Monday, September 22, 2008

The Termin-aunt-or

It's Nancy Thomas that gives a beautiful picture of the kind of mom a child of trauma needs: a balance between The Terminator and Aunt Bee.

This was me, today.

And when all was said and done, we sat down around the table for dinner. I said, "Ya' know what, guys? The last few days have been pretty tough." (sideways glances to each other thinking, "Ah man. Are we about to get into trouble??") "Dad and I just want to say one thing about all of it: we wouldn't change a thing ... anyone want more bread?"

It only took me several hours to get to the point where I could actually say the words and mean them. Around 3:30 pm I was looking more like this:

Time heals all wounds. Or at least it stops you from being the spawn of Satan. That's a good thing. Here's hoping for a little more Aunt Bee and a little less Linda Blair tomorrow.

(photo by Mister Snitch and The Excorcist: Everett Collection)


Sugar-n-Spice said...

Is it just in the air? Today was HORRID for my RADish. Like, Day 1 all over. Only she was more into charming on Day 1. There is no reason to charm us anymore. I love how you say you wouldn't change a thing. I feel exactly the same. My cup is completely emptied out. I'm all poured out. Tired. Worn. Frustrated. Defeated. And cup runs over all at the same time. Full of blessings and joy and triumph and love. Ambivalent, maybe, but true.

I think the most relief I've seen on my little one's face (the same relief I'm sure you saw on yours when you outed love rather than discipline) came when I asked her if I loved her when she was good. "oh, yes", she said, completely convinced looking. "Do I love you when you're bad?" I thought I'd crushed her just with the question. "No", was her answer. "Oh, darling, yes I do. Yes, I do." And later, once she figures out that I really do mean it, I'll replace the "I's" with "Jesus". Or did I get that in reverse? Nah, I don't figure I can convince her Jesus loves her until I convince her we do.

Shan said...

AWESOME!!! I was up at school today visiting a little kid who makes my head spin in just that way. He is absolutely adorable and absolutely frustrating at the same time. I can't wait to learn more about how to help him. KEEP IT UP CHRISTINE!!!! :D

Melissa said...

There is definitely something about these Radish kids. At times my heart absolutely bursts with love for my boy - of course there are the other times when.....well, nuff said. Keep up the good work!! That Excorsist picture - oh, how terribly creepy!

Amanda said...

haha... that Excorcist picture is SICK!!!!

I love this blog :)

Brenda said...

You've been working out. I'd like to recommend a new face cream though.

Sara said...

hehehehe! What Brenda said!!

kristal said...

thank you so much for your posts about RAD. i am tucking them away into my "use for later" part of my brain. i appreciate your raw honesty and deep love.