There is an elderly woman who lives down the road. She has always waved at me while I'm out tending to the park. She finally stopped last week to show me a newborn kitten she was taking to the vet. I'll call her Ima Jean (the lady, not the kitten). I ran to get the girls and we chatted about everything, including her upcoming 84th birthday.
Well, two days ago she pulled up into the drive. None of the kids were around.
I got a healthy dose of the real Ima Jean.
"How are you doing?"
"My husband left me."
"What? Isn't he sick? Didn't you say he has cancer?"
"Yeah. He does. Has a big 'ole knot right here in his belly."
"Well, where on earth did he go to leave you, being sick and all?"
"He's with his WHORE!"
*slightly choke on my own spit*
"Oh. I'm so very sorry."
"Yeah, she'll do stuff for him I won't so he just took off."
"Well, you told me he lives on Ensure, and I'm sure it's very difficult at 83 to be taking care of him alone at home."
"NO! She'll give him bl** jobs! I won't put that thing in my mouth!" (at which point she visibly shuddered) "Who knows where that thing's been? Probably up some whore's a**!"
*more choking on my own spit*
"So ... um ... Ima Jean ... er ... how's the kitten?"
(big smile) "Ohhhhh, she's doing great. Big and fat now!"
Quick good-byes and she drives off.