One of my kids - not me.
From about 9:00 am to 1:00 pm, things were not great. We are just a few days out from a sibling having a birthday. This is what we do. We crater near the birthdays of others. The trauma says, "No one deserves special days," and does all it can to destroy every ounce of joy in its path.
So, we're talking and we're peeling back layers and we're deflecting and riding the trauma coaster. I was reminded, again, that life would be easier if she could just live by herself. I pointed out that I cannot protect my children if they choose to leave me. I received the threat that, indeed, she was leaving. Brothers squealed, "Pizza!" (if someone runs away, we call the police and we call for pizza - because the rest of us need lots of energy to go searching). She has only actually run away once, over a year and a half ago. Yes, the rest of us got pizza that night.
She heads to her room. Not stomping. Not in that shut-down robotic posture. Just ... walked. I made myself a cup of coffee and went to my room to read some blogs. Walked away. Let her know I trusted her with whatever decision she made.
Then it happened.
After about ten minutes, she walked into my room (again, completely regulated body posture!) not carrying anything. I raised my eyebrows and she TOTALLY cracked a smile and started laughing. That caused me to bust out laughing. Patted my lap for her to come over and sit down."So, why aren't you running away?"
"Because I want to live here."
"And why on earth would you want to live here?"
"Because I love my family."
"Well, that's good, because we love you, too. Oh, and maybe next time we could just have this conversation and skip the whole running away muck."
"Yeeeeaaaaah."
I was so annoyed with the earlier stuff during the day, but I can't deny it: that moment of laughter is now my very favorite moment I have shared with her.
We were on the same page. We were completely and totally connected.
Healing can look really, really weird.
But it's still healing!
(photo by Samantha Mesones, used with permission)
19 comments:
Huge, giant, leap forward. :)
This is awesome. :) Laughter changes things.
Awesome. Were the boys upset that they didn't get pizza though?
Awesome! I love stories like this!! Yeah for healing! We had a moment pretty similar to this a couple of nights ago at our house, so I know how very sweet they are.
Thankfully the running away thing is now in our past (it was a huge and repeated deal for nearly 2 years.) The threat of choice now is "You're a bad mom! I want a different family!!" To which I respond by sending them outside on a prescribed run (excellent brain rebooting tool) which they have to complete regardless of whether they settle down first or not and I invite them to go and find a different family who will love them more than I do and put up with all the stuff they dish out in the process. After several attempts to settle down, my son, who had never left the driveway, rang the doorbell even though the door was unlocked and announced he no longer wanted a different family, he was sorry he had said such mean things, and that he wanted to stay with our family. :-) I hugged him and kissed him and then sent him to finish his rather lengthy prescribed run (well over a mile by the time he was done...all sidewalk.) Once he was done, he came in and promptly did the job he'd been asked to do that triggered the whole issue in the first place with a smile on his face.
Awesome!
Nice! Did you call for pizza to celebrate? :)
YEAH!! I have had similar conversations with my B lately (his birthday was last week) and the whole thing that gets me is he's trying to be "reactive", but he's not. It's fake. And he's transparent. LOL I take that as healing too! :D
Outstanding moment for the both of you from the sounds of things! Congrats :)
so awesome!!!!
wow, great moment. Yep healing can look really weird, like make-up on a bathroom wall weird but it is still healing!
Yeah Mar.
Huge smiles here as I read (I am home because a child is supsended for threatening a teacher)
YAY YOU!!!
That.Is.Fantastic.
How wonderful!
Oh, gosh! What a great story. I was thinking of you so much last night as my radlet was storming and crabbing and really trying, I think, to work herself up....and I said something to her that [accidentally] rhymed. She made a face and told me not to rhyme, so I started sort of dancing and rhyming all kinds of things to her; she couldn't maintain her mad. She didn't really totally come out of it, but we released a little steam that way, anyhow.
Aspie Boy threatened to run away one time. So i said, "OK. Do you want me to help you pack?" He said No, that he wanted me to help him find a stick, to cinch up his sack to, like tom sawyer or huck finn - a sack cinched to a stick for the purpose of running away. I laughed so hard!
yayay!!
happy dancing for you!!!!! :)
and an old school cyberhug :P
((((((((((((((christine))))))))))))))))
Made me cry.
Yehaw!!!
I remember the time when I'd had to do some theraputic holding while my Radlet raged and carried on. Afterwards, when she was calm again, and we'd talked about the emotions that had triggered it, I said, "You know, I love you enough that I'll hold you every time if that is what it takes. OR, if you don't LIKE me having to do that, you could try TALKING about what is going on and telling me how horrible you feel, and asking for me to hug you. Want to try that from now on? It's your choice." I've not had to hold her since (months ago) for raging. (we do lots of snuggling just for because.) I hope your story will have a similar happy ending! (And I love the idea that you all get pizza if you have to search. Going to keep that one filed away. Pretty cool you are!)
Post a Comment