Friday, February 18, 2011

Sexperiment 2011 - Good Vibrations

In talking with another woman in recent years, when the subject of vibrators came up (because, "My name is Christine, and somehow I always seem to end up in conversations about really fascinating things"), I received a very firm crinkling of her forehead and a chastisement of:

"My husband and I do not NEED a vibrator."

She wasn't saying this as if to imply she thought they were somehow wrong or inappropriate. Rather, she perfectly portrayed that they were so sexually connected that, perhaps, he could bring her to climax by merely looking at her across the room and mouthing "time to go."

I don't know. But I do remember her really, really, really wanting me to feel inferior, and as though I was somehow causing detriment to my orgasmic experiences by daring to involve something artificial. Like introducing a bottle too soon to a breastfeeding baby.

Yet, all I could do was sit there thinking, "'Need' a vibrator? NEED? You don't get it, lady. I WANT ONE! They're stinkin' AWESOME!" Don't worry. I didn't actually say it. She was not in a place of actually hearing me that day.

Today isn't all about vibrators. It's about sex toys, in general. There is absolutely no way I could even begin to cover this topic in one post, but I want to at least expose you to the idea. Some of you have never invited such a thing into your bedroom, and THAT IS OKAY. This topic makes you uncomfortable and THAT IS OKAY. That is precisely why I am talking about it. This is your safe place. If I mention something today that scares you a little bit, just step away for a minute. And there are a million reasons it may scare you AND THAT IS OKAY. This is about exposure. Just to get your mind to say, "Hmmm. Never thought of that, but ... why not?"

My husband and I spend some money every year on things to bring some added fun to our rendezvouses. This keeps us from having to choose between something practical (Zzzzz) and something zowza! The zowza is already in the budget. I get it, Momma's. It doesn't seem to make SENSE to blow cash on something like this when the car is in the shop, and all of your kids just outgrew their shoes. So PLAN for it. Make it a part of Christmas. Whatever works and helps you overcome the parental guilt of splurging on yourself.

Despite the fact that I may WANT these things, I also find them super handy. Some of you are still reeling over how I dared ask you to consider having sex during your period. Well, sex toys are the PERFECT way to avoid mess, pain, etc., and still bring pleasure to each other. That is sex, my friends. That is healthy and beautiful and will keep pushing the two of you closer.

For instance, there are a gazillion masturbation sleeves out there for the guys. Something like the Head Honcho and some lubrication can help you "help him" when fill-in-a-reason-you-are-not-having-intercourse. I found out recently that the Fleshight is made in Austin. Buy local! Whooop!

If you are new to these types of items, ALWAYS read and find out what types of lubrication work best on them. Some materials become damaged if you use anything other than a water-based product. Don't toss the instructions, even if your dude is chomping at the bit.

Several of you have been yelling at me (or commenting LOUDLY) about the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager. It doubles as a ... ya' know ... REGULAR massager, too. I can now say that it comes HIGHLY recommended by several of you. Worth checking out!

I think the very first product I picked up was a little bullet. They are small and inexpensive. Not terribly intimidating, and can be used in a multitude of ways. Make sure you know whether or not it is waterproof. The longer you have an item, the more likely you will think, "This would be great in the shower!" Better to know ahead of time.

I received a free Speeding Bullet at BlogHer this year, and laughed at it initially. No longer laughing. Tiny, affordable and multiple settings (I'm a fan of the multiple settings). For its size (about equal to my thumb) it now has my deepest respect.

There is a friend of mine who is about to start whooping and hollering and jumping up and down on her sofa screaming, "I TOLD YOU SO!" For more than a year now, she has been saying, "Have you seen the We-Vibe? You have to get a We-Vibe. Did you order your We-Vibe? WHY HAVEN'T YOU BOUGHT A WE-VIBE YET?" So, our gift to our marriage this year was, in fact, the We-Vibe. The We-Vibe 2, to be exact.

It came up in some conversations with girlfriends before I placed my order. So, not only did WE get our We-Vibe, but three other friends received theirs the very same week. It takes 24 hours to charge (which is just cruel), so the reviews are just now starting to trickle in. It is a hands-free device that stimulates you internally AND externally and is designed to be used during intercourse. Yeah.

No. Really.

Thus far, it has received multiple thumbs up! There is one setting, however, that is the same syncopation as a cheer we did for my high school football team. It makes me laugh. We will not be using that setting.

For every conceivable preference out there, you will find a fun sex toy to match. If you have a friend who is a safe person you can open up to, ask for more recommendations. I understand that some of you would never step foot into an adult store, and understand and respect your reasons for that. Absolutely. However, you may be surprised to find that many major cities have stores which sell sexual products in a very professional way and they are extremely helpful. This has a major advantage because you can touch, see and inspect the products. You can call for advice from a reputable online store, like EdenFantasys. Or write ME! These topics make the best Facebook messages!

More than anything, don't forget about that person lying next to you at night. They are the reason you are even broaching this topic. Go together. Look online together. Be repulsed together. Laugh together. Let your jaws hit the floor together. Get excited together. And grow closer ... together.

*don't miss out on the comments - gals are sharing help for breastfeeding, incontinence, women who have NEVER experienced an orgasm, etc.*

(photo by Davide Farabegoli, used with permission)


Corey said...

Dude, it's AMAZON. It can't get any more innocuous than a cardboard box with Amazon written on the side.

Just don't forget what you ordered and open it in front of the kids. Order it with a special name on the front.

Nita Dickee, maybe. (That is Geralyn's joke, but I am TOTALLY STEALING IT.)

Lisa said...

I've been wondering when you were going to write this post. :D

More will be revealed later on the WVII. As in tomorrow. :)

Birthblessed said...

Just some tips you didn't include, but maybe can help someone:

1. Mamas, you know how sometimes during breastfeeding you just can't seem to get wet down there? Vibrator in the right spot can sometimes help things get flowing.
2. Mamas, you know how sometimes for a year or two after childbirth something just doesn't seem right down there and it can actually hurt? Vibrator in the right spot can get things going.
3. Mamas, you know how sometimes as you age, you start to leak pee accidentally when you sneeze or it takes too long to unlock the front door after you've been shopping? GREAT EXERCISE for the pelvic floor. In fact, to get your elasticity back, at least two-three times a week. In this case, vibrator can help you if your man is out of town like mine is. We were apart 19 days in January and I actually didn't use any self-exercise tools that entire time, and by the fourth of February (he came home on the 5th) I was totally peeing myself.

Christine said...

Ooooo, excellent tips! Keep 'em coming!

Gracefire said...

I cannot say enough good things about Early To Bed. It is a locally-owned, woman-oriented, queer-positive sex shop here in Chicago that is just amazing. If you visit their website, you can read their sex advice blog that has a lot of reviews for the toys they sell in addition to lots of awesome advice and tips on how to maximize that lovin' feelin' while using said toys.

They also have another site, Early to Rise, that sells toys for men. Like the Early to Bed site, it also has reviews and advice.

The people that work there really put their everything into their job. They are knowledgeable, friendly and willing to give advice. Their selection is great (and so are the prices!) and it's always nice to support small, independent businesses vs. large, impersonal corporations like Amazon.

Anonymous said...

i love you for this post!
you rock:)

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh, I had no idea Amazon sold such things!

But- even sells Hitachis and I have not felt any need to buy any new toys since discovering it. Seriously. There is a reason they call it "magic".

The negatives: It is a little loud, needs an outlet, and is decidedly not waterproof.

Still worth every penny in my opinion. :)

miss tejota said...

Also, sells sexual aids/toys. And one of the best ways to experiment is with free toys.

I love free and there are so many sites that giveaway toys. It doesn't take long to enter and/or find. Also, many giveaways don't require the 8 steps needed to enter a contest.

Natalie said...

"Early to Rise" made me spit out my drink. Love it!

Anonymous said...

I am checking out the We-Vibe on line right now. Thank YOU and have a fantastic weekend ;)

Mijk said...

Ok I needed this post! Really...

Chelsea said...

Just thought I'd add a little talked about reality... Many, MANY ladies out there NEVER experience orgasms at all. AT ALL! I was one of them until I was 27. 27!!! That was until I overcame my fear of toys and got myself a little vibe. Wooohooooo! Now I not only know what an orgasm feels like, but I have them ALL THE TIME!!! My husband is thrilled that I get to experience orgasms with him, and has no weird hang-ups about the toy doing it and not him. I assure you he is very involved. So if you are one of those ladies that isn't sure if you've ever had an orgasm, and if you wonder, I can assure you you haven't:) Then get yourself a vibe and join the orgasm party!!

Christine said...

Chelsea, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! for sharing your story!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with everything Chelsea said.

Also, I just want to share something so maybe others won't have to go through as much suffering as I did not knowing.

My hubby and I started having sex after we got married. It took two days to achieve penetration. Even after that first time, it was very difficult and very painful. Two years into things my OBGYN heard me say this was still the case. And she sent me to a physical therapist. A physical therapist that specializes in pelvic floor muscles. And it has helped. A lot. A couple months ago I had sex without pain for the first time. So. Much. Better.

So ladies, yes, there is a learning curve to sex, and it isn't mind blowing the first time. But sex shouldn't hurt. If it does, there might be something physically off that you can fix! Talk to your doctor. It's worth it!

Anonymous said...

I'm hyperventilating over here because I can buy my dream toy on AMAZON??? Credit card? Check. Now I just have to wait...sigh...

Thank you so much for doing this series of posts. We didn't make 7 out of 7. Between 14 hour work days, middle of the night interruptions from children and crisis calls, it's just been too much. But we are averaging better, and having more fun, so YAY!

Anonymous said...

I'm heartbroken. It won't ship to Canada. Anyone out there want to take pity on me and ship one across the border for me? I, of course, would prepay.


natgardesigns at yahoo dot ca

Steph, G's Mom said...


I think on my Amazon box it would have to say "Havencina Dickee"




Anonymous said...

OMG! Early to Bed and Early to Rise! Hahahaha! That's awesome. Thanks for posting this. xoxox

Corey said...

25% off "massagers" at with coupon code "warmth".

Don't ask me how I know these things, but you're welcome. My job here is done.

Corey said...

PS. edenfantasys ships to Canada. NOW I'm done.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU COREY!!! Sorry, I use capitals when I get excited. Hee.

Anonymous said...

oooh new toy to try :) I just put the vibe on my list.

Erika said...

These posts are no joke. I let the trauma suck the fun and the humor right out of me - and along with it, the sex - for an unspeakably long time. Thanks for posting.