Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Oh happy day (hate happy daaaaaaays)

This is nothing new to me ... happy days in my home being really awful.

Tourettes goes into hyper drive when good things are going on ... birthdays, Christmas, the first day of school, etc..

Trauma says, "I don't deserve anything special," and new things or unknown things are insanely scary.

So, what is a mother to do?

I celebrate! I make a big, giant whoopty-doo out of the first day of "school," and I hand out small gifts with words of praise, and I make a special breakfast, and I smile a lot ...

... and BOY does it suck. There are tics and anger and nausea and fighting and regression and acid reflux.

But we'll survive. Everyone deserves special days, even if those events put their behavior and ability to function in the pooper.



13 comments:

Melissa said...

Great idea!

Sara said...

I'm not sure I understand then...if you know that behaving that way is going to make them.."flair" then why not downplay? I mean..there's always going to be big moments that they're going to have to learn to deal with, and no time like running into big walls to learn to deal but...I guess I don't get it. I do like your big smile though!

Brenda said...

Cute photo of you! My youngest stats school tomorrow. The other 2 boys start Friday. Our daughter leaves for college on Sunday. The house will be empty. Mine don't think they deserve anything either. And I don't know if Sara is reading this but they have to learn that their thinking is faulty and they DO deserve gifts and to celebrate.

Christine said...

Exac-a-lactly. That's the whole trick to this thing. Downplay a birthday, and you've just told them what they believe - they are not worth it. Give them what they deserve - a nice celebration, get through the giant meltdown/screamfest/whatever that will eventually emerge, and then smile, hug and tell them, "I love you! Happy Birthday!"

You've not only given them what you believe they are worth, but you have shown them that you adore them no. matter. what.

And, yes, it's a giant bear in the meantime.

Meridith said...

Every day is a special day for us lately. I look forward to a few not-so special days to come our way. LOVE the positive spin, though! Mer

Family Gregg said...

You have a way of making me pee myself.

Leann said...

You know I adore you, right? *heeheehee* Great advice!!!

AmyDe said...

you know - I think dealing with all of these things head-on (don't you hate that commercial) is the only way. Our son has mild tourettes and you're right - big things set him off. Change sets him off - transition from one activity to another is difficult. Most times when people find out they (the dumb ones - not my friends) say - "oh is there medication for that?" - I think (don't say - Mom taught me to be polite) "Well yeah - it's called living your life and learning to deal with adversity - you should try it."

Our nation is so quick to jump on the quick fix that these children in need don't get to learn how to adapt to the unique world they live in. Thanks for putting it out there everyday and helping others understand that the hard work is necessary and HARD.

Accidental Mommy said...

I leave notes taped to their snacks or tucked between supplies that I know that they are going to need to get to during the day. The notes tell them that we love them and we know that they are going to have a great day and make lots of new friends. I also include something specific for each kid depending on what I know they are worried about: New teacher? Schoolwork? etc...

I was surprised to find that they actually keep these notes and that they mean something to them.

So I started writing random notes on their snacks or packing their snacks in baggies that have hearts on the front, etc...

That way it can be a big deal but it's sort of a secret. lol

Sara said...

Gotcha. I thought as much..just wasn't sure. What a blessing you are to put yourself out there for them to "take aim at" and still love them no matter what.

Claire said...

you have such a tenacious spirit!

well done mum!

Joell said...

My 13 yr old boy (Asperger's) is having some major anxiety about starting 8th grade...next Thursday the 21st...at a local public middle school. I confess to my own anxieties about it as well. HOWEVER, in spite of my own concerns, I put on a very positive front. We prepare as much as we possibly can. And then I entrust him to the ONE who created him. And I pray. And then we take things as they come. It's all I can do!!

Cheers to the first day of school!

Recovering Sociopath said...

I am so impressed by your commitment to doing things the hard way-- because you love your kids more than you want things to be easy. Good for you!