Friday, April 27, 2007

The Old Adventure of Shaming Christine

My oldest daughter turned nine in January. That particular spring marks the days that I began to leave my shaming-through-food behind. I dug through albums until I found this today. I took so very few pictures of myself during this portion of my life. I remember throwing away a lot of shower pics, etc., that caught me at that angle where I hated what I saw. I probably should have saved them. I didn't.

Oh well.

Meet 198 pound Christine (on my home scale - not the doctor's scale!).

Please don't comment that it was just baby weight. She was barely six pounds! I ate - a lot. It was fun. It was delicious. It helped me avoid dealing with any of my big feelings! It also caused me to gain 80 pounds.

So it has been almost a decade. I have kept it off and remained fairly consistent all that time. The last two summers have brought me the biggest "scares." Both summers I put on a fairly solid amount of weight and could wear very little in my closet. I had to really buckle down and get back on track. It really did frighten me, though. I know that I am just about 60 days away from my weight and my health getting seriously out of control again. Even treating my anxiety and depression does not take away the daily cravings for food: rich food, sweet food, yummy, yummy FOOOOOOD!

It's a lifestyle. A practice. Loving myself. Facing the feelings instead of avoiding them while jacking with my blood sugar level.

I just keep going ... a day at a time.


Alpha Dude said...

Have you tried Healthy Chocolate?

No, I'm not kidding.

Nice job on getting healthy.


Unknown said...

Oh, I could live on CocoaVia!

Anonymous said...

That is a huge accomplishment!! I find myself thinking when I read about all you are able to get done in a day, if you are made of boundless energy. Now that I realize you used to weigh quite a bit more, I'm wondering if you were still spunky while you were having your "fat Christine" adventures.
Oh, and since I rarely comment, I want to put in a request(this is a jukebox blog right?) for more homeschool tidbits. I love reading about a day in the life of homeschoolers and I can tell yours is interesting :). I'm still trying to find the courage to try it with my ever so social 9yr old (and a 4yr old with mixed developmental challenges). Enjoying your blog spatulas and all!! ;)