My son is 12 now, he came to me at age 10 through foster care, and he has RAD. And today I am tired and cranky and I found myself taking the bait when he was trying to make me angry. I know better, really, I do... but I found myself arguing with him about who used the computer last and we were both getting angry, and I took a deep breath and told him to put his coat on. He argued and cursed and said no and I said, "That's ok, I will see you when I get back" and left. And separation anxiety won, when I got to the corner I looked back and there he was. We walked for 20 minutes and I took deep breaths and told myself "let it go" over and over in my head and then we came home and talked about what happened, and agreed on what to do next, and went on with our day. And so I had to write you and thank you, because 6 months ago that probably would have escalated to physical violence and day or week long crazies- and instead I walked fast, took deep breaths, regulated MYSELF first, so I could help him- and we got through it.
From Sarah Milliman who blogs at The Many Stars That Guide Us