Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sometimes you have to read between the lines

My goal is to not allow escalation with my healing kid. No rages since Friday ... sort of.

Yesterday they were amping up. Determined. Basically, if I walked in the room and dared to clear my throat, I would be welcomed with a, "WHAT?"

"Honey, are you okay?"

"You already KNOW!"

Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da.

Third verse, same as the first.

And any other "Ground Hog Day"-ish analogies I can recall.

So, they're flopping and tossing their pencil yesterday. "I don't know how to do iiiiitttt." I let them know that was fine. Let's just put it away. No need to do it. "Come over here with me, babe. Let's just rock for a minute."

Their words were screaming, "I don't want to rock!" Yet they veeeery slowly made their way to the chair.  Stiff as a board while they kept screaming.

Crying, crying, screaming, "LET GO OF ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE ROCKED! GET THAT BLANKET OFF! I DON'T WANT A BLAAAANKET! I DON'T WANT TO CUDDLE!"

For 45 minutes they did this.

45 minutes.

Sounds exhausting, right? Nope. Quite the oppposite. You see, that is what I was HEARING. Yet here is what I was seeing:

My kid was not being held. In fact, for much of the time I just kept my arms on the arm rests or behind my head. I wasn't even touching them. They flipped and flopped and SCREAMED and pouted. Yet, never once EVER got out of my lap or out of that chair.

At one point they had her head buried right next to my arm. It was right after the wailing had begun. I think my anxiety-ridden thought went something like this, "All they have to do to move this to a restraint is to take a big chunk out of my arm right now. I'm crazy vulnerable. I can feel their breath on my arm. And if they do, am I going to restrain, or am I going to do Lamaze breathing while saying, 'Do it again, honey. I'm pretending it's kisses.'?" Yeah, whatever. I'm no robot.

No biting. No hitting. They would turn over and make sure their forearm was placed very firmly against my abdomen. Yet there was a line never got crossed.

My child did not get out of my lap or out of that chair until I asked them to get up with me and go eat lunch.

And I let them go first, in front of all their brothers and sisters. They were shocked.

"Honey, you don't have to earn our love. Sometimes we do things just because you are ours. We want to. We love you."

NO that did not nip anything in the bud. YES they simply escalated again in the afternoon. OF COURSE, my healing child tried to pitch a fit again this morning while we were doing some schoolwork.

Yet, my kid was telling me so much with what they DIDN'T do yesterday. On their level ... in their knowledge of love ... my child loves me and needs me, even though it doesn't look like "normal" stuff if you happen to be hanging out in my living room.

8 comments:

Moonprysm said...

wow. that is such a beautiful entry so filled with love. your daughter is so lucky to have such an amazing mama.

Cammie said...

So absolutly true! I am so glad that you can see beyond her words to her actions! My mama always said, 'Actions speak louder than words.' This tremendously true in this instance!

Keep the faith, Christine! God is working miracles in your family!!

Chris said...

keep going lady! May God continue to give you the strength!

Hannah_Rae said...

I needed that picture. Thank you. I am trying to figure out what our eldest is showing us right now. So confused.

Glad your arm is in one piece. :)

Blessings!!!

Hannah

Shan said...

Great strides Christine! I'm glad you are noting these small things as they are growing into one HUGE improvement little by little. Praying for stamina here. xo

Recovering Noah said...

I am sooooo glad you're blogging all this. Over here taking notes!

Will definitely use the "Need more kisses" phrase when the little princess takes another bite out of me.

And have I told you lately what an AWESOME mom and friend you are? You are!

Sara said...

Big big steps!!! So so hard not to look at what's happened in the past to make our judgments of the current. You could have just as easily thrown her into a theraputic hold to prevent what you "thought was coming" such as a bit or punch...but you didn't...and there was where the growth happened. Awesome awesome.

Anne Basso said...

You all are in my prayers. I think that's huge. Her actions spoke louder than her words, and prayer was answered.

WOOT!