weren't able to convert everything over
"Did not know anything about it. So is the opposition just on that book or all the thinks Ezzo's done?
It's often said that what's good about what Ezzo teaches is not unique--and what is unique is not good.
I'm glad, Jojo, that y'all were encouraged by GKGW.
While a parent may find a few helpful hints among the Ezzo materials, in general I simply cannot support them for three reasons.
1. Sloppy Hermeneutics. Gary Ezzo is not careful with his use of Scripture. See this article:
http://ourworld.cs.com/kent1750/GKGW/contents.htm
2. Medical Misinformation. Especially evident in Babywise, but all of the books show a lack of consideration for normal child growth and development.
3. Questionable Ethics. Gary Ezzo has been excommunicated from one church, has unresolved church discipline issues from another, and has a pattern of misquoting and misrepresenting other people. I simply do not trust someone to teach me about Biblical family discipline, when his life shows a lack of understanding of Biblical church discipline.
Hey Christine,
I enjoy reading what you write! "Real" people who happen to believe is always refreshing!
ps. my kids are all grown and we weren't Christians when they were little, so we didn't have all the confusion. Just stumbled through it and every once in a while checked in with Dr. Spock...or was it Mr. Spock??? ;)
Ezzo........ EWWWWW!
I was horrified to learn that one of the leaders of our local natural parenting group actually uses parts of Ezzo!!! UGH!
I used Babywise with my son. He is 2 and a half and he is a wonderful child - bright smart, funny, loving, etc.
Would I use it again? - NO
Would I reccommend it to friends - NO
I think it is dangerous. I agree with what you've said Christine "What I found was that it really preys on your fears - fears that your child will be spoiled, they'll be one of "those kids" that makes restaurants unbearable, etc." It is written in a way that makes you think this is THE way. For example I remember at 6 months I was concerned about getting DS down to 4 feeds a day per ezzo (which I now know is wrong). At 8 months I was concerned because he hadn't dropped his third nap and Ezzo said he should have. I breastfeed DS till he was 12.5 months and I only gave up so I would start ovulating again so we could ttc. I realise now how lucky I was to be able to breastfeed ds for so long while doing ezzo scheduled feedings. But there were times when my supply dropped and I had to pump to get my supply up. How I wish I'd thrown the book away when he was an infant and just chucked my baby on the breast for for an extra feed or so.
The thing is that it became easier to listen to Ezzo rather than my child.
I remember expressing doubts to a babywise friend and she commented that you have to take the good bits and leave the rest. But this is hard for people who are well educated and good at discerning advice from absolute rules - how about mums that don't have that level of education who end up with FTT babies?
Gradually I switched off from babywise. I don't put DS down for a sleep by the clock anymore, i put him down based on what else his happening - behaviour, rest of families needs, etc, etc
If DS wakes early from a nap, sure I look at my watch and groan but I don't listen to him cry until it reaches the appointed time when he is "allowed up" per Ezzo.
I consider our family blessed that DS has turned out as happy and secure and bright and smart and loving as he is even though we used Babywise when he was an infant. I think this is due to a few things - DS's personality, the fact we were fairly liberal in how we applied Ezzo (which always made me feel like I was failing I must say) and the grace of God.
Please don't flame me for "coming out" on this. I wanted to portray the other side and explain why people stick with Ezzo.
Ezzo is very convincing. I actually visited Ezzo.info while I was doing Ezzo material with DS and yes it created a lot of doubts but it on its own wasn't enough - I stuck with the line "apply those bits that work" and didn't realise there were much more helpful books out there containing those good bits.
Hey Christine,
Your book cover is just hilarious....Well, not really, since it reeks of truth. Anyway, I'm a new blogger, and I just did a whole "series" telling my story as a GFI contact mom. Here's a link if you're interested. http://www.chewymom.com/?cat=5
Thankyou so much for your website. I am an Australian mum and have just searched the web for a site like yours after laying face down on my bed crying that I don't have a friend in the world for support. Can you believe it I am pregnant with my fourth child and still the pain from my first experience lingers! Could be pregnancy - I really thought I had dealt with this one! I followed Prep. for Parenting to the T with my first - not a minute sooner or later and my child would not sleep through the night. I would shut the door on his room when it was sleep "time" and cry outside it. Every time I mentioned lack of sleep I was faced with comments that I musn't be doing it right until I demand fed at 4 months or so and he slept through soon after (at that I was told that the Ezzo routine must have instigated it!). Even today I was lectured on routine feeding being the smart choice. I asked where in the Bible did it say that? Thanks for your site - I don't understand all the pressure to do it though - why can't we just love and cherish our children the way we feel God is telling US to???
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