Thursday, March 24, 2011

The other shoe did, indeed, drop

Why, yes. We did have some regression and acting out after all that has gone on in our home over the last three weeks or so.

It was not pretty. It was very old school. Retro RAD, if you will.

The worst of it was contained to about an hour. I will say this, it has been a few months since the neighbors got a show. As soon as I saw "the face" and the shut down, I said, "Grab your shoes!" and I started doing a clapping cadence thing (I have no idea what it was exactly - old drum cadences they used to play in band when I was in high school - just trying to think on my feet and be silly). I marched along as my kid very slowly got their shoes on. Then I started to march outside.

I clapped and marched like a complete IDIOT. We went a ways up the street. Just a change of pace - a change of scenery. DANG if they haven't gotten smarter in their healing and weren't doing everything in their power to NOT let me be playful and disengaging. I had to pull out about a dozen little things from the Arsenal-o-Therapeutic-Parenting. I had 27 moments of just wanting to SCREAM!

I'm gonna' learn one of these days to charge admission and put it toward a vacation fund.

At one point, there was a classic rage, face down on the side of our road. Cars were slowing down. I said, "Um, darlin', you think you might want to cut the crap before that guy in the truck calls the sheriff?" He had pulled over and was gawking like there was no tomorrow. My kid was strong, stood up, and joined me back over by our porch. I had ample opportunity to practice some Daniel Hughes affective-reflective dialogue. I both succeeded and sucked eggs at this, but I tried.

An aside: "cut the crap" is not considered a part of affective-reflective dialogue. Ya' know, in case there was any confusion.


The other very regressive behaviors were at their highest for about 48 hours. It was a jump back to the days of walking on egg shells over every little interaction with our child. Not fun.

Yet, we survived. There have been plenty of other things throughout all of this, but as many of you do - that is chalked up to "normal life" with a child of trauma.

Next time, I'm super gluing all shoes to all feet so that neither can drop. Ever. Again.


(photo by Kuba Ostrowski, used with permission)

18 comments:

J. said...

Oh gluing the shoes on in such a good plan. I must admit that although "cut the crap" is not really reflective sometimes it needs go be said and sometimes that is what works in that moment. Hope all other shoes remain were they should be for the next few days

Becky said...

That must be "catching" as the other shoe dropped here as well. At school no less and now teachers and students alike are afraid of my RADish. It is SOOO good to read and not be alone in this! <3

Barb G said...

Just a (((hug))).

Diana said...

I want some shoe glue!! Can't even begin to count the number of times I've used the "cut the crap before the neighbors call the cops AGAIN!" But yah, most of it is just normal stuff that's just part of life with our hurt kids. Hope today is better!

Ericka said...

Hoping today is a better and more peace-full day....
Sending lots of mom-hugs :)

Birthblessed said...

So "suck it up" .... is that on par with "cut the crap"?

Lauri said...

same behavior going on over here.. I blame the moon

Lindsay Mama to Nine said...

So Sorry the other shoe dropped.The land of Regression is not a fun place to visit. While we are still living in the "Land of Walking on Eggshells"...it is go hard and frustrateing to see those 20 steps backwards. I try (when I am not steaming mad) to let it be a reminder at how far we have come....
Good luck Mama!

Linds

Mama Drama Times Two said...

You are so brave - you might need your very own marching band leader's get up for next time(complete with a baton and crazy big hat...cuz yu know there is gonna be a next time! They lock up the shoes at the RTC where our guy is...I though it was so they'd not be as eager to run away in the snow...now I see it so NO shoes drop at RTC - just at HOME! Argh.

Tenntrace said...

Is it considered proper behavior by others to laugh at seeing said child face down on the side of the road? I'm sorry, but that would have been my response out of sheer delight that it was happening at someone else's house and that someone else knew exactly that, while not okay, this behavior happens (and ours is bipolar/asperger, not rad).

Mom to Four said...

Just got around to reading blogs and I guess there was a reason you were on my mind.
Here's to hoping the shoes stay glued on ;-)

Teresa said...

This is from my blog last week...

Of course, when things are going well, I know that, at some point, the other shoe is going to drop and we are going to be back in crazy-ville. BANG! That shoe not only dropped, it kicked and screamed on its way to the floor where it lay writhing and moaning in a puddle of its own pain.
So - I get exactly what you are saying!

Sarah said...

Oh, my. Here too. I also blame the super moon. Also 6 months into the school year the honeymoon there has officially ended. I definitely need to buy Daniel Hughes book, but I am not sure my brain is capable of reading anything that long. I *love love love* when you post the dialogue you have with your kids when they are being wacky- So y'know, in all your free time if you want to give some examples I would love it. :-) *hugs* and THANK YOU for being you.

Ranee said...

I LOVE your blog! Our 5 cuties were adopted (four through foster care and 1 through private adoption.) There are quite a few special needs at our house! We also think we have a son who is kinda' RAD! Thanks for keeping this blog going and helping all of us keep our heads on straight!
P.S. My kids still fall for the "flying turtle" outside the window, and though we have yet to go outside for a march, we've tried it indoors a few times, for some fun! :0)

triplehmoms said...

Thanks, Christine, for answering my pee questions this week while you had shoes a-flying at your house. I appreciate it more than you know!

oneinchofgrace said...

At our house, it seems we're walking on eggshells a lot. Does it ever get better? If not how do you deal with it? It sounds like you have a good sense of humor - I'm sure that helps.

Christine said...

For more than you'll ever want to know on how we handle things, find the word "label" at the bottom of this post and click on "therapeutic parenting." Just make sure you have a couple of hours to kill. :)

Hannah_Rae said...

March is almost over. March is almost over. March is almost over.

I'm trying to imagine the songs that could come out of that shoe-dropping. I'm so proud of you.


I LOVE YOU! SEE YOU SOON!

Blessings!

Hannah