There is no pill for RAD

One of my kids is at a big crossroads. I realize I haven't talked much about the RAD residual (look at me, coming up with new catch phrases). The reason being they have made some amazing strides, and I wanted to wait for them to have a bad day before I said anything.

Twelve days in a row without tightened boundaries. Two of those were normal school days. I honestly cannot remember the last time this child has done two full normal days of school without sabotage.

Of course, today when they finally just kept doing things wrong deliberately, they became very upset when I asked they head to their room. Later, after school and after they were more regulated, I looked at them with surprise and said, "Darlin' you have this all backward. You are UPSET! Don't you realize what you just did? You went twelve days choosing to join in all the good. You spent two STRAIGHT days honoring me as your mother and teacher. For heaven's sake, you NEED a break. Let your sweet heart and head rest. And celebrate!!"

Let me rewind. First *insert long, boring disclaimer here about me not being a doctor and how you should always check with your therapist or doctor before doing anything some crazy lady talks about on the internet, no matter what HER doctor says* we have started some of my kids on Niacin (vitamin B-3). We have considered it before, but I really felt like we should wait longer, until we had worked through a few more layers. Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da ... for them, at this point in their healing, it has been very helpful.

Very.

I have seen a marked improvement. It is hard to explain, but it seems to be helping just enough with emotions (depression/anxiety) to help one child, in particular, ACCEPT our help.

Not a magical pill, by any means, but obviously they were deficient and needed the supplement. I always knew it was a possibility, but again - so many layers to my child's existence. We needed to do plenty of filtering first, and then see if it was still a need.

So, my kid is trying. Really, really trying. Yet, it is so very hard for them to give it all up. It is so very hard for me to watch them cry real, very soft tears over how scary it is ... and how badly they want to do it. Today I made them repeat (yell) after me, "THIS IS NOT FAIR! I DID NOT MAKE ME THIS WAY! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK TO GET BETTER? WHY MEEEEEE????"

I knew yesterday that the streak was over. I noticed they woke up sweating. The excessive farting started (haven't had that in at least six months), some inappropriate talk was hinted at and cracking of knuckles. That used to be a big thing in the very beginning. It was a way for one of my kids to bug people. It has been approximately a YEAR since the knuckle thing went away. I could see it - they just couldn't STOP with the controlling things, and was bringing in old stuff to fill the void.

We all watched Biggest Loser together this week, and at one point Jillian yelled, "FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!" Two of my kids both looked right at me. We exchanged smiles.

So, it's all really good news, but I am oh so exhausted. This has taken hours and hours and hours of helping them walk through all of this. I'm glad I got my day off last Sunday, because I have been blowing and going emotionally ever since. Any of you who have had a child in therapy know exactly what I'm talking about. Therapeutic talks and activities and interactions are vital, but they suck the energy right out of you. Amazing how something so physically inactive can cause you to feel as though you've finished a triatholon.

Remember, the only thing harder than parenting our kids is actually being our kids.



(photo by Rodolfo Clix)