Saturday, February 07, 2009

"I turned it around"

Tired of hearing about my kids? Yeah, I SO don't care. Our journey is still very far from over, but BOY have the last few weeks been eventful.

One of my healing kids has just continued to escalate. They have hit an all-time high in the trauma department. My weekend getaway, followed by a lot of hard work in therapy had them behind a very thick metaphorical wall. The biggest wall they have yet to build between the two of us. On the other side, they had actually changed physically. My child was literally making themselves sick.

Yesterday I had one of those moments where I was trying to decide between giving the negative behavior NO attention or showing compassion or just saying what was really on my mind.

I said what was really on my mind.

I did not yell. I remember thinking, "Loving eyes, Christine. LOVING EYES!" I verbally walked them through their day. I have no idea if the eyes stayed loving, but I do remember that I did not yell (and I keep saying that, because it was really, really, really hard not to yell!!). I reminded them that they can always have control, but it's either attempting to control others or taking control of themselves. One pushes people away. The other is when you control yourself and your behaviors so that you draw people close (also earning trust, more privileges and great feelings).

I think the last thing I said was something like, "I promise you that I love you so very much that I will always be here to give you what you choose to have - if you want to be in charge and have more stinky days, or if you want to control yourself and enjoy life."

That's when I saw it. It may be that only parents of traumatized can understand this: I saw real tears. See, my kid can cry by choice and it is immediate and HUGE crocodile tears. Absolutely amazing how they can do this. Yet these were just barely creeping from the eyes. There was no dramatic sweeping of the eyes and the huffing, puffing cry. They had an emotion and responded to it. Soft, sweet, genuine tears slowly made their way to the surface and eventually down their cheeks.

My child swept up their math page and did every single solitary problem, smiled through it and pointed out to me the parts they loved (they had spent the previous 45 minutes pretending to not have a clue what they were doing).

When they finished, they actually VERBALIZED to me that they CHOSE to "turn it around."  The tiniest of moisture wet their eyes again. Without any prompting from me, they said, "I'm very proud of myself." I was squealing, of course, and hugging. "Yes, you turned it around. You SHOULD be proud of yourself!" Then, through sweet tears and an genuine smile, they said the one thing that I will never forget for as long as I live on this earth:

"I rocked the Casbah."

How funny and wonderful and hysterical is THAT?

Oh my goodness, will we still have regression and bad days. My other healing child has already had their 24 hours of a rough patch, due to some actual progress they made. It's such a process.

Yet, on the bad days, I will now look back to remember that they always have the ability within them (and the desire - even if they're fighting it) to rock the Casbah.


BooBs said...

Tired of hearing about it??? Are you kidding?! Every time I read your stories about your kids I say to myself: Well, if THEY can do THAT, then WE can do THIS. You all inspire me just about every stinking day.

I ask to see miracles, and there they are, somewhere in Oklahoma.

So there.

Very, very happy for her, and you and the rest of your amazing family. This sounds like MAJOR progress.

Keep on rocking. From your #1 fan in NYC,


Kim said...

Best. Line. Ever.

You are walking a hard road, Christine, but from my vantage point, I can see the blessings :)

Lisa said...

Now I am a puddle. That is so fabulous!!!!!! I am so happy for you all!

Yes, I am all too familiar with crocodile tears so this brought up another conversation for us. Thanks!

I read J your post and she had the biggest grin and was so proud! I even had to play rock the casbah for her.

Sean's Ladies said...

YAY! YAY! YAY!! Praise God! DH and I are happy dancing and laughing hysterically here for you!!!!

Oh, those crocodile tears are enough to make me want to yell!!!! UGH!! Love those authentic moments where we know they are capable, intelligent kiddos!!!!

You are a great mom because you strive to having loving eyes and you teach your kids awesome songs!!! LOL.

Press In, Beloved!!!!!!

Shan said...

Fabulous improvements!!!!!! She DOES rock it and so does her brother! Her mom and the rest of the group are lovin' those sweet beats any way they come I bet.

Great (and I do mean GREAT) job with the patience Christine. :)

Recovering Noah said...

Please write an Ebook. PLEASE write an Ebook! I would buy about a thousand copies.

Seriously, I may just have to move to Oklahoma and buy the house next door.

Hey, I LOVED the advice you gave me about Nandi. Can I blog it??

And, truly, I was mucho impressed with the Casbash line. Seriously.. how many kids would even know that song - much less refer to it in an appropriate context?? LOL.

Although I will say that I told Nandi "No, you cannot" and she started singing, "Yes I Can!" by the Hothouse flowers. How do you help but laugh?!

Brenda said...

LOL. LOVE it! Yes. She rocked the Casbah. And so do you!

Torina said...

That is hilarious! Love it!

Toia said...

I enjoy reading your post. Have a bless weekend!!

Candis said...

"Rock the Casbah"? One of my all time fav party songs!
Any progress reinforces the faith, doesn't it? Happy for you all.

And didja notice the symbolic implications of her choice of phrase? "Rock the Casbah" by THE CLASH??
Coincidence? I think not...

Hannah_Rae said...

Tired of hearing about your kiddos? NEVER!!! Actually, I am going to need more Christine therapy in the next few weeks. Tough choices to make coming up.

Thank you, you are a blessing.

And YAY!!!

Amy said...

And just when I didn't think you could possibly get any cooler- this happens! Awesome job mom!! Amy