Sunday, December 18, 2011

... and start all over again

The last week and a half has been pretty dark and dank for me.

The weather has been continuously overcast. There is a reason I prefer to live this far south. I love the sun. It chocks me full of Vitamin D. It does awesome things for my mood.

I have been working through some heavy grief. When you open a door to pain, it's amazing how other unresolved sources come pouring out. You can't stop it. You have to ride it and allow it. Work through it.

My brain and my heart have each had much to process. It has brought me down. One of "those times." The tough ones.

In it, though, I kept reminding myself of its shelf life. That grief is a process and a journey and doesn't always stay where it is. That the sun will shine again, dang it.

And it did. It always does.

In my sloshing through of this little dark period, I have continued to push myself. I connected with people even when I felt pulled to be a recluse. When I did that, I have had my mind split wide open. My life intersected with other women who truly understood me in ways that many don't. I would have missed those moments and those connections if I had not nudged myself against the darkness.

The dreariness lifted, figuratively. When it did, I was already moving forward ...

I practiced vulnerability. I admitted things to people that love me to my core, and they heard me and ... yup, you guessed it ... still love me! I sat in actual sunshine. Like literally - SUNSHINE! I absorbed fascinating conversation with a new addition to my Circle of Awesome. I ate pad thai. I put on my new favorite skirt that was repurposed from an old AC/DC tshirt I found at a thrift store. A perfect example of new life springing from old. I sat with one of my children and reminded them of their worth. Again. For the millionth time.

I went outside in MORE sunshine and gave my youngest child the gift of playing with my iPhone by asking her to take my picture.

It felt so good.

I feel so good.

These words were written 75 years ago by Dorothy Fields, and they still kick ars to this day:

Nothing's impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.


Kelley said...

Love you!

Erin said...

Love this post, and love the verse at the end! Thanks for sharing...

Cathleen said...

Stealing that for Facebook. Thank you for the reminder that vulnerable is strength and can help. Hope the suns stays put for awhile.

Anonymous said...

What to do when it feels like there's no one to love you to your core?

Diana said...

Love you! Sending prayers to heaven for you, dear friend.

Send some sunshine my way please!! We're stuck in a deep freeze with mucky, gunky air.

Emma said...

Thanks for sharing the great quote. Glad you are feeling better. Inspiring words & actions.

Oneinchofgrace ... hang in there.