This week is a Backwards Edition of Works for Me Wednesday. We ask the questions. You give the answers.
Mine will be limited on who can answer.
We plan to adopt again. We are completely open to a sibling group. I have three children. During our fostering days, I was regularly caring for four children. So, the thought of four ... well, heck that's nothing. However, let's say that we are presented with a sibling group of three ...
The number of children in our home could double overnight. A family of eight does face some extra tweaking than a family of six.
I would like to hear from people with five or more children. What are your greatest tips? The big issues we're discussing right now deal mostly with what we will drive. What do you drive?
When it's wet and rainy outside, where do the dirty boots and coats go (we certainly don't have anything like a mudroom - and what little space we have contains the litter box, and the shoes overflow into the kitchen)?
What about wet towels after a shower (we are a let-dry-and-reuse family ... not a wash-after-only-one-use family)?
Funny ... I have lived with kids coming and going so long that my questions focus on the drippy things! ha!
Granted, I think we all have those little nuggets that we wished we'd known sooner, rather than later. So, I'd love to hear ideas on any aspect of life in a large family. It is great when you can slowly grow into more numbers, but we may find ourselves multiplying overnight. Share your thoughts and experience!
We Gonna Be Normal Folk!!!
2 hours ago
33 comments:
We're working on our fourth child (adoption)...but we drive a Honda Odyssey, that seats 8. HTH.
There wer six kids in my and my husbands family and we had to stop at two. We may adopt we may not. But we've got the experience. Really the biggest thing even if you don't have space is to have places. THat doesn't make sense. But basically have 8 hooks on the wall for towels, and then for coats, and have shelves for shoes, have 8 different dinner plates and bowls so each person can be responsible for their own. Teaching accountability and responsibility are necessary. Have labeled drawers for school supplies or art supplies. Labeled shelves. Some shared, but some personal. having the different dishes helps kids remember oh yeah that is mine. If I want to eat I need to clean up after myself. Different kids have different color socks. Or they all share roughly the same size. You have jurisdictions for what they are responsible for cleaning. Partners to help a sibling with things. A $20 or $30 label maker and some extra label cartridges, $1.5 hooks (two pronged give more options) and sterilite plastic drawers are amazing. Folding hooks for bikes so you can stack them on the wall are awesome! Sure its a little extra money but taking the time to make systems saves time and stress so you can focus on integrating the new family and building memories, then stressing out and creating contention because the kids don't remember what to do. (sorry my spelling and grammer are bad...I'm on pain killers and a little out of it right now)
Out of our ten children, six still live at home most of the time (the four oldest are away at school). When you have a houseful, the towel(s) on the back of the bathroom door become community property an just have to be recycled more often. Do we think this is gross? If we ever did, we forgot about it a long time ago. You will need a sturdy shoe organizer to hang on the back of a door near your entrance. Gloves, hats, flipflops, etc fit nicely in those and are out of the way (if they're put away!). We have a mudroom with a wire rack that nobody uses, but it's space efficient, three levels high and holds almost all our shoes. We also have a simple crate by our other door for shoe catcher. You can buy multiple hook racks inexpensively at the hardware store and stack them on top of each other, about two to three feet apart for hanging coats in winter, baseball caps in summer. You will need to address laundry issues, as it will pile up on you much more quickly. There are many sites out there to help with that, or e-mail me &:o). You will have space issues with your fridge, if you suddenly add three children, and will probably need to organize differently, too, I bet. If they're school age, you may want to get each child their own "school bin" to organize papers, etc. at home, as that can be a nightmare, too, and is important to keep up on. So, mess, laundry, food, junk, will all increase... but the thing that you will most multiply will be your blessings. And you'll know how to apply those! God bless you!
I found you via another blog.. good lord you just crack me up! you can find me here
Maryreunited.blogspot.com
Looking forward to reading you!
PS- I have a son with Asperger Syndrome.. He was given to me to learn humility and patience and yes how to love even more..
Cheers!
Mary
PS- I only have four children, but somedays with all the kids in and out of my house (I am the "Cool Mom" so I have lotsa traffic)I so get the "drippy things" and all the things that go with it that I get exactly what you mean!
Hi Christine! Like Lisa, I'm all for organizing the entryway. We have 5 (almost 6 soon!!) children and we have hung up hooks on two of our walls so that we have room to hang coats. Under this, I put those tiny bins you can keep toys and things, except we store shoes there. There is NO WAY the 3 by 2 closet in the front entry will accomodate everything. And, our entry is literally 4 feet by 3, so often I will have the older children go in first, put away coats, shoes, etc. and then maybe the middle kids do the same and then D and I come in with the baby. Otherwise, there is not enough room for everyone and mud gets halfway in your house.
A nice table is pretty important, too.
We also do communal bedrooms (six kids in a three bedroom house ya know!!) so everything, EVERYTHING is shared. Each child has a small box to keep things they don't want everyone else touching. If it doesn't fit in the box, too bad because Mom and Dad do NOT have the time to dicker with you about it. Sounds mean, but it's just me trying to keep sanity.
Have you thought about your own children and where they'll sleep? You might want to start working on moving them around BEFORE the kids come and have a "spare room" for a while. Then you have one less transition to worry about.
I'm excited for you although three at once is a *big* job I couldn't see doing myself.
Christine - no doubt God will bless you big time. I'm excited to hear about this opportunity for you, for your three and for those to come. I feel like I want to thank you on behalf of all civilization - for living out your faith, for being the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need...amen.
On to the organization issue (speaking as a single mom of five): I am not a good example of structure or cleanliness, but I manage. First and foremost is attitude, which has to be flexible and kid-focused. However, I think you have that one nailed.
Here's what we do: hooks in the hallway, along with a table underneath. That's designed for coats and school stuff, but much gets loaded on the dining room table (overflow).
Our dining room is also home to the kids' workspace - rather than china cabinets and such, we have two computer tables (two machines) and bookshelves. They do their schoolwork there.
Upstairs, the towels get hung on the stair railing to dry. Hey, it works. They don't get stinky.
Shoes...we don't do so well. The goal is to keep them in our 3'x5' closet, and frankly, they just tend to pile up. Once a week somebody's chore is to clean them out, get various pairs back to bedrooms and start all over again.
Kids share rooms - three girls in one, two boys in the other - and I try to do laundry organizing and such in my room, which is oversized.
Main tip: frequent purging. My closet is the repository for 'stuff we don't need'. I keep a constant pile and head to Goodwill frequently.
I love my 1999 Suburban; couldn't function without it. Also have a better gas mileage vehicle - a little Mitsubishi wagon that seats 8.
It's not easy. You'll do fine.
We have six children and currently drive a Dodge Caravan which doesn't seat us all. We're going to a ten passenger van in the spring.
As for shoes, we have a shoe 'shelf' by the door. That means three pairs of shoes go on the bottom 'shelf' (which is the floor) and three on the top shelf. It keeps shoes from taking up a lot of floor space.
As for towels, everyone has their own towel which they are responsible for hanging up on a bathroom hook after using it. Everyone keeps the same towel all day... for their bath, hand washing, face washing, etc. This cuts WAY down on sharing germs also!! Big plus!!
I have found with the addition of each child, there really is no difference. What's one more? In your case, you will likely "feel" it more by adding three at once. But, I would still say that you just keep doing what you're doing... only in a bit larger capacity.
I hope that helps! I'd be happy to answer more specific questions if you think of anything else! I'll be praying for you as the Lord grows your family!!
I only have two, but I read a blog of a mom who went from three to six this year (all under 6 btw) and she talks a lot about how to keep your eyes on the most important stuff in the midst of the chaos. It's a good read.
(www.tuiningaadoption.blogspot.com)
Congratulations!! Get ready for a great ride!
I am a mom of 7- 11 to 1yr.
My number one tip (I need to take myself) teach them to put it away!! Things are not nearly as overwhelming when the children put away their own stuff. Because you're right 12 shoes and 12 pairs of socks are overwhelming to say the least!!
We have color coated towels on a cheap wooden peg rack in the bathroom. A coat tree in the garage for snow suits. Each child has a under the bed storage to keep their own "special" stuff. We use dressers only for pjs and underwear (I got tired of them pulling everything out looking for a shirt) . Instead we use hanging dividers in the closet (Mon, Tues..) This has been a lifesaver on space and sanity.
Oh, there's so much more!! Feel free to visit my blog under WFMW posts or "Only My life" posts. There's some pictures and lots more about the life with so many kids:)
Blessings.
I'll be back to see how your family is growing:)
We have a Dodge Durango with seating for seven. But mostly we drive my husbands business's vehicle, a Dodge Sprinter. They are, uh, big (understatement), but REALLY REALLY good fuel mileage. For coats, we took an old window frame, bought hooks (heavy duty) from the dollar store, and mounted it to the back of our coat closet door. Kids coats go there, freeing the ENTIRE rod for the adults. We have a shoe rack at the bottom of our coat closet, as well as a deacon's bench for all dry footwear, hats, mitts, etc. Towels, well when you figure that out, let me know, though we have hooks in the bathroom as well. I know some families colour-code, and I may start doing that as well. Same colour towel, toothbrush, hat/mitts, bathrobes, pencils, cups, etc. for each child. A pastor's wife with a nose stud - awesome!
We have 5, the oldest is 9. We still drive a Chevy Venture that seats 8 but we will soon get a church van ; ) I think we'll get a 12 seater and take the back seat out for storage.
For boots and stuff see if you can get a shoe shelf to put in the garage. I keep snow boots in a rubbermaid container.
Invest in a good clothes dryer - you can usually get a good deal on craigslist.org
The main thing I've noticed in having a bunch of kids is that the big kids HAVE to help and they usually WANT to. Jobs like cracking eggs, sorting the DVDs, sorting laundry, putting up their own laundry, vacuuming the van, taking the garbage in/out can easily be done by them.
Have fun!
Looks like a lot of good tips!
We have eight - 9 mon.-12yrs. We drove a Ford Expedition when we had six. Loved it. With #7 we jumped to a 12 passenger van. It's great.
We have four sets of five hooks (two rows) by our garage door for coats and backpacks. With bins underneath for shoes. I let each child have one coat and one pair of shoes (school) there. The rest go in their closets. Muddy shoes stay in the garage. Each of my eight have their own towel (all different colors, most with their names on them) and we have hooks/towel bars for each one in the bathroom.
Most of all, we just do with less STUFF. It piles up quickly with a houseful, and most of it isn't necessary.
We do have an extra fridge/freezer in the garage so I don't have to shop quite as often. It takes a lot of food to feed 10!
Helps to have dishes that the kids can handle and load/unload easily. We broke quite a few before I wised up! And the kids have rotating kitchen/house jobs. That way they don't get bored. They do a lot of the cleaning/folding laundry, etc. I do like my BIG washer and dryer. I do a load in the AM and a load in the PM EVERY DAY. That way it doesn't pile up, and I have during the day to do sheets and towels.
My husband is one of ten kids, so it's been great to have a mother-in-law to ASK about things.
May the Lord bless your family and your heart for His children!
Well, fine then... does a cat count as our fifth? LOL I am excited for you guys on another adoption. :)
As the oldest of 5, I can give you some of the kid's perspective of what worked. We had a coat chair, so I doubt that's really what you want to have (all the coats piled in the chair, sort through the coats to find yours). We worked on a turn based system. Each week it was one kid's turn to do several things: say grace at meals, sit up front with Mom (or choose seats in the car to get the 'best' seat), etc. We rotated through the kids so that it seemed fair to everyone. Also, there was a day of the week assigned to each person for laundry. If your laundry wasn't organized (in the laundry basket ready to go) on laundry day, it was your responsibility to get it done. It stayed that way until Mom broke her ankle and the youngest had to learn how to do laundry themselves. Now she only does her laundry, Dad's laundry, and sheets&towels. Hope that helps.
(oh, yeah, random comment... Found your blog through MaryBeth... I really like it!)
We only have one right now (daughter, six years old), but we are adopting and hopefully having more biological children (we don't use birth control), so I've thought about the car issue, as well.
I'm in Norman, OK. I can't wait to read more on your blog! It's fun to read people who live around here!
P.S. I have LOTS of friends with more than five children, so I've learned lots from them.
One of my friends is pregnant with her tenth. Here are some tips from her:
--Clothes and shoes for the entire family are stored in their second living room (den), which is closed off by french doors w/ curtains on them. This is their family closet and it's next door to the washer and dryer, so it's EASY to put away clothes.
--THINGS belong to the person holding it (including clothes), so there's never a fight over posession AND everything is easy to put away.
--They, obviously, drive a 15-passenger van...I don't know that there's a way around that.
--Everyone brushes their teeth together at the kitchen sink, so that's where they keep their toothbrushes.
She homeschools, too. She's amazing!
I have 7 children. We drive a Dodge Grand Caravan. We replaced the middle bench (had two seatbelts) with a three seater from the junkyard. We've got 3 carseats and a booster so it can be crowded. The children learn to deal with it.
Entry way - I have a teeny closet right behind the front door. I got one of those laminate shoe cubbies and wrote each kid's initial on their cubby. I have a wicker laundry basket that they throw their jackets in. Fancier sweaters/heavy winter coats Mom hangs up. When we lived in Denver, I have over the door hooks on the outside to hang wet jackets and snowsuits.
I totally go by the color coding system. For three boys and three girls we have Red, blue, green, yellow, pink and purple. You can find most dishes, toothbrushes, etc. in these colors. The baby doesn't have a color yet though! Also, this way I know who left their plate on the table/cup in the living room etc.
Towels - hooks are the way to go. For the little ones, we use the same towel over and over. The 3, 2, and 1 yo take baths together, so we'll get the 3 yo out, dry her; use the same towel and get the 2 yo out, dry her, etc.
We also have benches, not chairs, at out kitchen table. We put the kids on three to a bench (as opposed to only two chairs that would fit in the same space.)
You might enjoy this blog:
www.mommylife.net
She has 12 children, some adopted, including a total of 4 special needs children. Lots of info in her articles and categories! She's a writer too with books on mothering, teaching children, etc.
It seems like the main things to remember are: hooks and color codes! I will pray with y'all as you consider when and whom to adopt.
I'm currently pregnant with my fifth, but I do qualify here. I'm number six of eight, my sister had nine, my brother's wife is pregnant with their eleventh...I've seen some organizing. :>) My biggest advice: kick the car out of the garage and improvise a mudroom. We used to only enter the house from the garage door. Coats, shoes, bikes, etc had their hooks and places in the garage. The garage was also a fun place to play when it was raining. Mom let us be as loud as we wanted in the garage.
My sister-in-law assigns one bin of toys per child. If bin starts to overflow, purging is to be done. She also uses bunkbeds and mats for the bedrooms. No toys or clothing are in the sleeping rooms. They have a small four bedroom house. One room is for the parents and baby, one is for girls, one is for the boys, and the other is for the toys and family closet.
My sister bought different colored towels for each child so she'd know who left them on the floor. She also bought varying socks so pairing would be easier: one child had solid white, one had white with a yellow stripe on the toes, one had white with a gray heel, etc.
HI! First time here but I wanted to comment. I wrote a post over on my blog telling you a bit about how we handle things.
Mary, mom to 10 (6 adopted)
My sister that has six kids has a 12 passenger van, which makes it nice, particularly now that several of them are teenagers (and a couple of them are tall!).
while I had 6 at home we had a couple different ideas we used to keep the peace mostly. Because noone would ever claim their socks (constantly claiming that they were tthe other fellows) we had one kind of socks for one kid and another kind for the other. The same with underwear. For jeans that got handed down I marked with a permanent marker the size, written large, on the white of the inside pocket, so it was easier to get them in the right basket. I hung NO towels in the bathroom, again because some did not care if they used someone else's towel and some cared passionately, they had hooks in their bedrooms and no extra towels were kept in the bathroom either. I rotated bedtime so each night a different child got to stay up an extra 1/2 hour. I rotated 'helping mom in the kitchen to make a treat on Sunday afternoons' for years. We did lots of big jobs together; like make ravioli, put in a garden, clean the garage.
Hi, I just found your blog this morning. I look forward to reading about the journey that God has put before you. :)
We are blessed with 2 girls and are going to adopt 2 babies from Ethiopia. Our oldest has weird food allergies/food intolerances (I haven't read what allergies your kid(s) have yet.
What great suggestions you had in your comments.
Abby
You have many suggestions up there--looks awesome!
We have five: ages 2,4,8,10,12.
God provided our (oldish- '90) Suburban; with a rumble seat installed in the back, it seats 10! We remove it for trips, so we can seat 8 plus luggage.
I'm going to check out all the links up there because we went from three kids to five last December (Ethiopian adoption) & I'm still trying to catch my breath!
We bought a car last year- a 2007 suburban- nice car, but very tight and squishy inside. I knew we should have gone for a big, very uncool, but roomy scout van. We are looking into buying a new car- one of the big vanx that have 12 seatbelts. We have enough seatbelts right now, but with all the carseats, it is very uncomfortable. I say, the bigger the better! If we get a new van, I can take my whole family somewhere and 3 of the kids friends! I can finally help with carpools!
We have hooks in the garage for wet jackets and coats and if we have snowey wet boats, they leave them right outside the door in the garage- to dry off.
we are a dry and reuse towels family too. My older kids take them to their rooms to dry on the back of there desk chair and then use them again the next day.
you can do it! It's a lot of work, but a lot of fun too!
I have four and would love more so I will have to take the time to read all of these great ideas! What a fabulous question!
For mittens, hats etc we have one of those shoe organizers that hangs over a door.
Towels- Each child has their own color towel- they always use their color, hang it on their hook and use it for a few days
Cups- each child has their own color so I can put the cup on the counter and they can use the same cup all day and I always know which one belongs to which child.
Shoes- we stacked some inexpensive shoe shelves in the garage- shoes don't even come into the house (helps with clutter AND dirt).
shopping- Sam's and Walmart twice a month. milk and fresh stuff at the store close to home. Is there any easy way to get groceries with many children? Delivery anyone?
ps great blog!
pss i buy coffee at Sam's (the Members Mark stuff)- it says Fair Trade on the package.
We have just added our sixth child, our daughter who turned 12 four days after we returned from China. We each addition I have lowered my standards of housekeeping - that helps alot, lol.
My biggest challenge is keeping everyone fed since our newest child eats as much as our teenage son! Bye, bye leftovers!
I try to cut myself some slack and make at least a few very easy meals a week - like scrambled eggs, grilled cheese and Campbell's soup.
Also, I have lots of veggies, fruits,etc... sidedishes, so if the main meal doesn't stretch as far we have plenty of options to fill up on. I also often double a recipe but do not double the meat - like in a pasta dish, or even hamburger helper meals. Saves a little money.
Life is exciting with a housefull! My eldest graduates this year and it will be quite strange without him. I cannot imagine if we had only had two kids and now half of them were flying the coop.
I just found your blog through Owl Haven. I haven't had time to read much, but wanted to comment before I zipped away. (I'll come back later to read more!)
A year and a half ago, our kids doubled from 3 to 6, not overnight, but over a period of two months.
You've recieved a lot of great practical advice, so I only have a few things to add:
1) Establish a support network - people you can call to say "I'm falling apart". They may only listen, or may come over with a mop and pail. I have both kinds.
2) Make a plan - routines, rules -and stick to it. I feel really mean sometimes, but more kids require more structure - there isn't as much "down" time and nothing will get done if you don't make it happen.
3) Pray. I ask God to tell me His priorities for our school and our day. I pray against all the garbage that my little ones have experienced in their short lives. I pray for all sorts of goodies for myself to help me be a better mom to my kids. Things like patience, wisdom, and strength to make it past supper. :)
The practical things like towels and boots just need time and experimenting to get things right for you. And the system changes as kids get older, anyway.
Hope to have helped you.
God bless.
(I'll be back!)
Ah, so many great ideas here :) I read your blog frequently and thought I would jump in here. I am a mom of 14, 10 birth and 4 adopted (bio sibs). I am also a fellow pastor's wife :) Not that this qualifies me for anything! I got a great tip recently and it is proving to be a good one, so I am passing it on. I blogged about it here: http://thecoldspotfamily.blogspot.com/2008/01/great-idea.html
Many blessings on your adoption journey!
I'm a volunteer adoption specialist w/ Adopt America Network and wanted to put in a plug to check us out if you are adopting from foster care.
Angela :-)
arroller @ peoplepc . com
OK, I admit we only have 4 children! We might adopt in the future. For now, I suggest buying some 3M Command Adhesive hooks. Look at the WEIGHT allowed because each hook size and type is different. We use these to hang up coats and towels. On our bathroom wall, we could put 2 rows - 1 up high and 1 lower. (Right now we just have 2 set at a lower level for our 2 oldest.) I'd suggest an over-the-door shoe holder/organizer (material, not hard plastic) for the bathroom. This has helped us tremendously! Anyway, I'd buy the command hooks because it's low-maintenance. Be stocked up so you'll be ready for however many kids you adopt. The hooks are easily removed/moved/re-set-up. Buy good outside mats to scrape feet on and teach the kids to use them! Don Aslett's website cleanreport.com sells the ones we use (the mats are kinda expensive so you might try elsewhere, but his advice is solid). You might set up a cardboard box to put dirty shoes in.
Do you have 2 vehicles that all of you would fit in (you might have to drive 2 vehicles sometimes until you can work out having 1 vehicle that will fit all of you)? HTH.
We have three, but also have my younger siblings living with us most of the year, so that makes six, plus me and DH Stone.
We have a 91 chevy Suburban, which seats nine with seatbelts, and still has enough room for a few coolboxes, tents and a sunshade if we want to go camping. I absolutely love it, and it's a blast to drive. Being mom to the masses shouldn't be mutually exclusive to driving something cool.
We have a maid, a fantastic, loving, happy maid who helps with the laundry, the dishes, finding lost belongings, and keeping the overall attitude around here positive. If you can find a way to afford a maid, a willing congregation member, a European student on a gap year holiday, or a part time cleaner to give you a hand, it makes a huge difference to your own quality of life.
We eat out a lot.
When we don't eat out, and I am preparing anything remotely freezable, I double the recepie and freeze it.
WHen I can get fatty fish on sale, I smoke it myself on the BBQ, with help from the kiddo's and freeze that as well.
Once every six months we make about a million Tamale, and freeze them. We also make about a million garlic breads and freeze them.
Need I add that we have two refigerators and one giant chest freezer. I can stockpile for the apocolypse that way, and buy stuff when it's on sale and freeze it for later.
The big kids do thier own laundry.
Nobody except me and the eldest princess owns anything that needs dry cleaning. Towels are assigned and reused until they stand up and walk.
Taxi's are available here, and the kids use them all the time. A taxi is thier default setting, I only run them around is I am already going there, or if it's really urgent.
Your blog is really refreshing Christine. Thanks so much for showing that not all christians are crazy and bigoted, becuase it's usually only the hatefull ones who speak out. God luck with whatever you decide WRT more addoptive children. You'll do great.
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