I don't think I've had so many people tell me I suck, in a 24-hour period. Yet, I can take it, cause I'd do the same to you. Knowing I'm not alone in this Attachment Challenge makes is easier.
Oh, who are we kidding? No it doesn't.
So, how do we actually DO this when we don't want to? Why did I get four million emails yesterday, asking this question?
To start with, I would suggest making a big, phat blog post about it so you know approximately 800 people are checking in on you daily (crap, what was I thinking?). Some of you are setting your phone alarms as reminders - genius. I have already started a chart, and I'm X-ing things off with a Sharpie.
But really, how do you DO it? Well (note: Christine is about to piss you off again, so grab something to throw) ... you remember that you are the grown-up.
The adult in this situation.
Your child did not ask for their trauma and they did not ask for you. They just want a friggin' chance in this world, and this little challenge does not even barely braise the surface of what we ask of our kids ... not even close.
Yes, we are traumatized. Yes, we all have cortisol levels off the charts. Yes, some of us actually have PTSD because of our experiences with our very own kids. Yes, yes, YES! These are not just words. I am not throwing around exclamation points lightly. For some of us, this is triggering a physical reaction. We are committing to something really, really hard. And holy hell, if we can't do THIS ... we cannot expect our kids to do their end of the work.
Friends, if we don't do this, we'd be idiots to think our kids will ever do the work in our home. These are just the basics. They are not optional - they are vital. If we can't force ourselves to do the basics, WE NEED HELP FOR OURSELVES.
Did you read it in the comments yesterday? The underlying theme bubbled to the surface - if we are having such a reaction just thinking about doing this, then it is obvious we need to do this. We need it as much as they do.
How can you take the pressure off of yourself? How about tell your child that the TWO of you are going to join a challenge. Show them your chart! Tell them you will both win a reward at the end of the week. Then, you have added some motivation to the mix. You know I don't mind being honest ... so here goes. I HATE the part of the challenge where I let her choose what she wants to do. Hate it. HATE IT. Yesterday was hair braiding day. I had already started this whole thing. So for most of the DAY, she got to choose TV programming, where we sit, etc. I let her ... multiple times ... and today it is not yet easier for me to do that part of the chart.
I'm not there. Not feeling it.
But I'm gonna' put on my big girl panties, and I'm gonna' do it. I'm telling myself what I tell my child every single day, "What will happen if you do the right thing? Are you afraid you might die? Well, let's try it and find out. If you die, we'll have a lovely service and play all of your favorite songs." I joke, but I'm realizing this week how little empathy I allow myself to have for them in those moments. For Pete's sake, I don't want to let them choose one fun activity a DAY. I don't want to give them that little tiny bit.
Yet, I ask them to give me everything. I expect them to be strong beyond comprehension. I expect the 10-year-old to be more brave and take more risks than the 37-yr-old.
That's screwed up. I'm screwed up sometimes.
So, start throwing whatever you have in your hand. That's your computer that will take the hit. ;)