Sadly, the triad tends to lean in favor of adoptive parents. Lest we forget, Susie commented below, "This is not only about the adoptee, I feel it as a mother. The pain from the loss of my son IS a part of me, not just something that happened to me. The pain is primal ~ I gave my very own son, a piece of my heart and soul, away..."
It may be very, very difficult, but see if you can give yourself permission to just read this ... hear it ... accept it.
"We must be careful not to sanitize, sentimentalize, or even glamorize the pain of adoption; it really is miserable stuff, and it is intensely personal. It is interior. The pain of adoption is not something that happens to a person; it is the person. Because the pain is so primal, it is virtually impossible to describe." - James Gritter, from The Spirit of Open Adoption.
(photo by ivanmarn, used with permission)