My dear friend, and fellow therapeutic mom, Lush, sent me a text today. She was sitting and waiting on attachment therapy to start, in a whole other state, and a woman recognized her from online. She asked Lush to tell me hello, because she also reads my blog.I want to say a big, giant hello to this mom of four. One of many. I want to hug you somethin' awful.
I pulled over so I could cry a little bit (was about to order something to drink, and didn't want to pull out any ugly cry face for the cashier). It was a mixture of happy and sad and determined, all in one. I'm thrilled to know our family and this story can be an encouragement to anyone. I am sad that we cannot all live closer, in a giant trauma-recovery commune. And ... I am determined.
I am stinkin' determined.
I don't want any of us to feel alone. The kind of "physical therapy" required for our kids to heal is hard, it is bizarro and exhausting. It's one thing to bond and nurture with an infant. To recreate that entire process with a 10-year-old ...
We are not alone. None of us is an island, entire of ourselves.
Today, delurk and just let us know you are there. I'll turn on anonymous comments for a few days.
Feel the love. Feel the community.
(photo by mac pale, used with permission)
41 comments:
I feel so connected to the community and I'm not even parenting a RADish (yet). I lurk a lot and get so much out of your blog!! Christine is almost a member of our family 'cause "Christine says this and Christine says that".
My question is, "would you do it all over again - knowing what you know now?"
We are getting our foster parent license. We were licensed before but only had two placements before moving took us away. After reading all the blogs I've read -- I feel more prepared, and more scared to death, than ever before.
Thanks for that. You are a constant source of encouragement to me and I appreciate it. I make my husband watch your videos and we discuss afterwards because we have been there and are there and are looking for ways to heal. And your locavore thing is totally my speed.
Katie
You give me hope for a better tomorrow
Dear Christine, Lush & all the other awesome rad parents out there.
Our world was flipped upside down about 14 months ago when we entered this new rad~enviroment with our daughter. We had all the training & still had our socks blown off in the first 3 months.8-)
Now we can say we are therapeutic parents...most days. But not 100%.We are human. And when we meet new rad parents & see the look of desperstion in their eyes it is so important to help them beleive that... we do need each other & our support for one another. They aren't failing at parenting they will just be evolving into a new kind of parent & we will be there to help along the way. Thks Christine for being so inspiring & helpful to all of us. We will be adding a 7 yr Boy to our family who is more traumatized then our daughter was...for sure we are doing it all over again. 8-) Even though it's not always easy these kids need us to take a chance on them.
Hugs from a fellow Rad Mom in AZ
Max
I rarely comment, but I read often and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the parenting videos and posts you do on RAD. You have provided some support at a time when I felt extremely alone and frustrated. Hope I can somehow pay that forward.
You even bring dads hope. ;)
I'm here and thankful for your blog and Youtube videos. They have brought me laughter and encouragement. Someone relates to our children's behavior driving us "onka donka bonkers" LOL. I could not have said it better. I told a RAD therapist about you and some of your solutions to behavior. She thought they were great! Anway, I'm glad you are here too. Otherwise I would not have met so many RAD moms online and thought it possible to continue down the therapeutic parenting road. It is a challenge parenting teen RAD especially when they came late but having the comradery of other moms like you has been a Godsend. Hey, I'm thinking about that therapuetic commune. I wonder though what kind of RADtastic entertainment we would have with so many RAD families in one place. LOL. At least noone would look at us like we were crazy when we recite the preamble in the middle of a stream of nonsense chatter. LOL. Lovin' it!
That is one of the hard parts about being an attachment parent to a RAD child, you feel so lonely. You have to do things and live with things that no one else does nor would they understand. It does feel like you are in this world alone.
I have to say I came to your blog from curiosity. Actually I had a feeling something was not right about our "perfect" adopted daughter. When they put her in our arms at one year she did not utter a peep, no cry nothing. My gut told me something was not right. As we have gone past the last five years I have known something was not quite right. So of course being a mom I started investigating. Talked to our social worker who handled China for us and she pointed me to some sources. I have to say your site has been a great source for us. I can finally show hubby that there is something wrong with a child that never shows emotion and tries to be perfect. Thank you for baring your soul, which helps us to bare ours.
Christine, you really have a ministry here in the blog world and it is a wonderful outreach!
A dear lady from an adoption fundraising/support group I have recently started working with passed a blog post around to a group of us called this:
Storing Up Treasures: Choosing Love
www.storinguptreasures.com
It was about singing love songs at the top of your lungs no matter where you are to your rad kid when they start into their special behaviors.
I shared your blog with them and one of the ladies recognized someone she knows in person on YOUR BLOG. It really is such a small world when the internet comes into play. "I love technology"~The dude from Napolean Dynamite is chiming in again. ;)
So glad to I-know you dahling.
I can't even tell you how it felt to connect with this mom today. It feels like a family and I love that. I love that you write for us all, and that we are all connected because of the web. Don't stop doing what you are doing. It makes a difference even when you think no one is reading. xxoo lush
I'm here. Loving your blog & this community. Ditto to pretty much everything everyone else said. Maybe we'll make it to your RV park one day.
Angela :-)
Lynn, I'll answer that question tomorrow. :)
I cannot begin to express what an amazing blessing your blog has been to our family. Before stumbling on your blog I did feel as if I were truly alone in this journey. I agree with a previous commenter.. your name is now used in our home as if we are real life friends:) I have also gained so much insight and support from all the other rad moms that comment. Thank you!!!!!
I'm not a RAD parent; I'm a RAD aunt to four kids, all siblings, adopted out of the foster care system and a meth-addict home. I originally read for your food posts, your RV lifestyle, and because I love your Jesus-lovin', people-lovin', life-lovin' attitude. But I'm also learning so much about what my sister- and brother-in-law are up against, and it gives me hope for them that there's a community like this, trading ideas and supporting each other. I respect you all SO MUCH. Thank you for parenting these kids and pouring yourselves into their healing. Amazing work you're doing.
can I come?
Thanks. I wish I would have known about you 4 years ago when we first got home with our Dd from Russia. By God's grace we muddled through and are now on the other end enjoying a lot of sunlight. Still have RAD-y moments now and then, but boy, it's like SECONDS now compaerd to what used to be HOURS and HOURS and HOURS of it. I can deal with seconds/minutes most of the time. . . she can regulate now with a little (or sometimes, a lot!) of talking and loving. She's come so far! Anyway, love your stuff and glean helpful insights, and of course, laughs! Keep on what you are doing!
cyber hugs.
thanks for making me smile on even the most crazy RADtastic days.
:)
Thanks for your blog and for creating a place where its safe to talk about the struggle of raising our kids. Its also a safe place to laugh about it too : )
I've been parenting now for almost 9 years and its just been in the past few months that I have seen real improvment in my son who is now 14...he is becoming a kid I enjoy being with, its so great. His younger brother is still a huge challenge, but it does help so much to have the support of others.
I'm all for starting that commune Christine..we can all buy trailers and move on over to your place : )
When the therapist and I are stuck, she asks, "what would your Welcome to My Brain girl do/say?" I kid you not. She loved your pee song; it hooked her in.
"a giant trauma-recovery commune"
yeah - sweetness this sounds like :)
I first started reading your blog because I actually met you during our personal adoption journey and wanted to keep in touch. Although I'm ::ahem:: older, I am a relatively newer parent and your blog confirmed my theory that you are definitely wiser in the parenting department.
While neither of my two kiddos would likely fall into the RAD category, we've recently been dealing with a host of "special needs" issues with our son that have taken me on a roller coaster ride of emotions including worry, deflation, exhaustion, and isolation, to name a few. While our scenarios might be different, I have found your attitude and strategies give me hope.
Keep fighting the good fight, lady!
In the very isolated UP you make me feel....so very happy :) Love you! Thank you for making Austin not so far away.
Blessings!
Hannah
Lifesaver! That is what I call you. I am still sane because of you. I can now out-crazy the crazy without even thinking about it! My kids are happier, better regulated and healing because I have listened to you. You and the whole RAD community are our therapists and you all do so much better than any educated therapist we have ever tried. In fact, because of everything we have learned we have now willingly taken on one more RAD child with our eyes and hearts wide open. That makes 3 radical babes in my house. I wouldn't change it for the world!!!
I am here. I just got here. Someone encouraged me to start a blog about dealing with my RAD daughter and I feel like she threw me a life-line. I'm bobbing along in the wake behind a few of you gals, but am getting my legs under me and will be on my feet soon.
My blog is new . . . I sure could use some company. Thanks!
It's so good to remember we're not alone. I'm a foster mom and I've been bound up with children who are struggling so much right now. I've been feeling very isolated (I haven't even had much blogging time) and I was able to steal a few minutes today.
Thanks for reminding me that there are other moms who love through the tough stuff too!
Hi, my name is Becky and I stalk/love your blog! I was the one that talked to your friend, Alicia at the therapy office. What a crazy small world! I just recently stumbled onto your blog and LOVE YOUR VIDEOS! It was so nice to have another parent go through what we are going through! I've read so MANY books but having someone else go through it is more powerful and real than reading it in a book :) So thank you for being so open! and funny ;p and for LOVING GOD! It's been tough when you try to explain what your child's behaviors are and how you feel sometimes to other parents...I've just accepted that until they've walked in the shoes of attachment they probably will not understand..so again your blog has been a lifesaver thrown to a mom in a large ocean.:)
Thanks again,
Becky
I lurk, but I lurk faithfully every time you post. I frequent a crunchy/natural parenting board, and someone linked one of your posts -- that's how I found you. I have to say you are absolutely inspiring to me! I don't have any RAD kids -- I don't even know any RAD kids in real life. I do have two boys through infant adoption, and the older one is on the autism spectrum. So, while I really cannot imagine the extremes of behavior that you experience, I have used your tips and suggestions (LOVE the videos) in helping my son through his own tantrums, and just in becoming a gentler parent in general. You truly are an inspiration to me. Thank you for all that you do!
Becky - yea! So nice to "meet" you. Having your message sent to me was SO encouraging (not that you could tell or anything - dedicated a WHOLE blog post to it!!!). Thank you. Thank for taking time to think to do that.
I NEEDED IT!
Thank you for your blog. It gives me hope that I can be a better mom to our bio & foster kids.
Hi! Thatks for putting yourself out there and talking about the things we see as Radical parents. My RAD 7 yr old has been home almost 8 months from foster care and if it were not for the online community of parents even I would think I was crazy!
my favorite piece of advice you've given has become my mantra many times: "Out crazy the crazy!"
Many thanks to you and your awesome family, Colleen
I love reading your blog, Christine--I hope you keep going with it--and ESPECIALLY with your dedication and commitment to healing the children! (And by the way, if you start a trauma recovery community, I am sooo THERE! LOL!)
I posted a question on a RAD message board late last night even though it was mostly for children. I asked "Is it normal when one has attachment issues and a severe trauma history to feel scared,fear abandonment, feel more vulnerable etc, etc when feeling ill physically?" They said yes. Any thoughts on this? Have you experienced this with any of your kids? I hate how the past can still haunt us sometimes--even us grownups. Hugs, Lori
L, absolutely. The illness is in control, which is very frightening. You can't stop it or change it. I believe that was the total basis of my emetophobia that I had for years. No control over barfing. It just happened. FREAKED ME OUT.
Yes-I lurk. I am not a RAD parent but I have a kid who was sick-really sick-dying in the hospital sick and some of your rage and things you say SO apply to that situation so I lurk and nod my head yes sometimes. I GET the lack of control-the hardship of parenting in difficult circumstances. AND the illness my kid has has few bloggers (its hard to blog from an ICU) and many of them tend to be judgemental-the my kid is sicker than yours type of thing. I am not seeing that among the RAD groups. Anyway I lurk.
I'm here. Always here. Don't comment hardly anywhere anymore.
hi, Christine. I'm a loyal lurker, too. We have twin foster kids with RAD and your blog is such a treasure to us! You are amazing and I can't thank you enough for sharing your journey and great parenting ideas.
Hi Christine, I think I found your blog by way of Corey's. Love you both so much and feel a little weird about that - almost like a stalker. Okay, I'm not a stalker, just a lurker. That sounds much better! I've even tossed around the idea of heading down to Florida next year.
My kids are all adopted, the youngest two are haitian and are attachment challenged, but don't exhibit so many of the RAD behaviors that you talk about here. I appreciate your wisdom and encouragement so very much and I think your blog helps me to be a better mom.
Mary
PS. Can I be your facebook friend or would that just be too weird?
I have walked your journey for 7 years and the past 2 we havewitnessed a dramatic healing in our son. While we didn't knowingly take on RAD we were forced to deal with it because he is our precious son and we are stubborn parents. He gave us a precious gift because we have gone on to adopt 4 more times and always wanting the hard to place. I use my parenting gifts to be a sounding board for others who struggle because I would have curled up and withered if I didn't have my support group. Keep on blogging and reach high because God did not intend for your to waste your talents!
not parenting a radish - but parenting adopted kids with real residual pain and some trust issues - love your blog. :)
hellllllllllllo! i've been loving on your blog- i'm a new stopper-byer and i always leave feeling inspired- so thank you!
I'm here too! You are always so right on.
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