Ten years ago I knew I was going to adopt. I've known for a long time. My husband and I talked about it before we got married. Yet, ten years ago, I was in the middle of a postpartum depressive funk. I was in no place to parent a child coming from trauma (remember - adoption is trauma).
Adoption is amazing. Adoption is such a gift to my family. Yet, not everyone should adopt. Some people should never adopt. Some people should not adopt during certain seasons of their lives. Adopted children need parents capable and willing to help them navigate through their circumstances.
Yet, if your answer has been a quick, "That's great for YOU!" but it just keeps gnawing at your gut, I double dog dare ya' to pray the following this week:
God, have you told me NOT to adopt? I find myself saying that some people are called to it, and I'm not one of those people. Would you please show me if I'm just using that as an excuse? Are you calling me, and I'm ignoring you?
These people I know that adopt, heck, they're not rolling in the dough. Is there some creative way we could afford to do it? Are you asking me to make some big changes in our finances so we could make some big changes in our family? Father, I don't like to accept help from others. Yet, I'd be the first one to help out a friend who was adopting. Is that what you would ask us to do?
What about my house, God? It's really small. I thought we were full. Show me if there is room for more. Right now I'm thinking (because the world tells me) that every child needs to have their own room, and a certain sized backyard. Do you agree? We don't have a playroom. We don't have big closets. Does that really matter?
I'm kinda' freaking out. I'm afraid that if I bring this up, you might tell me that you want us to do this, but we don't feel called because you have some work to do. Could you use me forever in the life of a child, if I would allow you to work me over?
If we are supposed to pursue this, light an insane passion within us. If we need to make changes first, make them clear. If we are supposed to wait, then give us the desire with a healthy dose of patience. If we are not to adopt, show us.
Lord, I wouldn't dare want to pass up such a massive opportunity to serve you in this short little time I have here. At the same time, just saying these words out loud is wigging me out! I can't do what some of these women do. There are just so many unknowns. What if we get into something we can't handle ...
Yeah. Okay. I'm answering my own questions.
I'm still freaking out, but I love you. I want to chase after all that you are. Help me to want exactly what you want.
And again ... freaking out.
Amen.
(nods to Definitely, Maybe, the movie, for having a title that works so wonderfully with one of my blog posts)
17 comments:
I totally dig the prayer.
Good one Christine! You can really lay it out there in plain speak. There can be such conflicting thoughts inside one's head about adoption. I find myself praying with one eye closed about my heart for children while peeking the other eye over at my bank balance or whatever is concerning me and getting quite confused. I absolutely love that God gave us a son through adoption as wonderfully traumatic as it has been for all of us. I also love the fact that my parents adopted me and gave me such a positive view of the whole thing.
I appreciate what an advocate you are when it comes to this subject! Keep up the good work!
(Some day I just know I'm going to 'stumble' you for it! :)
Thanks for the comment on my blog. It's good to see yours and connect.
Best!
p.s. I love this post!
Did you read the Ponca paper this week? There was an ad for a foster agency looking for people willing to be trained to foster kids waiting for adoption. If life wasn't what it is right now I'd sign up in a heartbeat.
love the prayer!
Well, Summer, if your libido wasn't through the roof, causing you to have sex constantly and getting pregnant ...
HA! I couldn't even finish typing that without laughing!!!
This is an area in my life where I have serious issues with legalism because-- I think EVERYONE should work adoption into their plan of family. I know my husband and I felt it was morally irresponsible for us to birth more children into this world if there were already a whole bunch that needed good homes. And I'm still working through those feelings and asking God to help me not to judge those around me who can't seem to stop getting pregnant.
I know. It's horrible. I'm just being honest here.
I'm a lurker who found your blog recently and follow it now, and now I'm delurking. Hi!
So I love your prayer. However, I am going to disagree a little bit. We are potential adoptive parents - adoption was our Plan A for building a family - and once we started to scratch the surface, we started to realize that there is a lot more to the situation than it would appear. To adopt ethically is what is needed in the world, not to simply adopt - ie, this website has some fantastic information for those looking to complete an ethical adoption:
http://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/gender/adoption/index.html
I think - and this is SO just my opinion - that we do a significant disservice to children when we adopt for the sole purpose of serving God...and I don't know how to really explain that very well.
As I said, we are PAPs, not APs, because we wanted to adopt from Vietnam and once we learned the ethical situation, we became more concerned about what type of situation - market, even, as sickening as that sounds - we were supporting.
Domestic adoption? I feel like foster-to-adopt is a more ethical route, but I haven't gotten very far with that research! I look forward to learning from you.
thank you for your gentle nudging toward the possibility of adoption. i just wrote our story out (in short form) on my blog saturday. i am seriously praying this will not be the only adoption journey in my lifetime, but lots of the "factors" you mention in your post are weighing heavily on our family. or should i say..."freaking us out". i'm asking God to push us into it:)
HOLY CRAPPITY!!! I'm printing this prayer and praying it. I've been nudged and I convince myself it's NOT the right time. (And right now it's not, with one 16 month off to surgery soon, me in a funk and husband overwhelmed about finances) BUT, I keep saying things to my husband to sort of, um...imply...that adoption is still...um....there....in my heart....um....
Love this post.
Rachel,
Thanks for delurking. I'm not exactly sure how we disagree. Today's post was the challenge to consider growing your family through adoption - not dealing with the actual process.
Now, I certainly don't expect that you would want to read three years of posts (heck, not even I like to read my own drivel for too long!), but I think you would find that we share passions.
There are unethical practices (and wonderfully moral practices) in all types of adoptions - including domestic. I have experience with lots of little nooks and crannies of adoption and foster care. It's painfully complex. We are like you also, in that adoption was never a "Plan B" in our home.
Yet, back to today's post ... when you truly seek the desires of God in your life, and you immerse yourself in these times of prayer and listening, I believe God shows you where He is honored ... and where He is not.
Got another post coming tomorrow on adopting kids "from the hard places."
Heather,
I can't tell you how much it warmed the cockles of my heart that you said, "HOLY CRAPPITY!!!" I think I love you.
Christine,
Do you mind if I link to your site from mine. Waiting for God to nudge my husband toward this as He has me and every little bit helps get him closer.
Thanks,
TiBi
http://crazymadhatlady.blogspot.com/
Epiphany!! I've always known that I wanted to adopt. I feel that the Lord has placed that child in my life at this point. I know who he is. I know that God has sent him for me to watch over for now and I know that one day he will be my son! Am I crazy? I sure hope not. I love him sooo much. I have known since the first day that I met him in February of 2007 that he would be mine....Mom was in jail when I met him...now she's out, but about to return there. Grandma can't do it by herself and they are both at their wits end. Just pray for him and for me. I love him so much! I love your blog!!!
Hi Christine, Thanks for your response (and thanks for the response on my blog, too! :)
I had so much to say that I wrote you an email! I have no shortage of words, apparently.
At the same time, I am awed by your depth of experience and I look forward to learning a lot from your blog. Thanks!
Blessings - Rachel
I LOVE THIS. I'm quoting you, too. I hope that's okay.
Great prayer!
Katie
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