Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Oh my lordy be

I still have a very not-doing-great child.

A million times better than two years ago, but have I mentioned how those good days (and even weeks - WOW) really spoil you and then the bad days smack you between the eyes?

I'm on my game, though. I'm a therapeutic super star. Mostly.

We are keeping it silly. Talking about all the super crazy stuff that my kid COULD do - "Hey, you seem to feel pretty stressed and funky again today. I thought later you might want to run away, set the house on fire and perhaps dance on my head. Wadda' ya' say? Around 4:00?" I get a smile and a rolling of the eyes.

REMINDER: therapeutic parenting does not stop the behavior. It creates an environment of perceived safety over and over and over again while healing very slowly takes place (emphasis on veeeeeerrrrrryyyyyyyy slllllooooooowwwwwllllyyyy).

Yesterday morning I asked my lovely to take a break in their room after being pretty ugly to their siblings. We were having smoothies for breakfast, so I was all, "You can just take your smoothie with you - read a book - rest ..." (I got the robot look - you trauma Momma's know the look - the I-will-not-fall-for-the-therapeutic-intervention look) "... OR you could smash your glass against something and smear your very dark purple smoothie all over the wall, maybe break something on your bed, draw a picture of me and poop on it?"

Yeah, I TOTALLY got a smile and then they fought it back HARD. It was gonna' be one of those days. But still, always worth sneaking in a poop, fart or booger remark. Typically throws them off enough.

Well, the one thing I did not mention or suggest was to pour the very dark purple smoothie over some of their siblings' Webkinz that were still in their room from the day before. No biggie. Everyone kept a poker face (cause I prep everyone in these situations, "It is just a stuffed animal. They'll wash them to make it right. If they are stained, they'll buy you a new one. It's okay to be sad, but let's work really hard to not fight back."). My kids are all rock stars and really do let me teach them how to be therapeutic siblings. No reactions from any of them.

And when that child was ready (I did not push - just said, "When you're ready"), they ran the purple plushies through the washer and dryer. All came out looking fantabulous. Restitution was made and Mom resisted the urge to keep score and lecture and yell.

I wanted to yell, yo. But I did not. Fist bumps all around. OH DEAR GOD, DID I WANT TO YEEEELLLL! Instead, I started to do math problems in my head. And I crocheted. Cause it works. Don't knock it, if it works! We have to switch up our brains and energy just like they do. Oh, and you're all getting booties for Christsexmas.

So, I did not yell and the rest of the day was really pretty okay. Minor corrections and redirections here and there. Nothing more than the average child being a butt head to their siblings.

One day at a time.


Anonymous said...

Oh, how it does my heart good to see someone else face a yucky day! Not just that but hear that you can do it!! If you can do it, I can do it! Thank you!!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Ok, now I have Lady Gaga's Poker Face in my head. Maybe it should become the RAD Mom Anthem. LOL!

I do the same thing with trying to distract myself from blowing up, I try to run the Fibonacci sequence in my brain. Thing is, I don't KNOW the Fibonacci sequence so it takes a long time and serious concentration. Gotta' switch it up all around!

Shan said...

HA HA!! So awesome.
And "booties for Christsexmas" is hilare. xx

Brenda said...

I know what you mean about getting spoiled. And we go again......I've started calling Taz "T.K" (phrase from Erika) instead of by his name. Terrific Kid. He loves it.

Anonymous said...

fibonacci sequence: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21...

add the previous 2 numbers to get the next number in the sequence.

math nerd. sorry.

but now you know. and knowing is half the battle. ask g.i. joe.

also, i am totally stealing drawing a picture of me and pooping on it. absolutely perfect!

Kerrie said...

Christine, would you consider writing something up on therapeutic sibling-hood? I've been stumbling around that with my own brood and could use some ideas.

I snort my coffee every time I read "Christsexmas."

♥Shally said...

I soooo needed your humor today. I feel like I am in as big of a rut as my son is lately.

I am stealing the draw a picture of me and poop on it line too. :)

Jenn said...

Okay, can you please do a whole post about staying silly when your child is,um, having a moment? I totally and completely suck at that.

mobetta said...

I lost it today. Totally. I suck.

This sucks.

When Ikaika attacks my other kids, I get angry. I don't want my other kids living under the shadow of his abuse.

It's not fair to them.

I'm still trying to figure this out.

Thanks for your blog.

Jen said...

Fist bumps back atcha, yo!

You truly are a superstar!

I could have used the booger/poop remarks today but I think I went for snarky sarcasm - you know, cause that always works. . .


Shannon- said...

I suck at this sometimes. I have REAL trouble with it first thing in the morning... like before I even get out of bed morning. He's started noticing though and totally using it as a 'time to get her'. It sucks. and I SUCK. I've been thinking it's sleep issues but I'm starting to wonder if the waking up earlier and earlier (regardless of level of exhaustion) is more a control to get me yelling thing. ugh ugh ugh.

denie heppner said...

yes, i lurk. you inspire me. ok, i'll go back to the shadows now.

Kristine said...

You amaze me!

I totally lost it with my son the other day. And my younger son saw it. I think back on it and feel physically sick. ughh

I need to learn how to get Noah to make restitution. He's almost 8 and has never successfully cleaned up after the chaos he creates. When we try to show him how he just melts down even more.