Obama: The Historic Journey

Thanks to Mom Central and The New York Times, my family was able to preview a free copy of "Obama: The Historic Journey - Young Reader's Edition."

This is a beautiful book celebrating our first African American President. My kids flipped when it arrived in the mail. Having three children of African decent, and two with very unusual names, the title of the first chapter made a very strong impression on them: "A Skinny Kid With a Funny Name."

You can purchase the Adult Edition of "Obama: The Historic Journey," as well, but this edition is designed for students age 9-12 (notice how I call them "students," knowing I'll get an eye roll if use the term "children" or "kids"). There are a few things which really stand out to me about this book.

The writing and photographs reflect the long-established quality of The New York Times. There are some unique moments captured in the pages, such as a picture of the "Biden announcement" which was first delivered via text message, the new president stopping at a roadside diner for some chili, and a snapshot of 11-year-old Barack with his biological father.

What really surprised me about this book was how it did not shy away from the realities of the election. There are honest accounts of attack ads, the controversial relationship with the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., and the death of President Obama's grandmother the day before his election. I want my children to learn through the good and the bad, the political and the day-to-day. This is not your typical feel-good book for tweens. It exposes them to the realities of our election process, as well as the individual circumstances surrounding the Obama's.

Of course, there is just enough fluff to help us remember President Obama is a real person. My two lefties were thrilled to discover he is left-handed, and I am equally delighted to know he is a Bob Dylan fan.

For our family, however, we are obviously touched deeply to see people of color on page and page after page. It is a first, seeing our President's family photo from childhood being so reflective of our own transracial family.

Another big "thank you" to Mom Central. We would like to purchase more copies of "Obama: The Historic Journey," so each of our children can have their own copy. It is a BEAUTIFUL book, capturing history in wonderful detail. Check it out.

Some weekend relief

Feel free to use my comments section to rip all over this one:



Also, if you don't keep up with Lori and Licia in Haiti, you need to check out this video. Seriously, you will smile and chuckle while crying. If you can get past the 2:01 point without being touched deeply, then you are dead inside.

I'm just saying.

Soothe your bug bites with weeds

Here is a little something new I have learned recently. It's a very practical way to use a common weed and soothe an itchy bug bite.

Find yourself some plantain. We are very fortunate, as our yard is FULL of plantain.



You can chew it up or just rub it between your hands to muck it up really good. Then just rub it on a bug bite. It gives you some temporary relief.

An easy way to identify plantain weeds is via the five parallel veins on their leaves. If you are not in a fit of desperation, you can pull it up from the roots and get some weeding done at the same time. I wouldn't suggest chewing it up, if you use chemicals on your lawn. Of course, if you do, you're probably not one for rubbing weeds on your bug bites, either!

Over-and-out from your favorite pseudo-crunchy gal.




insect bites
mosquito bites
black flies

Don't hate me because my kids are older

I know what it's like to be sitting there with the 3 and 2 year olds ... reading blogs about hiking and science experiments and art projects ... and you look back to see the 2-year-old sticking their hand in their diaper so they can taste their poo. You don't think your life will ever be full of these kinds of things.

I've sooooo been there. Please trust me, however. The day really will come when you can go to the hardware store, buy a couple of switches and a soldering iron, and watch your kids create their own connections to power lights and motors.



You really will be able to hand your 11-year-old a wood burner, some goggles, and tell her to put everything up when she's done so she can play in the sprinkler some more.



I promise you. Right now it seems eons away. It's coming. When it gets here, you'll find yourself freaking out that drivers' licenses and graduations are looming. For all the wishing they'd hit a new phase, you'll be wishing you could slam on the brakes.

In the meantime, I won't lie to you. This part is really, really cool!

(sidebar: I do not allow the six year old anywhere near the soldering iron/wood burner - just giving her free reign with the hose today; Mar took her turn with the wood burner, made something really pretty and did NOT burn anything inappropriate - yea!; Rocky was finally able to perfect burning things with his magnifying glass, and did in fact wonder what would happen if he did the same thing to his finger, and YES he did attempt such a hair brained idea, and NO I do not think he'll be doing that again, ever)

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo by Luciana Lobo)

I am a freak show

Soooooo, apparently there is a large population of buffalo gnats (a.k.a.: black flies) near our local river. I just happened to take the kids to the park near the river three days in a row. Everyone got a variety of bug bites and such over this time frame. Yet, it appears one of us is highly allergic to these psycho gnat fly thingies.

And yes, that person would be me.

Giant, knotty, itchy welps upon my body. Just five total. Five of the most nasty, painful, fever-filled, if-you-don't-scratch-them-you-will-have-to-drink-poison kind of bites. They mocked the Benadryl. They scoffed at the Sarna lotion. Hydrocortisone? Ha! Might as well be slathering on some cheap lotion.

Woke up in the middle of the night a few days ago to discover I had been scratching incessantly in my sleep, and the giant mountain on the side of my head had swollen my ear shut.

Yes, I have considered charging admission. I'm telling ya' - FREAK SHOW!

I did survive the craziness without a trip to the doctor threatening begging for steroids. I'm just really tough that way (well, and maybe it had a little to do with the holiday weekend ... maybe).

I was so miserable I did not think to take pictures for my blog. You KNOW I'm sick if such an opportunity passes me by. I currently have a canker sore in my mouth. If I get desperate for material, perhaps I'll appease you with a little oral macabre.

Whoo! Hoo! Score 25 vocabulary points for using such a big-girl word!

Did the earth just move?

Child #1: "Where are you going?"

Child #2: "To the living room."

Child #1: "Well, why don't you just ask mom? She's right in there!"

Child #2: "Because she's in the bathroom. I'll ask dad or wait until she's done."



Dear God. I never thought I'd never see the day.

I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!

It looks a little something like this:

While our oldest is truly healing, he still has (and may forever have) problems with trust and control. We have spent intensive amounts of time with him in the previous year and are better able to evaluate his actions (well, outside of anything brought on by puberty, because those things make NO sense!). At this point, we slowly work on little behaviors as they arise, to get to the heart of them and help him learn to release control and trust.

There was one particular thing we have wondered about for a very long time. While interacting with him, and just being family together, my husband and I realized this truly was something he was using to manipulate. So, we sat him down, explained our thoughts on what he was doing, and implemented a new restitution for each time we see this behavior in the future.

Lots of big words to say, he HATES losing one single second of computer time or one single dime of allowance.

And this particular behavior thing? Gone.

One solid week now.

Not one single time.

We really doubted ourselves for a long time on this, and it was just one of those battles which was not worth fighting. It was better to wait until we had Mar more regulated.

So what's the problem?

I so badly want to walk in and say, "I KNEW it! You've been using this for a YEAR against us. I've actually felt sorry for you at times because I thought you had no control. We have actually ENABLED you at times with this!" and on and on and on and on. I so badly want to make him say out loud that yes, in fact, this was a form of manipulation and control all along.

But he already has.

He has told us very clearly by stopping and being in control of his good choices.

And deep down inside of me (the very dark, controlling selfish Mommy) feels like she has to hear the words. She has to say more words to make HER feel better.

So, I'm writing this to put it out there. This will help me stay accountable to knowing there is NO NEED to say anything else. It is done. He is showing restraint and control. He is admitting his offense by stopping it. This is a very, very, very big deal and very strong on his part.

This is not about me.

I need to just shut my big yapper.

I am the boss of way

I have a crush ...

on a five year old.

Summer's oldest, Evan, is just one of the sweetest, yummiest kids on the planet. I am crazy about him because he is freakishly articulate, which makes you want to kiss him, but if you dare tried he'd HATE it. He is independent and creative and prophetic, in ways that only a five year old can be.

Today, as we're walking through the park and coming to a crossroads, he realized the Mommies were going to want to go left ... which automatically makes any child want to go right.

"Which way will we go?" he asked. He, of course, did not dare make eye contact with us. He already knew the plan. He had to find a way to shift said plan. This is when he made the most beautiful statement I've heard in a long time. So true. So painfully true as to how we all feel in life ... how we want things to play out.

"I am the boss of way."

Oh MAN, do I so want to be the boss of way. I get you, Evan. I soooo get you.


(video stolen from Summer at Wired for Noise - seriously, this kid is so friggin yum)

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

"Hey you! That's my boobie!"

(photo by Sarah)

Ka-pow!

* Michael thought he had a stress fracture on his foot. Thankfully, it was not. Although, I would have rather enjoyed all of the many, many, MANY ways to harass him while wearing one of those big boot things. Instead, he just has some super great prescription pain meds. He was cracking me up yesterday. Funny how a 41 year old man has no idea the amount of little aches and pains in his body until he is completely pain free. He was flapping around, "My arm doesn't hurt!" If you see a windmill walking the streets, it's just my husband sans the discomfort of his rotator cuff.

* My kids have been playing out "Survivor" with their Webkinz. There are little challenges and Tribal Council and Immunity Idols - all made out of cardboard from the recycling pile. So, today I called in the Moers Tribe for a challenge. They took a moment to strategize. Then all five took turns running into the kitchen, washing one item in the sink, rinsing, drying and putting it away properly. They had five minutes. I had the Survivor theme song playing. I am a genius. If you ever forget this, just ask me and I will remind you.

* I listened in on the Webinar with Katharine Leslie (Parenting in the Trenches). Good stuff. I was able to pull a few new ideas for the 'ole therapeutic parenting toolbox. It's also just wonderful to hear yet another person confirming you as a mom, and to be reminded of how our children are not evil ... their brains have been damaged. You know it. We all know it. Yet, we FORGET we know it.

* Rocky has been on a lying/controlling binge lately. It probably has a lot to do with him graduating therapy. That's a wonderful and highly stressful event. Then again, it could simply be because the wind started blowing in a different direction. Transitions of any kind kick his butt. Have had to take a step back and ... well, just back off on some things. Boy, do we momma's like to be in control. We fear we don't have it and we bow up and get all "Oh now you didn't!" I'm also a genius at doing this. Please feel free to NOT remind me.

* I've read two things semi-recently that give me chuckles. First is The Living Word Became Flesh and Walked into a Coctail Party. Baptism celebrated with some martinis. I love that story. The second little diddy which continues to make me smile is a story from my old friend, Dave. I've never, ever linked to him, and the first time I do involves a story where he loses his pants. I'm guessing this does not thrill him. Don't care. It's beautiful ... and painfully similar to how my own life and brain function.

* I spill coffee on a daily basis. I am ALWAYS spilling my coffee. This is not an exaggeration. My new thing is choking on my coffee. Yes, the main reason these things are happening is because my main fluid intake all day IS coffee. I know this is bad for me. It's my one last, very unhealthy indulgence. It's that or alcoholism. Don't even THINK about suggesting I give it up. I'd much rather wear only brown for the rest of my life ... or at least until the kids graduate.

* PMS and RAD and ... well, FIVE KIDS do not mix. They are toxic. Just saying.

Turning a corner

I have not wanted to blog much in the last two weeks about Mar Mar. My main reasoning is because we are seeing some improvements. Just typing this right now means we will probably have a really sucky day in the near future. So, I'll type in a whisper ... shhhhhhhh.

She still wakes up every single day and wants to control. She has moments when she insists on having the attention of everyone in the room. She still wants to pick fights with us (but this is down to about once daily, on average).

She has turned a corner. We have not had to restrain her in two weeks. We are "reading" her much better and able to help redirect her before she escalates. It is still very, very exhausting, but we are offering her many more opportunities to succeed instead of fail, and she is actually choosing these options more and more.

We have made some pretty startling discoveries. The amount of things she uses to manipulate are indescribable. I can't go into details, but there have been massive revelations on our part recenlty, as well as our therapist. Granted, this is good, and it helps us help her. Still ... makes your head spin. You've been surprised over the amount of manipulation for months and months and months ... then you peel back another layer to realize there is even more. It's tough, but you just look at it. You stare it down, and then say, "Okay, so let's move forward."

Mar loves us. She really does. She feels close to us, which is why she still has to push away in little ways ... all. the. time. And yet we are now at the crossroads where a few things are showing up because they are lifelong habits. We'll tackle those things slowly. We're sorting through the layers again.

Cool. We can actually sort through layers! We're not spending our days hunting her down because she ran away, or getting estimates on fixing a broken window, or holding her in a restraint while realizing we have to go pee really bad, or being called all sorts of colorful things, or, or, or ...

Now, as she starts to act angry over the tiniest of things, I can just hike my leg and say, "Mar, dear, do you have straight shot from over there?"

"What?"

"To blow some more smoke up my butt ... I want to make it easier for you."

She rolls her eyes. Everyone else giggles and makes more gaseous jokes. Pointless crisis averted.

Must go. Mar and her two sisters are going to play Barbies with the two neighbor girls right now. She has not been able to to do this in over two months! We have her oldest sister prepped and ready to police anything inappropriate and report it to me. They've been in there two whole minutes, so I'm already calling it a success!

Parenting Tip #934

When one of your kids is starting in on some major facial and vocal drama while you are trying to speak to them in normal human language ... just hold up a big mirror ... and keep on conversing. Doesn't so much work with the six and under crowd. They actually ENJOY practicing the tantrums. The older kids, though ...

well ...

You can pay me later.

Keeping summer brains active

We are officially done with grade level schoolwork ... or "organized school" or ... heck, whatever you would call it around here. The kids have slowly been finishing up things and now you can stick a fork in us.

It's summer time, but in a house full of special needs and issues it cannot mean a free-for-all. So, here is our summer day:

8:00 wake up kids and breakfast time

8:30 Do strong sitting, Learning Breakthrough and jumps on the mini-tramp (if you haven't already)

Then complete a daily brain teaser or puzzle of some sort (my favorite sites right now are Griddlers, Brain Teasers and Brain Boosters).

You can do your chores in the morning. If not, you have to start right after lunch (which is right around noon).

Summer time "regulars" for us are:

* pretend play with Webkinz, and their homemade Webkinz village (which now has lighting, thanks to all the kids learned from their TOPS lab book on electricity)
* water hoses, sprinkler, water balloons (and, of course, trips to the pool)
* fire in the fire pit when it's not 400 degrees outside
* riding bikes and scooters
* board games for those 400 degree days
* now that the kids are older, I create my own summer reading program (and the prizes always include a trip or two to Dairy Queen)
* trips to the library are always popular
* playing in our box of sand (this year I'm adding a giant tub of dry beans and making a fresh bucket of dry rice, for indoor play)
* aluminum foil! Just hand them all a big piece and give them 15 minutes to make something - their creations always make me chuckle
* give them brushes and cheap watercolors and allow them to paint just about anything outside ... the sidewalk, the car, the fence, the windows, etc. It washes away with the next rain
* super hot days also call for building indoor tents and forts - it's a MUST!

9:00 pm is still bedtime. We are very strict about sleep in our house, and summer does not change this. Last night was a rare exception. Our oldest had a late ball game, and the Biggest Loser was not over until 10:00 pm. Yet, times like this are very few and far between. There are direct links between the physical, emotional and mental health of children/teenagers and the amount of sleep they get at night. Sleep is not important. It is vital.

I pay attention to ideas I can snatch from other people. It's summer, so I can walk in one day and say, "Hey! Let's do THIS!" Remember, there are no original ideas ... just stolen ones from someone else's blog!

Happy Summer, freaks.

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo from Nikki, a reader, who would love to be allowed to breastfeed her foster babies, but case workers will not allow it ... look at that extra boob sitting there doing nothing - what a WASTE!)

Happy Mother-in-Law's Day

I am a very blessed chic. We all blubber over our mothers (mine being truly exceptional), but today I wanted to take a whole post for something a little different.

I have a mother-in-law I adore.

I love how she says, "Shoot a Monkey!" when she's frustrated.

I love how she always has a pot of coffee on (and if she doesn't, you just have to LOOK like you want a cup and she'll get a pot going).

I love her homemade cinnamon rolls.

I love how I got her hooked on making her own laundry detergent, and now she's getting a bunch of her friends to do the same thing.

I love how we can talk about Weight Watcher's points AND how much we love Dairy Queen, all in the same breath.

I love how she and my father-in-law insist you call as you're getting in to town so they can be waiting outside to greet you. They also stand outside and wave, anytime you leave, until you are out of sight.

I love how she actually gets pissed off when the grandkids beat her in cards (it is FUN to watch, let me tell ya').

I love, love, love her laugh. It's the same as my husband's. It's infectious.

I love how she loves me ... even though we are so very different and sometimes I KNOW she thinks I'm completely off-my-rocker ... she loves me ... not just because I'm married to her son, but she appreciates me and accepts me and supports me and encourages me.

Happy Mother's Day, Betsy. I love being your daughter-in-law. I could tell you every day and it wouldn't be enough.

We're taking back Mother's Day

Just finished grooming.

Waiting on Leslie to pick me up.

Drove five hours last night just to spend today with her. My dream of a great Mommy Getaway.

There will be no children (outside of the homeschoolers at the Arlington Homeschool Book Monstrosity Fair).

Correction: WE will not have OUR children with us.

I will love on her and tell her what a great mom she is.

She just called to apologize because she's getting here a whole twenty minutes later than what she expected. I will thoroughly kick her butt for any apologies today. I invited myself to her party. She will relax and she will smile and she will STOP APOLOGIZING if I have to rhymes-with-witch-slap her all day long.

Gave my kids a great Mother's Day gift. I took myself out of the picture for a whole day. They need that. They also feel abandoned due to my leaving, and they will feel like testing Dad all day, but they will feel no pressure at all to prep for this whole "Mother's Day" thing that everyone else seems to enjoy.

I love them.

I miss them.

I am so glad to be their mom.

I could not be more crazy about my husband.

I am also super excited to celebrate me-me-ME today.

The End.

Parenting in the Trenches

Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc?

I see that hand, sister!

Well, there is a webinar just for you. Come on. All the cool moms are doing it (if by "cool" you mean a mom who never, ever assumes a wet puddle in her kitchen is a consumable liquid).

In this webinar Dr. Katharine P. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child’s behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met.

Was it just me, or did anyone else catch the use of the word "effective" in the above paragraph ... or the phrase "even get some of your parental needs met"??

Yeah, I'm all over this one.

Go here to join the party.

Mother's Day sucks

Mar was quite surprised at therapy yesterday when our therapist told her Sunday is Mother's Day.

You see, we haven't talked about it at all.

Kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder HATE MOTHER'S DAY! Or, as my sweetheart told us yesterday, she just doesn't want HER mother to have Mother's Day.

I love how she can actually say it out loud.

This is the first Mother's Day for her where she actually feels threatened by me. Last year, she hadn't been here quite a month. She was still honeymooning. I got a big, sloppy, "I love you, Mom!" card from her. Had to be bigger and more sparkly than all the others. It was all for show, and I knew it.

This year ... not so much.

So, we are downplaying Mother's Day. Saturday I will take off for several hours. I'm sure I will drink a lot of coffee and browse a lot of books. While I am gone, my husband will tell the kids to get crackin' if they want to make me something. No pressure. Just a suggestion. When I return home - SURPRISE! He will have them present me with their homemade cards and such, and that's that.

Mother's Day will be over before it even begins.

Sunday can just be Sunday.

Magical Milk Pic-O-The-Week

(photo by Valeria)

Hello kettle. Black pot here!

One of the most freeing things I've ever done is to admit people will always want to polarize - ideas, philosophies, beliefs, approaches, etc.

I used to want to stop it. Like ending poverty, I wanted to bring an end to polarization! I was going to sell little plastic bracelets and have a big concert tour: Polar-Aide!

Yes, hello there, kettle. I'm a big, black pot.

I watched a fascinating interview this week (although, I think it has been around for awhile). It seated together three men from three generations, all disagreeing on many points yet united in their faith. In it, Shaine Claiborne said, "How political issues are, more often than not, very ambiguous and good and honest and decent and Bible-believing people can have the same values, but they translate into the complexity of politics in different ways, even on things like gay rights and abortion and the Iraq War and all of that." He said this while sitting one chair over from Chuck Colson. There was no debate. It was conversation. It was kind and loving. It was constructive. It was magnificent.

Last night I looked over and saw a particular resource peaking out from the pile of attachment-themed books on my nightstand. There are some really great things in this book. Yet, it encourages you to throw the baby out with the bath water. It was written in direct disagreement to one particular approach to attachment disorder. It promotes division more than it unites on the areas of agreement. Last night, just being in my current state of mine, it stuck out like a sore thumb.

At the same time, I will continue to encourage parents to read this resource. It does not do any damage to the parent/child relationship, and it does have many, many good things within its pages. Although it may lead some to believe otherwise, it is a beautiful companion to the many other philosophies on attachment. Poo-poo on polarization.

There are many, many, MANY things on this earth which have no perfect solutions. Instead, we find successes in a variety of ways. Each success has consequences and complications. Heck, even our life-saving medications sometimes require more medication to counteract the side effects we experience from the life-saving meds.

I have tried to stop reacting to the areas with which I disagree ("tried" being the operative word here). I've tried even harder to listen closely to those disagreements. I'm trying to spend time learning more. Who is the author or creator of this argument? What is their history. What has shaped them? What can I learn, even in the disagreement?

Why am I noticing the damage to the kettle when my own butt is profusely charred?



(photo is a great t-shirt you can pick up from "Nipple Cripple")

Spread the love, friends!

I cannot deny there is this great big Creator of all things who loves me dearly.

Why?

First, my sweet, sweet friend, Summer, made ME brownies. You heard me right. The woman with the three kids (one being only 11 days old!!), made. me. brownies. AND I got to hold said baby while picking up the brownies tonight. Heaven, I tell you. Newborn grunts and gurgles and poops. Nummy. Summer, I know neither of us are very good at the whole girlfriend, girly thing. All I do know is that you "get" me ... and you let me hold your kid ... and you made me something chocolately. Screw shopping trips and pedicures. I like how we do it!!

Then, there is my wonderful gal pal, Leslie. Most of you know her. I "met" her a couple of years ago when I started reading her blog. Come to find out, her sister-in-law and I were suite-mates in college. We finally met in real life. We fell in love (not in the lesbian kinda' way, but in the mommy blogger kinda' way). As much as I adore her, and want to put her in my pocket and carry her around all the time, I never would have wished for her to join the RAD-a-lad-a-ding-dong Club. Yet, there ya' go. They still have some diagnosing and therapist searching to do, but the signs are there and the acting out is ...

... well, for those of you who know, get your butt over there and love on her. She is super amazing and does whatever it takes for her kids. She's already ROCKING it. Still, she needs us.

GO!