Wednesday, March 09, 2011

You are not alone!

Last year there were nine.





This year there were 68.



That doesn't scratch the surface. There is no way to even calculate all of the emails many of us have received over the last many months - women who so desperately wanted to go to Orlando. Women who parent trauma. Women who feel completely and totally alone.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Women who parent children from the hard places. Traumatized children. Children with a rough start. Whatever you call it, it's insanely hard.

I am kicking some online butt, and really pushing this group to become a core across the US. I am forcing nudging them to start meet-ups in their area. I am daring them to consider planning a small weekend locally. I'm going to lead the way by doing a Texas weekend. I don't know the dates or the exact location, even. I'm sure you'll know once I actually tell my husband I just announced that I'm doing a Texas weekend (Dear Michael, you love me. Please don't forget. Sincerely, Christine).

But back to the other thing:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

More than anything, what I hope these women took away from this weekend was that we think our only resources are the blogs we read. Yet, look at that picture above one more time. You have never heard of half those women. Half those women don't blog. A bunch of them aren't even on Facebook. If they do blog, they don't blog often. Yet, I want to spend hours at their feet. They. are. rock. stars. They are women who were told to give up on their kids by therapists, only to do their own research and understand they were dealing with trauma and attachment issues. They are women who have raised many of their hurting kids to adulthood and did it without the blogs and the books and certainly not even a HINT of something like Orlando.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!


(photo shamelessly stolen from Laura McBride - she knows where to find me when she's ready to sue)

28 comments:

Mandy said...

How amazing... it really is wonderful to have a community of people that UNDERSTAND. Rock on, ladies!

hilthethrill said...

YAY! I don't know why I am so inspired by your RAD struggles, not having RAD kids myself, but I always want to hear more and about how you do it. It is so hard, but who else would go so far for these struggling children?
YOU GO, Christine! I wonder what you would say about adult victims of trauma, who never received the love you give? What happens to them?

The Waggoners said...

An amazing weekend indeed! Thanks for the challenge, my husband this just today..."So when are your friends coming to visit, 'cause I know you aren't going to wait for a whole year?"
So I know I am not in TX, but not too far away :-)
and I am challenged to blog a bit more often too......maybe

Diana said...

I still have a few spots left for the Utah retreat in May. Come join us! Though ours started out as local, we've now got moms coming in from all over the country.

http://goldtorefine.blogspot.com/2011/03/utah-retreat-update.html

I absolutely second what Christine said. If you didn't make Orlando, if you can't make Utah, go local. It's not just Corey and Diana and Christine who can organize these. Anyone can!! Getting away for a few days and connecting in real life with other trauma mamas in person is an experience like no other!

The Lundys said...

Yay! It was wonderful! I hope to see Lisa again this very weekend! And hopefully I can catch others as we travel. Lucky me, I know!
I can answer hilthethrill's question. Hurt people hurt people. Unfortunate but true.

Mary at His feet said...

I am not alone... and the beautiful women of Orlando 2011 have impacted me for eternity.

I'm planning on looking into doing some kind of a local parenting RAD outreach... I plan on involving my hubby, 'cause he's a tender hearted pappa who needs to know he's not alone either.

I can't thank God, Corey, you and the rest of the "original 9" enough for welcoming this empty-nester to bask in a long weekend overflowing with RADmommaLOVE!!!

Gloriana said...

I AM NOT ALONE! That's good for a tapping session mantra.

Jamey... said...

I was even thinking about this before I read your commission. :)

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

I don't "do" facebook ... but I would LOVE to connect with other RAD Mamas in the Pacific NW.

Please let me know if you hear of any such "local" group in WA or OR.

Sounds like Orlando was wonderful!

Laurel :)

Christine said...

Laurel, email me your email. I have connected three women today, in your direction!

christinemoers at hotmail dot com

J. said...

Yeah I am thinking Ontario in September, that's half way to March. I'll keepyou posted, as if I could keep my mouth shut -ha ha

lavendergardener said...

Anyone in New Mexico...we are doing this....

Colleen said...

Christine-
If you set up a TX retreat- I WILL BE THERE.

Kathleen said...

St.Louis here... nice and centrally located! :-) Lots of fun, free things to do in STL, especially in the summer.

And Ontario folks... Am hoping to be giving training in Detroit in August... maybe not too far for some Ontario folks...

Have any of y'all thought about using Meetup.com for your local meetup groups? Pretty cool site, pretty convenient.

Kathleen Benckendorf
http://www.attachmentandintegrationmethods.com

Dawn and Devon said...

I'd love to get together with other trauma mamas in the Dallas area. We are REALLY struggling as a family with NO support. Why is it our "friends" dry up as soon as the real struggles begin??? :)

Diana E referred me to your site and your facebook page.

Tans said...

Any Aussies?

triplehmoms said...

Dawn and Devon:
I'm in Arlington, TX. You can email me, if you want, at kdpjag @ earthlink . net, removing the spaces.

Christine said...

HEY! You two DFW area gals - Leslie is east of Dallas. If you're not already connected on Facebook, let me know, and I'll hook you all up, too!

http://recoveringnoah.blogspot.com/

Email me at
christinemoers at hotmail dot com

CORoots said...

Hilthethrill~

The Lundys' answer was appropriate and accurate.

I'm an adult child of trauma and I "paid it forward" to my first-born. Just as seen with traumatized kids (even those with parents who have tools, resources, experience, and all the goobely-glop involved in fostering healing) some choose to find healing and some don't. Some are stuck and some try to swim through the muckety-muck.

I can only speak for myself, although I doubt my story is isolated and I can tell you that it is a constant struggle to learn to attach and love and most difficult-be loved.

My return from Orlando has been just as much my own attachment struggles as it has been that of my son.

We're not all destined for the worst of the worst, but it does take a determination and a lot of self reflection to even TRY to heal.

Brandy-new rad mom said...

AWESOME! I was telling my husband about setting a time aside for a mini retreat as well. If you give them hope they will come.

Reading the comments on this post warms my heart. You are empowering a nation of women to keep fighting and reach out.

You get more awesome by the day chic!

EMJJA said...

I am in the Chicago suburbs here! New to all the RAD stuff - foster mom to a pre-adoptive 7 year old, recently diagnosed. Help! This is very challenging!!!

enjoliver1 said...

Christine, I seriously love your blog. I'm not a child of major trauma, but enough trauma. My son (whom I gave birth to and is not traumatized) is very insecure (his brothers' are not). I find so much acceptance and ideas at your url, that I can't let another day pass without thanking you. Thank you.

Lisa G said...

I have been checking out your blog for a few weeks now because I suspected that we had a RAD kid. We just got the diagnosis yesterday. I actually feel more hopeful now, because I think we found a terrific therapist and will hopefully start making some progress. Finding this amazing community of Moms is also great. I am also in the Pacific NW and would love an opportunity to connect with others. Will try to figure out how to post on Facebook without sharing info with my whole friends list (need to get more tech savvy!) Thank you!!

Erin said...

Hi! I just sent you a FB friend request. I am an adoptive mama to three, and our oldest is struggling with attachment/trauma issues. I love your blog and would love to be your "friend!"

Erin in Colorado Springs

marythemom said...

For you Central TX gals we're starting a new support group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PCT_ParentsofChildrenofTrauma/ and I hope we can start regular meetings soon - including a retreat!

For the D/FW area there's Advocates for Children of Trauma which does have regular support group meetings WITH childcare! http://hopeforhealingtrauma.com/forum/ I wish I lived closer so I could attend, but I have gone to the seminars and they've been fantastic. Maybe we can plan a mini-retreat around the next one which is coming up soon.

Mary in TX

BeckyJoie said...

I'm totally bummed. I live minutes from Orlando and missed the info again this year because I didn't get time to read up on the blogs. I think it's great that you all do that meeting though. If there are any of you in my area, maybe we can do another get together sometime. I did connect with one person who went as she was Rv'ing through our area. Great person! Anyway, I'm still reading from time to time. Just been too busy and tired to post on my own blog. I enjoy catching up on the blog backlog though. Have a good night, all.

fayjeri said...

I'm in Oregon, love what I am reading. Feeling the love... feeling the love... needed it this morning. There are a few groups out here that offer respite, training, and workshops. I would love to start something out here in Salem Oregon!! What do I do?

Christine said...

Make sure you're on the Parents of Trauma map, if I haven't added you already (find the link on the right side of my blog).