Monday, December 06, 2010
Tis the season to stop having sex
There is a War on Christmas, friends, but it's not what the media would have you believe.
It begins with the post-Thanksgiving bloat. Pretty soon it is completely out of control.
Holiday parties. Shopping. More holiday parties. Then another party. More baking for for yet another party. A forgotten gift for a Secret Santa exchange. Decorating. Musical rehearsals. Attending musicals. Wrapping gifts. THEN ANOTHER STUPID PARTY!
Before you know it, the things which once went bump in the night, no longer ... um ... bump.
And I am declaring to the world that I think that is just plain messed up! Sure, it's bad that the holidays are over-commercialized. You betcha', I think it's pitiful that families fight more during this time due to stress. But when you start messing with sex ... you have gone. too. far.
Just STOP IT!
I double dog dare you to skip a party (or two ... or twelve). Eat no more than one holiday treat each day, so you feel light and airy and ... bump-worthy. Buy some cookies instead of baking them. When your co-worker waltzes in with her perfectly decorated sugar cookies, spelling out the name of everyone in the office with sprinkles, apologize in the best way you know how:
"I'm sorry my cookies are so lame. I was going to make my grandmother's divinity last night, but I was too busy banging my husband."
Because, when January rolls around, no one will remember how many presents were under the tree, or how drunk Aunt Martha got on the rum balls, or who wrote the best fake Christmas letter making their children sound like biochemists. But Santa is sure gonna' remember every second Mrs. Claus went down the chimney.
Let's do it. Let's put the "sex" back in Christsexmas!
WHO'S WITH ME?
(photo by jwtwel, used with permission and possibly much to his chagrin)