Friday, October 07, 2011

There is no healing without poo

One of our cats has a special gift. It has diarrhea every. single. solitary. time. it's in the cat carrier. Extra pungent, nasty runs. So much so that the vet always comments on just how bad the smell is.

My cat grosses out the VET. A gift, I tell you.

Of course, sometimes you have to get your cat to the vet. The drive into town and back is a long one. You know how it's gonna' play out. You bring extra towels. You make sure you're ready to give him a bath afterward. You utilize expert mouth breathing when the vet leaves you to hold down your poo-covered cat while she reads the slides.

This is the part where Christine makes a brilliant poo analogy.

Sometimes there are things we need to do in order to grow. That process, however, will cause some undesired stuff. We find ourselves at a crossroads. "I really don't want to deal with the cat poo, but I also know my cat is miserable with the mange. I must make a choice."

To be a better parent, you may need to deal with your own history first. To deal with your own history is going to feel like you've been covered in feline diarrhea. It's going to be messy and miserable and STINK! Yet, you can't get to the healing without the poo.

To be a better partner or spouse, you may need to face your own issues first. Owning the fact that you sometimes play mind games is going to be putrid. Admitting your jealousies and insecurities is going to feel like you're wrestling with muck. Yet, you can't get to the healing without the poo.

You can apply this to any area of growth. Really. What really (obvious pun) stinks about it, is that the poo part makes us more resistant to doing the work. We don't reach these points without having already weathered a lot. We are tired. We are hurting. We don't care if we are a part of the problem, we just want the problem to GO AWAY. And we have a decision to make.

We can walk away.

Or we can begin to prep for the poo. We can gather towels. We can make sure we have what we need for clean up afterward. We can prepare our minds, knowing that it will be gross and hard ... but worth it.

We can't get to the healing without the poo.


Quacken said...

Great analogy... and my cats do the same thing. How is it possible to smell that awful? The great part about our new house is we are 1 block from the vet. It takes 20 seconds to drive there! :)

Dennis Nesser said...

I'm not much of a cat person, but cats and poo I can understand. :)

Seriously though, Jenny and I make sure that not only we take time to deal with issues, we're not afraid to tell the other person it's time for them to take a break and deal with some things.

I recently came back from a 'couple of days in the desert' dealing with things. Not normally a 'fun' time, but a fruitful time wrestling with myself, being honest (after all I can tell when I'm lying) and coming to grips with the poo in my life. While part of me enjoys the getting away from the day to day stuff, every year when my opportunity comes up I have to struggle to go. I know what's coming and no one wants to call themselves out. In mens work we call it 'shadow work'. It sucks, and yet can be so rewarding when it's all said and done.

The best part is I have a spouse who understand that sometimes she has to push me to face my own poo, after all who wants to deal with it? Can't one of the kids just clean it up for me? But she will stand firm, make sacrifices to make sure I can't excuse myself from doing it.

By the same token, I make sure she has those opportunities too. And then when it comes to it, WE take time to deal with our poo too. Isn't there a toilet we can just flush instead of dealing with all this? So outsiders don't understand that we would leave our kids for a few days to deal with it, but like you said, the only way we can be better parents and better people is to deal with it and get rid of it all together.

Keep up the great work!


Jessica Lynn said...

Its funny you posted this, as I am having to deal with tons of my own mess right now. I started Alcoholics Anonymous a few months ago. One of the things discussed in a meeting recently was how to deal with fear. The woman said we can either F*&% Everything And Run or Face Everything and Recover.

KimB said...

Love. So true.
Also, my cat has some pretty rough poo too.

Medkid said...

True story. Lots of poo. Can't be a great doctor/daughter/friend/girlfriend/sister/choir member/trumpet player/whatever I am at the moment until I deal with it. Some days I want to kick my therapist for making me face the poo and some days I want to hug her. But mostly I just put my head down and face it. I don't know if it will make any difference, but I do it because like Denis I know when I'm lying to myself!

Anonymous said...

We've been talking about this with our family therapist, and think it may be one of the hardest things I've ever done.