Monday, October 04, 2010

It's like my eyes are incontinent

I spent Friday and Saturday at the Together for Adoption Conference.

It was a million things.

My brain and Owlhaven finally met. In fact, I roomed with her Friday night. In fact, I got a signed copy of her fantabulous book (nyah! nyah!). She has also agreed to become an expert on all things "teenagers" and then teach me everything she knows. Okay, maybe I TOLD her that is what she was going to do, but she didn't argue. She was laughing hysterically ... hmmmmm.

Which one of you losers was the chic that said, "You told me to tell you hi," and then kept walking as if I DIDN'T want to talk to you or didn't have time? Hoser. Out yourself, I say. I wanted to find out who the heck you were! I wanted to tell you my kids were in the lobby and to go meet them. I wanted to know if you had kids and why you read my story, and, and, and, and ... I now want to egg your house for not letting me. Come oooooooon. Who are you? I can't even remember your name. Too busy saying, "Seriously ... come back!!" It was like the end of a tragic love story that never happened.

I was able to see my Facebook friend Annee in real life. She's great. Annee, you are GREAT! Thank you for finding me. And Amy Block was kind enough to laugh at me when I said something to Annee akin to, "I'm so used to your tiny Facebook icon, it's so great to see you bigger"

Check out Amy's recap on her blog. Find the pic of Jenn. Yeah, her! Jenn, I never wrote down your blog address. Post it in the comments so we can all harass you for not posting enough. I loved how we kept bumping into one another. I loved how you whispered into my ear when we were both thinking the same thing. I am so very glad you let me be your friend.

All the other gals in Amy's post? Amazing. Truly fun and amazing. Sat up in a room with many of them very late talking about behaviors and intestines and whack-job hair cuts. It was so very good to laugh, because the rest of the time I was a blubbery mess.

There were these fun, new budding friendships with so much connection. Simultaneously, there were those people with whom you already share some sort of history. It was rich and those good-byes sucked because there's no guarantee when I'll see them again.

It was also 48 hours of constant reminders of adoption in our home, in our family and particularly all that has been the last two and a half years of our lives.

I didn't expect it. It kicked my tail. Ours is a story of pain and loss and confusion and healing and hope. I felt every single bit of it. I didn't want to leave, but I had a constant need to be by myself and wail. I think that was important for me. I'm too strong sometimes. So strong that I delay the expression of my own emotions.

That conference was a purging. If you met me for the first time, no, my eyes are not normally swollen shut. However, in the end, I returned home to hope and healing and future. We are doing it together. My kids are rock stars. I'm just now really starting to understand what I have been asking of them, to move forward. I'm not happy that it took me this long to honor the depth of it, and can't believe I ever dared to be impatient with them. They have have climbed mountains ... in the snow ... without feet.

Really glad I went.


(photo by Ivan Prole, used with permission)

11 comments:

Kristen {RAGE against the MINIVAN} said...

I miss you already. I think an "Orange County trailer park experience" is in order.

Christine said...

I miss your bangs.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Is it bad that I feel so very sad that I couldn't come? Because I feel very sad.

Wendi said...

Echoing many of your sentiments from the weekend...including having to run and hide so I could actually weep without scaring everyone away after the first hour.
Of all the people I "met" for the first time (like people I didn't know at all before now), you were my favorite! It was sheer joy meeting you (in Amy Block's room) and hearing your stories - even if they did involve intestines :-0
Genuine people are the only way I roll, so thank you for the breath of fresh air in that regard. Hope when I'm down in TX next, I can come camp at the RV Park - yes, our family is crazy enough to actually enjoy tent camping.
Thanks for the inspiration and for being adorable (said in the straightest way possible).
-Wendi from Seguin(Marion), TX now living in CO

Christine said...

TM, I thought of you often.

Wendi, so much FUN talking to you, and making Amy turn up her nose at us like we eat actual tree bark for breakfast. ;)

Kerrie said...

Thanks for your last two sentences. They echoed something I've been hearing in my head a lot lately.

Owlhaven said...

Sooooooo fun to hang with you, girl!
Mary, who - fair warning - isn't expecting to be an expert on teenagers anytime soon... :)

Amy said...

If I loved you any more Christine it would be weird. LOL
I totally don't have Jenn's blog address either- I looked all over for it too. Let me know if you find it. :)

Jen said...

sorry ladies, I like to keep my blog address to myself, ya know, since I'm a big loser when it comes to posting regularly. . .

I don't know why I can never find the time. . .

oh, I remember now - trying to parent 9 children from "hard places" and 1 who probably now qualifies as a child from a hard place based upon this past year of chaos! LOL!

At least Karyn Purvis gave us some hope (again) to keep on keeping on. It was good to hear her say the things that I thought I knew, but still need to hear again. ya know?

so, my blog is (are you ready?) hisgracehisglory.blogspot.com

I have to say one of my favorite conference moments was seeing Christine and Mary (from Owlhaven) talking to each other in the hallway.

I actually couldn't believe it and so I had to go over and interrupt just so I could meet them both!

Sorry about that Christine!

It was awesome to meet you in person. I'd love to stay in touch.

Now, I'm off to watch your TP video about the power of my voice. . .

Annie said...

Apart from perhaps junior high I never had a best friend either - usually a group of frinds...but somehow in the last year, between kid issues, husband issues, and the the reorganization of my church/work situation. I have no friends. Well, they are friends, in theory, but not in pracice. That makes life very, very lonely.

Thank heaven for the internet. You can "meet" those friends when everyone else is asleep...or busy...or whatever.

Dave and Sonya said...

so.
very.
jealous.
in a holy way of course.
~