Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Escalation Station

Whooot! Whooot!

All aboard! Next stop is the Escalation Station! I would tell you to have your ticket handy, but no one has a ticket. You were hijacked onto this train. Hang on, it's a bumpy ride!


I became THAT mom this week. Everyone has been rearranged so that one of our kids can have their own room with an alarm on the door. We have made it so long without doing this, but because of traumaversaries and they are being so open with feelings, things have gotten ugly. We had a big talk the other night where we talked and prescribed and laid out all possible plans our kid might try to escalate things. They thought they should have had more warning about the room thing. So, I gave them the opportunity to explain the many things they are concocting and I would let them know our plans for such things.

As most of you know, the things they say and the level of threat and behavior directly reflects the fear in their heart. Let's just say ... this kid is very, very afraid. They were able to honestly let us know they will continue to increase negative behaviors.

We believe this kid.

So, we've tightened the boundaries. Increased some safety measures.

In sixteen days we file abandonment  on their previous adoptive parents and our request to adopt our two Haitian kids. There will be the court date out there for their previous family to face the abandonment charges. Then we'll be able to finally (FINALLY) finalize out here.

Until then (or much farther beyond) ...


UPDATE: This afternoon our child became very violent for the first time and refused to keep their door closed (setting off the alarm over and over and over - had her bookcase pushed against the door and had kicked out the back of it, etc.).  After going outside to see if that would cool them down ... they started to threaten to run away.

So, I packed them a runaway bag (which included a card with our address and phone number and contact info for the therapist). I was hoping this would keep it limited to maybe just wandering the block.

About a half hour after all of wandering around the front yard, they wandered around the church parking lot next door and then took off. We waited, thinking they were probably hiding behind the Lutheran church right next door to us. After a bit, it was time to hop in the car and start looking. They were long gone.

Finally found them about a mile from our home. Pulled up, rolled down the window, and asked them to get in the car. And they did. Didn't have to call the police. I think the distance (almost a mile) and getting disoriented scared them tremendously. They have stayed in their room at appropriate times since returning home. No more rages or anger or head banging or threats or name calling (in case you didn't know, I am "a piece of jerk" - feel free to use that).  And then we had some reading and cuddle time.

Yup. It's backward. The same kid who was so out of control and had all of their siblings in tears mid-afternoon was cuddling with me at 9:00 pm and kissing me goodnight.

I officially have a "runner." I was really NOT hoping for one. Already called the therapist for feedback.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

(photo by Jim "Dan" Daly)


Shan said...

Praying for you all. Hang on tight! xo

Kristen Howerton said...

Wow girl. You are having a month of it. You are doing great - praying for you, too.

Stephanie said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. Even though I do not have or work with RAD children, you are such an encouragement to me just in life. God Bless you and your family!a

Unknown said...

I've been reading your blog for a month or so (and went back and read the entire thing when I did start reading). I admire your strength. I'm praying for you and the hubs and the kiddos.

Rachel said...

praying for you...

Summer said...

Wow, I hope you hear back soon and get some good advice. *hugs*

Recovering Noah said...

Crap, Christine. Is it okay to say that my heart is hurting for you? I think I might actually be wordless right now.

I just want to hug you right up and smack yer butt. Okay, I really don't want to do that, but thought it might make you smile. Do I see a teeny bit of a smile there? Just a little bit?

Hope you have a better day today. I'll be on the lookout for Ben & Jerry coupons and send them to you if I find any.

And maybe Mar Mar won't say it, but I will... "I love you and think you're an awesome Mom!"

Hannah_Rae said...


Thank you for being as open as you are. Lord, give her and hubby extra amounts of you right now.

In a book I am "reading" the boy wanted to run away, and the dad suggested he do it after breakfast, and then after school, and then on the weekend cuz he could go farther etc... he kept that up for three days until the boy said "DAD! I am NOT going to run away."
That's kind of like prescribing the behavior, right?



marythemom said...

LOL about "a piece of jerk." I usually get told "you're cruel and unusual."

For our daughter who threatens to runaway we take away all her shoes and clothes and only gave her one outfit to wear at a time (shoes are only for school and have to be taken off at home). Her room was stripped to her bed, some empty furniture, a couple of stuffed animals and a book. We invoke the "4 Foot Rule" which means she must be within 4 feet of a parent at all times. She loves school so we threaten to take her to work with us (we have done this in the past - luckily we own the building). We do not have alarms on her door, but we do have alarms on the outside doors - the children think they will go off if they leave in the night (they do beep once in our bedroom).

She has run only when I'm right behind her. I think she just wants us to prove we want to keep her. The 4 foot rule and taking her stuff lets her know we're listening and taking her seriously (something she often accuses us of not doing). She rarely threatens to run away anymore because she's afraid we'll believe her. She can't stand the thought of losing her shoes! Ironically that's the "worst part!"

We also do the same thing when she threatens suicide.

Mary in TX

Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(12)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(13) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
Finalized on her brother Bear 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.
" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

TracyC said...

Wow Christine. I really really wish I had some great advice. I guess I'd go with reminding her that if she runs, she is always, always welcome to come back home. Praying, praying for you and for Mar Mar.

Unknown said...

Your family is in my thoughts. I do hope this lets up soon but...I kinda know better. I'm so so glad she's at a place where she can be honest with you...that is HUGE!! Though...I'm sure in the same vein it hurts quite a bit. *hugs*