If you have not yet joined in on the 2010 Sex-periment Challenge, I encourage you to do so. It's a bit of a butt kick for those of us who may be in a relationship where the lights are dimming (not in a good way). The truth is, sometimes sex fizzles, and the days just keep passing by before we realize how much our physical relationship has flat lined.
Denise A. Donnelly is an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, and she studies sexless marriages. I can't decide if that is a fascinating endeavor, or if it leans more toward depressing. In her studies, she has discovered that 15% of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.
So, you're sitting at the Saturday morning soccer game. Look around you. Out of the ten families represented, there are approximately two couples on those bleachers who are NOT going bump in the night, and probably more.
For women, increasing the frequency of sex is not always easy. Stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise can all contribute to a low libido. Yet, being a woman and/or a mother can certainly LEAD to stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise. It is as if we can't win for losing. We love being women. We love our complicated and difficult roles in life. However, those roles seem to have shuttled "sex kitten" to the back corner.
We have to reorganize some things.
Bentley College in Massachusetts discovered that women in their 40s had sex about seven times per month when they were physically active. Those who were not physically active ... not so much! Just a 30 minute walk three times a week will stimulate your hormones, relieve stress and improve blood circulation. Thirty minutes is not all that long. Three times a week is not all that much. Make it a family outing. The kids don't have to know it's a form of foreplay!
Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center, says "Sex is really about circuitry." That means you can improve your libido by improving your neurological function. I take a fish oil capsule every night. It's great for my brain. Great for my heart. Also great for my va-va-va-voom. Gives new meaning to the "O" in Omega-3's. I also throw some flax seed in my food whenever I have the chance. I like to think of it as magical fairy libido dust.
Are you eating healthy? Did you know your liver metabolizes cholesterol and you need to be pumping in the good, healthy fats to keep that estrogen flowing? Studies for decades have shown a correlation between unhealthy weight and sexual issues. So see - it's not just about getting INTO your skinny jeans, but one day wanting to get back OUT of them. *wink-wink*
To top it all off, Donnelly also states couples who are having more sex report they are happier than those who are not. We do not just want to be happy, but most of us would like to be happy that we are wanting to have sex (and right now, we're still wanting to WANT to). We give and we give to those in our lives, and we forget about ourselves. It literally affects every inch of us. We have to choose to keep ourselves on the priority list. We have to give ourselves permission to say, "No, thank you," to that committee or another commitment ... so we can say yes to sex!