There is no pill for RAD

Mar is at a big crossroads. I realize I haven't talked much about the RAD residual (look at me, coming up with new catch phrases). The reason being she has made some amazing strides, and I wanted to wait for her to have a bad day before I said anything.

Twelve days in a row without restriction. Two of those were normal school days. I honestly cannot remember the last time she has done two full normal days of school without sabotage.

Of course, today when she finally just kept doing things wrong deliberately, she became very upset when I asked her to head to her room. Later, after school and after she was more regulated, I looked at her with surprise and said, "Darlin' you have this all backward. You are UPSET! Don't you realize what you just did? You went twelve days being a family girl. You spend two STRAIGHT days honoring me as your mother and teacher. For heaven's sake, you NEED a break. Let your sweet heart and head rest. And celebrate!!"

Let me rewind. First *insert long, boring disclaimer here about me not being a doctor and how you should always check with your therapist or doctor before doing anything some crazy lady talks about on the internet, no matter what HER doctor says* we have started Mar on Niacin (vitamin B-3). We have considered it before, but I really felt like we should wait longer, until we had worked through a few more layers. Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da ... for her, at this point in her healing, it has been very helpful.

Very.

I have seen a marked improvement. It is hard to explain, but it seems to be helping just enough with her emotions (depression/anxiety) to help her ACCEPT our help.

Not a magical pill, by any means, but she obviously was deficient and needed the supplement. I always knew it was a possibility, but again - so many layers to my child's existence. We needed to do plenty of filtering first, and then see if it was still a need.

So, my daughter is trying. She is really, really trying. Yet, it is so very hard for her to give it all up. It is so very hard for me to watch her cry real, very soft tears over how scary it is ... and how badly she wants to do it. Today I made her repeat (yell) after me, "THIS IS NOT FAIR! I DID NOT MAKE ME THIS WAY! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK TO GET BETTER? WHY MEEEEEE????"

I knew yesterday that her streak was over. She woke up sweating. The excessive farting started (haven't had that in at least six months), some inappropriate talk was hinted at and she cracked her knuckles. That used to be one of her big things in the very beginning. It was a way for her to bug people. It has been approximately a YEAR since the knuckle thing went away. I could see it - she just couldn't STOP with the controlling things, and was bringing in old stuff to fill the void.

It's her addiction. So, tonight we talked about some ways to break up restriction into smaller doses, to increase her chances at succeeding. We also came up with a really fun way to let her have some CRAZY, more grown-up control if she makes it a whole day without an hour on restriction. She will actually have an evening with no bedtime. She will be in her room, and will have total control on when/if the lights go out and when/if she goes to sleep.

Now, I know that she will receive a melatonin on those evenings to help settle her from all the grown-up excitement, and will eventually konk out. I know she will stay up later than normal and be cranky the next day. I know I will pay for it in some way. But WOW - that was the first time in 48 hours that her body and face finally softened. She does feel completely stripped of any sort of power and control in her life. To know that we recognize that, and are willing to meet her halfway and reward her pushing through the fear ... needless to say, she liked the idea.

Flip over to Rocky, who is currently sleeping in the laundry room. Bless his heart - just can't seem to keep that pee where it belongs. He has so much anger from the abuse he experienced. So, we're working through that and trying to give him more tools to succeed. It's strange having them both really trying hard to move forward. That's a definite first. One of them has always been attempting to sabotage the other. They are both actively trying, AND Mar is actually giving it a bit more effort lately.

Do you see them? The pigs flying? Aren't they cute?

We all watched Biggest Loser together this week, and at one point Jillian yelled, "FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!" Rocky and Mar both looked right at me. We exchanged smiles.

So, it's all really good news, but I am oh so exhausted. This has taken hours and hours and hours of helping them walk through all of this. I'm glad I got my day off last Sunday, because I have been blowing and going emotionally ever since. Any of you who have had a child in therapy know exactly what I'm talking about. Therapeutic talks and activities and interactions are vital, but they suck the energy right out of you. Amazing how something so physically inactive can cause you to feel as though you've finished a triatholon.

Remember, the only thing harder than parenting our kids is actually being our kids.



(photo by Rodolfo Clix)