Saturday, September 20, 2008

Yesterday was hard

Tourettes has done its weird little August dance, and is now calming down quite a bit. It was like an exact repeat of two years ago. Strange. Of course, not to allow things to settle too much, my attaching kids had a very terrible day yesterday. Dad comes home this afternoon after being gone nine days. Can you say "TRIGGER!?!?"

Yesterday was hard.

It is very odd now that we have seen some improvements. You can see that they are both trying to handle their fear/anger differently, but it leaves them so confused when they just need to get it out. They don't want to do it to the extreme that they did five months ago, but yet they need to do SOMETHING ... and they know they don't want affection from me and they're not strong enough to use words ... and ... it's heartbreaking to know they are terrified inside, but they don't want to let you in.

I had to just let everything go and play a game here, hug and rock there, here a game, there a hug, everywhere a game, hug! It doesn't necessarily help their outward behavior, because they are feeling abandoned. Yet, I know that it's vital to put other things aside and give to them. We had a very long school day, interrupted by rages, games of Monopoly, singing and rocking and Rolo's.

It has to be so exhausting for them. Some days I wish that I could find a really fun but completely bare room for them. It's impossible to create such a place. They need somewhere they can find enjoyment without having the need to be hypervigilent and fearful of everything and everyone in every space around them. If someone could invent something like that, there are a lot of us that would greatly appreciate it. Just make sure it's covered on all major insurance plans, would ya'?

9 comments:

Tammy said...

Utah, huh? That's where I live. Not much call for pastors to visit here, typically. I'm one of the 2% of the population here who is Protestant (PCA, in my case). Was he here for anything special?

Hope things settle down now that your DH is back :).

Crayl said...

Congrats on your anniversary. And to Tammy above, I have a friend that moved to Utah almost a year ago, because her husband is a Sr. Pastor at a protestant church.

Brenda said...

I have had a trip for school both today and tomorrow. One of mine is really acting out too. It is very hard. Happy anniversary though. I hope you get some time to yourselves.

Amy T. S. said...

Trigger.

Tammy said...

Crayl - what church? It's a small Protestant world here in Utah!

Christine said...

Thanks, Amy. Can always count on you.

Amanda said...

so, in my Dysfunctional Psychology class I take on Saturdays we learned a bit about RAD. thought of you guys the entire time. Thank goodness for Jesus.

Terroni said...

Happy anniversary, Christine. You know what they say...if you can make it through those first 13 years, you're golden.

Sara said...

Happy anniversary!! Here's to better days ahead.