Saturday, January 30, 2010

Therapeutic Parenting - The Power of Your Voice

Alternate Title: "The Power of a Too-Full Coffee Mug to Distract From the Message"

Sorry.

21 comments:

Ursula said...

I think you just now posted this. Good stuff. I'm so proud, I just did this with my daughter while she was blame shifting. Not sure she received anything of value from it, but I felt good that I did it effectively.

I'm hoping to see you do one on how specifically you help a child process their feelings. I want to help my kids to think about what they are feeling and work out what to do about that but sometimes I'm at a loss as to how to do it effectively. I guess I need the counseling part along with the parenting part.

thank you Christine. I love you and am just so grateful.

The Hills said...

Thank you for posting! I needed this for just plain ol' regular parenting. I'm trying to stop the yelling in our house and it's SO hard! I will practice, I will learn to control myself so I can model better frustration/anger management for my children!

ange said...

practicing :) makes so much sense to 'be prepared'
thank you for sharing!

SanitySrchr said...

My grandmother used to tell me this exact same thing, but because she didn't practice this with us, I thought she was full of kaa-ka. However difficult it will be, I will do my best to practice this!

Thank you!!!

Hannah_Rae said...

Jeremiah has said a couple of times in the past 2 days "It makes me mad when you use your calm voice." I asked him why, and he said it made him feel uncomfortable.
He said he would feel better if I yelled.
Is this because it's what he's used too?
I just thought it was interesting that he actually said it.

Thanks so much for posting this. Hubby has a hard time taking the time to read lots, but I think he will watch these. Until the DVD series is available...ugh...You are the biggest blessing. :)



Blessings!

Hannah

Lisa said...

OOOOOooooo baby.... I love you madly.

I have a stickie on my fridge that says, "I don't have to go to every fight I'm invited to."

Going to figure out how to download these to my ipod for quick reference. There has to be a way.

The Southern Living Graffiti Artist

Christine said...

Hannah, you are getting GOOD at this! That is exactly what is going on. Feels so foreign to him. And scary. Scary to get close. Scary that he's not able to control your temperament.

Smell YOU, all rockin' this therapeutic parenting stuff!!

dbmamaz said...

I LOVE that idea of putting sticky notes to remind me of phrases to say and to practice in the shower. Cept i'm not sure what I need to work on right now .. . its the oldest, my 17 yo daughter, i'm needing the most work on, and i have no idea where to start.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Ummm. Thanks. (said in my very best whisper voice!) Really. Thanks for coaching, and sharing and walking your journey so openly so we can be better Moms.

Givans Family said...

The next best thing to having a chat with you in person! I love how crazy encouraging you are! Keep up the video blogging....PLEASE!

ManyBlessings said...

PLEASE keep making these videos. They're too important not to be shown!

Steph, G's Mom said...

Wow that was a crazy cup of coffee my eyes were riveted to it! i was like oohhh ooh NO oh NO it's gonna spill NOW, oh no, nope,....oh NOW omigosh NOW SHHESH NOW! oh nope, oh wait....

LOL

Loved the message too and I'm a total "stand above you and waggle my finger" if i had her take a photo of what i look like from her angle i bet i would crawl under a rock of embarassment! i'd probably never do it again either!

steph

Michelle said...

Thank you for this. I don't have a RAD, but do have a 14yo ADD. The whisper is something I've heard about, and try...but...sometimes...

Our son is very sensitive to 'arguing' or loud disagreements - which we have tracked back to a couple of his friend's homes breaking up - and if my husband and I are loud, not necessarily arguing, but maybe saying the same thing in our different ways, he will tell us to stop arguing. So maybe we need to bring it down to a whisper also :)

He also is just starting to again only hear what is said exactly, and not following through on what is unsaid (and should be the logical follow-on), so I am having to remember to complete the instructions instead of assuming he will pick up on it. He has just started a new medication, not a stimulant, so it will be interesting to see how that pans out. He may be able to do some lateral thinking!!!

So, what I'm trying to say is, thank you for these videos. Even though I don't have a RAD, I am able to use what you teach us.

Kerrie said...

Once Peanut screamed at me, "you're never ANGRY! Why don't you ever get ANGRY! It makes me so MAAAAAAAAAD!" I though, "are you kidding me? I'm livid!" But it's so important to not act the way you feel with these people!

Candis said...

You are a generous soul. I don't have a RADling, but he (from Haiti as a very young toddler) is a verbally precocious five-year old who loves to point out discrepancies in Mom's commands. PUT AWAY YOUR TRUCK. "It's NOT a truck. It's a car [Subtext: You know nothing. I am so much more intelligent and clever than you]." I find myself getting a little riled and tend to raise my voice [like, who's the kid here???]?

I shall practice maintaining a gentle tone, but I reserve the right to FEEL smug and in charge.

Christine said...

Candis, FEELING smug and in charge is an absolute requirement. :)

Mom 4 Kids said...

I love how positive and encouraging you are! Keep rockin these video messages!

Diana said...

For some reason, your awesome videos keep erroring out on me. Iv'e only been able to actually watch one of them. :-(

Christine said...

Diana, maybe try my YouTube page, and pull them up from there: http://www.youtube.com/user/christinemoers

Sometimes YouTube is glitchy on blogs. I've noticed it happening more in Firefox than Internet Explorer.

Dia por Dia said...

Christine,
Thank you so much for sharing this! You are such an awesome friend!

beauty obscure said...

Loving these videos! (no kids, but I work with kids with neurologically creative kids).
At the training for a camp I worked at, they talked a lot about silence. How we want to run in and verbally fix things when kids are escalating... we think only our words will solve things. But they really encouraged us to say as little as necessary, and to count in our heads how long the silence had been (it has always been less time then you think).