Thursday, July 03, 2008

Baring my privates

Here are my realities:

My living room looks like this 99.9999999999999999% of the time.

In my kitchen, you could eat off my floors. Not because they're spotless, but because you could literally put together a small meal from all the nast everywhere.

I wear the same exact bra 99.9999999999999999% of the time. If my bra strap slides down and people see it, it's horrifying. That sucker is really, really, REALLY old. You should just all be glad I'm wearing one. I don't always do that, either!

When you're a transracially adoptive parent, there are people that will walk right up to you and tell you how you're doing your kid's hair wrong. Sometimes they're direct. Others are very passive aggressive. It hurts me. It hurts my kids. I don't always respond in a loving way. Sometimes I'm a butthead right back.

If I'm not leaving the house, I forget to brush my teeth ... a lot. Whoa be unto you if you happen to stop by and want to talk.

Some days I really don't care for my five-year-old. When my oldest daughter was three, I had a lot of days that I just didn't like her. I never told a soul. I thought someone would flog me.

I ask my kids to get dressed while I'm still running around in my p.j.'s and bathrobe.

I still cry - CRY - some nights because I literally ache to over-eat something fattening ... creamy ... chocolaty. I have licked many a bowl and Braum's cup clean, to get every single solitary drop. The urge to eat-to-feel-better is still there.

I can't wait to yank off my Crest Whitestrips so I can down another cup of coffee?!?!

The thought of washing and blowdrying my hair is just exhausting. So, I don't even throw on a hat. I just go out looking like crap.

When you're a pastor's wife, there are people that will walk right up to you and tell you what they don't like ... about you ... about your husband. Sometimes they're direct. Others are very passive aggressive. It hurts me. It can cut me to the core. It makes it harder to serve with love.

I use my mascara until it is completely, absolutely, 100% empty or dried up. I will probably get an eye infection one day. And I will probably keep doing it.

Sometimes I zone through my husband's entire sermon. Sometimes he can tell.

I think I've been shaving my bikini area for too long. It is ... um ... expanding!

If I see a pimple on my husband, I attack it like a lion. I once had a friend very timidly share this obsession with me, to which I replied, "Oh my cow! ME TOO!!"

I vacuum and mop about as often as I buy a new bra.

I feel overwhelmed a lot of days. My oldest child who has survived trauma is on the crux of adolescence. The rate of healing drops drastically after puberty. I feel like the clock is ticking for them, and I know he can find healing, and I feel so much guilt when I let the therapeutic parenting slide at times. I then feel bad for feeling guilty because I know I'm not perfect.


Over the past three years, I have told you all some really personal and intimate things about myself, but I don't tell you everything.

For each post, there are things we deal with at our church that you'll never know about. We protect the privacy of those we serve.

There are things I deal with as a parent that you'll never know about. I protect the privacy of my kids.

There are things about my husband and I that you will never know about. I protect the privacy of my marriage.

As open as I am, there is a lot that you'll never know.

And you know a lot!


Noah Bear said...

Okay, Christine, I'm running late to Austin. I know I STILL haven't emailed back. But I just wanted to take a quick second and just say that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I think you ROCK! I love this post!! I can identify with a lot of it (especially the bra thing. I think I'm going on 6 years with the same one) - and I am really, seriously thinking of throwing my kids in the car in the next few weeks and heading up to OK to see/meet you. Oh... and off the subject... Eli was being a pain in the batooey yesterday and I told him to just sit down and calm down.. and he did "criss cross applesauce" all on his own. Cracked me up. I know no one else knows what that means, but you do. He LOVED it!
Leslie :-)

Jules said...

The truth (reality) is beautiful! I think it is a shame we feel we have to hide it when 99.99999% of other people are doing the same thing. Amen to the bra - you don't mess with a good thing when you find it. And the house - I can't imagine how it is with 5 kids, but with 2 the house will be just as messy within 2 hours of a deep cleaning and I will be more depressed seeing that than I would have just leaving it and hanging with the kids! Thank you for making me smile this morning!

Kelly (Arnold) Young said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I usually lurk, but had to comment today...the picture of the living room-priceless. And is there anything wrong with walking around in your pjs while you tell the kids to dress themselves? I don't think so!

It is good to know that my reality (though it seems bad) isn't much different from yours

leapoffaith said...

Thanks for being the picture of your living room!!I have heard so MANY neat things about you from your mom! You are doing such a wonderful job with those kids. YOU ROCK!!

Tereasa said...

Very enjoyable. As the wife of a former pastor, I can so relate to some of your comments. Don't you want to scratch their eyes out when they tell your CHILDREN what's wrong with your family? :)

Anonymous said...

Great, great post. I love your honesty and much of made me laugh. I can relate to so much of this. Especially dealing with RAD.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I have no idea if this would be helpful, but Dr. Ray Guarendi has adopted 10 kids. You may want to check out his website for ideas on RAD, or even e-mail him. I love his very common sense advice (in other areas of childrearing).

Love the livingroom picture - but I'm wondering how you got into my house without my seeing you. And I'm always embarrassed, sort of, when people ask me what I use to wash my beautiful wood floors. 'Cause, unless someone has vomited or peed on them, I rarely do. And then, I use baby wipes.

B said...

Stine stine stine....I love you and you totally rock.

I can tell you that there are many days at my house that mimic yours.

I find it rather refreshing to know that I'm not the only one dealing with all the "things" that come with being human.

:) Hang in there.


Family Gregg said...

Ummmmm....I like you an awful lot.

Went out au naturel yesterday and all I could think was...".some white washed tomb is going to see me in Target and have something new to gossip about." That thought only made me commit to my sold out braless afternoon.... come what may.

It's my 12 year old that I don't always like. I wish I could say it was her RAD that I didn't like and really mean it....but truefully.... sometimes I'm afraid it's not the RAD.

There are a few things stuck to my kitchen tiles that need scraping off. I do not feel like getting on my hands and knees w/a butter knife (haven't in a while) I don't.

The scariest thing about living in a family......everyone in the house knows the real truth. There's not much privacy. Don't you wish we could hide from our hubby and kids sometimes? You know....fake them out for a bit? Pretend like we're wonderful and gentle and submissive and compassionate and forgiving.......? It never happens. They always know the truth.


Rachel said...

love, Love, LOVE this post. I too took the get real challenge and I can relate to many of your "realities"

califmom said...

Thank you for being a real person. Thank you even more for sharing it.

Summer said...

The real is beautiful! And not just I don't feel like such a complete loser to know I'm not the only one who can't do a good Donna Reed impersonation all day every day.

Shan said...

That was Chicken Soup for the Shans Soul. You know just what to say to make a gal feel better about herself. ;) xo

Tally said...


sandwichinwi said...

"Some days I really don't care for my five-year-old. When my oldest daughter was three, I had a lot of days that I just didn't like her. I never told a soul. I thought someone would flog me.

I ask my kids to get dressed while I'm still running around in my p.j.'s and bathrobe."

Uh, yeah. Right there with you. And the living room.

And I still wear my favorite nursing bras. And I stopped nursing 5.5 years ago.

Thanks for sharing


Terroni said...

Some days, I don't really like sick people. I said that on my blog once. People commented to ask why I thought I should be a doctor. I deleted the comments because I couldn't look at them without getting wicked pissed.

Now, when I have a particularly crappy day, I don't write about it.

Angel said...

This post is awesome!!! I just laughed my tush off. Mostly because I cold relate SO MUCH! My living room is almost ALWAYS a disaster. The kitchen floor comment had me giggling hard core. Thanks for taking the get real challenge. I am right there with you girl. Angel

Kristen said...

This is hysterical. I love it. Why does dirty laundry make me like people more? (I mean that literally AND figuratively).

I am right there with ya on most of those things. Except I would be pulling off the whitestrips for some Merlot, not coffee.

Thany said...

Hi...I found you because some of your readers found ME through a link on the BlogHer ad on your site. (Whew, I am exhausted.)

ANYway...I adore you. You are now part of my daily reads.

Was that too much too fast? Have I scared you?

Keep writing please. In the meantime, I have some archives to read so I can be caught up.

Debo said...

I rarely comment but I just couldn't not this time. I am so thankful for your blog and your willingness to share your life here. You help me to be kinder to myself as I journey through this adventure called life. I am sending you a huge hug through this blogosphere. Thanks for making me grin at my own 99.99999999% imperfections. Blessings.

Amanda said...

Awesome post -- love your blog. I found it only today, but already it's easy to love.

Amy T. S. said...

This is the coolest post ever. I need to go to bed now. Bye.

CORoots said...

I've liked you for a while, but coming across this, I have officially fallen in love with you. You make me want to share a picture of my living room. And I tell people about my kitchen floor, but I don't think I could go so far as to share a picture... I'm tempted now though! :-)