Thursday, January 28, 2010

I have a dream



I have a dream that one day, every single person who is parenting a traumatized child will have free access to therapeutic parent training.

Each of these children will receive affordable, trained and conveniently located therapists.

These parents will be provided respite care ... that can be trusted ... so they can do the work.

Because it only works if you do it day after day after day.

And you can't even DO it, if you can't afford to seek out the help in the first place. And you can't KEEP doing it when the process of parenting brings up so much of your own stuff, and you can't even afford to get help to deal with YOUR stuff so you can then deal with your KID'S stuff and ...

So, in the meantime, I'm going to be doing more of this:



20 comments:

Angela :-) said...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I have been to your blog a time or two in the past, but recently bookmarked it. Our Ethiopian born son was diagnosed with RAD last year. We live in North Dakota, which is not exactly teeming with attachment therapists. lol I've already been employing the "big feelings" chatter this week with both him & our other attachment traumatized son. Already, I feel better about our relationships & the future.

Thank you again!
Angela :-)

Meredith said...

Very helpful post. How much training have you had to get you to this point?

SocialWrkr24/7 said...

I love your dream...

Lisa said...

Ummmmm.....how many videos can you make in a day?????? :D Cause I could use about 20.

Rock on!

Christine said...

Meridith, it's way more about actual "doing" than training, for me. I do read everything I can get my hands on. I've watched DVD conferences. I've attended a conference or two. We did go to attachment therapy, but it was very different than what most people experience. We had already trained ourselves on therapeutic parenting, so she was able to dive right into the work with our kids. I read what other people are doing (and focus on those who are actually seeing healing in their kids - like Lisa - her girls are little miracles).

But more than anything, I just simply have to practice, practice, practice. I do see so many things overlapping in the theories and approaches. In those areas of common ground, I drill it into my little noggin', practice what I'll say (and not say) in the shower ..

and, of course, my kids hand me insane amounts of opportunities to get better at this. I just try to take them as they come. :)

Kerrie said...

SUCH an amazing idea. Would you consider one about pee? Specifically, How to Keep the Blood Vessels in Your Eyes From Bursting During Your Daughter's Tantrum About Having to Rent Underwear From Her Sister Because She's Burned Through Her Own 20 Pairs and it's Two Days Til Laundry Day?

Christine said...

Kerrie,

Very, very tight headbands.

:)

Little Wonder said...

Again--thanks!! I did some of this with B last night. It was time for our toy pick-up in the playroom at 4:45 (like we always do) and he got stubborn and flopped around---I asked him if I could help him. He said he was tired. So I told him I was so happy he could share that with me and I continued that if he's tired, he should go upstairs and rest for a while. He didn't want to do that, so I said he could choose between helping to pick up or rest. The stalling started. I just walked away. And lo and behold, suddenly he started helping the group. Not really the LYING piece, but really it all blends together when it comes to our trauma kids.

I just checked out your Gary Ezzo link on the sidebar---I'm compeletly appalled!

BT said...

Fantastic! I'm with Lisa. I could use about 20 of these a day. Little injections of reminder!

Thank you thank you thank you.

Hannah_Rae said...

Yes, 20 should get us started. Especially since a particular DVD series is STILL on BACK ORDER!!!!

So what about things you genuinely need to know about? Practical things. How do you handle those kinds of lies?

Our little guy is very extrinsically motivated at this time, so we've used truth points to help him earn little things, but I don't know if that's the right approach. It's been improving things for now, but I don't think it's really helping the healing process.

Blessings!

Hannah

Mayhem said...

Thanks Christine! My kids were both adopted, though neither has RAD. I enjoy reading (and watching) how you and others are doing therapeutic parenting. There are great reminders here even just for "regular" parenting, though you surely have to be way more on your toes and consistent with a RAD kiddo.

My son was being kind of defiant this morning ("forgot" to put his breakfast bowl in the dishwasher). No big deal, just annoying, and I got that feeling of wanting to sigh and roll my eyes... Cue! "You poured the milk so neatly and put away the cereal box!! I wonder how long it will take you to finish the job of cleaning up breakfast?" I think he was surprised that I didn't just tell him to do it... So anyway, thanks for your help on this!

truevyne said...

I love your dream. I want to be part of making it happen:) Let me know how to do so.

Jessi Hacker said...

thank you so much for doing this and reminding me of what I already know I'm just so tired.

Linda B said...

Have you ever considered becoming a therapist, because I sure could use you! The commute would be quite long though....
Oh Yes! Please do many more of these. I am a visual learner so this helps. What a great idea! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!

dbmamaz said...

I'm with you, Jessie . . . just getting done the STUFF i'm supposed to do and biting my tongue and keeping it polite, I'm exhausted before the end of the day .. . to actively find the positive like that, wow. Thats a pretty long-term goal here.

Jessi Hacker said...

will you please help me, please. I have an 11yr old and she is so sick and we have no services, and I am so tired. I will pay you. Please.

Ursula said...

I am SOOOOOO glad that you are doing this. Thank you so much. I'll keep looking forward to more and more and more. I am guessing that making these videos and this blog make you stronger and stronger as a mom too!

waldenbunch said...

Christine, you are too amazing. Your patience and insight just blow me away. I feel like I've lost the ability to be creative with how I deal with things. Ten years of lies will do that to you. So many moms are struggling and it just breaks my heart. But in the end, isn't it more about what God wants to do in us, through our children. And there's the hard part. I'm the one who needs to change and become more like Jesus. I can't change my kids, only my heart. And it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Linda said...

Hi Christine.

I appreciate the outreach that your are doing for foster/adopt parents. I am a Director of a Foster/adopt agency- doing this work for nearly 20 years and I know how hard it is to get the information out to the folks that need it most. My friend and I were just discussing the difference between knowledge and application and wondering what steps we can take as professionals to support the foster/adopt parents. I went to the Denise Best Conference too and got excited again but feel stuck on how to get the training to the families. I am not an interventionist per se but I am an administrator challenging the systems to to better.

THANKS

Heather and Brad said...

I have that same dream! Like you I've read everything I can get my hands on about parenting these kids as well as have watched and bought countless DVD seminars and have gone to a few. I feel that we have a pretty good handle on the therapeutic parenting (some days are better than others) but wasn't successful in finding a therapist to help them process their traumas. We have recently started working with Deborah Hage. Very Exciting! We've tried to let some of the other families around here in on it but they've declined because of financial issues. If only everyone could have such great help as she can give!!!