Monday, February 02, 2009

When mom's away, the trauma will ...

I had the BEST weekend! Last week I was invited to a surprise 40th birthday party for an old college friend. Granted, normally I could not make it to something like that, being five hours away.

Yet, it was near my parents. I desperately needed to get away from my wonderful children. I knew it would TOTALLY freak out said friend to see me walk through the door. My husband is 100% parent and never shirks from managing our home if I'm away. I was sooooo going!

Returning home was a little challenging. I won't go into all of the details of the things I did to help prepare all of my kids for their mother's absence. It was very deliberate, to help each of them in their own special ways. One of my healing kids is choosing to try out this whole love thing, lately. This kid kept behaviors under control this weekend (despite big feelings of abandonment). This child actually felt the emotions of missing me, and they actually chose to welcome me home with smiles and hugs. Today, I looked at them and said, "This whole 'loving your mom' thing is pretty cool, huh? Do you like the way it feels." Big smile and a big, "Yessss."

Very cool. Very, very, very, very - unbelievably cool.

Like, VERY!

My other healing child is not doing so well. They are at different parts of the trauma spectrum. So, one child waited to start a turn on the computer just as they were informed I was minutes from home. They were the only child to not greet me - at all. No hug. No kind words. Just complete silent treatment.

My husband and I had a plan in place for this, so we started through the things we had already discussed. We scheduled several "breaks" from the other kids when they were getting hurtful. Things were kept simple for them, so as not to add more stimulus.

Yet, I know this behavior is escalating because this child is also having feelings of closeness and attachment. They're just not ready to let themselves feel it, sort it out ... perhaps, even, enjoy it. So, while it is exhausting and not fun, it is okay.

The even BETTER part? While one child was shutting down and digging in their heals, the other one did. not. let. their. sibling. pull. them. into. self-sabotage. or. controlling. behaviors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(now imagine me typing out one million more exclamation points and it still won't be enough)

In case I didn't mention it before - I HAD THE BEST WEEKEND!


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad! You deserve it and much, much more!


Cammie said...

Awesome! Just awesome!

Hannah_Rae said...

Wow! How cool! I can't imagine how your heart is just flipping with joy and hope right now.

Glad you got some "Me Me Me" time. :)

Shan said...

Sa WEET!!! :D

And darn it if I'm not a virgin to all three of those places you mentioned. Ah, but someday.....

Lisa said...

Amazing! Christine this is just AMAZING!!! Yahoo for mom time too!!!

familygregg said...

I am happy for you. I had a crap day.

Betsy said...

I so glad you had a wonderful time. The Mister is a 100% parent, too, and I can leave knowing everything will be fine....even with 3 boys with autism. A little time away is good for everyone in the family! Good for you!

I loved reading about the cowboy church! You just don't get that up here in Ohio! Fun, fun!

Brenda said...

Sounds Perrrrrrrrrrrrfect! I'm so glad one of your littles is losing their RADling title!! The other one will get there.

Lee said...

YEAH!!!! Got chills reading about your kiddo letting go and loving their mama!

God is stirring their hearts!

Steve said...

Great article, great strides....but NO, I won't get over it that you didn't call. :o)