Monday, December 06, 2010

Tis the season to stop having sex




There is a War on Christmas, friends, but it's not what the media would have you believe.

It begins with the post-Thanksgiving bloat. Pretty soon it is completely out of control.

Holiday parties. Shopping. More holiday parties. Then another party. More baking for for yet another party. A forgotten gift for a Secret Santa exchange. Decorating. Musical rehearsals. Attending musicals. Wrapping gifts. THEN ANOTHER STUPID PARTY!

Before you know it, the things which once went bump in the night, no longer ... um ... bump.

And I am declaring to the world that I think that is just plain messed up! Sure, it's bad that the holidays are over-commercialized. You betcha', I think it's pitiful that families fight more during this time due to stress. But when you start messing with sex ... you have gone. too. far.

So stop.

Just STOP IT!

I double dog dare you to skip a party (or two ... or twelve). Eat no more than one holiday treat each day, so you feel light and airy and ... bump-worthy. Buy some cookies instead of baking them. When your co-worker waltzes in with her perfectly decorated sugar cookies, spelling out the name of everyone in the office with sprinkles, apologize in the best way you know how:

"I'm sorry my cookies are so lame. I was going to make my grandmother's divinity last night, but I was too busy banging my husband."

Because, when January rolls around, no one will remember how many presents were under the tree, or how drunk Aunt Martha got on the rum balls, or who wrote the best fake Christmas letter making their children sound like biochemists. But Santa is sure gonna' remember every second Mrs. Claus went down the chimney.

Let's do it. Let's put the "sex" back in Christsexmas!

WHO'S WITH ME?




(photo by jwtwel, used with permission and possibly much to his chagrin)

20 comments:

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

Once Hubby is over his horrible head cold and fever blister I'm sure we'll be enjoying the "festivities" again.

Jamey... said...

I'm sure my husband would like me to support this campaign, but I'm passing. Abstinence is the only way I can be sure that we don't end up with four kids four and under! Maybe next Christmas.... ;)

pixiemama said...

I am IN and Jamey? I have four kids. When we hit four, I got an IUD - the old-fashion copper (no hormone) kind. We love that thing. Lasts like 8 years. No pills. No hormones. No messin' with the sexin'

Chantelle said...

There is just NOTHIN' you won't say, is there. ;) Love ya.

Lynn said...

I am totally laughing out loud - AND forwarding this on to my husband. :) We'll do our part to help with the cause.

Gaston said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mama Drama Times Two said...

We will do our very best to keep the holiday festivities going here. After all, if Christine says it - it must be true. PS Chocolate covered pretzels don't count? Right?

JMcBride said...

BRILLIANT!!! Thanks for such a wise and insightful post...you are a genius!!! I will be sending this to Laura right away...

Thanks - Jason McBride

Christine said...

Mamas - you can have 23 chocolate covered pretzels a day.

Sounds like a Weight Watcher's thing to do. lol

Story of our Life said...

Today...I've said more than once the lil ol' montra I'm sure you've heard before....

Oh.My.Head. A few times there were few more words put in that.

This last time...it was a laughing....mixed in w/it!!

Christine, thanks for the reminder. It isn't the gifts, the damn cookies, the stupid parties that as me just hating everything/one. And maybe...this is just what I need..and my dh. We are growing further and further apart these days. ugh

Summer said...

I'd love to join in the festivities, but well...

OK, I guess I can try. But only cause you said to. ;)

B said...

Um, I'm totally going to remember how drunk Aunt Martha got on Rum Balls....

dude, gotta have something to chuckle at around June when Aunt Martha is being insufferable. :)

Merry Christmas Stine!

Britt

Integrity Singer said...

oh, but the rum ball buzz is so much fun ...

Kristen {RAGE against the MINIVAN} said...

If I must . . .

Trauma Mama said...

Oh, how you have brightened my day! Amidst the triggers and stress going on here I will do my best!
Love the post!

Brenda said...

You aminal.

Lisa said...

Wish I could be with you on this mission, but my libido has been on holiday. 7.5 months preggers, and so tired and sore will do that to you! I guess the holiday season will put the final nail in the coffin. ;-)

wholetthishappen said...

Oh ya! You speak my language, lady! But just for kicks I will use this post to wiggle out of some holiday obligations. And wiggle back into bed, or the rug in front of the fire place...

Recovering Noah said...

Maybe you should start a 12 days of Christsexmas?? You know... have Mommy doing more than just kissing Santa Claus under the Christmas tree? Having Santa fill Mrs. Claus' stocking. Maybe she can move over to Santa's naughty list. *wink* *wink*

I think I'm in. It'll be my Christmas present to Sim. We're broke this year. But sex is free. And the smile on his face? Oh yeah... it'll be priceless.

Kacie said...

sad day. I wish I could join you. Having delivered a baby out of my vajayjay four days ago, I have six weeks (or maybe less?) until there will be bumping in the night at this house. *sigh*