Friday, November 25, 2011
Thankful for the hard stuff
I am thankful for the hard stuff.
I hate the hard stuff.
I would never choose to relive most of it.
I'm not doing cartwheels, and it certainly doesn't make me smile.
Yet, I'm thankful for it.
I'm thankful for the person it has made me. I despised the process of getting to this point. Despised. It hurts and is always thick and messy.
Parts of the hard stuff still make me livid. Much of it was simply not okay. Not right. Not good. It rocked me to my core. Threatened my marriage and my home. Rattled friendships. The hard stuff does not discriminate. The hard stuff is an equal opportunity screwer-over.
However, I can now say that there were things in me I was able to skirt around. There were hidden issues I could ignore for years, until certain hard things came along and ripped back the curtain. That's miserable. Each time I have stood there feeling naked and exposed, I knew I had a choice. Then another. Then another.
The choices started to shape me. Sometimes it was not pretty and I chose sefishly. I got more tangled. So, I might do differently with the next one.
And so on and so on and so on.
Here I am.
Knowing more hard stuff is coming.
Knowing the right choices sometimes suck.
But seeing who I have become and knowing I can still be more.
Yes. Most definitely.