Monday, February 08, 2010

So, how is the ... sex?

If you have not yet joined in on the 2010 Sex-periment Challenge, I encourage you to do so. It's a bit of a butt kick for those of us who may be in a relationship where the lights are dimming (not in a good way). The truth is, sometimes sex fizzles, and the days just keep passing by before we realize how much our physical relationship has flat lined.

Denise A. Donnelly is an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, and she studies sexless marriages. I can't decide if that is a fascinating endeavor, or if it leans more toward depressing. In her studies, she has discovered that 15% of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.

So, you're sitting at the Saturday morning soccer game. Look around you. Out of the ten families represented, there are approximately two couples on those bleachers who are NOT going bump in the night, and probably more.

For women, increasing the frequency of sex is not always easy. Stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise can all contribute to a low libido. Yet, being a woman and/or a mother can certainly LEAD to stress, poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise. It is as if we can't win for losing. We love being women. We love our complicated and difficult roles in life. However, those roles seem to have shuttled "sex kitten" to the back corner.

We have to reorganize some things.

Bentley College in Massachusetts discovered that women in their 40s had sex about seven times per month when they were physically active. Those who were not physically active ... not so much! Just a 30 minute walk three times a week will stimulate your hormones, relieve stress and improve blood circulation. Thirty minutes is not all that long. Three times a week is not all that much. Make it a family outing. The kids don't have to know it's a form of foreplay!

Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center, says "Sex is really about circuitry." That means you can improve your libido by improving your neurological function. I take a fish oil capsule every night. It's great for my brain. Great for my heart. Also great for my va-va-va-voom. Gives new meaning to the "O" in Omega-3's. I also throw some flax seed in my food whenever I have the chance. I like to think of it as magical fairy libido dust.

Are you eating healthy? Did you know your liver metabolizes cholesterol and you need to be pumping in the good, healthy fats to keep that estrogen flowing? Studies for decades have shown a correlation between unhealthy weight and sexual issues. So see - it's not just about getting INTO your skinny jeans, but one day wanting to get back OUT of them. *wink-wink*

To top it all off, Donnelly also states couples who are having more sex report they are happier than those who are not. We do not just want to be happy, but most of us would like to be happy that we are wanting to have sex (and right now, we're still wanting to WANT to). We give and we give to those in our lives, and we forget about ourselves. It literally affects every inch of us. We have to choose to keep ourselves on the priority list. We have to give ourselves permission to say, "No, thank you," to that committee or another commitment ... so we can say yes to sex!


Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that sex is also the funnest, easiest exercise that one can have. Just think, have you ever enjoyed a 30 minute workout more? LOL

NeeCee said...

We actually started the challenge the night you first posted, so we completed the 7th night last night. Then my husband informs me there is that 30 day one..... The man is crazy. LOL

Although, we are planning on continuing the challenge a bit longer. ::big grin::

Jessi Hacker said...

he he he, it's going great over here, though my husband had to leave town today, we will be having lots of make up sex when he returns wednesday!

Anonymous said...

Love that you're posting this! Gotta say, due to some crappy medication timing my husband and I got off to a bad start in that department..but it's getting better all the time...and reading things like this only help! Definitely spent way to much time in the wanting to want to category, life is much better when you cut out the redundancy in that statement! :-)

Kerrie said...

3. Not so hot for the woman who's doctor stared at her after she answered the question "how many times last month."

And a resounding yes! When I'm eating right, going to my zumba class, and regularly hitting it :), I feel so great that it's actually EASY to smile sweetly at my daughter when she pretends she thinks she should write a number in the space the greater-than or less-than sign is supposed to go in.

Anonymous said...

is whining ok? when I mentioned this challenge to my husband, he immediatly changed the subject. and trust me, bringing something up a second time is asking for a fight. i think we're managing the 7xmonth, so i guess i'll have to be content.

Sarah & Crew said...

Love all these posts. I'm a huge believer in that more sex = a better marriage. For a loooong time, I was too tired, too busy, blah blah blah. And my marriage reflected it.

Then I read that women need to feel close in order to want sex, but men need to have sex in order to feel close. So I decided to test it, because I had to help facilitate the change (especially since I had been the one shooting down his requests so often.)

And wouldn't you know it, it totally worked. He felt closer to me, and then I began feeling closer to him.

But that was just the start of all the benefits. Our marriage got stronger, along with our friendship. Having great sex made me feel better about my self. I began caring more about what I looked like (not in a bad way--but in the way that I wanted to take care of myself.) I wanted to look good and feel good. I eating better and having more energy, and then felt up to the challenge of taking up running. It was a positive cycle that continued to feed itself.

All right, I've put off posting about it on my own blog due to time constraints, which obviously don't exist if I have time to post such an obscenely long comment, wink wink. I'm gonna post on this tonight.

You're awesome!
A huge fan,
Sarah in Wisconsin

Givans Family said...

I don't know if I should compete, I don't think I could find time to include twice a day right now, lol. I don't usually take a night off unless I am on my monthly, lol!

Tyler Alyse Archer said...

This has really inspired me. I often use the excuse that I'm too tired, too stressed or that it's too late at night. But I'm gonna try for the rest of the month not to use any excuses and just go for it, every time he wants it. Thanks for the inspiration!