Monday, May 10, 2010

The Payback

Take some very, very deep and intense work inside the heart of a hurting child.

Mix in one long day of her mother leaving the house to celebrate Mother's Day (thus, taking away all opportunity for child to destroy the day due to trauma triggers and all that is attachment challenges).

Shake overnight.

Wake to a constant state of battle which has escalated to them "running away" up the hill and screaming "I hate you!"

I have been honing in on my skills of staying quiet and walking away. Today was one of those times they just created the argument and the battle without me. Starting throwing things at windows. Breaking things outside. *engage me, engage me, engage me, engage me*

So, I stepped out with my laptop and coffee. That sent them trucking, which is good. Exercise. Break in the tension. Clearing of the stuck mind.

OH ... they're on her way back down! Must find my loving eyes and get back to work. I can see the regulation in their walk. Gonna' see if we can't kick some more trauma a** today!

The bigger the "stuff" the more they are feeling. I'm not surprised by this at all. They have done MAJOR work. MAJOR. It's scary. And right before Mother's Day. Double whammy.

My kid is actually sitting directly beside me now. They know I'm safe. Must hit "Publish."

Love you guys. In the words of Brenda, "Never, never, never quit."


Kerrie said...

Princess wore her white heeled not-for-playing-outside-do-you-hear-me shoes to stomp in mud puddles and broke her bed last night.

Mother's Day is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Blessed Wife and Mom said...

Praying for you!

Jennifer said...

Love this post and it spoke to me so much! Thank you and you are doing a fantastic job.

Sam said...

I'm in my first year of RAD FAS PTSD, sexual abuse, whatever else we discover. My new kid is 12 and has never had appropriate therapy or fostering, so a big job I walked into blind. I am so impressed and overwhelmed with the conscious attention you and the blogging moms I'm reading are capable of. I've been alone in this until last week when a crossblogger alluded to attachment problems and then I found all of you! Thanks for being there and op0ening your lives for me to know there is hope and I'm not alone. love Sam

Diana said...

Whooo...deep breath. Way to go, mom! Way to go!! Mother's Day just plain stinks. I'm glad it's over for another whole year. Praying she'll settle down! Praying you'll be able to keep on taking it until she does.

My kids held it together yesterday pretty well (thanks to some deliberate action on our part). My little and most explosive guy has been whammied all over the place this past week, though. Police visit...Mother's Day...Last day of pre-school ever...a big weekend playing with extended family and cousins in highly stimulating envorionments...big, major attachment work...etc.

The cork hasn't blown yet, but I'm sure it will. He's still really trying to use other very appropriate means to calm himself express all that craziness going on inside (MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR hurray, there!) but he's still teetering on the edge. Lucky for me, my dear neighbors have now removed (at least temporarily until one of our therapists is back from vacation and can help with the situation) all outside options for brain resets and putting safety necessitated pysical barrier between a ferralistic raging kid and the rest of the family (inculing me.)

Yeah. So nice of them. Thank you for your concern, dear neighbors. Next time you want to express your supiority and condemn me with your vast knowledge of abused and hurting kids, call me rather than the police, would you? I'll send my little angel right over to scream at you, throw stuff at your windows, pee on your floor, and fling poop all over your lovely white sofas. >:-)

That said, what suggestions might you have for indoor options of remaining disengaged while simultaneously keeping everyone safe AND keeping the kid from completely destroying the entire house in the process? said...

hope she stays regulated, yesterday Calvin got himslef regualted by cleaning/dusting his room... I can totally by into cleaning as a regualting task, provided he does not break anything!

The Sexton Crew said...

So glad that Tara introduced us on FB! I will be tracking with (and learning from) you from now on. =)


matryoshka said...

Jupiter got dumped in the shower yesterday fully clothed..but she was regulated by the end of the shower. I'm a little shocked that the shower curtain survived the ordeal, she punched it around quite a bit. But she wasn't punching me, so hey. Mothers Day combined with the three days of nonstop constant care and nurturing she had to live through last week. Great at the time, but now she has to pay me back by pushing me away more than ever.

BT said...

Oh, how I loved this post. Good work by both of you. And, yes, those words of Brenda's rattle around in my head (thankfully!). She just can't say them enough.

Misty said...

this could have been my day. Seriously... sitting, trying to read blogs all the while she's trying every tactic to get me to fight with her- but i don't.