Sunday, July 10, 2011

Hurting to connect

*emphasis is mine*

"... they are hurt children, not bad children. They are doing the best they can to express themselves, even though that best is crappy for us.

There is one other valuable insight I would dare ask you to consider: our kids are hurting us as their own special way of connecting with us. Really."



This is from "Feel as Bad as Me, or, the Meaning of Fury in Adopted Children"

7 comments:

Ranger said...

You always seem to pull out a golden nugget of new perspective right when I need it, thank you for this. I've sometimes thought it's like feeding someone with massive malnutrition - I want to fill them with every good thing I can find, to do something to make up that awful deficit and give them some comfort, and yet what is needed is the blandest, plainest foods in tiny amounts, building up slowly to be able to tolerate the good stuff.

Annie said...

I found this article to be immensely comforting.

Diana said...

Like! They speak the truth! It's an easy trap to fall into. This article is a good reminder of how to get out.

Pam said...

Well...I needed this today after a 6 hr road trip from H-E-double hockey sticks filled with defiance and rage...from get this one...trading in our old car. (Any change triggers it) Thanks for the reminder. Printing now...

KimB said...

Christine! Thank you, thank you for this link! It is a beautiful depiction. I am doing my graduate work in occupational therapy on attachment disorders and just recently found your blog. It also just so happens that I live in the same city as the organization that you linked to with this, contacted them, and am hoping to meet up with them and make some contacts because of your blog link. Thanks for being you and for advocating for these/your kids all the time. You are my hero.

KimB said...

I did talk with Billy today and he said "I'm pretty sure Christine is my best friend." I politely laughed and said "yeah, she's pretty great." He said "no, that wasn't a figurative statement, she is literally my best friend." :)

Christine said...

Told you! I cannot begin to explain how what I do as a therapeutic parent and what he does as a therapist so wonderfully compliment each other.

And we're both nerds in a million other ways, too. He and my husband love to mock me simultaneously (okay, so that's not one of my favorite parts - ha!).

He and his family ... truly amazing people. We were all destined to meet. If it were not for all of the trials of the last three years, we would not be friends.