I think all of us parenting trauma should create our own Nancy Drew-esque mystery series. We could take all of the quirky, nonsense type of things our kids deliberately do when they are feeling out of control.
"The Case of the Spoon with the Cups"
"The Case of the Wet Underwear Under the Bed"
"The Case of the Moldy Food in the Bathroom"
This week, we have "The Case of the Missing Detergent Cap." We all know who is responsible for it. Our family members are the only ones who use the containers we recycle and use for our homemade detergent. If someone DID accidentally drop the cap in with some laundry, they would discover it at some point and put it back. It's a very typical behavior, although creative in its own right.
When Michael was refilling detergent with the girls the other day, the focus of this whodunit was the first to say, "I'LL CARRY BACK THE ONE THAT IS MISSING A CAP."
And we continue to ignore it.
It is driving that kid CRAZY. We won't go too terribly long, because the truth behind the behavior is that they now feel some guilt for doing it. They want to get caught. Feels that they NEED to get caught to prove her feelings of shame. However, we're choosing to make this mystery into one of the classic "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. We're brainstorming over some very passive ways we can encourage them to fix this little mystery with as little interaction with us as possible. An opportunity to keep moving forward in healing.
It would be a big deal, and I'm not sure they'll choose that particular ending. However, we all know that the cap is still somewhere (maybe - could have been thrown out with the trash since they forget we have someone in the park helping us with those tasks right now). Probably, it is hidden somewhere. I would venture to guess it's actually in the house, instead of down near the laundry room.
We will create a very positive, encouraging note. Unsigned. Just a quick reminder of true strength and what that looks like.
And we will wait.
I mean, a missing cap is not the end of the world. No biggie. But that cap reappearing. Now THAT would be a best seller!
(photo by Melodi T, used with permission)