Friday, November 25, 2011

Thankful for the hard stuff

I am thankful for the hard stuff.

I hate the hard stuff.

I would never choose to relive most of it.

I'm not doing cartwheels, and it certainly doesn't make me smile.

Yet, I'm thankful for it.

I'm thankful for the person it has made me. I despised the process of getting to this point. Despised. It hurts and is always thick and messy.

Parts of the hard stuff still make me livid. Much of it was simply not okay. Not right. Not good. It rocked me to my core. Threatened my marriage and my home. Rattled friendships. The hard stuff does not discriminate. The hard stuff is an equal opportunity screwer-over.

However, I can now say that there were things in me I was able to skirt around. There were hidden issues I could ignore for years, until certain hard things came along and ripped back the curtain. That's miserable. Each time I have stood there feeling naked and exposed, I knew I had a choice. Then another. Then another.

The choices started to shape me. Sometimes it was not pretty and I chose sefishly. I got more tangled. So, I might do differently with the next one.

And so on and so on and so on.

Here I am.


Knowing more hard stuff is coming.

Knowing the right choices sometimes suck.

But seeing who I have become and knowing I can still be more.

Yes. Most definitely.


5 comments: said...

me too darlin, me too

dcorey said...

Just coming to this place myself as we step up and take on our hard stuff. Finally seeing that it will make me stronger and that our little girl is worth it, but man its hard!

Unknown said...

All of my love and appreciation being sent your way right. now! This was wonderfully beautiful and inspiring and I've been needing this.

Diana said...

So perfect. Thank you, my dear friend I still hope to meet someday on this side of heaven. My now very shattered heart needed to be reminded I'm not alone, I'm doing the right thing, and that I can get through the very, very hard stuff...and I can get through the VERY hard and VERY BIG choices that have now been thrust on me...choices I never, ever wanted to have to make...choices that I know will hurt a lot of people...but are, none the less, they are choices I now must make for the sake of my children and family.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Seeing the blessings in the Tough Stuff is truly a gift. I am so grateful for the tough years with the Tongginator - it made me who I am today. And I am learning to be grateful as we navigate this different realm of tough stuff with our newest daughter Squirt. Who knew the Lord would stretch me in such different ways?