Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sexperiment 2011 - Hello, Auntie Flo!

Today I am touching on the magical way a woman's body CYCLES. So, if you have a problem reading about that CYCLE and you're not quite sure it's going to help with the FLOW of your day, then you might want to move along right now. I'm sure someone else is blogging about gardening or cake recipes. Click that little "X" in the corner and keep trucking.

Hopefully that first paragraph was enough to forewarn everyone who might be reading the blurb in their feedreader or Facebook. Otherwise, you're screwed - cause we're talking periods. Hang on to your hats.

Because I have struggled for so long with simply WANTING to have sex, I had certainly never - EVER - um ... EVER considered having sex during my period.

Like ... EVER.

Then, as my health improved, and my love for my body improved, and my self-care improved, I found myself desiring sex. I had always known that my libido was its highest during menses. That always seemed like such a cruel joke to me. I knew that there were plenty of other sexual things we could be doing during that time, so it was a topic we simply avoided.

Thankfully, my husband and I have been married plenty long, and I (BIG SHOCKER) tend to enjoy talking about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. So, this topic has come up and we allowed ourselves to understand it, hear from others and try to navigate some new boundaries that have allowed us much more flexibility with sex while simultaneously balancing a small business, my husband's fulltime job, five kids and fill-in-whatever-small-crisis-is-currently-going-on-this-particular-day.

Did you know that orgasm brings tremendous relief from cramps? Oh darlin - it's better than a bottle of Midol.

Repeat after me: ORGASM BRINGS RELIEF TO YOUR CRAMPS. I did not say it had to be intercourse. ORGASM. It also brings me tremendous relief from the pain of endometriosis! Come on, ladies. Think outside the box on your worst days. You can do this.

At this point, you are either rolling your eyes (thinking, "You mean, some people DON'T have sex during their periods??"), or you are cringing with disgust ... or you have a tiny lilt in the eyebrows with a hint of curiosity. Just take a slow, cleansing breath and promise yourself you will at least consider something new right now. Just consider it. You may be surprised.

Instead of recapping all the wonderful information and resources out there, I will give you some linky lou:

"How to Have Sex During Your Period" has some great ideas, as well as a very fun and informative video near the bottom. Told you orgasm is great for cramps! It's not just me!

I am in love with my Diva Cup, but that's not really practical for actual penetration. The Instead menstrual cup has the huge advantage of not being noticed during intercourse (and intercourse being actually POSSIBLE - my Diva would be a major space hog). I have not tried these! I also don't like that they are disposable (my Diva hugs trees more tightly), and would only utilize them for the purposes of this very enlightening post. I do know some women who use their diaphragm for sex during menses, as well as for birth control. Clever.

A reader alerted me to a fabulous article on Women's Health called "Have Super Sex All Month Long." I LOVE THIS. It talks about the chemical and hormonal changes in our body throughout the month, and how we can use them to our advantage in the bedroom. Genius. These things do not have to work against us. We can learn our bodies and listen to them, instead of feeling defeated and helpless throughout our monthly changes. Did I mention I LOVE THIS?

The Sex Health Guru lets you in on the best position for minimal mess!

For some input on using natural sea sponges and well as some great visuals on the advantage of a diaphragm, check out "Going Menstrual: Tips for Sex During Your Period." The Diva Cup can also have the advantage of keeping everything "outside" nice and neat for lots of not-penatrative (is that a word?) fun.

Of course, it's super important to work with your luv-ah so that they also have "A Good Attitude Toward Menstruation."

Sorry, had to throw that one in. Because some of you are leaning more toward an asthma attack instead of laughter. It's okay. IT'S OKAY! The greatest thing my husband and I have discovered is that we should hear and learn and talk - yet still be 200% comfortable with choosing what is best for the both of us. Our sex life changes as we change and age and our life situation shifts. Don't feel pressure to do something that is simply NOT okay for one of you right now. Talk about it anyway, because you never know ... in five years you may find yourself not enjoying today's "favorite" stuff in the bedroom, and being drawn toward something different.

Just go with the flow.

Buh-dum-bum-CHING! Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all night!



(photo by MojtabaT, used with permission)

23 comments:

Mandy said...

Okay.. I guess i'm just SUPER jealous that I'm in such awful pain during my period that even THINKING about sex makes me hurt worse! I'll take 3 weeks out of the month.. ;)

LilySea said...

Lesbians have been onto this since the Ice Age. Get to it, straight girls...

CORoots said...

Glad to read your-pro-menstrual-sex post, Christine!

I'm going to jump on that link for the best position for minimal mess, although we have towels a plenty. ;-)

I can vouch for the cramping relief brought on by sex, even without orgasm. But orgasm, of course, makes EVERYTHING better.

Christine said...

Mandy, I went back and added some BOLD PRINT for you! ;)

serolynne said...

As someone who enjoyed sex on my period from just about the time I became sexually active, I can say - it's one of the things I miss about not having a uterus anymore. That, and my Diva Cup.

For super fun and explorative sex... putting down a shower curtain on the bed and getting all messy like is so incredibly connective and organic. Having my partner 'finger paint' my body with my own fluids.. always awesome.


For more routine sex.. I actually used my Diva Cup with partners with regularity. They have to get over 'that thing has a pointy bit!', but Diva Cup always moved nicely to the side and created some nice extra pressure :) (Ahem... of course, I also enjoy double penetration and fisting).

Never did much like the Insteads... just never quite worked for me.

Christine said...

S, since you used them, what did you NOT like about them? Insertion? Size?

Do you mean you didn't like them as a menstrual cup for your week of menstruation or as option for "clean sex" during your period?

Diana said...

I'm with Mandy. I had horrible cramps and endomedtriosis pain that was made MUCH worse with sex. I'm talking double over pain and I got a migraine every time, too. Best thing I ever did for myself was have a hysterectomy!! All of that is gone now...and blessedly, so is Aunt Flo! :-)

Todd said...

Very enlightening! I will check the links out and see where it gets me. As someone with beyond messy flows, it's hard to imagine spreading that mess in any way... add the cramps, nausea, diarrhea, and exhaustion and I'm lucky just to get through the day!!! But still, it's fantastic there are options.

serolynne said...

The Insteads just never quite fit me right... as a menstrual cup, they were leakier far too often for me to rely on. But I did keep a couple around for back-ups to my Diva Cup if I was unable to sanitize it during our travels.

And for clean sex.. well, since I was leaky anyway with them, the sex didn't help matters.

And I've heard completely different reports from others who swear by them. For anyway considering it... experiment, and see what works for you:)

Brenda said...

I have reached menopause. NANNER NANNER NANNER ( see how I've matured)

Leia said...

Started my period the day before my wedding. After waiting 29 years (me) and 26 years (him) for the sex, we chose to...ahem...go with the flow rather than wait even longer (yay for the tub!)! Hubs isn't much of a fan (doesn't like the smell), but it had never occurred to me to just put in my diaphragm. Duh! Granted, I've been pregnant or breastfeeding most of our married life (baby #1 came a month before our first anniversary! Surprise!), so this hasn't been a HUGE issue, but it's still one of the most difficult weeks for me because it feels sooo good!

Sarah said...

Three words: Hitachi magic wand. Google it. Buy it. Love it. Never need midol again. There is no mess- cuz it works through panties. Works alone or with a partner. And, as an added bonus: Is really good on those knots you get in your back and shoulders after restraining an out-of-control child or driving a bazillion hours to therapy and back.

Christine said...

Sarah, we're hitting all things that vibrate in another post. WHOO! HOOOO!

dueling mindsets said...

well I'll say that I have never minded sex, and like you said Christine, even enjoyed it more while I was "broke" as I jokingly say, ahhhhhemmmm to which the husband always replies..."well baby are all the rides broken" haha! It always makes me laugh!
I never did anything other than grab a towel, or change the sheets later.

dueling mindsets said...

and on the all things vibrating, hadn't seen that one, but I think you should cover perfectly placed warm streams of water too lol! Personally way better than anything that vibrates

Missy said...

Diaphragm is the way to go. My husband always wants me more when it's period time... must be the influx of the feremones/hormones/who knows?? The almighty diaphragm helps hold back anything that might otherwise spoil the fun. Then the clean up is just for me and the shower and hubs isn't subjected to anything. He doesn't mind, but I still feel a little self-conscious about getting messy. ;)

Mama Drama Times Two said...

If intercourse isn't appealing, freshen up with a warm shower, throw down a beach towel, have your partner use a little lube and a "love glove" (latex/nonlatex exam glove available by the box at most pharmacies). Still self conscious? You both can use gloves and lube and skip the penetration part. On crazy flow days or if you are really concerned about the mess you can rinse internally (douche) prior to lovemaking. I almost foot the most important thing to bring to the bedroom: your sense of humor!

Cathy Givans said...

Oh. my. cow! So I was hyperventilating at first. I have ALWAYS had issues with sex and my monthly. I always feel G.R.O.S.S.! That said, I kept reading. Why did I keep reading? Cuz I know Christine! ;) Never, never, never, did I imagine they actually made products that prevented the mess. (Mine are massively heavy so less mess positions just wouldn't be an option.) So, needless to say, I might be trying some of them out. Oh, and the Diva Cup, does that work ALL the time? Would be way less wasteful than the entire box of tampons I go through. Have never heard of such a thing.

givingherallshesgot said...

1) Hitachi Magic Wand is the best flipping thing in the history of ever. And my husband gets turned on just watching how very (very VERY) much fun I have with it, do it's win-win!

2) Christine, any chance you can talk more about just wanting sex? I've come a long way from last year and your post about just changing attitude and deciding you were going to and it was going to be good. I'm to where it's not bad anymore... but it's still not good and I hate that. Nice to give to him and tolerable for me, but we both want more! Any advice?

Christine said...

G, reread ALL of my posts on sex (just click on the topic label). I have talked about all the changes I have made, including stress, diet, rest, supplements, etc.

Rachel said...

Orgasm helps relieve migraines, too.

I'm just saying...

:)

Wife to the Rockstar said...

Interesting. We have just started to enjoy this time of the month after 15 years of marriage!!

British Columbian said...

Great topic! I love my Diva cup too!

My husband and I have been trying the sexperiment since I first read about it a few weeks ago,(He thought it was a BRILLIANT idea btw ;) We have made it four and three days so far but we're not giving up just yet!