Thursday, October 29, 2009

New meaning for the phrase "Hook 'Em, Horns!"

Last night was a good night ... mostly.

Michael took the kids in for activities in town. Two of them needed to stick a little close to him because of behavior. The biggest point here is that they. were. not. with. me.

Mom needed a big, phat break.

So, I was watching the Colbert Report, working on a Griddler, drinking a green smoothie for dinner, and listening to the herd of cows outside my window as they were walking and grazing ever so slowly.

It was just what I needed.

A few minutes in, I heard some very loud mooing. That is not unusual. I mean, we're surrounded by livestock! Yet, this was ... umm ... very enthusiastic.

Me, in my impeccable timing, moved closer to the window where I could see not only the herd of black cows in one field, but the edge of the other land at the other side of our trailer. That's when I saw it.



In this other field are some Longhorns. They are beautiful. I LOVE having them right beside us. One of them, in particular, is huge.

Let me repeat that: HUGE!!

So, again, in my impeccable timing, I near the window to see the HUGE Longhorn just carrying on like crazy, trotting in a dead sprint down the fence line ... with the HUGEST erection I have ever seen in my life - just a flipping and a flopping. He made it to the fence (which is electric - but he's been known to lean on it and bend it over anyway). He stands there, with his junk almost to the ground, pacing back and forth and just wailing in desperation. Hoping upon hope that one of those cows will make their way over to him. How he didn't trip over his, er, fifth "leg," I'll never know.

What did I do? Called my husband (cause, ya' know, it made me think of him - and for his sake, go ahead and assume it's the extra "leg" part).

What did he do? Laughed and then told me to get my butt off the phone and blog about it.

(photo by Randa Clay)

13 comments:

Amanda said...

haha... now honestly, I really am shocked that you didn't capture this with your camera. hahaha...

Brenda said...

And yet just another reason to be glad I'm a woman.

Lisa said...

Oh my! Hysterical!

Dia por Dia said...

How's that for free entertainment. And they say it's boring out in the boondocks...

After the morning we've had so far reading this was just what I needed. Thank you.

Diana said...

And lucky you got spared a big phat s*x ed lesson with your kids. "Mom, why does that cow have 5 legs...and why is he acting like that?"

Kacie said...

Girl, you just wrote the funniest blog I've read today. Wow.

Miz Kizzle said...

Ah, the wonders of nature. Were the cows at all interested? In my limited experience with livestock the guys get all excited and the gals just stand there chewing their cuds and wondering "Isn't he done yet?"

Torina said...

Have you ever seen them do it? It breaks all laws of physics. I remember the first time my daughter saw horses doing it. Shocked is the understatement of the year. You could name him "Willie, Jr."

Christine said...

Miz Kizzle, the cows are total teases. They hang out in their field, close enough to taunt. They just meander around. Don't even look up at his wailing.

Torina ... my impeccable timing has had me in the right place at the right time WAY too often when it comes to cattle procreation.

It is totally disturbing. Always makes me think they really need chiropractors for cows.

Stephanie said...

Several years ago a friend of mine got married in a pasture under a big oak tree. Right in the middle of the ceremony we heard a ruckus coming from the next field over. Yep, they were gettin' it on right in the middle of the wedding. We thought it was very appropriate timing.

Amy @ Experience Imagination said...

"Always makes me think they really need chiropractors for cows."

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Linda B said...

Oh my gosh, this is so funny~ and then for you husband to say to blog about it! Hilarious!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Wow. Things are NEVER dull in Texas...