Casey Kasem's Top 40 Countdown

2009:

7 straight days of sex
2 children who are officially "attaching" and healing
1 big major move and purchase of a holy-crap-we-own-an-RV-park (yes, you are more than welcome to tweet, stumble and digg our website - no, we will not pay you)
1 wonderful town full of friends we miss greatly
5 adjusting children
2 parttime jobs for my husband
2 trailers lived in by seven people for
4 months
1 Willie
0 faucets that did not leak in our mobile home
2 dozen fresh eggs we collect from our neighbor's chickens each week
1 giant pickle jar full of raw cow's milk each week (from neighbor we've still yet to meet)
1 raccoon from cage to stew
7 week-old dreadlocks
6 moments (times infinity) I have thought, "What the hoochie-hey-diddle are we doing?"

This year's long distance dedication goes to all of the other people on the planet who, long before us, stepped out of everything comfortable and normal and safe to do exactly what you were made to do. It's crazy scary, and even harder to do when those around you raise eyebrows. Yet, now that we're on the other side of "You're doing WHAT?"

Wow.

Just ... wow.

Nighty-night, 2009.

Cutting the fat in guacamole

I have some family in right now. They have agreed (because I told them they would) to spend 86 hours with me eating entirely vegan. There are some health issues involved, and they were willing (because I told them they were) to give it a try.

Thought I would share something I tried for the first time right along with them.

When making guacamole, instead of two avocados, use one avocado and one can of green peas (drained).

Seriously. Unbelievably good while cuttin' the fat.

Oh, and while you're at it, watch "Raw for 30 Days."

Almost as amazing at the guacamole.


Almost.




(photo by Pat Herman)

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(pic by my favorite lesbatarians at Rancho Chico)

Take a peek into our past

This video was made a year ago, to share with friends and family who wanted to (or needed to) better understand our situation - those who had direct interactions with our children. Marah (her name is Marah, by the way!) has agreed this is a great time to go public with it. We sat and watched it together today, amazed at how different things are. Even in her "bad days" following this move, it was not like it used to be. Hard to explain.

Anywho, may this bring hope to many of you. "Normal," for our kids, may never look "normal" to the rest of the world. But any healing is better than the deepest hurt where they were. Any healing brings them closer to the person they were created to be.

Marah is hoping this will not just help moms, but also other kids who have experienced trauma. For the first time in her life, she feels strong enough to begin educating (meaning - she's giving away all of her secrets - and you RAD moms KNOW what a HUGE deal that is to do - holy CRAP!). She read every single comment from her last video, and allowed herself to feel a mixture of good as well as uncomfortable. She is learning that she can feel both and keep moving forward ... most of the time. :)

Happy Healing.

While other kids are watchin' TV, I'm eating a zucchini

Pulled from one of my favorite sites:, Raw for Thirty, which pulled it from another of my favorite sites, The Movement to Reverse Diabetes Naturally.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

Kurdi mother, one of the most primitive tribes of Israel, ecstatically breastfeeding her child in mountain colony outside Jerusalem. Israel, May 1960.

(photo by Paul Schutzer)

Sometimes we can make it worse

First and foremost, let me get something out of the way -

PARENTING TRAUMATIZED CHILDREN IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS ANY HUMAN CAN BE REQUIRED TO DO - EVER.

It is hard. It is hard. It is hard, and every single day you will discover that it is quite HARD!

Okay, having said all of that, let me reprint some recent things I've said in my comments (with some added thoughts, now that I have the time to do so). We were having a discussion on how I can remain calm when my kids are acting as though I am running my own little psych ward. These are things I have learned ... am still learning.



Have you read "Beyond Consequences?" It's not one of my favorite books (not necessarily because I don't like the approach, but I don't like the incessant marketing approach of Bryan Post). Anywho, it makes you stop and ask yourself, "WHY do have I have this response when my kid does X-Y-Z?" Why is it that some behaviors are just a minor bump in the road, while others turn me into a pile of goo?

One of my kids can scream that I'm a horrible mom, and I can keep my cool easily. I know I'm a great mom. I know their history. I know that is a fear response. Yet, if someone steals something as tiny as a cracker, my insides start to WIG OUT! My emotional response is off the charts.

I had to dig very deep into that. It was easy to say, "Well, of course I would freak out - I don't want my kids to become criminals!" Maybe. But for me, the deeper reason was because I was the one who felt out of control. If I cannot trust my kids to walk through a room without taking something of MINE, then I start to get palpitations. I start to overreact. So many of our kids' responses are based in fear ... ours too. I know many people who read books similar to "Beyond Consequences" and find themselves thoroughly ticked off. They immediately chunk it and say it is blaming the parents - that THEY are the problem. But see, that's not it at all.

While some parents have to hold the blame for the trauma their children experienced (I have a friend in this situation, and it is a tough road), that is not the point of those resources and this discussion. It's done. The trauma, no matter whose fault, is done. It happened. But today, at this moment, we are the parents. It is our job to provide an environment of perceived safety to our children so they can move forward and begin to heal. How I talk, how I sit or even how I breathe can help or hurt my children in those moments.

That kind of thinking and internal work has helped my calm to be genuine. However, most of my calm was NOT genuine for a very long time. The best advice I ever heard was, "When your kids are acting nuts-o, do the opposite of what you feel like doing."

That tiny little sentence has made a massive impact on me. I have never, ever FELT like being calm when I have a child describing how they want to bash my teeth in with a hammer, or asking nonsense questions for 12-hours straight.

Never.

I WANT to scream and make a devil face, and perhaps roar a little bit. So, I go CRAZY opposite. I get very quiet. I immediately think about lifting those eyebrows and brightening my face. I move or sit so that I am in a much more vulnerable spot in comparison to them (never stand over them with arms crossed, etc.)

I truly believe that my feelings during those times are nothing compared to the severity of what our children are feeling. And if I can't make the choice and do it, I can never expect them to. By practicing and deciding and DOING it, I have been better able to teach THEM how to do it.

My reactions are based in fear, just the same as my traumatized children. I fear being looked at as a bad mom. I fear being seen as too lenient. I fear being seen as too strict. I fear losing all my social contacts because my life has had a season of major funkiness. I fear having enough room in my home to parent grandchildren who may need me one day. I fear criminal acts being committed at the hands of my children. Even with all the healing, I fear puberty and all it can do to a traumatized child (heck, even an emotionally healthy child!). I fear waking up one day to see our family on Dateline!

And I fear those things because they are things over which, ultimately, I have no control. I just don't. Don't you dare think the things I just listed are a good picture of the dark thoughts I have. Parenting trauma causes some macabre and painful thinking. For those of you who allow yourself to admit to those things, you understand. I don't keep it together a lot (notice I didn't say "always"), because I have no fears. I keep it together most of the time despite those horribly dark thoughts.

That's what I'm asking my kids to do, so why should it not apply to me, as well?

And, yes, THAT SUCKS!

I tell my kids all the time: you cannot help how you feel. Feelings just happen. But you can help what you do when you are having those feelings. And what you do tends to be based on what you believe to be true.

When my son has threatened my life, it was because he truly believed, in that moment, his life was at risk. He did not believe I could be trusted with his life. He does now. He has not gone that far in a long time. Now, it's just good, old fashioned "try to hurt your momma'" stuff which epitomizes the teen years. Granted, he has some experience in doing so which would put his peers to shame. :)

Sometimes we can make it worse. We are the grown-ups. We have to acknowledge that and work just as hard on changing it as we ask our kids to work. Sit and think through how certain things really get your blood boiling and what situations cause an immediate emotional reaction from you.

It's then, that we can get just a tiny crumb of a taste what it must be like for our traumatized children. If we refuse to acknowledge this, or if we flat-out deny it ... well, then the grown-ups have left the building.



(photo by Ann- Kathrin Rehse)

Yingy and Yangy

The last two weeks have been SO yingy and yangy in our house ... ebby and flowy ... the goody and the baddy.

We downplay Christmas as it is, but with children who are attaching, even more so. Usually special occasions/events/holidays are a time when we just buckle down and ride the hurricane. Then, on the other side, we can have healing conversations.

This year has been different. It is just two days before "Christmas at Grandma & Grandpa's," and my kids from the hard places are more regulated than they were two weeks ago. So, we are doing lots and lots and LOTS of therapeutic stuff in the middle of the behaviors ... because ... well, we can! That is not the norm at all, but for whatever reason, they are regulated enough for this particular moment in time. So, you go with it!

Last week I confronted Rocky about a poor choice (unless, of course, you think clogging your RV park's public toilets with toilet paper is not a terribly negative thing to do). Poor guy. The only people at the park right now are middle aged people or grandparents ... and only two of them ever use the facilities when they want to spread out in a bigger shower ... and he had JUST been down to use the restrooms earlier and did not say a thing about there being wads of tp under his butt ... and everyone at the park which might use the restrooms were gone to work ... and, ya' know, contractors who work hard all week and own homes in other places, they're the kinda' people that shove extra toilet paper in the potties for fun. :)

But yes, he tried to blame it on the grandpa's and contract bosses. He BLEW UP. I did my best to help him. "Honey, your reaction is telling me you are needing to cover up something. Why don't you go do such-and-such until you're ready to talk." Much yelling and beating of the head and stomping of the feet and going to the field and then screaming at the mom and swearing he'd rather live with a person who beat him instead of me and plenty of accusations that I never believe anything he says ever and I expect him to be perfect.

Multiplied by a few hours.

By the time all was said and done, and he had returned from his flat-tire bicycle journey to "find a policeman and tell them what a bad mom you are!" ... he had earned 14 days of restriction.

The following day, my attaching daughter refused to spell. And then she refused to use a kind voice while we talked. Eventually she forgot that crying, screaming, yelling and throwing things all over the room would earn some a lot of restriction. I was kind enough to remind her.

My son had 14 days. My daughter had 11 days. He (after having one day of trying to do some payback) has spent the time working his TAIL off. He has been amazingly respectful. When we are talking about a poor choice or I'm questioning him on something, I will say, "Okay, before we start, why don't you take a deep breath, hold it and then let it out slowly." That kind of stuff. AND HE HAS BEEN DOING IT! Then, he can talk clearly. He has been able to confess to things and accept whatever correction comes with it, and move on. HE WANTED OFF RESTRICTION. We have a policy (much like prison) where you can earn time off for good unbelievably exceptional behavior. He has done it. He has rocked it. He has had manners, and asked what more he can do for us after completing a task, and letting me help him stay regulated and ADMITTING HE BLEW THROUGH HIS GRAMMAR and then had a very fruitful discussion with me on how he could improve his effort on things he doesn't necessarily enjoy, etc.

And in nine days he knocked out 14 days of restriction.

He is so far along, he can be happy for himself. For the first time he is truly working hard on his anger issues and the whole transference thing.

I am so very happy for him.

Then, we have my slowly healing daughter. She is progressing, it just doesn't look as nice and shiny as her brother's efforts.

We keep peeling back her layers (I swear, this kid is the largest onion on the PLANET - we could win some serious fair ribbons with her). Yesterday we had a VERY difficult discussion for her. She knows that our home is organized in a way where any hurts she causes will always, always, always, always (did I mention ALWAYS?) result in the other person receiving something extra good. Again, she knows this. When she hurts Mom, she will either be doing an extra chore for mom, or giving a shoulder massage to Mom, or sending Mom out alone for dinner (paid for from my gal's allowance). It goes for everyone who is hurt in every situation.

However ... yesterday something clicked with me. My attaching daughter, even when she knows she loves us and she knows she can trust us, will still choose to be defiant/manipulative/controlling. The big lie which keeps playing over and over again in her head is, "If you do what they are asking - they win!" Of course, that lie also leads her to believe that if someone else wins anything, she must be the loser. Never mind logic on how those choices affect her privileges and life in general. It's very black and white for her. Do not do anything which might cause others to win.

That is the word she uses - "win." It's a contest.

So, last night, after she had once again used that word, I asked, "Do you realize that every time you make a bad choice, someone else wins?"

"Huh?"

"You were lying earlier when you said you were ready to work quickly and correctly. You tried to hurt me. So, I asked you to hang out on your bed for an hour. And for one hour, I got a break from therapeutic parenting. Everyone just hung out. It was like a mini-vacation for me. Now, I love you and I love parenting you. So, when you're out here it's my job. It's what I do, and I gladly accept it. However, you do make it much easier for me every time I win a break from it."

Started to go through all of the other "wins" that people receive due to her purposeful choices. Kept using that word over and over again - "They win some of your allowance for doing your laundry when you refuse. They win extra computer time. They win a special treat when they have to endure listening to one of your fits." And on it went.

I worked very hard to keep my tone calm and loving because I knew what it was doing to her. She felt CORNERED. I very gently said, "I'm guessing you feel completely out of control right now." She agreed. "You don't want anyone else to ever win, and have been willing to lose things to make that happen. But you're just now realizing that all of that stuff is OTHER people winning ... and you are causing them to win something nice. So, if you are a family girl and you join us, we win (because we get YOU and YOU are great) and you win family time and extra privileges. If you push us away and try to control us, you lose ... but we still win. I'm guessing you've never looked at it that way before and you really, really, really don't like it."

Allowed her plenty of silence during this to process.

"So, have you come up with anything yet?"

"What?"

"Well, if I were you, I'd be sitting there trying desperately to come up with SOME way you can hurt us but we cannot win." Her face told me that yes, in fact, that was exactly what she was doing. "I guess the craziest thing might be to just kill us all. Have you thought of that yet?"

Sheepish, embarrassed half-smile and a "Yessssss. But then you would all go to heaven and I would be in jail."

"FRICK! Do you think you'll be able to come up with ANYTHING?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, I do know that this has got to be stressing you out big time. Why don't you head back to your room and just hang out on your bed tonight. You have a lot to think about and work through. We'll talk more later."

Later we had a fun time together talking. When she is regulated she is a completely different child. Talked about admitting our wrongs and how difficult that is for every person on the planet. Also, how freeing it is and good it feels when others forgive us and we have the opportunity to say, "What can I do to make it right?" Discussed what it might look like one day when she chooses to do this with her family, and admit how now, in this new phase, it is all a choice, etc., etc., etc.

GREAT time together. And being the very prepared therapeutic mom that I am, I was not surprised at all that she has pretty much not left her room today. However, I also know she is the way she is today because of the extreme vulnerability she allowed herself yesterday. So, I will move forward (and enjoy my "win" of a break today!), and see where this takes her.

Very long post. I apologize. I really wish I could bottle some of our conversations before I forget to share. Hope this can be helpful to some.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Ruxi K)

You orgasm what you eat

I know some of you think I'm crazy.

I know several of you think this whole "eating better" stuff is not THAT big of a deal.

Well, I'm here to tell you you really are what you eat.

Read my title again.

Yeah, that too.

I have slowly worked my way to a healthier diet. It has been a process over the last 11+ years. I did not change everything overnight. I did not become a better cook immediately. I did not get creative with leftovers the first month year(s).

I made little changes. What I wasn't anticipating is just how much, little by little, it was changing me.

My depression certainly improved with medication. Yet, now that I can truly have some hindsight, it is painfully obvious how even today my psychological health improves with diet. It's not subtle. It's obvious.

And that did not happen overnight. However, I am a different person.

My libido is a biggie. I can trace the health of my libido to diet. Granted, I knew that much earlier on, and I was selfish quite a bit. I would choose to fill myself with plenty of bad things and then regret it. Yet, as my brain and neurological issues begin to heal through nutrition, then my emotions were much more helpful in making good choices.

Was it Gerson's daughter that said something like, "You can't just heal one part of your body. When you heal your body - everything heals."? Notice she didn't say, "When you take a pill to fix a symptom of one problem, everything heals."

Of course, it's not 100% diet related. We live simply. We do not create unnecessary stress, and our definition of "necessary stress" is a complete 180 from what it used to be in our little heads.

I get plenty of "My kids/husband/dog would never eat that! Would never work in our house." Get that all. the. time. Well ...

I used to say the EXACT SAME THING (except I didn't have a dog, so I'd say, "If I HAD a dog, even he wouldn't eat it!).

The truth is that I love good food. I still eat really good food. The things we eat are really, really, REALLY good. When I have someone question our sanity, I will tell the kids about it. They think those are the people who are nuts. :)

Yeah, while my kids can be kinda' whacked out at times, they're still normal. They didn't all magically join up through birth and adoption with magical taste buds unlike any other child on the planet. We have slowly substituated good for bad. And the good ... man, it's good!

Now, when I have something full of saturated clogginess, my mouth can tell it is being coated. I'm no longer immune to processed food. I do still like it. I occasionally parttake of it. Just today for lunch, I had a really greasy taco. Tomorrow I will take a really greasy dump. I will then make myself some really delicious salad and warm up a piece of crazy yummy flat bread.

Have you been thinking about it, and don't know where to start? Here are some of the very first things we did which made a big difference in our home:

* Plan meals (just start with one a week, and work your way up - and KEEP THEM SIMPLE!)
* Replace your white flour with whole wheat flour
* Replace vegetable oil with canola and olive oil
* Replace white sugar with honey and Stevia (that goes for syrup, too!)

Then, you slowly start to read labels and trade things out. Have you read your ketchup bottle lately? What about those frozen meals? Start to check out what you're actually eating, and make replacements. It does not have to take a lot more time. Whole wheat tortillas, refried beans, salsa, diced up tomatoes and chopped up greens, sprinkle a little cheese and - BOOM! You have a meal!

If you do it all the first week, I promise you will crash and burn. So ... don't. Little by little. Get your kids involved. Just make one change this week, and keep it up next week. Then, change something else.

You are what you eat, and your kids are what you feed them.

Meaning: it is so very worth it.



(photo by G & A Scholiers)

There can be healing, Gosh DARNIT!

Just as an example at how far my son has come with his healing: today he was to do things for me all day (it's our way of putting kindness back where you heaped hurt). He did every. single. thing. correctly and quickly the first time. THEN, he would find me and ask, "Mom, do you have something else for me to do?" He was not belligerent at. all.

This is the child who, 1.5 years ago would threaten my life and jump out of his skin if I did something as simple as gently touch his shoulder.

This morning I had a big discussion with the kids about an ex-boyfriend from high school who is now a registered sex offender. I tell the kids all the time that my goal is to release them into the world ... into life. I should constantly be preparing them to leave me. So, I try very hard to use consequences that mimic real life (on their age/emotional level, of course). Told them how my friend worked his keister off in prison and was released at his first hearing. He earned it. Then, he kept working hard during his period of parole, and has never been in trouble since. He deeply regretted his mistake, but did not stay stuck in the guilt, or allow it to turn into anger or bitterness. My guy was able to make the comparison - that his actions when he is making restitution do not go unnoticed - good or bad.

And he was so beautifully respectful. I think he actually had a good time. Ya' know, my dirty laundry excluded. I honored his efforts with some really nasty leftover McDonalds Michael brought home this week. He LOVES stuff like that, and it is a major treat in this house. He was very kind and very thankful. He truly regrets how he treated me.

Now, we all know my healing daughter is still ... not all the way there. Yet, I want to point out something I actually pointed out to HER tonight. She had a terrible day. It's the holidays. My son from trauma tanked yesterday. The moon is sitting a certain way in the sky and the wind probably changed directions. She is in a total funk. HOWEVER, after having to go spend some time in the field to cool off (after knocking our marker/pencil box across the room - just fyi: she has a GREAT arm!), I asked her to come in and sit down on the couch near me so we could be knee-to-knee. She did just that. I was pulling off my boots and looked up, and she was looking directly at me. It hit me, "Um, Christine? When is the last time you have praised her and helped her to see this MASSIVE change from 1.5 years ago??" You see, she doesn't FLINCH at eye contact. She PREFERS eye contact. I don't even know the last time I had to ask her to make eye contact.

When she came to join her family, she would literally begin to sweat when we asked her to look at us on our terms. Her breathing changed. Her hands started to curl up. She would rub her skin and pick at her clothes.

Tonight, she just plopped right down and engaged me with her eyeballs. I took a moment to razz-a-dazz-a-ding-dong the HECK out of that. I forget to celebrate the healing. It can be so gradual I sometimes forget to notice.

The holidays can be rough for our kids. My healing daughter has actually lost a birthday in the past, before she came to us. She still wonders if she could be horrible enough for US to take away her birthday ... or Christmas. This is her pattern. I keep saying, "Babe, you can't lose Christmas, but feel free to try. I can't stop loving you, and I'll be crazy about you if you try to ruin it or if you try to make it great. Whatever. I'm not going anywhere."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I also know that my kids received some very severe abuse and confusion about family and permanency in a place which had extreme winters. There is a colder nip in the air lately. Walking outside and having the wind hit their face can very well take them right back to that place internally.

So, they're dealing with a cornucopia of triggers right now. It's always this way around the holidays, but never as worse as (fill-in-the-previous-year). Healing continues to happen. Sucky days still suck, but there are steps forward, and that is a reason to celebrate.

Now, before I go to bed and pretend I'm sleepy, let me throw in a few thoughts on the whole narcissism stuff from yesterday. First, I am sad to read how very little there is out there on HEALING narcissism, as well as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. What little is out there would not be effective for children with attachment disorder (thank you, Amazon reviewer, for talking about the sticker-chart suggestions in the book, so I could move along! heh. heh). Yet, today I ran across an article by someone who treats adults. In discussing their "unusual" approach, they said the narcissistic behavior is actually a facade to cover up what is typically feelings of loneliness and worthlessness.

I was thinking, "Um, REALLY?!? And this is unusual thinking for professionals?!?"

Because every parent of a traumatized child can clue you in on that. In fact, the bigger the reaction, the more we know they feel desperate to cover/hide/protect themselves.

I sat down and discussed it with my daughter tonight. I read it to her and asked her thoughts. Wanted to know if she thought this guy was loony. She did not hesitate to agree with him (again, with the celebrating!). It was a perfect segue into having a discussion of her first years of life, and what they would have looked like if she had been born from my womb. I have started this discussion before, per our therapist's suggestion, but she did not want to have it. Tonight, she ate it up. We had a very good time together. She was able to connect the dots and understand WHY she would have feelings of loneliness and no self-worth.

She still had no intention of doing her spelling work correctly, but you kinda' have to put everything in its place and in perspective. The whole reverse psychology snapped her out of it yesterday, but not today. Yet, today, she verbalized her life in a way she has not before.

Healing. Progress.

Refresh yourself and stay with it. Take a break. Rejuvinate. Then just keep loving the crap right out of them.

Literally.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(big thanks to cory, Flickr stranger, for asking his wife's permission so I could post this pic - isn't it GREAT - so candid)

There is no pill for RAD

One of my kids is at a big crossroads. I realize I haven't talked much about the RAD residual (look at me, coming up with new catch phrases). The reason being they have made some amazing strides, and I wanted to wait for them to have a bad day before I said anything.

Twelve days in a row without tightened boundaries. Two of those were normal school days. I honestly cannot remember the last time this child has done two full normal days of school without sabotage.

Of course, today when they finally just kept doing things wrong deliberately, they became very upset when I asked they head to their room. Later, after school and after they were more regulated, I looked at them with surprise and said, "Darlin' you have this all backward. You are UPSET! Don't you realize what you just did? You went twelve days choosing to join in all the good. You spent two STRAIGHT days honoring me as your mother and teacher. For heaven's sake, you NEED a break. Let your sweet heart and head rest. And celebrate!!"

Let me rewind. First *insert long, boring disclaimer here about me not being a doctor and how you should always check with your therapist or doctor before doing anything some crazy lady talks about on the internet, no matter what HER doctor says* we have started some of my kids on Niacin (vitamin B-3). We have considered it before, but I really felt like we should wait longer, until we had worked through a few more layers. Ya-da-ya-da-ya-da ... for them, at this point in their healing, it has been very helpful.

Very.

I have seen a marked improvement. It is hard to explain, but it seems to be helping just enough with emotions (depression/anxiety) to help one child, in particular, ACCEPT our help.

Not a magical pill, by any means, but obviously they were deficient and needed the supplement. I always knew it was a possibility, but again - so many layers to my child's existence. We needed to do plenty of filtering first, and then see if it was still a need.

So, my kid is trying. Really, really trying. Yet, it is so very hard for them to give it all up. It is so very hard for me to watch them cry real, very soft tears over how scary it is ... and how badly they want to do it. Today I made them repeat (yell) after me, "THIS IS NOT FAIR! I DID NOT MAKE ME THIS WAY! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK TO GET BETTER? WHY MEEEEEE????"

I knew yesterday that the streak was over. I noticed they woke up sweating. The excessive farting started (haven't had that in at least six months), some inappropriate talk was hinted at and cracking of knuckles. That used to be a big thing in the very beginning. It was a way for one of my kids to bug people. It has been approximately a YEAR since the knuckle thing went away. I could see it - they just couldn't STOP with the controlling things, and was bringing in old stuff to fill the void.

We all watched Biggest Loser together this week, and at one point Jillian yelled, "FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!" Two of my kids both looked right at me. We exchanged smiles.

So, it's all really good news, but I am oh so exhausted. This has taken hours and hours and hours of helping them walk through all of this. I'm glad I got my day off last Sunday, because I have been blowing and going emotionally ever since. Any of you who have had a child in therapy know exactly what I'm talking about. Therapeutic talks and activities and interactions are vital, but they suck the energy right out of you. Amazing how something so physically inactive can cause you to feel as though you've finished a triatholon.

Remember, the only thing harder than parenting our kids is actually being our kids.



(photo by Rodolfo Clix)

7 people - 7 days - healthy food - $140

I haven't talked about our diet in a long time. I know, for some people, you just don't think you can eat well AND cheaply.

Pish-posh, I say!

I went to HEB last night. Spent $140 (and almost every single thing I bought was organic!). This will last us seven days. Besides some raw milk on our granola, this week happens to be pretty much vegan.

7 Days of Breakfasts:

*carrot muffins
*yogurt twice (plain, bought in large containers to save $$, and I'll blend in frozen berries)
*lazy granola twice (this week making it with Fiber One cereal, oats, milled flaxseed, sunflower seeds and 60% dark chocolate)
*will be trying Sara's Banana Nut Muffin recipe (sans the nuts, so Presh doesn't barf or die).

7 Days of Lunches:

*sandwiches (homemade bread in the bread maker, and sandwich fixins include: avocado, tomato, organic/natural peanut butter, all-fruit spread, arugula, soy cheese slices, thinly sliced bell peppers)
*Build-a-Salad (spinach or arugula, corn, shredded carrots, soy cheese, black beans, sliced peppers - whatever the neighbors bring by this week)
*Chips, homemade salsa and vegetarian refried beans
*green smoothies twice (pineapple, frozen berries, water, whatever other fruit we want to throw in, and a bunch of spinach - probably some milled flaxseed or wheat germ for good measure, or at the very least the kids will sprinkle this on top)
*quick quesadillas
*two days we will have leftovers, depending on when they start to stack up in the fridge

Every day about 3:30 pm, everyone can grab some fruit for a snack. It's what we do. It's our "thing," if you will.

7 Days of Dinners:

*green smoothies twice, and probably some homemade bread or something on the side
*black bean burgers
*root veggies with whole wheat pasta (I'll simmer some root veggies - DEFINITELY some sweet potatoes - until tender, also throw in some garlic and onion and canola oil - will probably throw on some diced peppers or something that is raw, once everything is cooked and combined)
*brown rice with veggies (will add some herbs and spices to the broth when I cook the rice, may or may not steam the veggies depending on what I choose to throw in there)
*leftovers two different nights. By the last night, we do a big smorgasbord of "whatever." It's very "waste not."

Granted, I did already have some things I needed: flour, honey and such. Yet, I was out of olive oil. The more expensive items all tend to average out.

There ya' go. Totally doable.

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Dallas Ann - check out her post on unweaning)