Saturday, September 17, 2011

My marriage sucks

It sucks just like yours.

We are not some magical never-have-problems phenomenon.

My guy was once on staff at an institutionalized church. Have you seen the divorce rates for those couples? Higher than the national average.

We are the parents of kids with special needs. Have you seen those divorce rates? They are astronomical. Some put them as high as 85-90% (and we would both nod in agreement - can totally see that).

We have had a lot of uphill climbs all this time. This is a tough gig. Life is a tough gig. It's hard.


When it is good, it is very, very good,
and when it is bad, it is horrid!

Who knew that poem was actually about marriage?

Yesterday my marriage celebrated 16 years. It's finally old enough to drive. We should celebrate 16 years. That's a long, friggin' time to still be trucking along with the same person. We spent a lot of time looking back, remembering, laughing, hurting, pondering. And the consensus is that you can't go this long without sharing a thick existence together that simply cannot be replicated. Whether you like it all or not.

Our marriage has never been better. It has also never been more real or raw or at a point where we still have to work beyond belief to get through the difficulties.

And we do it.

Some people say, "Well, you already have a great marriage." Like we lucked out. Like it just was. And that's true ... if by "the same" you always mean "completely different." Cause that's ridiculous. It's wonderful and it's work.

Just this week there were tears of fiery hot anger and tears of fiery hot love ... ON THE SAME DAY!

We are given a choice every day to stay in this. We are both given individual choices to do what we need to do in this partnership. We are both given choices to be patient when the other person is getting there. And we both keep making those choices in a way that keeps us together. I realize that doesn't always happen, and I am so very thankful for the both of us, while still wondering how our humanity hasn't jacked it up beyond repair.

My marriage sucks - just like yours - and I love it. Even when I hate it.

To sixteen fantabulously lovely and sucky years! *clink*


CORoots said...

"Just this week there were tears of fiery hot anger and tears of fiery hot love ... ON THE SAME DAY!"


Happy Anniversary!

By the way I haven't sat at my computer long enough to read blogs in quite some time, so yesterday when I came and saw this change I was taken back! It looks good, Christine. Sine you know... you were waiting for my vote and all.

Christine said...

You ain't seen nuthin' yet. In the middle of a complete and total redesign. Seriously - it's gonna' be spectacular. Super excited.

happygirl said...

Happy Anniversary to you. 16 years is quite an achievement. It gets so much easier after you hit 25 years. Keep loving.

Erika said...

My marriage sucks waaaaay more than yours. Happy Anniversary!

Christine said...

Erika, I smell a t-shirt design!

Lisa said...

Whoa! Where am I? Just don't go and change your profile pic, too, okay? I can only handle so much transition at once! ;-)

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

Happy Anniversary! I didn't realize we were just 1 year behind y'all. Hubby and I will be at 15 years in Oct.

Marriage is like parenting, the hardest job you'll ever have but it has the most rewards too. said...

May the next 16 be just as hard and fabulous!

Brendazzle* said...

Happy Anniversary!

I'm so glad that you posted this. It's nice to be reminded that happiness is a conscious choice and can be HARD WORK but it's always worth it. (I'd sending this to my mister right now.)

malva said...

bring it on . . .

Babs said...

My hub and I celebrated 7 on Sunday. I have a couples coaching workshop titled "It works BECAUSE it's work." ...and I truly believe that. GREAT post...and sign me up for a t-shirt!

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