Escalation Station

Whooot! Whooot!

All aboard! Next stop is the Escalation Station! I would tell you to have your ticket handy, but no one has a ticket. You were hijacked onto this train. Hang on, it's a bumpy ride!

Whooot! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

I became THAT RAD mom (reactive attachment disorder) this week. Everyone has been rearranged so that Mar has her own room with an alarm on the door. We have made it so long without doing this, but because she is being so open with her feelings, we know she has no plans to be a family girl anytime soon. We had a big talk the other night where she laid out all of her possible plans to escalate things. She thought she should have had more warning about the room thing. So, I gave her the opportunity to explain the many things she is concocting and I would let her know our plans for such things.

As most of you know, the things they say and the level of threat and behavior directly reflects the fear in their heart. Let's just say she is very, very afraid. She is able to let us know she will continue to increase her behaviors.

We believe her.

So, we've tightened the boundaries.

Today I sat with her during lunch and asked her if she loved me. She smiled and kinda' rolled her eyes when she said, "Yes!" (as if to say, "Der!"). It was the first smile any of us had seen all day. I opened my Bible and started to read through I Corinthians 13. She did not care much for the "does not demand its own way" stuff.

She was not angry and raging. She seemed deflated. Her first words were, "I didn't know love was all THAT stuff." So, she admitted she wants to feel loving feelings for me, but does not want to show me love.

"Thanks for letting me know."

In sixteen days we file abandonment and our request to adopt she and Rocky. There will be the court date out there for their previous family to face the abandonment charges. Then we'll be able to finally (FINALLY) finalize out here.

Until then (or much farther beyond) ...

ALL ABOARD!


UPDATE: This afternoon Mar became very violent and refused to keep her door closed (setting off the alarm over and over and over - had her bookcase pushed against the door and had kicked out the back of it, etc.). Had to ask her to stay outside until she was ready to come inside and stay safely in her room. Won't go into details, but THAT was an entertaining hour.

She was also ranting about running away. So, I packed her a runaway bag (which included a card with our address & phone number and contact info for her therapist), and had her recite to me what happens if someone in our house goes a runnin' - we call the police and call for pizza.

About a half hour after all of wandering around the front yard, she wandered around the church parking lot next door and then took off. We waited, thinking she was probably hiding behind the Lutheran church right next door to us. After a bit, it was time to hop in the car and start looking. She was long gone.

Finally found her about a mile from our home. Pulled up next to her, rolled down the window, and asked her to get in the car. She did. Didn't have to call the police. She has stayed in her room the two times we have asked her to since we returned home. No more rages or anger or head banging or threats or name calling (in case you didn't know, I am "a piece of jerk" - feel free to use that - I don't think she has the copyright). She let me cuddle and read to her tonight. Said she still doesn't plan on joining the family tomorrow, though.

Yup. It's backward. The same kid who was so out of control and had all of her siblings in tears mid-afternoon was cuddling with me at 9:00 pm and kissing me goodnight.

I officially have a "runner." I was really NOT hoping for one. Can anyone else chime-in with your approaches for this? What if it becomes a regular occurrence? Haven't heard back from our therapist but want to stockpile my arsenal.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


(photo by Jim "Dan" Daly)