Children are worth this kind of sacrifice.
Children are worth this kind of grief.
Each and every child deserves this kind of selfless love.
Jeannette was Presh's foster mom. Her family was my daughter's family the first seven months of her life. They even facilitated her open adoption with her birth mom until a forever family could be identified. I'll never forget Jeannette saying, "I'm sorry, but she'll have to be rocked to sleep. I rock all my babies to sleep."
Yeah. THAT is the kind of amazing person who parented my child before she came to me.
Some of you have considered becoming a foster parent, but say the very thing we said, "I couldn't give them up. It would hurt too much." We said it. We watched Jim and Jeannette and their children and grandchildren hurt and cry and grieve when Precious left them to join our family. I realized that there is not a magical switch to your emotions that only certain people have. The best foster parents hurt and grieve. They regroup. They heal. Then they go on to love another child who needs them.
It was two years after that when our family began to foster children. We learned from the best!
Now, before I go on, get this in your head: Jim and Jeannette have a little boy in their home right now who is their 197th foster child! They've been at this for more than 25 years. Got it? Let that sink in, and then read the following ...
Jeanette wrote in an email last week:
"It has been about 50 hours since we left Victoria, now Autumn, with her "forever" family. Mom & Dad are wonderful and have already called us to let us know she is doing well. I knew she would, but it sure felt good to hear it.
I thought having her close by and knowing the family from adopting another special need child we fostered would make the separation easier. I've decided it really doesn't matter how wonderful the family is, how much we like them and know that we will see them again. It hurts. I keep asking how many more times our hearts can be broken before we can't patch it. But I guess as long as there are babies who need a temporary home, God will help us to love and let go.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of so very many of the babies that spent so much time with us or have touched us in some special way. And amazingly enough, we have lots of friends who ask us how certain babies that they remembered are doing. Your children have touched more lives than you will ever know. You are always in our hearts and prayers. We thank you so much for giving them such a wonderful life and allowing us to continue to be a small part of it. You have no idea how much that means to us."
(photo by Dallas Morning News)
22 comments:
Thank you for posting that. She said it so eloquently and so did you. I am a foster parent and I'm adopting the two amazing munchkins I'm raising now so I've seen it from both sides. I had a sweet baby for 5 months who's mom now messages me and sends his pictures on facebook...it does my heart good to see him thriving!
Thank you for the encouragement! HUGS!!!!
For me personally, fostering has been much more difficult than adoption. God bless foster and adoptive parents!
I love that she rocks them all, I wish all foster mamas where as amazing as she is. What a gift.
When Josh and I first talked about foster parenting I said, "well, I guess I can get my heart broken once, anyway." We knew we'd eventually adopt, but we didn't know how many placements we'd have before we did, and we were ok with that. We never intended to try to hold on. Our girls ended up being our first and only placement, but there was a time when they were leaving. One more week and they would have been gone. I was surprised at how "clean" the (pre)grief was, even for our 5-year-old. Not knowing the outcome, I knew I would go through it, live, and start again. But 197 times? Wow.
That is really incredible. What true devotion. I have had less than ten foster kids but still catch myself worrying and wondering how they are.
We've been on a break because of the pain but are starting up again because that is not a good enough excuse not to give love to these sweeties with needs.
Now if we can ever get done with the necessary hoop jumping, the heart ripping can continue. :{ :)
Yes, I am thankful for the foster parents who cared for my children before they came to me. I am a foster-adoptive parent as well. I wish we had a huge house and could take in several more to help them but we will likely only take one at a time more until our other children are older. We may be getting a girl next summer. It's a beautiful pain that we all go through to care for traumatized children. I just began a Facebook Group called Christian Therapeutic Parenting for Traumatized Children. I thought it would be a good place for us to gather and encourage each other. Christine, if you would like to join, I'd be happy to add you. :>)
As a foster Mama (only 20 times), my heart breaks and it heals - and I get over it. But imagine the poor child who leaves a home and no one grieves their passing, misses their presence, mourns thier loss. Now that would be a tragedy. How could The Other Mother and I not not love these kids, just to avoid having our hearts broken?
Wow, thank you for posting that today! It is so wonderful to hear of foster parents who open themselves to heartbreak because they know there are children out there who need them. What an inspiration!
Our son was with his foster family for 4 days before we met him. Our little girl was doubly blessed by being fostered by both Jim & and Jeannette's and the Moers' families for nearly the first 4 months of her life. Regardless of the length of time they were fostered, those families hold a special place in our hearts.
THANK YOU!!
What an amazing family. We fostered before we adopted and it was not too bad giving the babies to wonderful forever families. The hard part was giving the little kids back to abusive parents, that was the one that put me out of the running.
Our daughter was in foster care for about 9 months before we adopted her from China and we will always be grateful for the family that cared for her.
For sure there is a special place in heaven for foster parents!
thank you for this post. i unfortunately was a "cry it out" parent with my first born and when we got our 7 week old from his foster family and the mom, dad, and social worker warned me he'd been "spoiled" i thought "oh, great!" but i have come to learn that the "spoiling" he experienced set the stage for a beautiful attachment and the beginning of a wonderfully well-adjusted and thriving child in our family. i cannot express in words the gratitude my heart exudes for that family and other foster families like them. thank you for encouraging those who reject the foster family idea because of the pain they fear. parenting is pain. no matter how you come to get your kids. this is just pain you can predict.
love this post... thanks for writing it, and thank you to all the foster families who allow their hearts to be broken... what a beautiful pain.
I sent a link to this post to the dear foster family that has the sweet little girl we have been matched with. It made me think of them. Thanks for posting Christine!
We've been foster parents for the last 15 months. We currently have our 8th & 10th kids living with us (actively looking for 2 more kids). Our 10YO will hopefully be adopted this summer (not by us) and our 17YO will stay with us until she graduates and then we will be her "family" but she doesn't want to do adoption paperwork.
I'd like to say that my heart breaks every time we have a child move on, but the sad truth is that sometime our heart breaks and sometimes we sigh with relief. We are doing older kids with lots of issues. My social worker knows that if we ever get a baby, they had better find the BEST family for that child or I will never let it go!
No matter what, it's a difficult job, but I can't imagine stopping anytime soon. 25 years though - wow. That's amazing!
197 children! She's my hero!!! Our son was fostered by an amazing couple, then we completed the process to foster him and eventually adopt him. I was so scared of the heartbreak as we had just buried our son and I didn't think I could handle more pain, but my husband just kept saying "you can't give away too much love." That became our mantra. Now we're in a place in our life where God has our fostering on hold, but I cannot wait to get back to it.
True love...loving a child and then doing what is best for them even when it hurts. Then doing it again and again..
I am a bio kid of foster parents. We had many kids newborn-18 in and out of our house for 20+ years. 60 some kids in all. It did hurt, each and every time they left. And it did feel like our family was reborn each time we got a call for a new one. I can't say it was easy, but it was all I knew. If you do have bio-children, do involve them in the process as my parents did, it really helped knowing that my parents were still mine and it made it much easier to share!
Foster parenting is really hard. We have said, "good-bye" five times so far, and I wonder constantly about the condition of all 11 children. It is our nature to bond. We would be unhealthy if we didn't. But it sure does make foster parenting hard.
Oh, and we take the "older" kids. The ones who don't really want to be with us, and have the language to tell us so. Doesn't matter. We still love them.
I am also a foster mom, I just found your blog through another blog I read. I love this post. Is it ok if I link to it possibly?
I love reading other foster blogs, and look forward to keeping up with yours!
Maggie, you may always link to me. That's what it's here for.
I am not sure how I found your blog, but I did and it is so much fun. I could read all night, but alas, I am chasing my children back to their beds. I am telling you I am going to use duct tape on those kids....at least the bio ones. I am sure there is something about duct tape being illegal for use with foster children, besides they are the darling ones.....I am chasing a rabbit. Anyway, I saw you at the Together for Adoption Conference. You were with a group laughing and having fun and I was alone not knowing a soul....and that was fine although I was a little lonely watching others have someone to share their tears and joys) I got to go and that was a miracle! I did have my darling AA foster baby girl with me on Friday night in a Moby wrap and had to stay in the back because she wanted to play and flirt with everyone. I am enjoying reading your blog and will spend more time as I have it....I have 5 kids and they are home schooled and 2 of those are babies and one of those is deaf and has a cleft palate and has 2 million therapy appointments....you get the point....you live the point. I wrote a post on my blog similar to yours about foster care. Hop over some time. I hope to meet you sometime at another event! The dreds are a great way to find you! www.5survivethedrive.blogspot.com. I am NOT an eloquent writer or a very good blogger, just passionate about loving these darlings! We adopt one of them next week on National Adoption Day!
Post a Comment