Escalation Station

Whooot! Whooot!

All aboard! Next stop is the Escalation Station! I would tell you to have your ticket handy, but no one has a ticket. You were hijacked onto this train. Hang on, it's a bumpy ride!

Whooot! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

I became THAT RAD mom (reactive attachment disorder) this week. Everyone has been rearranged so that Mar has her own room with an alarm on the door. We have made it so long without doing this, but because she is being so open with her feelings, we know she has no plans to be a family girl anytime soon. We had a big talk the other night where she laid out all of her possible plans to escalate things. She thought she should have had more warning about the room thing. So, I gave her the opportunity to explain the many things she is concocting and I would let her know our plans for such things.

As most of you know, the things they say and the level of threat and behavior directly reflects the fear in their heart. Let's just say she is very, very afraid. She is able to let us know she will continue to increase her behaviors.

We believe her.

So, we've tightened the boundaries.

Today I sat with her during lunch and asked her if she loved me. She smiled and kinda' rolled her eyes when she said, "Yes!" (as if to say, "Der!"). It was the first smile any of us had seen all day. I opened my Bible and started to read through I Corinthians 13. She did not care much for the "does not demand its own way" stuff.

She was not angry and raging. She seemed deflated. Her first words were, "I didn't know love was all THAT stuff." So, she admitted she wants to feel loving feelings for me, but does not want to show me love.

"Thanks for letting me know."

In sixteen days we file abandonment and our request to adopt she and Rocky. There will be the court date out there for their previous family to face the abandonment charges. Then we'll be able to finally (FINALLY) finalize out here.

Until then (or much farther beyond) ...

ALL ABOARD!


UPDATE: This afternoon Mar became very violent and refused to keep her door closed (setting off the alarm over and over and over - had her bookcase pushed against the door and had kicked out the back of it, etc.). Had to ask her to stay outside until she was ready to come inside and stay safely in her room. Won't go into details, but THAT was an entertaining hour.

She was also ranting about running away. So, I packed her a runaway bag (which included a card with our address & phone number and contact info for her therapist), and had her recite to me what happens if someone in our house goes a runnin' - we call the police and call for pizza.

About a half hour after all of wandering around the front yard, she wandered around the church parking lot next door and then took off. We waited, thinking she was probably hiding behind the Lutheran church right next door to us. After a bit, it was time to hop in the car and start looking. She was long gone.

Finally found her about a mile from our home. Pulled up next to her, rolled down the window, and asked her to get in the car. She did. Didn't have to call the police. She has stayed in her room the two times we have asked her to since we returned home. No more rages or anger or head banging or threats or name calling (in case you didn't know, I am "a piece of jerk" - feel free to use that - I don't think she has the copyright). She let me cuddle and read to her tonight. Said she still doesn't plan on joining the family tomorrow, though.

Yup. It's backward. The same kid who was so out of control and had all of her siblings in tears mid-afternoon was cuddling with me at 9:00 pm and kissing me goodnight.

I officially have a "runner." I was really NOT hoping for one. Can anyone else chime-in with your approaches for this? What if it becomes a regular occurrence? Haven't heard back from our therapist but want to stockpile my arsenal.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


(photo by Jim "Dan" Daly)

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(this CRAZY amazing photo is from Luciana Lobo - THANK YOU so much, Luciana!)

"Til that happens ..."

(reactive attachment disorder)

Tastes-Like-Spaghettio's Pasta Bake

I have concocted this from some vegetarian site. As always, I messed around with it and made it my own. I had no idea it WOULD taste like Spaghettio's, but my kids FLIPPED at the results. I just wanted another healthy Italian dish.

Tastes-Like-Spaghettio's Pasta Bake

(remember, I make this to feed all seven of us)

2 lbs pasta cooked and drained (I like rigatoni or penne)
5 cups tomato sauce
1 15-oz ricotta cheese
2 eggs (I used Ener-G Egg Replacer)
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
Parmesan cheese

Mix first six ingredients in a large casserole dish. Sprinkle the top with Parmesan cheese. Put in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes.

Remember, don't be boring. You can change this around. Saute a chopped onion and some garlic, then throw that in. How about more spices? Fresh chopped basil or oregano ... yum! The strict carnivores can throw in some sort of meat. The options are LIMITLESS!

OH, and FYI, when you figure Weight Watcher's points the way we do at our house, this is only 2 points per cup! BOO-YA!

I am a little bit down and out

Today I am trying to pace myself.

It has simply been a bad kid week. Granted, when one of your kids goes bezerk-o, the rest tend to follow suit in some way, shape or form. Heck, we all do that.

Mar (my snookums with reactive attachment disorder) is talking about her feelings. That is huge. It is huge. IT IS HUGE! Yet, in the day-to-day, now that it is much more "normal," I forget about this HUGE step in the process. I forget any of the progress. I get discouraged.

My favorite phrase in my head is always, "Seriously? We're doing this again?"

You can know that you know that you KNOW it will take a very long time for your kids to move forward. You can totally know your child lives and reacts in fear daily. Yet, the knowing doesn't always make the doing any easier. It's just plain hard. It is exhausting. You can take respite and take care of yourself and run away by yourself regularly ... and still you have days when alcoholism is looking better and better. :)

Don't you love the back-and-forth? Granted, I think every single mother out there goes through it. There are days when things escalate and you are pondering, "Sarah Jessica Parker, what if this ISN'T just a phase????" Three days later, the sun shines again and you find your sense of humor and the world is a glorious place of maternal bliss.

Sometimes.

This week I realized I was asking Mar the wrong questions. Sometimes I ask if she wants to move forward; if she wants to trust and love. Her answer is always "yes," and we talk about a plan and how she can take some baby steps. Yet, it has been very clear in recent months she is just blowing smoke. Finally, I looked at her and said, "Whoa Nelly! What was I thinking? I'm asking it all wrong! Mar, honey, right now in this moment, do you want to do what it TAKES to move forward?"

Her answer, each and every day, has been a whole-hearted, unequivocally "absolutely not." It really unnerved her to say this out loud, but she did (again, let's remember how HUGE this is!). I have lavished praise over her openness. We can work with the truth. Might as well just say it, and she did (huge, huge, HUGE!).

Yet, to open up brings BIG feelings to the surface, which in turn brings BIG acting out behaviors. She has taken the permission I give her to punish me for correcting her, AND punishes me a little extra. YET, when she does something, and I smile and ask, "What's up, Mar?", she will actually say:

"I was mad about you not letting me play with toys in the shower yesterday, so I wasted a lot of time in the bathroom this time, instead of starting my chores."

"I wanted you to think I was doing something nice, but when I was playing with your hair I hurt you on purpose."

"I wet my bed on purpose to waste your water and make the house stink."

"I cheated off Mac's paper, so I could finish school faster."

"When I told you my throat was a little sore, I was mad you didn't make a really big deal about it. So, when it got worse, I didn't tell you on purpose. Then I couldn't sleep during the night, and made a big deal out of it this morning in front of everyone, to make you look like a bad mom."

"I only put a tiny bit of honey on my toast so I would have to keep coming back in the kitchen over and over, because you and dad were talking, and I wanted to listen in."

"I scratched my stomach a lot to make it all itchy, so you would feel sorry for me."

"I did a few of the math problems wrong on purpose, because Presh is getting a lot of attention, and I wanted you to have to come over and help me."

"When you went to the store, I broke a house rule on purpose (a biggie) in front of dad, to see if he gives as bad of consequences as you. He usually gives little ones and you give big ones." (figuring out what she can "get away" with, with each adult)




IS there a "This Is Huge" dance? Because, if not, we need to make one up.

Still.

Look at that list. Things are not easy around here. Remember, I never tell you everything. It is a big, fat pain. My brain hurts.

And, yet, it's HUGE!

And I'm very, very emotionally drained.


(photo by Richard Sweet)

The BEST cereal ... for real

Take one recipe for "Lazy Granola."

Instead of using 7 cups of just granola, mix and match pretty much ANYTHING (Rice Chex, Cheerios, wheat germ, lecithin - WHATEVER!). Basically, you can use up the last little bit in the bottom of those cereal boxes until you reach 7 cups of some sort of whole grain goodness.

Finish making the recipe as described (see link above for that). You can use a full cup of honey and scratch the brown sugar. I'm just saying.

Then practice saying, "OH DEAR GOD, THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOD!" Do NOT start eating until you are prepared to say this phrase approximately 400 times in succession.

NOTE: It is not against the law to eat it all up while it is still burning hot, instead of letting it sit all day or all night in the oven. I do not, however, accept any responsibility for serious injury to any of my readers.




(photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert)
WFMW

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo by Peter Hessel - click here to view photo in full size)

Creative license over your food

As the one-year mark approaches since my Haitian Sensations joined our family, there has been some marked progress in certain areas. One biggie: food.

I have been serving cafeteria style for almost 11 months. There are a gazillion reasons, but the two most significant are 1) it reminds my children I am in control of their well-being and can be trusted, and 2) it keeps them from making themselves sick via overeating (a common behavior when you have lived in poverty).

Over the last 2-3 months, my two newest children have allowed themselves to self regulate their eating, and they are trusting me more and more with their nutrition. We can actually do buffets now WITHOUT spending the first five minutes reminding everyone about portion control and leaving food for the other patrons in the restaurant, etc. This means I can also do this at home, too. FUN!

That leads me to lunch. We just had the most delicious spread. It was so simple and SO healthy. Everyone got to build their own lettuce wrap. On my table was:

Romaine lettuce leaves
Tuna (mixed with some mushed up tofu, salt and pepper - so my egg-challenged child could eat some!)
Deli meat
Corn (drained and heated)
Shredded carrot
Spinach leaves
White Rice Vinegar
Soy Sauce
Peanut Sauce

I'm a huge fan of lettuce wraps in restaurants. I can't remember where I found the Peanut Sauce recipe, but it's SO simple, and SO yum.

Peanut Sauce

2 TB peanut butter
2 TB soy sauce
2 cloves minced garlic (which means I put in FOUR!)
1/4 c water
splash of lemon or lime juice

Put it all in a saucepan and heat/stir til smooth.

The combinations and concoctions they produced were ... well, some of them were terribly disturbing. Yet, my only rule was "eat what you take." And they did.

I have never tried lettuce wraps before, because my kids flip-flop on salad all the time. Yet, my child who never, ever touches salad just whoofed down a giant Romaine lettuce leaf, filled with who-the-heck-knows-what. Every single one of them were raving about this "cool" lunch.

Go figure.

When children have panic attacks

Ah, neurological disorders ...

how they flip and flop ...

how they overlap one another ...

how they develop artists and writers and feed creativity ...

how they slurp.

Mac still deals with tics from her Tourettes (some days nothing - other days much). She also has lots of other little "things" which like to screw with her day. If you remember, she had what we KNEW was a panic attack several months ago. Yet, the other night, we were finally able to recognize how she truly does have a panic disorder, and how we blame certain episodes on her "stomach" (acid reflux), when in reality she has recurring panic attacks at different levels. As always, the more I learn about her, the more I learn about myself as I reflect on my own issues over the years.

It was easy to nail the one "major" one - she was able to verbalize how she truly thought she was going to die. I always assumed this was the big symptom of a PA (is that the nickname, cause every neurological disorder has to have one?). Yet, on Wednesday night as she called from her friend's house, unable to stay for the sleepover ... as she came into the house and began crying, stating she thought she was going to throw up ... as she begged me to open the windows (it was COLD and she was in spaghetti straps and shorts) ... as she shook uncontrollably ... it all came together for me.

Her stomach doesn't trigger these reactions. Her anxiety triggers all of it, including the acid reflux. Occasionally she might throw up, but rarely. Typically she just hugs the toilet, shakes, sweats (no fever) ... and it subsides within the hour. Like a stomach virus without the virus.

So, we spent all day yesterday practicing belly breathing, imagery, copying relaxation exercises onto her mp3, and reviewing lots of little tricks to curb panic attacks (ie: when you find yourself in an attack and you are focusing on the symptoms, shift your brain to a math problem - like counting backwards by 7's, starting at 100).

She went back to her friend's house and tried it again last night. No phone call at 9:00 pm. She made it! Said her stomach got kinda' bad at one point, but she just needed to burp. :)

I'm a great mom, but a bad friend

Poor Summer, is sitting at home fretting over that inevitable balance every mother faces ... allowing our children freedom yet simultaneously balancing it with safety.

And what do I do? Do I stop and compose a very compassionate and encouraging comment? Do I stop by her house and give her a reassuring hug?

No. I jump all over the TED video she linked to and realize my kids have not done anything dangerous this week! I gather them all by the garage, throw down an old waffle iron, microphone, miniature sewing machine, tools and (of course) vanilla wafers. Told them to have fun, and let me know if they're bleeding or if bone is showing.

Sorry, Summer. I'm a sucky friend. Although, my kids are giving me the "Mom of the Day" award in their minds. I wouldn't suggest letting your five-year-old ride his bike out of sight, but obviously I'm all for handing them appliances and wire cutters!

Learning lessons through weeds

I love weeds. Didn't used to, but now they are my friend.

You see, weeds provide a wonderful learning experience for children. When you are looking for a very practical way to provide a consequence, which doesn't consequence YOU ... pulling weeds fits the bill. You can actually leave a child to it, walk away, and when you return you can KNOW if they truly did the work. The weeds are either there or they're not. Easy peasy.

Yes, yes, some of our more hurting kids (ie: my blessings with reactive attachment disorder) may very well pull up the grass too. That's okay. Make sure it's a place where it doesn't really matter (my fence line, where there are TONS of weeds and very little grass ... not a big deal if it gets scalped).

Pulling weeds is a great way to earn some money to pay for things that are damaged or stolen. It's a great way to give back to mom and dad when you have been very disrespectful. When the job is done, I can walk out and thank my child, sincerely, because my workload has been decreased. It is a gift to me.

There is a beautiful object lesson. Weeds overtake grass and hog all the good that grass needs to grow - sunlight and water. Growing weeds is easy (hurting others and listening to/reacting on hurting beliefs inside is EASY). Maintaining grass or a garden is hard work (turning hurting beliefs into healing beliefs is HARD!). Yet, when that grass or those flowers begin to flourish ... my, oh my, we can certainly see how the work is worth the effort.


(photo by Sky 24)
WFMW
reactive attachment disorder

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

Who says you have to actually make milk to breastfeed?!?

(photo by an anonymous reader)

Has anyone seen Monday?

MAN, I rocked it today.

*Stretched leftovers from church breakfast so I didn't have to cook this morning.
*Cleaned the hall closet (short sentence - four hour process).
*Walked some of the kids through therapeutic processes about four or five times.
*Barked at husband from middle of hall closet mess, giving instructions on how to stretch restaurant leftovers into a soft taco lunch for seven - I never had to get up.
*Helped line-up some more work for Mar to pay off some of the money she owes for damaged property. Twelve more dollars down - yea, Mar Mar!
*Received some free salmon steaks from my wonderful friend, K. Returned the favor by sending her husband home later with furniture we can't use. Not a bad deal!
*Picked up some karaoke CD's for the karaoke machine my mom gave us.
*Bought the kids 1/2 price Sonic slushies to reward ourselves for beautifully organized hall closet.
*Immediately regretted buying the High School Musical 2 karaoke CD once the girls got their hands on it.
*Husband, me and one of the kids stood in line separately at McDonald's so we could utilize three of the coupons we bought from the Boy Scouts (only one coupon per customer per visit - ha!). McDonald's = bad, yes ... but coupons = GOOD!
*Sang Screamed 80's karaoke with my husband for about an hour. Our greatest performance, hands down, was "Pour Some Sugar On Me."
*Lost my voice.
*Ran the kids through the shower.
*Put kids to bed.
*Bumped some uglies.
*It's 10:22 pm, and I just realized I never blogged today. Whoops.

Tomorrow is therapy. The whole family is going again. I think it will go much better this week. We have been talking and preparing, and "practicing" talking about feelings. After our session, we'll get to eat somewhere fun (thanks to the infamous Dottie for keeping Michael and I on track, even when we eat out!), then we are purchasing adoption rings for Rocky and Mar. They will receive them in a month when we file to adopt and have a ceremony/celebration. Hoping to maybe, MAYBE, work in a quick visit with our old friend, Brad.

If you don't read Brenda, and you are parenting a tramautized child, please check out today's post. The pictures she has posted are always at the forefront of my mind. I felt like I understood my children so much better when I could truly grasp the effects of their histories. Thankfully, I'm behind. Just noticed she posted again, with links to some free online courses!

My friend, Keith, sent me this article. Chew, chew, chew.

And don't forget to go to bed.

And don't forget that you should never start a sentence with "and" and that you should avoid using "that" when it is not necessary.

Just MAKE your child misbehave

Did you know you cannot make your child behave?

They have complete control over their choices. They also have complete control over what goes into and comes out of their bodies, but that's another post for another day.

Today my RADling (reactive attachment disorder) acted on her fear of us giving her away. We discussed the feelings and explained the consequences of her actions. Of course, she was TICKED about the consequence. She did what I asked of her ... then skipped on down the hall ... at which point I had one of those motherly gut feelings.

Sure enough, she had headed into another room and deliberately broke another rule (one that would "punish" me for providing an "effect" to her "cause"). Sooooo, we addressed this new little (really not fun) thing she had done.

I remembered the therapist really emphasizing how we need to be preparing and prescribing the kids' behaviors until we get past April (when we file that the kids have been "abandoned" for a year and we want to finalize the adoption). The kids just can't NOT act out during this time. They are on high alert. There are too many unknowns, and they are terrified something will go wrong.

So ... what to do? What to do?

"Mar, I'm guessing you are sitting here scrubbing away while trying to come up with a way to pay me back for THIS consequence."

She smiled.

"Okay. Why don't you?"

"Why don't I WHAT?"

"Pay me back. Punish me. You think of something really mean you want to do, and we'll talk about it. If it's reasonable, I will give you permission to do it and you will not receive any consequences."

She chose to write down some really, really mean things about me. She watched and listened as I read them. She also wants my husband to read them when he gets home.

Before she left the room, she thanked me. I told her I would try to do this more often. As she gets stronger and feels safer, she can decline to hurt me on purpose with permission (say that three times fast). She has so much to change, I think it will help to NOT have to stop hurting me when I correct her. Too much on her plate right now to give it all up.

Well, and heck, if she's going to do it anyway ...




reactive attachment disorder

Lie to Me

Thanks to Cate and Sean, I am now completely and utterly hooked on "Lie to Me."

Of course, as a parent to children who have survived through deception (ie: reactive attachment disorder), I have an extra-special interest. Their nonverbal cues to lying are rarely subtle. Yet, without therapy and unconditional love, they would just continue to hone those negative skills throughout life.

Mar has no idea how utterly obvious she is. When she is stating truth, she cannot look at me. Her eyes bounce. It is too uncomfortable. Lies, however, start with her eyes looking down and side to side (thinking of what to say). She then shoots her eyes straight up, making solid and penetrating eye contact, and the lie is stated sternly, flatly and with unwavering eye contact. Rocky KNOWS he has an animated face. He knows his gestures are always exaggerated. So, he typically increases his breathing, and scrunches up his face, licks his lips or moves his head a lot. It is too tough for him to mask his deception, so he just tries to hide it by distracting you with other movements.

Of course, I wouldn't dare clue them in on how we can read them so well. They despise it when they lay out a big one and we start to smile. They are wondering how we have this magical power. :)

This show has really heightened my awareness of ALL their nonverbal communication. For entertainment value alone, Lie to Me is a great way to veg. Just plain fascinating.

Picture, if you will ...

You unlock this door with the key of therapeutic parenting. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of fear. A dimension of trauma. A dimension of dysfunction. You're moving in a land of both shadow and substance, of pain and possibility.

You've just crossed over into, The Attachment Zone.

Yesterday was the very first time my husband could go with us to attachment therapy (reactive attachment disorder). Actually, the entire family went. My two children with attachment challenges do not handle change well ... at all. We had just returned from vacation. Their dad was sitting on the therapist's sofa with me. OH, and it was also a big anniversary for the kids (and not a good anniversary - just a reminder of their very painful past).

Rocky couldn't even get into his session. He was a mess.

I'll give you three guesses as to whether or not we are dealing with extreme regression and acting out.

Hey! Good guess!

One of our kids has wracked up a hefty bill they must now pay-off. It is discouraging when you do your best to prepare them for the behaviors they will be tempted to ... exhibit. You talk openly about their need to control, hurt and destroy. You cannot dissolve the feelings, but you pray for their hearts and minds - pray they will use their "plan" and think before acting. Then, you walk in to find the destroyed furniture or the deliberate disobedience or omission. It is deflating.

Yet, I had to look at my kids today and let them know I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what it is like to be them. I cannot say I understand. I. do. not. understand. I do everything in my power to be understandING. Yet, I was cuddled. I was fed. I was clothed. I was never beaten. I was never treated as less than human. I never doubted forever. I was prepared for any move I ever made. I certainly came nowhere close to moving 11 times in five years. I have no idea how scary this is for them.

I don't know. By the way they act, I do not think I have any life experience with which to compare. They face a fear everyday which pales my worst days.

We do all have one thing in common. It is a Twilight Zone for all of us. None of us have ever done this before! We have never had a child terrified to say, "I love you, Mom, and I know you love me." They have never had someone upon which they can rely ... like REALLY and forever. It's all new ground for us. It is difficult and it is scary. It is exhausting.

I can get a burger and fries in under three minutes. My 2009 brain would love it if healing came at a fast food pace. Wouldn't that be super? Sure does screw with your patience, though. We have been manipulated into thinking there is a quick fix for everything. We're just all sitting around and reminding ourselves how today is just one small chip from the big mountain ... one more notch on the chart ... one more positive in the negatives ... one step closer toward one another.

And my, oh my, is the day dragging ...

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo taken in Ethiopia by Steve)

Christine Did Dallas

Seven people.

One minivan.

Reactive attachment disorder.

Time for a vacation from our vacation.

Actually, it was a great break, in the midst of some horrible moments.

Mac did not have an emotional meltdown until we had almost arrived in Dallas. Five hours in the car with siblings and constant videos is not so good for the Tourettes. Took her awhile to regroup at the restaurant.

Rocky spent Monday morning working off some very disrespectful behavior from the weekend. Our former church enjoyed his weed-pulling skills. He worked super hard on being responsible, respectful and fun-to-be-around the remainder of the week. We had a few times of correction, but ... well, he's TWELVE! So cool how this can be the case now.

Mar spent 8am - 5pm at a dayschool program. She had some very bad evenings. Very controlling. Wanting to pay us back for her choice to miss out on fun vacation stuff. We had a plan in place so she could earn back a full day of activities. She blew it. Made us all very sad. Following through sucks, especially when the consequence lands in the middle of them making better decisions.

Presh only got in trouble about ten times each day. That is really good for her.

Both of my chocolate girls received compliments on their hair all week from BLACK WOMEN!!! BOO-YAH!!!!!!

Andy-Roons was his typical blend of sweetness and whining. The hours of recapping every single detail of the science museum made me want to kill myself, but he is insanely analytical. It's how he rolls.

I was able to spend the better part of one day with Amy and Leslie. This was, by far, my favorite part. It is amazing how therapeutic it is to just be in the presence of other moms sharing your heart and passions ... even in the midst of the craziness. I have wanted to carry Leslie around in my purse for many moons now, so I can pull her out when I need to vent or laugh. Amy - well, I hate to out her, but she REALLY IS just as amazing and gorgeous in person. She also made us cookies and brownies. She owns me.

There were about 4,000 friends I was unable to see. Hate that. Oh well. I'll be back.

The zoo brought us up-close experiences of mating monkeys and an elephant taking the biggest whiz in the history of elephant whizzes. Very educational.

Had some very good discussions over negative behaviors. The most popular across the board was how children want to punish their parents for dishing out consequences or correcting them. Yet, parents who are well-prepared and full of crazy love will make sure it is impossible for you to punish them; instead punishing yourself more. A vote was taken, and my children agree they would like parents with less intelligence.

Mar and I have been working through her lack of cause-and-effect thinking. I explained what it means, and we threw out a few scenarios. We worked through the various outcomes based on her choice in the middle of very big feelings. She wants the good outcomes, but struggles with her tried and true habit of acting on her impulses immediately. She has worked her emotional butt off for the past two days. Every few hours we discuss the times she has WANTED to act differently and how she actually stopped and thought it through.

Today I reminded her how you cannot live like this for nine years and just change it all overnight. It will take lots and lots and lots of practice. She will mess up again. Yet, at the same time, she can keep moving forward. You can see it in her eyes. She wants to be a normal kid. She really does. Yet, behaving based on feelings is all she has ever known. Working on the behaviors while still having the feelings - tough!

Before I close, I would just like to say hello to my most faithful reader - Melvin. I'm assuming Jack really did spit in your coffee this morning. He promised he would! I miss you crazy, old coots!



(photo by Dan Freeman)

I can't hear you. I have a tissue on my head.

Tonight I walked into the kitchen with a tissue stuck to my head.

The kids were having smores (ahhh ... life at your grandparents' house!). They all started squawking and pointing, "Mom! You have something on your head!"

Totally deadpan I said, "No I don't."

The banter continued, however, I did not laugh or crack a smile. Just kept up the lie.

Finally, I said, "How did you know?"

The kids cried, "It was SO OBVIOUS!"

"Really? You mean I could keep lying and lying and lying and acting very serious, but it didn't make you believe me? REALLY?"

Ah, the looks on the faces of my attachment challenged kids (reactive attachment disorder) as it sunk in a tidbit ... priceless.




(photo by David Lat)
WFMW

A little something for my Texas Baptist friends

When your parents work for the Baptist General Convention of Texas, and you spend your vacation at their house, part of thanking them requires spending hours at "The Building" while they drag the grandkids around to every nook and cranny.

This will mean so very little to all but a few of you. Sorry. Yet, for those of you who are a part of the monstrosity that are Texas Baptists, you will enjoy the chuckle.

Years ago, Dickie Dunn was my daughter's Sunday School teacher. She looooves the Dunn's. So, we had been wondering all morning if we'd run into the infamous Dickie. We had been talking about him all morning.

As we sat downstairs, moaning over the yogurt machine being closed down at 2:00 pm (when we thought we had til 3:00 pm), I saw my old friend, Chris Liebrum, come around the corner. Of course, instead of yelling his name, I had Dickie on the brain and blurted out, "Dickie Dunn!"

For all the Texas Baptists out there ... who deserves the bigger apology? Dickie or Chris?

Discuss amongst yourselves. heh. heh.

My husband almost kissed another woman

Mar is enjoying her vacation days at a day care/school program. It is not a therapeutic respite program (tailored to reactive attachment disorder), but our therapist suggested we go ahead and utilize this type of option (seeing how we could find absolutely nothing else). We knew this would mean lots of fun times, and attempts at triangulation, but we were instructed to just downplay it each afternoon.

We went to our former church last night, which we KNEW would be stressful for our Rocky and Mar. The Rockster fared very well (even spent the whole night with the student ministry). Mar ... hmmmm ... not so much. It was VERY therapeutic for her. Tons and tons and tons of people walking up to her Mom and Dad, hugging them, saying how much we all miss one another. It was a natural part of what old friends do. However, it was a hefty dose of emotional medicine for her, and she refused to choke it down.

There was a pretend crying/pouting fit, as she tried to convince two of her Dad's best friends he was too harsh and controlling. There was a moment in the choir room where we surprised everyone, and she attempted to push past us and start taking bows. There was a constant state of trying to get the attention of anyone who might pass by. It was quite exhausting, and more so for her.

There were no "I love you's" at bedtime. Instead, we received some warm and cozy, "I like everyone except YOU TWO!"

All to be expected.

Then, it happened. I know my marriage is not immune from it, by I just wasn't sure WHEN my husband might sucome to temptation.

He took her to her school program this morning. The director let him know (in front of Mar) she was dominating the teacher's time so much the day before she had to come to the office to receive extra help. My husband explained to the director how we purposefully sent her with review work so absolutely nothing would be new or challenging for her. It was glorified busy work. To which the director turned to our daughter and said ...

"Maaaaar. I'm sure you get bored at times because you are the oldest this week. You can come to the office and be a helper - AFTER you have completed everything your Mom and Dad have sent with you."

My husband's mouth began to water. He wanted to so badly - to just kiss her right on the mouth.

"Ms. S, this is a battle we fight at home all the time. She pretends to not know how to do things. It seems it has been working for her here. I think what you are seeing, honey, is how your teachers and Ms. S. are all on the same team - the same team as your Mom and I."

"Mar, we like honesty here at out school."

And ushered her on to class.

I am happy Michael did not follow through on this three-second affair. I am proud he could feel the temptation, yet stay faithful.

Honestly, I would have grabbed that chic by the ears and smooched her long and hard.



(photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert)

Works For Me - "All Stars"

This week I am posting my most popular "Works for Me Wednesday" posts.

So, here you go! These are two weeks still receiving the most search hits:


Homemade Laundry Detergent and Fabric Softener

Wanna' Know What I Do With My Pits?


Armpits and smelly laundry. Yup. That's about right.

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo by Tom)

Food allergies can't catch a break

I realized that Presh's food allergies rarely get a shout out on here. Poor, poor food allergies.

As I was sitting in church on Sunday, after having listened to her breakdown of how our crunching on the wafers during communion is like the crunching of Jesus' bones on the cross ... we all popped in our wafers. I noticed they looked a bit different. Dang they were good. I mean - DANG! They were not those little pieces of white cardboard we normally have. These were a tiny bit chewy, bigger and with a hint of sweetness! CRAZY! As I was crunching away on the bones of my Savior, I was thinking, "YUM DIDDLY!"

That's when it hit me. These are new. Would there ever be a recipe for unleavened bread with eggs in them? What about the sweetness? Maybe it was a glaze? Would she throw up her entire morning of everything before or after the congregation had cleared the sanctuary?

FYI: new yummy wafers used at the First Baptist Church do not contain eggs or nuts.

We went to a salad buffet last night. The staff said there were no eggs in the gingerbread. Yet, still, you just never know. We have learned that not every waiter or waitress knows, cares or understands what we mean when we say, "She cannot have any eggs or nuts!" Can't tell you how many people say things like, "Well, I know she can't have EGGS, but eggs are just one of the ingredients in those cookies. She can have it like that, right?"

So, she ended up camped on the toilet later last night with some very loose bowelage. It was quick and crazy ... then gone. We were actually a little bit thrilled. Perhaps this strict avoidance is lessening the effects. Perhaps she really will outgrow this if we keep with the plan. Normally her stomach ejects everything within an hour. Digestion has not been an option. This made its way into her system and came out in a better (although, not ideal) fashion.

I have no idea why I posted this. I guess I just wanted to let you all know we still deal with the food allergy monster. It is so routine, I still forget I'm even thinking about it on a regular basis.

It seems to have moved south. We'll see where it goes from here.