Saturday, May 16, 2009

Turning a corner

I have not wanted to blog much in the last two weeks about Mar Mar. My main reasoning is because we are seeing some improvements. Just typing this right now means we will probably have a really sucky day in the near future. So, I'll type in a whisper ... shhhhhhhh.

She still wakes up every single day and wants to control. She has moments when she insists on having the attention of everyone in the room. She still wants to pick fights with us (but this is down to about once daily, on average).

She has turned a corner. We have not had to restrain her in two weeks. We are "reading" her much better and able to help redirect her before she escalates. It is still very, very exhausting, but we are offering her many more opportunities to succeed instead of fail, and she is actually choosing these options more and more.

We have made some pretty startling discoveries. The amount of things she uses to manipulate are indescribable. I can't go into details, but there have been massive revelations on our part recenlty, as well as our therapist. Granted, this is good, and it helps us help her. Still ... makes your head spin. You've been surprised over the amount of manipulation for months and months and months ... then you peel back another layer to realize there is even more. It's tough, but you just look at it. You stare it down, and then say, "Okay, so let's move forward."

Mar loves us. She really does. She feels close to us, which is why she still has to push away in little ways ... all. the. time. And yet we are now at the crossroads where a few things are showing up because they are lifelong habits. We'll tackle those things slowly. We're sorting through the layers again.

Cool. We can actually sort through layers! We're not spending our days hunting her down because she ran away, or getting estimates on fixing a broken window, or holding her in a restraint while realizing we have to go pee really bad, or being called all sorts of colorful things, or, or, or ...

Now, as she starts to act angry over the tiniest of things, I can just hike my leg and say, "Mar, dear, do you have straight shot from over there?"

"What?"

"To blow some more smoke up my butt ... I want to make it easier for you."

She rolls her eyes. Everyone else giggles and makes more gaseous jokes. Pointless crisis averted.

Must go. Mar and her two sisters are going to play Barbies with the two neighbor girls right now. She has not been able to to do this in over two months! We have her oldest sister prepped and ready to police anything inappropriate and report it to me. They've been in there two whole minutes, so I'm already calling it a success!

5 comments:

Corey said...

Oh dude. You TOTALLY just shot yourself in the foot. Sorry about your tomorrow.

xoxo
Corey

Kristin said...

I've been wondering. We're months and months behind you in this process and I think of your ideas often and I admire the strength of God that shines through you. Glad you have paused in this topic because of good behavior, not bad, and praying that typing it out loud will not bring on the inevitable ;0) - a rotten day.

"Pointless crisis" - yup that's what we're battling here. I can't wait to get to the point of being able to point it out in a humorous way. Thanks again for all the encouragement.

Kristin

Brenda said...

"I got layers. You got layers. We all got layers"~ Shrek. Congrats on the progress! : )

Lisa said...

Whispering...yahoo....ssssshhhh....

Lorraine said...

I pray that we too can get to that. Right now we are dealing with our annual May meltdown days.