My oldest daughter was eating breakfast this morning, about to head back to a technical school camp for the morning. She told me about a conversation on the bus yesterday. One girl was discussing a kid at her school. She had moved over 12 times in her 12 years of life. She dressed weird and talked constantly of blood and gross things and stuff she had done or wanted to do, which shocked and disgusted all the other kids.
Mac smiled at me and said, "Mom, I knew EXACTLY what was wrong with that girl! She is so afraid she'll get moved again. She's just trying to push everyone away! So, I explained it to this girl and told her she needs a really good friend who can help her get better and not get freaked out."
On a side note: for those who continuously wonder and never ask out loud, "How could you do this to your "other" children - bring in such turmoil to your home and family?" Yeah. My kids "get it" and they will spend their lifetimes helping other people "get it." And they will happily admit parts of it have SUCKED!! But none of us will ever be the same.
Okay ... so back to the conversation ...
Anywho, I all but cried. Then, today, I discover this little gem through Lisa. If you have ever adopted any child - no matter the circumstances or age, if you are a teacher or a friend or a neighbor ... if you breathe in and out every single day, I beg you to watch all 19 minutes of this video. You will start to "get it."
I plan to watch this at least once a month. Probably more.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
That kid is not "bad" - he's hurt
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22 comments:
I am so glad to hear this!! So many times I wonder how my 2 RADishes will affect my 2 year old who isn't RAD. I worry that it will all be negative but it's such a relief to read your post and see that doesn't have to be the case. Thanks!!
I watched it too. It really hit me. Reminded me. I often forget all that Gabe and Miah have been through, even though, thankfully, they are not as severe are many.
I am wondering at what to do next as far as sharing it. I want to share it with key people in my family and with close friends so they will understand. Praying for wisdom.
I cried! It would be nice if more people could go "there" to try and understand the kids and the parents. Thanks for sharing :)
It brings me to tears everytime.
I am so proud of your daughter. I cried during that too. Precious.
Powerful, sobering stuff, that.
And, yes, your daughter has it. May we all learn to reach out in love to the hurting around us.
~Luke
I posted it too! I had seen it before, twice but I will always be able to learn soemthing new from it!
Yeah for your kids, glad they "get it"
wow, thank you.
Wow. Powerful clip. My heart breaks for those kids. I hope one day that my hubby and I are able to be good Big People to some broken Little People.
Christine,
I wonder, if this had been played at our pre-adoptive training, if I would have "heard" it. Would I have dismissed it? Would I have thought, Oh, that won't be my child..? Would I have stopped to consider whether I was ready to have my life change so incredibly RADically?
On the one hand, I am (in some sick way) grateful that we have had some of this experience. If we had stopped adopting when we had 3 kids, I would never developed true empathy for other adoptive parents. I would have thought that their kids' problems were a result of something THEY did wrong. Now I look, and I listen, and I see that spectrum of attachment everywhere. And damn, I will hold your hand, I will jump right in the trenches with you, I will do whatever I can to make someone feel less isolated, less crazy on this journey.
I watch that video, and it makes me feel sick, guilty. Because I can't stand by my boy, I can't be the forever parent that he needs. There is too much anger, too much violence, too much harm that has been done to our other children, to me. I will fight to the death for his treatment. I will work as hard as I can to find him the "right" family. I just can't be it. And God Bless you, sister, but the way that you love M & S helps me so much to know that he can potentially come out of this and be okay..
That has utterly destroyed me...
I am not part of the adotion community.
I watched it anyway as I am part of community and needed to.
I really needed to. Thanks for sharing it.
So, I watched the video and am super super super interested, even though the thought of teaching other people's children through homeschool terrifies me. Thanks for sharing! Maybe I could help in the clinic too? Whatever, I'm going to email her right now! You are awesome!
Wow!
Oh wow.. I'm in the middle of watching the video (kuh-razy week over here, Christine). Will be home late tonight and can't wait to sit down and finish it.
So proud of Mac!! That's one heckuva kid you got there. Be sure to give her lots and lots of kisses from her b-friend, Eli. ;-)
Your daughter has such a wise heart. I agree, our birth children have had some very tough times but are even more amazing people and have such understanding of those in pain because of RAD. The video is really good. I think I will be borrowing it for my blog soon. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Beautiful!
It's moments like these in our children's lives that offer us the encouragement we need as parents...when they get it, we can rest assured we've been good gardeners of their souls!
Thank you for sharing...I'm SO glad I found your blog.
I'm a tattooed, crunchy, kitchy, hippy, intelligent mom and wife on my way to my Masters in Divinity...stepping wherever it is He leads in this journey of life!
christine...
it's been forever since i've commented but that doesn't mean i'm not hangin out here everyday. cuz i am. we've been in oklahoma almost a year now and i think my husband and i are both ready to enter the crazy world of foster care again. we just got the 8-seater minivan and called to receive the "intro packet". you had mentioned last year that i should look into private agencies. we found eagle creek. do you know of any others? do you have any thoughts on private vs. public foster agencies? we adopted through a private one in CA, but are clueless as to the situation here in OK (except that there's a lot of kids that need love). any input you have would be appreciated. actually...the input you set out here is more than enough. it is an educational, encouraging, terrifying, place-your blog. God has used it to bring me closer to where i need to be. thanks.
Kristal, I still don't have any connections with a private agency in Oklahoma. I would ask the agency (and any more you can locate) for some references - other foster families you could talk to who work with them, etc.
Once Bible School is over this week, I'll ask around and see what I can find out for you ... see if anyone else is familiar with others.
love you christine deadman moers.
ignore this sign in name
tara
thank you, christine! asking for reference families is a great idea. i'll let you know what we learn and look forward to hearing anything you might pick up too.
Kristal,
Here are some jumping-off points:
http://www.oktfca.org/resources
http://www.circleofcare.org/site/04foster/childshare.html
http://www.obhc.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=398
oh...wow... thanks.
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