As an adoptive mom, I lean toward .... well, spending most of my time thinking only of my part of the triad (which, let's be honest, is totally obtuse!).
It's natural that I do that. We focus mostly on our immediate reality. Sucks in a lot of ways, but true.
Yet, it is vital that I continuously learn and hear and accept the truths shared from all sides. Just because I don't agree with them doesn't mean they're not true. My ears are tainted. They are tainted with the pull of being "Mom," and the jealousy that naturally occurs with the fact that my children who were adopted have people and histories that are as deep as their heart and the blood which pumps through it..
Why the heck am I talking about this? Well, I just started writing for "Grown In My Heart" this month. They are offering a conference next fall, and the announcement and choice of keynote has brought about a great deal of discussion. Important discussion. Words from voices which are squelched on a regular basis. Those who get 3% of the stage. Those who are expressing their pain and their passion and their disagreement because they know they speak for others, as well as themselves.
They have a voice, and it must be heard, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel.
There are issues in adoption, and it is not okay to just keep saying, "there are issues in adoption." Adoption = pain and loss = children.
It is not okay to just keep saying "there are issues in adoption."
I'm not always popular at parties, and here is yet another post that will keep me off the guest list. I know not everyone wants to push themselves into discomfort for the sake of their children. We say we do, but it is painful and it sucks for us. This is one of those times. I have made myself read the comments and click on the blog links and hear and listen and understand to the best of my ability and honor their massive importance.
They deserve my ear.
They have it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The gluten free thing and made-up food
For those of you who are waiting with bated breath (yeah, cause that would happen), it is official:
my husband cannot tolerate gluten.
Within about 7-10 days of being gluten free, he noticed significant changes in his body. Massive improvements. We then went out on a 24-hour hide-from-the-children date where he cheated some, and we could not verify everything at every restaurant.
And he paid dearly.
So, that's that. Only took 42 years to figure it out. That has to be some kind of record.
Cooking for him is not an issue. We just go with different flour options, and enjoy all of the other GF stuff we already love. On that note, I took a favorite recipe we used to make back before we were more vegetarian, then altered to be vegetarian/vegan. Thought I would share.
It's my butchered version of God's Littlest Angels' Chicken Creole Sauce
(a.k.a. - how to fudge a recipe with only what you got!)
I started a huge pot of whole grain rice (which needs to go a good 40 minutes)
Sauteed a diced onion, 6 minced garlic cloves, green bell pepper diced, red bell pepper diced in some water. When everything was nice and transluscent, I pulverized it all in the blender (Vita Mix) until it was super smooth. Put it back in the pan. Added a whole little can of tomato paste, 8 cups of water (yes, I meant to write 8 cups - I feed an army) and whisked it all together. Then I ran two regular sized cans of black beans through the blender, adding some of the water from the pan to speed up the blendage. Poured THAT in, followed by some thyme, parsley, crushed red pepper, and salt (all of that to taste). Put in on a simmer and let it bubble and cook down for a good half hour while the rice was also doing its thing.
So, it ended up being rice and a creole sauce, although painfully different from where it started.
The verdict?
ZOWZA!!
my husband cannot tolerate gluten.
Within about 7-10 days of being gluten free, he noticed significant changes in his body. Massive improvements. We then went out on a 24-hour hide-from-the-children date where he cheated some, and we could not verify everything at every restaurant.
And he paid dearly.
So, that's that. Only took 42 years to figure it out. That has to be some kind of record.
Cooking for him is not an issue. We just go with different flour options, and enjoy all of the other GF stuff we already love. On that note, I took a favorite recipe we used to make back before we were more vegetarian, then altered to be vegetarian/vegan. Thought I would share.
It's my butchered version of God's Littlest Angels' Chicken Creole Sauce
I started a huge pot of whole grain rice (which needs to go a good 40 minutes)
Sauteed a diced onion, 6 minced garlic cloves, green bell pepper diced, red bell pepper diced in some water. When everything was nice and transluscent, I pulverized it all in the blender (Vita Mix) until it was super smooth. Put it back in the pan. Added a whole little can of tomato paste, 8 cups of water (yes, I meant to write 8 cups - I feed an army) and whisked it all together. Then I ran two regular sized cans of black beans through the blender, adding some of the water from the pan to speed up the blendage. Poured THAT in, followed by some thyme, parsley, crushed red pepper, and salt (all of that to taste). Put in on a simmer and let it bubble and cook down for a good half hour while the rice was also doing its thing.
So, it ended up being rice and a creole sauce, although painfully different from where it started.
The verdict?
ZOWZA!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week
"Reading blogs pertaining to breastfeeding led me to discussions about nursing in public. I saw more than once the act described as dirty. This is my interpretation of what dirty breastfeeding would be."
(photo by Rachel Valley)
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Case of the Missing Detergent Cap
I think all of us parenting trauma should create our own Nancy Drew-esque mystery series. We could take all of the quirky, nonsense type of things our kids deliberately do when they are feeling out of control."The Case of the Spoon with the Cups"
"The Case of the Wet Underwear Under the Bed"
"The Case of the Moldy Food in the Bathroom"
This week, we have "The Case of the Missing Detergent Cap." We all know who is responsible for it. Our family members are the only ones who use the containers we recycle and use for our homemade detergent. If someone DID accidentally drop the cap in with some laundry, they would discover it at some point and put it back. It's a very typical behavior, although creative in its own right.
When Michael was refilling detergent with the girls the other day, the focus of this whodunit was the first to say, "I'LL CARRY BACK THE ONE THAT IS MISSING A CAP."
And we continue to ignore it.
It is driving her CRAZY. We won't go too terribly wrong, because the truth behind the behavior is that she now feels some guilt for doing it. She wants to get caught. Feels that she NEEDS to get caught to prove her feelings of shame. However, we're choosing to make this mystery into one of the classic "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. We're brainstorming over some very passive ways we can encourage her to fix this little mystery with as little interaction with us as possible. An opportunity to keep moving forward in healing.
It would be a big deal, and I'm not sure she'll choose that particular ending. However, we all know that the cap is still somewhere (maybe - could have been thrown out with the trash since she forgets we have someone in the park helping us with those tasks right now). Probably, it is hidden somewhere. I would venture to guess it's actually in the house, instead of down near the laundry room.
We will create a very positive, encouraging note. Unsigned. Just a quick reminder of true strength and what that looks like.
And we will wait.
I mean, a missing cap is not the end of the world. No biggie. But that cap reappearing. Now THAT would be a best seller!
(photo by Melodi T, used with permission)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Nomadic ebb and flow
This is another one of those weeks. It is the part of the whole RV park thing that we love to hate. People come, and then ... well, they go.
We love to have them. We love to be a temporary community for them. And we actually love to see them roll out. That's the point. Nomads love to move. They miss us, too. However, there is something so unique about the lift in their voices just as it is about time to hit the road again. Heck, you can hear it in the rumble of their rig as they're driving up the hill, toward the highway.
It is interesting to watch it in each person. It's not a bouncing-off-the-walls kind of excitement. It takes some effort to get everything hunkered down and highway-ready. It's a process, and every one has their own approach and "system." Yet, in the middle of it, there is this spark. Enthusiasm doesn't seem like the right word.
A heartbeat.
It starts to pound a bit more loudly. It picks up speed. It is driving them to get back out there. Most of them don't trek more than a few hours a day, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the spirit - that heartbeat. It's movement. It's new faces and new places and new food and new scenery.
Today is another good-bye. It's one that's a little harder than the average. Sometimes we are gifted with having people with us (or in the area) for a bit longer stay. We met Kev and Ang in April, and they have been either here, or an easy drive from us since that time. We became spoiled. It was a treat to have them back in the park before they are officially heading west. It will be quite a while before we get to see them again.
They are special people. My kids adore them. We are crazy blessed to have them in our lives, and so thrilled to give them that proverbial slap on the butt on their way out the door (proverbial, Kevin ... proverbial!).
Peace. Love. Beaver Nuggets.
We love to have them. We love to be a temporary community for them. And we actually love to see them roll out. That's the point. Nomads love to move. They miss us, too. However, there is something so unique about the lift in their voices just as it is about time to hit the road again. Heck, you can hear it in the rumble of their rig as they're driving up the hill, toward the highway.
It is interesting to watch it in each person. It's not a bouncing-off-the-walls kind of excitement. It takes some effort to get everything hunkered down and highway-ready. It's a process, and every one has their own approach and "system." Yet, in the middle of it, there is this spark. Enthusiasm doesn't seem like the right word.
A heartbeat.
It starts to pound a bit more loudly. It picks up speed. It is driving them to get back out there. Most of them don't trek more than a few hours a day, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the spirit - that heartbeat. It's movement. It's new faces and new places and new food and new scenery.
Today is another good-bye. It's one that's a little harder than the average. Sometimes we are gifted with having people with us (or in the area) for a bit longer stay. We met Kev and Ang in April, and they have been either here, or an easy drive from us since that time. We became spoiled. It was a treat to have them back in the park before they are officially heading west. It will be quite a while before we get to see them again.
They are special people. My kids adore them. We are crazy blessed to have them in our lives, and so thrilled to give them that proverbial slap on the butt on their way out the door (proverbial, Kevin ... proverbial!).
Peace. Love. Beaver Nuggets.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
"Can you go vegan and gluten free and still eat?"
Some one asked me that question about a week ago. What I did not reveal at the time was that my husband and I were talking about him cutting out gluten. We are now entering his second week, so it may still take some time to find out if this is a cause to many of his lifelong woes.
What we have discovered, though, is that you can eat pretty dang good sans the gluten. We have substituted rice noodles for regular pasta (which we did years ago when our youngest was still allergic to wheat). The veggie shreds we use for everything are gluten free. While gluten free bread makes a pretty crappy sandwich, it does really well if you eat just one slice with some hummus slathered on it and some veggies piled on top.
Oh yeah ... hummus is okay. GOD BLESS HUMMUS.
We're no strangers to corn tortillas or big romaine lettuce leaves for wraps. Rice is fine - yum.
He can do tortilla chips but not pretzels. However, he is in LOVE with rice crackers, so they fill that crunchy snack craving.
While some oats are out, grits are in.
The biggest things that are a change from our norm are the whole grain pastas and breads. Rice pasta is an easy switch, and we had already shifted our eating so that bread was not a massive staple.
Anywho. That's the gluten free scoop. Still not sure if this is going to be the "big mystery" we've wondered about for a long time, but it is definitely worth a try. I also love that it is better helping me to understand all of you GF peeps. I can give you ideas for altering any recipes I share. Whoooop!
What we have discovered, though, is that you can eat pretty dang good sans the gluten. We have substituted rice noodles for regular pasta (which we did years ago when our youngest was still allergic to wheat). The veggie shreds we use for everything are gluten free. While gluten free bread makes a pretty crappy sandwich, it does really well if you eat just one slice with some hummus slathered on it and some veggies piled on top.
Oh yeah ... hummus is okay. GOD BLESS HUMMUS.
We're no strangers to corn tortillas or big romaine lettuce leaves for wraps. Rice is fine - yum.
He can do tortilla chips but not pretzels. However, he is in LOVE with rice crackers, so they fill that crunchy snack craving.
While some oats are out, grits are in.
The biggest things that are a change from our norm are the whole grain pastas and breads. Rice pasta is an easy switch, and we had already shifted our eating so that bread was not a massive staple.
Anywho. That's the gluten free scoop. Still not sure if this is going to be the "big mystery" we've wondered about for a long time, but it is definitely worth a try. I also love that it is better helping me to understand all of you GF peeps. I can give you ideas for altering any recipes I share. Whoooop!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
What my children witnessed last night
Last night was a super special and sweet memory that will stay with me forever.
I also have come to the conclusion that most of what has been said to me in the last three days were lies, lies, lies.
You see, my husband and I have always tried to renew our vows every fifth year of our marriage. Year #5, he surprised me.
Before heading out on a date, he convinced me to come into the church to look at somestupid thing keeping us from getting to dinner really great decorations that had been put up for something or other. In the bride's room sat one of my favorite friends. She had picked up flowers and had made us a cake. Michael's best friend, Runks was there to perform the whole renewal shin-dig (side note: he was the best man at our wedding and performed the first half of our wedding ceremony). Our church pianist (and also MASSIVE source of encouragement for me during the days of postpartum depression) played the wedding march and took pictures.
On year #10, we planned a trip to Florida for a week, sans kids, in the same season as our anniversary. It was glorious. Somewhere around the time of our actual anniversary, there was a Sunday night service (at our church? we can't recall) where the pastor had every couple stand and renew their vows. I remember telling Michael, "Cool, that takes care of that." No fanfare. No surprises. But Florida was SUPER nice. So, it all seemed to even out, making it a "big" year.
We talked about what we were going to do this year. Something simple, maybe in the gazebo of the park. Nothing big, but definitely deliberate. And then my husband ... well, he was what he is. He pulled off a delightful surprise.
This is where all the lies, lies, lies come in. Knowing that we had two very special couples here in the park, he asked for their help. He knew that having them be a part of it would cause me to swoon, and that they absolutely "get me" - so they would make it something I would love.
And he was so right.
So, basically it was three days of sneaking around Christine. We all went to dinner last night, which I considered a wonderful treat for our special day. Poor Kevin had to bail out early with this really sadbold faced lie story of an upset client in India (totally covering the time difference, and me sitting there feeling so sad for poor little Kevin). Our check was taking FOREVER (dear people at "The Coffee Shop" in Luling, TX, I am sorry I doubted your service - thank you for being a part of my fun night). I did not notice Michael driving at a snail's pace on the way home. I. was. clueless.
Until we walked in the door.
They had put together this lovely little celebration and surprise renewal re-commitment recongeal ceremony. It was full of specific touches that would be special to Michael and me. The Tacky Texans, Kev and Ang threw their creative juices into the fun details. A flower covered, silk maypole-esque head crown, a bouquet and boutonniere with pictures of us shrinky dinked and incorporated, lovely tea lights and champagne and balloons, my very favorite raw chocolate avocado HEAVENLY pie, Technomadia right there with us via Skype on a laptop, champagne ... I know I'm forgetting something. But I did say "champagne" twice. Priorities.
Kevin officiated wearing a black velvet cape, reading with the assistance of his monocle and quoting NFL scores ... and Dwight Schrute.
It was so perfect.
And I screeched, "This was PERFECT" about 75 million times. And because they all love me, they just let me.
Yet, the greatest part of the entire experience was this: knowing my children were witness to it all. They watched the fruit of their father's glorious deception of their mother. They saw his face as he watched my smile-that-wouldn't-die. They experienced friends gifting their time and energy and efforts for a sweet surprise. They saw adults laughing and being silly and loving life and celebrating together.
While Michael and I get to hold last night as a part of our marriage capsule, and a part of the stories that will be retold throughout the years ... so will our children.
I am so proud to call these people my friends. I am so humbled to be a guide to these five young people who are learning to love and live in community. I am so honored to have Michael Moers as a husband.
AND ... there is chocolate pie in the fridge. SCORE!
(the view from Chris and Cherie's computer)
(my view of Chris and Cherie - they did not know I was taking it or they would have been smiling - smiled through the screen at cameras all night - SO CUTE!)
(shrinky dinky goodness)
(photos taken by myself, and also blatantly stolen from Technomadia's Facebook page)
I also have come to the conclusion that most of what has been said to me in the last three days were lies, lies, lies.
You see, my husband and I have always tried to renew our vows every fifth year of our marriage. Year #5, he surprised me.
Before heading out on a date, he convinced me to come into the church to look at some
On year #10, we planned a trip to Florida for a week, sans kids, in the same season as our anniversary. It was glorious. Somewhere around the time of our actual anniversary, there was a Sunday night service (at our church? we can't recall) where the pastor had every couple stand and renew their vows. I remember telling Michael, "Cool, that takes care of that." No fanfare. No surprises. But Florida was SUPER nice. So, it all seemed to even out, making it a "big" year.
We talked about what we were going to do this year. Something simple, maybe in the gazebo of the park. Nothing big, but definitely deliberate. And then my husband ... well, he was what he is. He pulled off a delightful surprise.
This is where all the lies, lies, lies come in. Knowing that we had two very special couples here in the park, he asked for their help. He knew that having them be a part of it would cause me to swoon, and that they absolutely "get me" - so they would make it something I would love.
And he was so right.
So, basically it was three days of sneaking around Christine. We all went to dinner last night, which I considered a wonderful treat for our special day. Poor Kevin had to bail out early with this really sad
Until we walked in the door.
They had put together this lovely little celebration and surprise renewal re-commitment recongeal ceremony. It was full of specific touches that would be special to Michael and me. The Tacky Texans, Kev and Ang threw their creative juices into the fun details. A flower covered, silk maypole-esque head crown, a bouquet and boutonniere with pictures of us shrinky dinked and incorporated, lovely tea lights and champagne and balloons, my very favorite raw chocolate avocado HEAVENLY pie, Technomadia right there with us via Skype on a laptop, champagne ... I know I'm forgetting something. But I did say "champagne" twice. Priorities.
Kevin officiated wearing a black velvet cape, reading with the assistance of his monocle and quoting NFL scores ... and Dwight Schrute.
It was so perfect.
And I screeched, "This was PERFECT" about 75 million times. And because they all love me, they just let me.
Yet, the greatest part of the entire experience was this: knowing my children were witness to it all. They watched the fruit of their father's glorious deception of their mother. They saw his face as he watched my smile-that-wouldn't-die. They experienced friends gifting their time and energy and efforts for a sweet surprise. They saw adults laughing and being silly and loving life and celebrating together.
While Michael and I get to hold last night as a part of our marriage capsule, and a part of the stories that will be retold throughout the years ... so will our children.
I am so proud to call these people my friends. I am so humbled to be a guide to these five young people who are learning to love and live in community. I am so honored to have Michael Moers as a husband.
AND ... there is chocolate pie in the fridge. SCORE!
(my view of Chris and Cherie - they did not know I was taking it or they would have been smiling - smiled through the screen at cameras all night - SO CUTE!)
(shrinky dinky goodness)
(photos taken by myself, and also blatantly stolen from Technomadia's Facebook page)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Is there anybody going to listen to my story ...
... all about the boy who came to stay?
15 year ago he stood with sweaty palms, in front of a room full of people, and promised to partner with me in life ... forever ... no matter what.
He is still here, despite the "no matter what."
And he is truly amazing.
If you know him, you love him.
Once I said, "I'm getting my hair done today. Was going to do something kinda' crazy. Are you cool with that?" His response was, "You are the most beautiful when you are happy. Do whatever makes you happy." And he meant it. He always means it.
He has that "infectious way of laughing right out loud, that takes away my pain and lights the dark."
We could converse for two weeks straight, only quoting Seinfeld, Friends and a dash of The Office.
In my darkest days of anxiety and depression, in the middle of what I now know was my worst panic attack ... I wanted him. I just knew if he was there, I'd be okay.
When I text him to say we have had a rough day at home, he arrives and gives me all of his firsts (first hello, first hug, first one-on-one time). Then he takes the lead in having the kids make repairs for whatever has gone down that day. He. has. my. back.
He also has my front. He's the kind of insanely hot lover that would drive anyone to lifelong monogamy.
I cook and he does the dishes. He also irons all of his own clothes. He sees my work in our home for all that it is. He supports it. He respects it.
Yet, I can walk away anytime, for any length of time, and he parents. He parents fully and willingly. He is Dad.
He loves football. He would butter bread with football, if he could. Watching him watch football is a favorite activity for the rest of us. It's loud. There is lots of clapping. It is so great, and a little funny. I laugh and I joke, but I love it.
He fell asleep in the middle of our first kiss (and I always leave out the part where I had kept him up all night talking - and he always makes sure to add it in).
The first time we danced, he dipped me and accidentally dropped me ... on my head.
When I dropped a basketball goal on the hood of our new van, leaving a nice, solid dent, he chuckled. He was not upset. He made a joke.
He has been there for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. He loves me. He cherishes me.
We are not the same people we were 15 years ago. Yet, we are closer to one another now, than we have ever been.
I don't want to do life with anyone else.
I love you, Michael Ray Moers.
I love you.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"Being Mean is Being Lazy"
Some days I am overwhelmed with the richness that is the mass of people who have been poured into my life.
Overwhelmed.
I woke up this morning to read words from a friend. Words like ...
"I’ve learned that practicing courage is important, especially when I don’t feel courageous."
"I want to be kind, because I choose to be kind, and not because others are doing and giving me everything I want."
"Being mean is being lazy."
Jennifer is ... I honestly have no way of describing her. I would call her a hero, but that would piss her off. Because she's just like many of us. She knows that, and she wants you to know that. She's doing the hard work of change and growth, and it terrifies her. She talks about it and that terrifies her.
And yet she keeps doing it. Not just "it." Not just daily life. Do you have any idea what she has done over the last six months? Any clue the thickness and pain and struggles before that?
Jennifer is a source of inspiration to me, but especially my children who have come from the hard places. Her words today will most definitely become banners all over our home. I love to watch the eyes of my kids light up when I read her blog entries. Today will hit on many different variables. Today will mean so very much to them, as they know Jennifer is also climbing a mountain. Terrified, but still moving. Mortified at her own levels of openness, but not allowing the hurt parts of her to delete her words. Making positive choices in the middle of really HUGE and scary feelings.
Grabbing it by the balls, one might say.
Hmmm ... must include that one with our banners ...
Overwhelmed.
I woke up this morning to read words from a friend. Words like ...
"I’ve learned that practicing courage is important, especially when I don’t feel courageous."
"I want to be kind, because I choose to be kind, and not because others are doing and giving me everything I want."
"Being mean is being lazy."
Jennifer is ... I honestly have no way of describing her. I would call her a hero, but that would piss her off. Because she's just like many of us. She knows that, and she wants you to know that. She's doing the hard work of change and growth, and it terrifies her. She talks about it and that terrifies her.
And yet she keeps doing it. Not just "it." Not just daily life. Do you have any idea what she has done over the last six months? Any clue the thickness and pain and struggles before that?
Jennifer is a source of inspiration to me, but especially my children who have come from the hard places. Her words today will most definitely become banners all over our home. I love to watch the eyes of my kids light up when I read her blog entries. Today will hit on many different variables. Today will mean so very much to them, as they know Jennifer is also climbing a mountain. Terrified, but still moving. Mortified at her own levels of openness, but not allowing the hurt parts of her to delete her words. Making positive choices in the middle of really HUGE and scary feelings.
Grabbing it by the balls, one might say.
Hmmm ... must include that one with our banners ...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
10 Month Dreadiversary
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I tightened up my roots all around the top yesterday. This always cracks me up (can you tell?). They stand up and salute for several days - defying gravity. This is also when my husband starts making Side Show Bob jokes.
The oldest hair style in the history of ever.
My dreadies are 10 months old.
Seems as though they've been with me longer.
I love them. Adore every little nook and cranny. Love watching each hair slowly makes its crazy way up from the ends into each dread. It still amazes me that I can just let it happen, and my hair ... my HAIR will do it completely on its own.
So simple, yet so complex. So unconventional yet so absolutely beautiful.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Together for Adoption Conference 2010
I was finally able to say for sure, for sure, FOR SURE ... and register for the 2010 Together for Adoption Conference.
I know some of you are going. Remind me who, and look for my dreads when you're there.
And actually talk to me.
If nothing else, just locate Karyn Purvis. I will have attached myself to her continuously via a full-body velcro suit.
Or follow me on Twitter (@christinemoers), so you can tweet something like, "I know you are here, but WHERE? Meet me outside the restrooms!" Because I can always find the potties. But only if Dr. Purvis needs to tinkle.
If you could wear something fluorescent, that would be even more helpful. I mean, I dreaded my hair JUST so you could all locate me at conferences more easily. The least you could do is wear a safety vest for me.
I'm sleeping at home and making the hour drive each day. Meaning: you may or may not see me first thing in the mornings. If you do, I will not yet be coherent. Plan questions and conversations accordingly.
K, see you freaks there!
I know some of you are going. Remind me who, and look for my dreads when you're there.
And actually talk to me.
If nothing else, just locate Karyn Purvis. I will have attached myself to her continuously via a full-body velcro suit.
Or follow me on Twitter (@christinemoers), so you can tweet something like, "I know you are here, but WHERE? Meet me outside the restrooms!" Because I can always find the potties. But only if Dr. Purvis needs to tinkle.
If you could wear something fluorescent, that would be even more helpful. I mean, I dreaded my hair JUST so you could all locate me at conferences more easily. The least you could do is wear a safety vest for me.
I'm sleeping at home and making the hour drive each day. Meaning: you may or may not see me first thing in the mornings. If you do, I will not yet be coherent. Plan questions and conversations accordingly.
K, see you freaks there!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Juggling children and hormones (a toxic combination)
I have days when I dream about the ease it was to just have three kids. Three kids with some issues, yes, but not the magnitude I balance now.
Of course, if I could go back and talk to three-kid-Christine, she would yell at me and say, "SHUT UP! You have NO idea what you're talking about. Now, get out or HELP ME!"
Yeah, three-kid-Christine was still falling off the no-yelling wagon on occasion. It was a process.
I'm also a grown up who can read a calendar. Amazingly, there is this one particular week each month when the things I juggle every other day seem larger, more daunting and downright impossible. Okay, not impossible. But impossible to do and still find my happy.
Do you all celebrate this holiday season, as well? The official "Where The Hell Did My Happy Go" Week? Apparently, it went the same place that my nice, steady progesterone and estrogen levels went. The abyss of womanliness.
It is during this celebratory time of the month when I have to look harder for the happy. This morning, a little elf left a box of Mate Chai tea on my doorstep. I have run two whole miles THREE TIMES. My husband adores me. Thai food is packaged directly in heaven. My children who are regulated make me laugh. Okay, sometimes the not-so-regulated ones make me laugh, but in their own special way. I have some amazing people in my life - they are funny and clever and a treat. I'm sitting in the public library, and my UPS guy spotted our van and brought a package in to me (he normally doesn't make his run out to the park until after dinner). Small towns can be good.
Happy.
Pardon me, if you will. I need to go start decorating my bike for the "Where The Hell Did My Happy Go" parade. I'm gonna' keep finding it, gosh darn it.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Randomness
* We all have a lot of pain that most people never know about. We also all have our own random weirdness in our lives, family and friends and neighbors and ... most of us are our own little freak show.
* The Foxymorons' new album, "Bible Stories," is $5.99 right now. GO!
* The best friends invite conversations that include things like, "You won't believe where my kid peed today," or "Have you seen this? It's my favorite transgender documentary!" or "OH MY HOOCH! You had an ORGASM! Congratulations!!"
* I'm wearing a shirt today (bday gift from a fab friend) that says, "If life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons!"
* I'm working very hard to locate Picasso's family. Not an easy task, but I'm pretty dang stubborn.
* I ran yesterday as soon as the rain broke. Yup. Rain. As in - the hurricane hitting land. Didn't think about the wind factor until I hit the top of the hill. Ran two miles at a 12:06 mins/mile pace. Wonder how great that pace would have been if I hadn't been blown sideways the entire time. NOT a fun run. But a great workout, and probably a very entertaining spectacle for anyone watching me.
* Mar "ran away" five times today up the hill. It was a bad morning - hormones suck. However, she took a very long nap this afternoon (much needed). Brice came down and hung out for awhile, while we snacked and chatted. He and his bride always lift my spirits and make me laugh and smile. Mar is now mostly regulated and laughing with her siblings. I am having a glass of wine. Wine does not suck.
* The Foxymorons' new album, "Bible Stories," is $5.99 right now. GO!
* The best friends invite conversations that include things like, "You won't believe where my kid peed today," or "Have you seen this? It's my favorite transgender documentary!" or "OH MY HOOCH! You had an ORGASM! Congratulations!!"
* I'm wearing a shirt today (bday gift from a fab friend) that says, "If life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons!"
* I'm working very hard to locate Picasso's family. Not an easy task, but I'm pretty dang stubborn.
* I ran yesterday as soon as the rain broke. Yup. Rain. As in - the hurricane hitting land. Didn't think about the wind factor until I hit the top of the hill. Ran two miles at a 12:06 mins/mile pace. Wonder how great that pace would have been if I hadn't been blown sideways the entire time. NOT a fun run. But a great workout, and probably a very entertaining spectacle for anyone watching me.
* Mar "ran away" five times today up the hill. It was a bad morning - hormones suck. However, she took a very long nap this afternoon (much needed). Brice came down and hung out for awhile, while we snacked and chatted. He and his bride always lift my spirits and make me laugh and smile. Mar is now mostly regulated and laughing with her siblings. I am having a glass of wine. Wine does not suck.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Saturday, September 04, 2010
A week of meals for $149
For those who are interested and keep Breakfasts:
Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal (we have oats left over from last week and we'll top with nuts and stuff we have left over - I buy those things only as we run out)
Waffles (twice) with honey, berries, nuts, cinnamon, whatever
Cereal w/berries and whatever-else (twice - we have three leftover boxes from last week: corn flakes, wheat squares and Cheerios)
Delightful Banana (we don't put in nuts) Muffins
Green smoothies (bananas, strawberries, leftover cacao, spinach leaves, almond milk)
Lunches:
Veggie sandwiches with hummus (still have veggie slices left from last week)
Nachos twice (oven-baked tortilla chips, refried beans, homemade salsa and veggies shreds)
Bagel veggie sandwiches
Packed sandwiches for homeschool co-op day
And one day of hodge-podge leftovers where we eat up all leftover lunch stuff in the strangest concoctions possible - FUN!
We'll be eating out once for lunch - we almost always eat out for Sunday lunch ... it's our "thing"
Dinners:
Carrot and Red Pepper Soup - a triple recipe with some garlic toast (I have some leftover onions from last week)
Penne with cut-up veggie dogs and homemade spaghetti sauce
Thai Chickpea Curry with Thai Basil on whole grain rice (had some leftover rice and a can of chickpeas, so I found a way to use them)
Cheese tortellini with vodka sauce (an easy and not-as-healthy meal to treat us after our long day at co-op)
We'll have two nights of leftovers as we go along
We're eating out once for dinner, also this week, to celebrate the holiday (so, that's only TWO MEALS OUT - out of 21 meals)
My shopping list:
2 bunches of organic bananas
3 bags of organic carrots
strawberries
bag of unsalted, not-roasted sunflower seeds
organic spinach (the BIG tub)
tomato
2 avocados
3 bell peppers
6 red peppers
2 packages of veggie shreds
1 package of veggie dogs
2 tubs of hummus (two different flavors - can make my own, but they had a little sale, so I was ON it!)
My own personal treat for the holiday weekend ...
1 bottle of organic Chardonay ($11 - Ms. Knighton would be proud)
2 kinds of cheeses
crackers
box of whole wheat pancake mix (making the waffles more convenient - will use milled flaxseed to replace the eggs)
local honey
plain almond milk
chocolate almond milk
2 loaves of whole wheat bread
2 packages of whole wheat bagels
1 package of corn tortillas
2 cans of vegetarian refried beans
2 cans coconut milk
red curry paste
2 jars of vodka sauce
4 large cans of crushed tomatoes
1 carton of vegetable broth
2 boxes of whole wheat penne pasta
frozen bag of stir fry veggies
large bag of frozen cheese tortellini
apple juice concentrate
(super cool cart photo by Dave Di Biase, used with permission
Friday, September 03, 2010
There is beauty in chaos
It was exactly a year ago when I told you about Picasso, and how we had to ask him to leave the park. That was a hard day. Yet, I was also glad that he would be closer to the things he wanted.
What he truly needed was round-the-clock care, but he would fight you to the death on that one. We tried. We tried to work with him. We tried to override him. So, we got him settled, and have continued to see him at least once a month. He can't afford a P.O. box, so we still collect his mail for him - including his SS check.
Yesterday was the 2nd. We had not yet remembered to take his check into town. When that happens, he always pays someone to drive him out. Yet, it had been almost two full days, and no Picasso. That was not cool. Something was going on.
Right after dinner, I headed into town. I didn't know what I would find. He has never been in good shape. Yet, things have worsened over the last few months.
I knocked on his window ... his window to the world. No answer. He is always home. He has no car, and cannot walk very far. I knocked some more and called his name. So, slowly, I pressed my face against the glass of the window, hoping beyond hope that he would not be lying there on his bed in front of me, lifeless.
He was not there.
Still no relief. What if he had died, and no one had moved the trailer yet?
I knocked on some more doors. One woman, who I had met several times, answered (she would help him out quite a bit, or give him rides occasionally). She explained that he had, indeed, become so ill that they picked him up and took him to a nursing home on doctor's orders.
I knew this would have pissed him off. He never wanted to be in that type of situation. He didn't want people too close. Yet, I was so very glad. I didn't want him dying in that trailer. He deserves better, whether he believes it or not.
This is when my entire night turned upside down. I have had so many tears and move instantaneously from sadness to utter joy. It was a bizarro world. You see, I left his trailer ...
.JPG)
And I found him here. Go look. GO LOOK AT THAT PLACE RIGHT NOW! Those are not canned photos. That is EXACTLY what I saw. EXACTLY that luxurious and pristine.
I spent a half hour with him. My emotions weren't sure where to land. It was so good to see him doing better. He still can barely walk, and relies on a wheelchair. However, his arms looked pink. Not white from the horrible flaking skin. But actually pink. His eyes were moist and clear. His hair was thicker than it had been. He did not have the air on at all, so it was a complete sauna in there. Yet, even with that, it was the longest I had ever spent with him in an enclosed space. It just wasn't possible before.
His room was really, really nice. He had a TV with cable (had not had a TV in years ... or a phone ... or a refrigerator ... or an air conditioner ... or a bathroom, for that matter).
Yet, if they would let him leave, he would happily go straight back to his trailer this second. He complained about the people (the staff) ... all the many, different people that would come in and out to check on him. He hates that. He doesn't hate people, per say, but he doesn't want to be told to bathe or made to bathe. He doesn't want to feel weak and helpless. He was okay with how things were.
Even though they were so very, very bad and his conditions were going to literally kill him.
I asked if the kids and I could come back, and he was thrilled. I caught him up on all the people out here in our little "neighborhood." Told him that the park is full, and he was excited to hear it. We talked about Willie, and how much we miss him ... reminisced about how those two would sit on a picnic table between their trailers and gripe at each other like brothers.
They brought him there with just the clothes on his back, which I'm sure were quickly incinerated. So, all he has are some sweats and socks from their laundry room. I'll be finding him some Wranglers and a nice button down shirt or two. I didn't see his cowboy hat, so we'll have to fix that, as well. Will try to locate some boots that he can get onto his feet, enough to dress for dinner. At this point he has yet to leave his room most days.
I was leaving, and he said, "Thank you for caring. You are the only person who has come to see me."
My emotions still don't know where to land. I just know I have a lot of them.
What he truly needed was round-the-clock care, but he would fight you to the death on that one. We tried. We tried to work with him. We tried to override him. So, we got him settled, and have continued to see him at least once a month. He can't afford a P.O. box, so we still collect his mail for him - including his SS check.
Yesterday was the 2nd. We had not yet remembered to take his check into town. When that happens, he always pays someone to drive him out. Yet, it had been almost two full days, and no Picasso. That was not cool. Something was going on.
Right after dinner, I headed into town. I didn't know what I would find. He has never been in good shape. Yet, things have worsened over the last few months.
I knocked on his window ... his window to the world. No answer. He is always home. He has no car, and cannot walk very far. I knocked some more and called his name. So, slowly, I pressed my face against the glass of the window, hoping beyond hope that he would not be lying there on his bed in front of me, lifeless.
He was not there.
Still no relief. What if he had died, and no one had moved the trailer yet?
I knocked on some more doors. One woman, who I had met several times, answered (she would help him out quite a bit, or give him rides occasionally). She explained that he had, indeed, become so ill that they picked him up and took him to a nursing home on doctor's orders.
I knew this would have pissed him off. He never wanted to be in that type of situation. He didn't want people too close. Yet, I was so very glad. I didn't want him dying in that trailer. He deserves better, whether he believes it or not.
This is when my entire night turned upside down. I have had so many tears and move instantaneously from sadness to utter joy. It was a bizarro world. You see, I left his trailer ...
.JPG)
And I found him here. Go look. GO LOOK AT THAT PLACE RIGHT NOW! Those are not canned photos. That is EXACTLY what I saw. EXACTLY that luxurious and pristine.
I spent a half hour with him. My emotions weren't sure where to land. It was so good to see him doing better. He still can barely walk, and relies on a wheelchair. However, his arms looked pink. Not white from the horrible flaking skin. But actually pink. His eyes were moist and clear. His hair was thicker than it had been. He did not have the air on at all, so it was a complete sauna in there. Yet, even with that, it was the longest I had ever spent with him in an enclosed space. It just wasn't possible before.
His room was really, really nice. He had a TV with cable (had not had a TV in years ... or a phone ... or a refrigerator ... or an air conditioner ... or a bathroom, for that matter).
Yet, if they would let him leave, he would happily go straight back to his trailer this second. He complained about the people (the staff) ... all the many, different people that would come in and out to check on him. He hates that. He doesn't hate people, per say, but he doesn't want to be told to bathe or made to bathe. He doesn't want to feel weak and helpless. He was okay with how things were.
Even though they were so very, very bad and his conditions were going to literally kill him.
I asked if the kids and I could come back, and he was thrilled. I caught him up on all the people out here in our little "neighborhood." Told him that the park is full, and he was excited to hear it. We talked about Willie, and how much we miss him ... reminisced about how those two would sit on a picnic table between their trailers and gripe at each other like brothers.
They brought him there with just the clothes on his back, which I'm sure were quickly incinerated. So, all he has are some sweats and socks from their laundry room. I'll be finding him some Wranglers and a nice button down shirt or two. I didn't see his cowboy hat, so we'll have to fix that, as well. Will try to locate some boots that he can get onto his feet, enough to dress for dinner. At this point he has yet to leave his room most days.
I was leaving, and he said, "Thank you for caring. You are the only person who has come to see me."
My emotions still don't know where to land. I just know I have a lot of them.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
What's new? Or, what's happenin' hot stuff?
Remember that gal, Sandra, that I met at BlogHer, then annoyed constantly the entire weekend? Yup, well, she finally started a blog. Check out It's Always an Adventure. My favorite quote thus far is, "Suck it up princess."
My recent guest blogger, Jana Yowell, is now officially a ... well ... blogger! Check out Jana Yowell and all she has to share. This is info from a trainer, friends. Good stuff, and she'll keep it coming. If it doesn't, we will all go pick on her in the comments until it does! My favorite quote so far is, "Pop tarts and coffee do not qualify as a nutritious breakfast." Whooo. Good thing I have my coffee AFTER my nutritious breakfast. Ha. KIDDING!no i'm not
Summer introduced me to this amazing new-to-me-T. I'm chewing on the description, "Conflict is the refusal to imagine, to think or to talk. Creativity is peace, hope and progress."
Speaking of new. I also have lots and lots and lots of new emails in my inbox. On top of that, I think there are about 13 old emails, that I never got to ... some from months ago. That really does not sit well with me. I let some moms slip through the cracks. NOT OKAY WITH ME! So, if I did that to you, email me again, please. I'm slow on the turn-around these days, but I'll get there. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
My recent guest blogger, Jana Yowell, is now officially a ... well ... blogger! Check out Jana Yowell and all she has to share. This is info from a trainer, friends. Good stuff, and she'll keep it coming. If it doesn't, we will all go pick on her in the comments until it does! My favorite quote so far is, "Pop tarts and coffee do not qualify as a nutritious breakfast." Whooo. Good thing I have my coffee AFTER my nutritious breakfast. Ha. KIDDING!
Summer introduced me to this amazing new-to-me-T. I'm chewing on the description, "Conflict is the refusal to imagine, to think or to talk. Creativity is peace, hope and progress."
Speaking of new. I also have lots and lots and lots of new emails in my inbox. On top of that, I think there are about 13 old emails, that I never got to ... some from months ago. That really does not sit well with me. I let some moms slip through the cracks. NOT OKAY WITH ME! So, if I did that to you, email me again, please. I'm slow on the turn-around these days, but I'll get there. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Oh, the green-eyed Burning Man monster
I cannot help but have some burning (get it?) jealousy within me.
I would love to be at Burning Man right now.
Love.
LOVE.
I will go. It's gonna' happen. I'm shooting for 2012.
In the meantime, I am reading the recaps from Chris and Cherie and staying glued to their Flickr stream. There are plenty of people posting and blogging along the way, but I love seeing what specifically catches the eyes of my friends.
Unleashed creativity and self-expression. Sigh.
In the meantime, my life is anything but sucky. The Tacky Texans are here. HERE. In the park. Living. For ... a good, long while. The amazing R came down and helped the kids make magic to hang from our trees, which are catching and reflecting light as I type, out the window - beautiful.
.JPG)
Unleashed creativity and self expression. Smile.
I would love to be at Burning Man right now.
Love.
LOVE.
I will go. It's gonna' happen. I'm shooting for 2012.
In the meantime, I am reading the recaps from Chris and Cherie and staying glued to their Flickr stream. There are plenty of people posting and blogging along the way, but I love seeing what specifically catches the eyes of my friends.
Unleashed creativity and self-expression. Sigh.
In the meantime, my life is anything but sucky. The Tacky Texans are here. HERE. In the park. Living. For ... a good, long while. The amazing R came down and helped the kids make magic to hang from our trees, which are catching and reflecting light as I type, out the window - beautiful.
.JPG)
Unleashed creativity and self expression. Smile.
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