Monday, June 15, 2009

I wish they could just experience "regular"

My healing kids love their grandparents ... all of them. Yet, we don't get to see them often.

Tonight we arrived at the home of one set of grandparents. At dinner I look over and see something I have not witnessed in months. Full-on crazy table manners (putting fingers in mouth, up to their palm, just to get a chip in there, then licking them all the way out).

I used some humor to redirect. Then later asked them to help me dry dishes.

"It seemed like you were working really hard to gross out your grandparents. Want to talk about it?"

"Well, I'm afraid they might do something."

SO good - using words. YEA!

We had a long discussion about trust in me and who I would and would not ever (over my dead body) allow to be around my children, etc. We talked about how long we have stayed at this house before and how loving their grandparents were. Granted, that was before we filed for adoption ... in a mind healing from trauma, one can't help but wonder, "Hmmmmm ... so my parents didn't change, but what about GRANDPARENTS?!? What if they decide to start hurting me??"

"I know talking about it helps, but the feelings don't just magically go away. So, what do you need from me?"

Benadryl to help with sleep, a radio in their room and the door open all night with permission to come crash next to my bed if necessary.

I would love so much if their biggest worry tonight could have been what they'll wear to VBS tomorrow.


Lisa said...

Wow! I am so impressed she used her words! Yippee!!!!!

I, too, wish that would be her biggest worry.

You're a really awesome mom Christine!!

Brenda said...

Such a big step!

~Dinah said...

It's great that she can use her verbal skills to communicate her feelings...there are many "normals" who can't do that.

Ericka said...

It pisses me off that a little girl has to worry about that.
Christine, thank you for trying to give your little girl a 'little girl's life with normal experiences.
She'll live with her abuse for her entire life, but so hoping she'll learn the tools to navigate.
Isn't that what we wish for all our kids??
UGH, I get sooooo mad!!!!! sorry.

angie said...

Christine, I am just curious and I hope you don't mind that I ask this, but why do you think that Mar has a harder time with things vs. her bio sibling? Did they just experience different things? Was it the age when things happened, or just two different people and that's how it is? I'm just curious what you think.

Unknown said...

Poor Mar...being scared like that must just be terrible. That's amazing that she was able to have such a conversation with so little prompting!!

Recovering Noah said...

:( I feel sad for you and Mar.

I wish I could say something profound to cheer you up, but I can't. I'm feeling it, too. Sometimes, I just want to cry over the fact that I'll never be a soccer mom. Which is silly because I loathe sports and can't think of anything worse than sitting in the hot (or cold) weather every Saturday morning for the next 12 years of my life.

But I mourn it because I want what everyone else has... you know?

Sending you a big major hug!


Babsness said...

I am SO stealing this sentence!
"I know talking about it helps, but the feelings don't just magically go away. So, what do you need from me?"

Simply Moms said...

Great post. It's amazing to see/hear what's going on in their little hearts while we are eating our meatloaf over there if the world were lovely.

Had a similar grandparent experience...I'll post soon.