Thinking on your feet

"The basic rules of improv theater ... are key and fundamental to therapeutic parenting." -

Billy Kaplan, LCSW

I keep munching on this.



The basics of improv theater are:

Learning a new way of thinking

Respect for others in negotiations or transactional relationships

Being “in the moment“

Make positive choices that keep doors open

Proactive listening as opposed to passive or even responsive listening

Trusting one another to do the right thing

Benefiting from watching the other guy’s back.


You don't have to have a natural gift for thinking on your feet. You just have to be willing to try, and practice it regularly so you can be BETTER at it. Even if that means you are better than really, really sucking at it. That is success!


(photo by rubenshito, used with permission)

My boring weekend

Okay, not totally boring. Took my two eldest gals swimsuit shopping. It was super fun. They had a great time.



Before making my grocery run, we did the "eat everything left in the house" meal. It was hysterically beige.



Downloaded the "In Bed" app. It honestly takes so very little to entertain me.



But the thorn in our side has been the horseshoe puzzle given to us by a friend. Pretty much everyone in the house has figured out how to solve it. However, in that process, one of the kids got part of it all jacked up, and now you can't do anything with it.

We are a wee bit frustrated.



Now, aren't you glad you just wasted a whole 90 seconds reading all of this?

That's what I thought.

Owning my own panic attacks

I have written before about my own experience with panic attacks.

One in particular was a time my middle child was sick. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was pacing the floor. I asked my husband to sleep with him so I could leave the room. I did not sleep. I tossed and turned all night. Every time I heard so much as a noise from the other side of the house, I broke out in a cold sweat. I prayed. I begged God to make it stop. I whispered over and over again, "Get better, get better, get better, get better, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop." My head was spinning with the thought of taking him to the ER to get some serious meds to keep him from throwing up again. There was still one speck of me that knew how ludicrous it was at that moment. He had only been sick for a few hours.

It was a stomach bug.

And I had gone crazy.

In the moment, you could not convince me that it was just a regular illness. You could not convince me that I would not catch it and throw up (which felt like death to me ... in that moment). I was lost in my own panic, and nothing I knew for certain before, and nothing I know for certain now mattered at all. In the moment, I had to make it stop. No matter what.

I had a classic fight/flight response. Now, it's easy for me to casually forget the times I went through this. It's especially easy when I don't want to acknowledge that my kids from trauma experience the exact same thing. I do not want to honor how difficult it is to pull yourself out of it. Not as a 30 year old adult. Certainly not as a child.

I still see little bits of this in my kids regularly. It is MASSIVELY better, and not at such a heightened level all the time anymore. Yet, it's still there. And I still struggle with being empathetic, even though I know. I have felt a taste of it, and I SUCKED at dealing with it until I got the help I needed. I had to remind myself today, as the next two weeks are going to bring some pretty big stresses in our home. We will see the fight/flight response. Thought I would share some of the things I'm reading, to keep my therapeutic parenting brain fresh and "on this":

"Panic attacks are a type of fight/flight response. Once this response "kicks in," we tend to perceive anything and everything around us as a potential threat to our safety. When we are in fight/flight mode, our brain chemistry is altered. The part of the brain which controls our rational thoughts is bypassed ..." - "The Fight or Flight Response" by Mark Sichel, LCSW

"When our fight or flight system is activated, we tend to perceive everything in our environment as a possible threat to our survival. By its very nature, the fight or flight system bypasses our rational mind—where our more well thought out beliefs exist—and moves us into "attack" mode. This state of alert causes us to perceive almost everything in our world as a possible threat to our survival. As such, we tend to see everyone and everything as a possible enemy." - from the Mind/Body Education Center

"Endorphins, which are the body's natural pain killers, are released (when you are fighting, you do not want be bothered with pain–-that can be put off until later.) The natural judgment system is also turned down and more primitive responses take over – this is a time for action rather than deep thought." - from "Fight or Flight Reaction" from Changing Minds

You can help to stop the fight/flight response with deep breathing, tapping and my favorite - shaking. You may already know the value of these things, but you won't find yourself WILLING to do them with your kid if you can't find understanding and empathy for their behaviors FIRST.

Understand why they are responding as though you are a giant can of gasoline and their hair is a match tip. Go there first. Perhaps I can get there a little more quickly on some days because I have felt it. I know what it's like to KNOW what is true and real and safe, and yet have found myself acting like a complete and utter crazy person for no actual valid reason. It took me a very long time to stop feeling that way, and to then catch a trigger before things got out of hand.

And I was an adult.

Dare to understand today. You're stinkin' tough. You can do it.

Don't forget to tell me the same thing in two weeks, once I have forgotten.

Super easy pesto lunch

Take the base of your choice (toasted bread full of gluten or not, or even a big lettuce leaf - whatever!).

Smear some pesto all over it.

Saute a diced red onion in a little olive oil and throw some of that on there.

A few lettuce or spinach leaves on top.

Lunch. Done.

And YUM.

The sun'll come out - Orlando!

In one week I will be packing for Orlando. My family will drop me off at a hotel so I can catch my plane the following morning at the crack of dawn.

I will not return until the FOLLOWING TUESDAY!

Uh huh. That just doesn't seem real. Six nights away. I have not done anything remotely close to that in five years.

Of course, I am also hitting panic mode. There are plenty of little things to fret over (because I am one to "fret" and actually use the word "fret" *cough*), like making sure my kids have done their laundry and have clean underwear for the days they visit Grandma. But then there are the bigger things. The REALLY important things. Like:

- There will be a pool at our house. Don't forget to shave, don't forget to shave, don't forget to shave, don't forget to shave.

- I'm running in the highly acclaimed and organized fun little 5K while we are there. I keep dreaming that I leave my Five Fingers at home and end up running in flip flops.

- There is always such a balance between enjoying a beverage on the plane and not having to go to the bathroom 40 times. Can't have my cake and eat it, too.

- A lot of these gals have seen pics of my face and actually get to watch videos of me. They know my voice and my quirks. Lucky skunks. I need name tags. Or could all of you just send me a video of yourself sometime in the next week? That would be great. Thanks.

- What am I gonna' forget? I always forget something. Let's start placing bets now.

One week. One week. One week. One week!


(photo by someone who was smart enough to not jump into the pool which had mistakenly not been heated)

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

"She is 22 years old--this is her second baby. Her pregnancy was complicated by severe pre-eclampsia. Beth and Jonna (midwives) have been seeing her every day for almost the past 3 weeks. She's been slowly getting worse, to the point where we needed to induce her today, even though the baby was still premature. By dates the baby was 35 1/2 weeks gestation, though after birth we're estimating the baby is more like 36-37 weeks. It was a complicated birth requiring lots of interventions but thankfully both mom and baby are doing well. Dad is very involved and compassionate with both mom and baby. Breastfeeding is going well so far!" - Jen Halverson, February 2010

(photo by Haiti's Heartline Ministries)

Sexperiment 2011 - the final stretch

You have one week left in February. Then I will shut up about sex.

OH, even I couldn't write that with a straight face. Of course, I won't! I will, however, take a break from being so deliberate and obsessive. How's that?

You have about a week left in this month. That's still time to start the Sexperiment, if you haven't. Make it your own. Custom tailor it somehow. Just get in there!

The husband and I set a new record. 11 days straight.

And then we happily took a break.

Yeah, did you really think this picture showed two exhausted dads after a game of touch football? Oh, heavens, no. It was the result of February.



This was our third year to make this deliberate attempt. We could have gone longer, but were ready to throw in the towel around day #6. It was an interesting learning experience to have some major difficulties, life issues and still stay with it and show up on day #7. When we got through all of that, we were like, "Eh, we're this close. We might as well pass the 10-day mark." It was a very romantic process.

I don't know that we'll go past a week next year. Yet, this is what we DO know:

- leading the way for everyone these three years has forced us to step outside, not necessarily our "comfort zone," but our "lazy (lard) zone."

- since starting the Sexperiment three years ago, we have begun to have more sex ... a LOT more sex.

- we can have a fight, and use our words and take the time for reconciliation and STILL HAVE SEX THE SAME NIGHT. We can be grown-ups and not pretend to be okay but withhold sex to passive aggressively hurt the other person.

- doing the above point is really hard, and sometimes it really sucks being a grown-up. However, it forces you to grow, and you have to shut your big yapper, because you know it makes you a better person.

- sex is about so much more than intercourse. We already knew that, but had no idea how very much we could continue to learn in that arena, year after year.

- opening the conversation to new ideas in the bedroom gets easier with practice, and has yet to disappoint us, even if it means we give something a valiant effort and walk away from it laughing hysterically.

- a couple who was once known for not even having sex 11 times in a YEAR, can work their way - for the sake of their relationship - to have sex 11 days in a row. We believe it's worth the effort. That's why we do this. Well, we also do it because I announce it on my blog, and we would look like total quitters if we bailed on it. Accountability can be a good thing.

We will see you again next February. I hope this continues to be a launching pad for everyone. I hope some of you dared to be brave between the sheets this year, and I hope many more take the leap next year.

Raising a glass of coconut oil to everyone. May 2011 be a year that you love yourself more, so that your lover can enjoy you more fully.

Cheers!

Sexperiment 2011 - Good Vibrations

In talking with another woman in recent years, when the subject of vibrators came up (because, "My name is Christine, and somehow I always seem to end up in conversations about really fascinating things"), I received a very firm crinkling of her forehead and a chastisement of:

"My husband and I do not NEED a vibrator."

She wasn't saying this as if to imply she thought they were somehow wrong or inappropriate. Rather, she perfectly portrayed that they were so sexually connected that, perhaps, he could bring her to climax by merely looking at her across the room and mouthing "time to go."

I don't know. But I do remember her really, really, really wanting me to feel inferior, and as though I was somehow causing detriment to my orgasmic experiences by daring to involve something artificial. Like introducing a bottle too soon to a breastfeeding baby.

Yet, all I could do was sit there thinking, "'Need' a vibrator? NEED? You don't get it, lady. I WANT ONE! They're stinkin' AWESOME!" Don't worry. I didn't actually say it. She was not in a place of actually hearing me that day.

Today isn't all about vibrators. It's about sex toys, in general. There is absolutely no way I could even begin to cover this topic in one post, but I want to at least expose you to the idea. Some of you have never invited such a thing into your bedroom, and THAT IS OKAY. This topic makes you uncomfortable and THAT IS OKAY. That is precisely why I am talking about it. This is your safe place. If I mention something today that scares you a little bit, just step away for a minute. And there are a million reasons it may scare you AND THAT IS OKAY. This is about exposure. Just to get your mind to say, "Hmmm. Never thought of that, but ... why not?"

My husband and I spend some money every year on things to bring some added fun to our rendezvouses. This keeps us from having to choose between something practical (Zzzzz) and something zowza! The zowza is already in the budget. I get it, Momma's. It doesn't seem to make SENSE to blow cash on something like this when the car is in the shop, and all of your kids just outgrew their shoes. So PLAN for it. Make it a part of Christmas. Whatever works and helps you overcome the parental guilt of splurging on yourself.

Despite the fact that I may WANT these things, I also find them super handy. Some of you are still reeling over how I dared ask you to consider having sex during your period. Well, sex toys are the PERFECT way to avoid mess, pain, etc., and still bring pleasure to each other. That is sex, my friends. That is healthy and beautiful and will keep pushing the two of you closer.

For instance, there are a gazillion masturbation sleeves out there for the guys. Something like the Head Honcho and some lubrication can help you "help him" when fill-in-a-reason-you-are-not-having-intercourse. I found out recently that the Fleshight is made in Austin. Buy local! Whooop!

If you are new to these types of items, ALWAYS read and find out what types of lubrication work best on them. Some materials become damaged if you use anything other than a water-based product. Don't toss the instructions, even if your dude is chomping at the bit.

Several of you have been yelling at me (or commenting LOUDLY) about the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager. It doubles as a ... ya' know ... REGULAR massager, too. I can now say that it comes HIGHLY recommended by several of you. Worth checking out!

I think the very first product I picked up was a little bullet. They are small and inexpensive. Not terribly intimidating, and can be used in a multitude of ways. Make sure you know whether or not it is waterproof. The longer you have an item, the more likely you will think, "This would be great in the shower!" Better to know ahead of time.

I received a free Speeding Bullet at BlogHer this year, and laughed at it initially. No longer laughing. Tiny, affordable and multiple settings (I'm a fan of the multiple settings). For its size (about equal to my thumb) it now has my deepest respect.

There is a friend of mine who is about to start whooping and hollering and jumping up and down on her sofa screaming, "I TOLD YOU SO!" For more than a year now, she has been saying, "Have you seen the We-Vibe? You have to get a We-Vibe. Did you order your We-Vibe? WHY HAVEN'T YOU BOUGHT A WE-VIBE YET?" So, our gift to our marriage this year was, in fact, the We-Vibe. The We-Vibe 2, to be exact.

It came up in some conversations with girlfriends before I placed my order. So, not only did WE get our We-Vibe, but three other friends received theirs the very same week. It takes 24 hours to charge (which is just cruel), so the reviews are just now starting to trickle in. It is a hands-free device that stimulates you internally AND externally and is designed to be used during intercourse. Yeah.

No. Really.

Thus far, it has received multiple thumbs up! There is one setting, however, that is the same syncopation as a cheer we did for my high school football team. It makes me laugh. We will not be using that setting.

For every conceivable preference out there, you will find a fun sex toy to match. If you have a friend who is a safe person you can open up to, ask for more recommendations. I understand that some of you would never step foot into an adult store, and understand and respect your reasons for that. Absolutely. However, you may be surprised to find that many major cities have stores which sell sexual products in a very professional way and they are extremely helpful. This has a major advantage because you can touch, see and inspect the products. You can call for advice from a reputable online store, like EdenFantasys. Or write ME! These topics make the best Facebook messages!

More than anything, don't forget about that person lying next to you at night. They are the reason you are even broaching this topic. Go together. Look online together. Be repulsed together. Laugh together. Let your jaws hit the floor together. Get excited together. And grow closer ... together.


*don't miss out on the comments - gals are sharing help for breastfeeding, incontinence, women who have NEVER experienced an orgasm, etc.*

(photo by Davide Farabegoli, used with permission)

Life among the cows

A little taste of my life lately, in pictures.

The tree finally came down. In February. But, don't worry! It is still sitting in my living room floor. Don't think I went and got all organized.



The dad's challenged the boys to a full-on game of football in the field last week. The dad's won. I guess.



Conquered a gluten free muffin. I am calling them a success. Two words: xantham gum.



All that cold crap finally went away. The sun has returned, along with shorts, flip flops and lots of time outside. Ahhh.



My Dyson started to REALLY lose its suction. I have absolutely no idea how that could be.



These guys were heading right down the highway by our place, on their way home from the rodeo. It was a decent sized caravan. The best part was the final trailer ... of port-a-potties. Authentic.



Right now I am sitting by an open window, with Ingrid Michaelson coming from the field where the boys are throwing around a football, and I am watching this:






Today I plan to accomplish much while still celebrating simplicity. The breeze is blowing me forward, and putting a smile on my face. I choose to have a good day.

Sexperiment 2011 - Hello, Auntie Flo!

Today I am touching on the magical way a woman's body CYCLES. So, if you have a problem reading about that CYCLE and you're not quite sure it's going to help with the FLOW of your day, then you might want to move along right now. I'm sure someone else is blogging about gardening or cake recipes. Click that little "X" in the corner and keep trucking.

Hopefully that first paragraph was enough to forewarn everyone who might be reading the blurb in their feedreader or Facebook. Otherwise, you're screwed - cause we're talking periods. Hang on to your hats.

Because I have struggled for so long with simply WANTING to have sex, I had certainly never - EVER - um ... EVER considered having sex during my period.

Like ... EVER.

Then, as my health improved, and my love for my body improved, and my self-care improved, I found myself desiring sex. I had always known that my libido was its highest during menses. That always seemed like such a cruel joke to me. I knew that there were plenty of other sexual things we could be doing during that time, so it was a topic we simply avoided.

Thankfully, my husband and I have been married plenty long, and I (BIG SHOCKER) tend to enjoy talking about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. So, this topic has come up and we allowed ourselves to understand it, hear from others and try to navigate some new boundaries that have allowed us much more flexibility with sex while simultaneously balancing a small business, my husband's fulltime job, five kids and fill-in-whatever-small-crisis-is-currently-going-on-this-particular-day.

Did you know that orgasm brings tremendous relief from cramps? Oh darlin - it's better than a bottle of Midol.

Repeat after me: ORGASM BRINGS RELIEF TO YOUR CRAMPS. I did not say it had to be intercourse. ORGASM. It also brings me tremendous relief from the pain of endometriosis! Come on, ladies. Think outside the box on your worst days. You can do this.

At this point, you are either rolling your eyes (thinking, "You mean, some people DON'T have sex during their periods??"), or you are cringing with disgust ... or you have a tiny lilt in the eyebrows with a hint of curiosity. Just take a slow, cleansing breath and promise yourself you will at least consider something new right now. Just consider it. You may be surprised.

Instead of recapping all the wonderful information and resources out there, I will give you some linky lou:

"How to Have Sex During Your Period" has some great ideas, as well as a very fun and informative video near the bottom. Told you orgasm is great for cramps! It's not just me!

I am in love with my Diva Cup, but that's not really practical for actual penetration. The Instead menstrual cup has the huge advantage of not being noticed during intercourse (and intercourse being actually POSSIBLE - my Diva would be a major space hog). I have not tried these! I also don't like that they are disposable (my Diva hugs trees more tightly), and would only utilize them for the purposes of this very enlightening post. I do know some women who use their diaphragm for sex during menses, as well as for birth control. Clever.

A reader alerted me to a fabulous article on Women's Health called "Have Super Sex All Month Long." I LOVE THIS. It talks about the chemical and hormonal changes in our body throughout the month, and how we can use them to our advantage in the bedroom. Genius. These things do not have to work against us. We can learn our bodies and listen to them, instead of feeling defeated and helpless throughout our monthly changes. Did I mention I LOVE THIS?

The Sex Health Guru lets you in on the best position for minimal mess!

For some input on using natural sea sponges and well as some great visuals on the advantage of a diaphragm, check out "Going Menstrual: Tips for Sex During Your Period." The Diva Cup can also have the advantage of keeping everything "outside" nice and neat for lots of not-penatrative (is that a word?) fun.

Of course, it's super important to work with your luv-ah so that they also have "A Good Attitude Toward Menstruation."

Sorry, had to throw that one in. Because some of you are leaning more toward an asthma attack instead of laughter. It's okay. IT'S OKAY! The greatest thing my husband and I have discovered is that we should hear and learn and talk - yet still be 200% comfortable with choosing what is best for the both of us. Our sex life changes as we change and age and our life situation shifts. Don't feel pressure to do something that is simply NOT okay for one of you right now. Talk about it anyway, because you never know ... in five years you may find yourself not enjoying today's "favorite" stuff in the bedroom, and being drawn toward something different.

Just go with the flow.

Buh-dum-bum-CHING! Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all night!



(photo by MojtabaT, used with permission)

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by fulltime RVer, and one of my current BFF's at the park, Jen - she leaves this week, and I am trying to be mad at her to make it easier - not working)


you can submit your own magical milk pic by emailing it to christinemoers[at]hotmail[dot]com

No stuffed teddy bears for me, thank you

It's Valentine's Day!

Or as we are referring to it in our house this year - "Day Nine."

The last nine days have been ... interesting.

Sometimes fabulous. Sometimes complete and utter suckage.

But on the other side of it, I'm still with this guy.



There isn't another out there like him. Not even close.

I love you, Michael Moers. And I like you A LOT.

Oh, and my husband NEVER reads my blog. So, could someone tell him that for me? Thanks!



(photo by my favorite Alicia Thiede in the whole, wide world)

Friday goodness

My man and I have knocked out five days straight in the Sexperiment 2011. Tonight will be #6. There has been talk of going past a week.

Okay, fine. I haven't talked to HIM about it, but now that I just blabbed it to the internet I guess I better bring it up. Records are meant to be broken, right? Maybe we can go for eight.

Our reigning champs had to bow out last night. Something about helping women to have safe births in Haiti and a labor going well into the night and blah, blah, blah, blah. Some people will use ANYTHING as an excuse. Geesh. (Update: so I am just hearing that the woman who was laboring ALL NIGHT last night is STILL laboring tonight - holy hooch! Love, prayers and cheers for this momma and the gals at Heartline - I'm officially eating crow!)

They did set the bar high two years ago. Ten days straight. I'm gonna' have to chug a few more probiotics and pick up some of the recently lauded coconut oil if we're gonna' make it that far. Will let you know. Go Team Moers!

A few other little fun things to ponder this weekend:

Diana broached the subject of the Hot Sauce Mom. But not at all like anyone else has dared to do. I have not yet been able to join the discussion in any of the comments because I still just don't know where to start. It's hard to read, but unbelievably valuable and vital. It reflects myself back to me. Whether or not you parent trauma ... if you really want to understand and be able to join others in changing the world by changing our kids, read her posts on this. It will take you a long time. I ask you - make the time.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

My friend and favorite claim to the title "Ex Boyfriend," John Rabon, made an enormously brave decision for himself this week. He took the time recently to give me some praise. He doesn't get what a huge thing that was for me. HE is brilliant. He hurts and he struggles and he has so many clouds ... but he is brilliant. I wish him so very well, and can't wait to see him when he finishes this next leg of his stuff.

My friend, Riley, posted a while back on Tassels. And by tassels, I mean ... yeah ... TASSELS! Over the last several months, she has taught me the fine art of making pasties. In the spirit of the Sexperiment, I may have to finish a pair and try all of this. There IS pastie nudity in the TASSEL link. You have been warned. But your partner may be THRILLED if you click through. Not to mention, there has GOT to be a homeschool lesson in physics in there somewhere. Salute!


And this. Just ... well, just watch it. And love your tree.

You are not ugly

Children who come from the hard places hate themselves.

Their very young brains try to make sense of how all of the horrible things could have possibly happened, and they come to one conclusion very early on: it must be me. I am the problem. I am bad. I am unlovable.

And they believe it.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

You can tell them they're beautiful, but they won't believe you. You can tell them they're lovely, but they won't believe you. It's not embedded in stone, but it is definitely a tattoo. Covering it up does nothing to change or remove it.

So, they spend a huge chunk of their time doing whatever they can to reinforce what they already believe to be true about themselves. If you put a bunch of therapeutic moms together, we could probably write an entire book just listing all of the many nauseating creative ways they make themselves unappealing, which then causes others to react to them as unappealing ... thus reinforcing what they believe.

There are still certain things, food, places, clothing and activities that I avoid because of what a huge trigger they are for me. It is because of the hours I have been exposed to some of these behaviors. No matter how much I read about the shame and how our children live that lie, nothing could have ever prepared me for the depth of their self-loathing and the measures they actually take to verify said lie.

They believe they are ugly. It is not even on the same planet as how most of us feel about ourselves as we flip through fashion magazines. Not even in the same zip code as what happens to us when someone insults us. They feel truly and utterly disgusted with every inch of themselves, every word that they speak, every step of their walk, every exhale of their breath, every blink of their eye.

Even when this faulty thinking improves, we have discovered that it is still one of the biggest, ugliest hurts to cause most of the problems and hold on the longest. Shame and fear love to duke it out for the top spot in jacking with our kids.

I would tell you not to get frustrated when the shame behaviors keep rearing their ugly heads, but I might as well tell you to stop breathing. Just not possible. It is weird to find yourself wanting to scream at your child, "You are beautiful and great, d*** it! Just accept it already!?!?!" heh. heh. Strange to be angry at your kid because they refuse to like themselves. But the behaviors that result from this big mess are what you really hate.

I will tell you to have an arsenal of things you can do WITH that frustration so that you stay therapeutic in the moment (even when that means walking away, curling up with a blanket in the corner and sucking your thumb - not that I've ever done that or anything). I will tell you to write yourself sticky notes all over the house reminding you that your child did not choose to be this way and they do not like being this way and they would love to live like everyone else, where they can receive a compliment without an overwhelming urge to smear themselves with Limburger cheese.

Today I did the dance with one of my kids:

We talked about how they did not get their needs met and/or were hurt when they were very, very young. We rewound and replayed the same conversation of how their hurt part tried to make sense of such a thing. We said the words, yet again, "When a child is hurt and their needs are not met, they try to make sense of it all as they grow. They assume that something must be horribly wrong with them and THAT is why all the trauma happened - they must be bad. Very bad. To the core." For the millionth time, we answered the question, "What on earth could a baby or preschooler do, that is so horrible, it would cause someone to do those things on purpose?"

As I tried my best to not sound sing-songy, I looked my child in the eyes and said, "You have done all of these things over the years because you already felt bad inside. The trauma happened first, then you felt bad inside, then the behaviors started. You were not born bad. You were born good and lovely and amazing. You are still good and lovely and amazing. This is just a feeling. It is not the truth. It is hard to believe the truth when you have believed the lie your entire life."

We discussed ways that my child can do some of this process on their own the next time the feelings get big. I know this child is not to that point yet, but I said it anyway. Just like we do with toddlers to reinforce things. You do it til you are blue in the face. The change and growth happens, just like it does with small children, but so slowly that many days it is lost on you.

My kids are not ugly. They are not bad. It is a lie. I hate the lie, and I really want to take that hate out on my kids because I can't remove the lie and drag it into a dark alley. When the lie resurfaces and I'm parenting some regression, I forget the reality of the growth that HAS happened.

The lie is ugly.

My kids are amazing.

Lather, rinse, repeat.




(photo by Alicia Thiede)

Sexperiment 2011 - I'm a smooth operator

I am 38.

My body has an incredible desire to start the peri-menopausal dance and be on the early bird side of this phase of life.

Therefore, lube is my friend.

However, it is also a vital asset when you certainly don't mind handing yourself over as a gift on an emotional level, but physically ... well, you are just not quite there.

I am thrifty, and simply don't want to spend $10-$18 a pop if I'm not positive I'm going to LOVE the product. On that note, let me make a couple of suggestions, beyond all the KY product pimping I have done in previous years.

First, look for sample packs. There are plenty of web sites out there who provide them. If you have a favorite place where you purchase items for your Love Shack, simply find their search box on the main site page and type in "sampler" or "lube sample pack." Babeland.com has a Lube Sampler which has seven different one-time use packets for just $6. If you do not see samples for a product that has caught your eye, then contact the actual manufacturer and ask if they have one they can send you. They want you to buy their product, and the best way to encourage this is to let you give it a test run!

My personal favorite we discovered this year was the Synergy Hybrid. It is water-based (and cleans up like a water-based product), but has enough silicone to last 7x longer than a regular water-based lubrication. Thus, it being a hybrid. Not to mention, a very, very little goes a really long way!

There is also a "Cool Tingle" option that is extremely minty fresh. For us, it was a little too on the, er, tingly side. However, you can decide for yourself because ... wait for it ... you can try it for free.

You are welcome!

(photo by Trigg Laboratories)

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

(photo by Daria Chernova, used with permission)

You may submit your own Magical Milk Pic by emailing it to christinemoers [at] hotmail [dot] com

Sexperiment 2011

Brace yourselves guys and gals. It's time to get your groove on for all that is the



Anyone else super excited?

Or do you already feel a yeast infection coming on?

No? Good. Here we go.

The Sexperiment started two years ago after Ed Young, Jr. was talking smack about he and the Mrs. getting their groove on for a week straight and encouraging their congregation to do the same. The Reverend, however, did not reignite this wonderment year after year.

Enter: Christine.

The challenge at its most basic is to have sex seven days in a row at some point in February. It is also a flexible process. Perhaps you have never had sex TWO days in a row, and would prefer to start there. Grand. Do that. Or maybe you have a rotating repertoire of three positions and would like to try out seven new positions SOMETIME during the month of February. That works, too! It may even be that you have never owned a sex toy of any kind, but you have been curious. This might be the month to just try something new with the love of your life.

I will be sprinkling lots of ideas and advice along the way as the month carries on. Little bits of encouragement. Cheers for your success. But today, sit down and say to yourself, "What can I do to purposefully be more sexual this month?" Then sit down with your red hot lover and get them on board.

Then set a goal.

Then write it down.

Then do it. ;)

*leading by example, the Mr. and I are making this our week - wish us luck!*

I'm in the mood for ...

It's February, friends.

Christine is gonna' talk about sex! Whoop!

Meet me back here on Monday, my lovelies, for the Sexperiment 2011.

For a refresher, you can look back at 2009 and 2010. Get your whining and complaining out of the way this weekend, because we hit the ground running on Monday!

I will be your biggest cheerleader. We got this!


(photo by Claudia Martínez)

It's all good!

The past week has been a reminder of the good. Even when things have been tough (and they have!), there is so much good!

This crazy little park has brought me a few new favorite things.

Let's start with food, because ... why wouldn't you? Most vegetarians and vegans have already discovered this little gem. But I like to be late to the game and lead the rest of those at the back of the pack. So glad my Hill Shadies pushed this on me. It's Chickpea of the Sea, and it's a super delish alternative to tuna fish. I like it MORE than tuna fish. No, really, I do!


(photo by www.thekitchn.com - mine did not look like this, but tasted just as great - swear!)

Our dark horse of January, and surprise super duper friend extraordinaire (add comma's in there, wherever you like) is Jenn. They popped through in December and made their way back through this past month. They have really enjoyed being here, and we adore them, too, so they've stayed longer! More about her in a minute.

This means we have three families in the park who associate themselves with the wonderful craziness that is NüRVers. Another big chunk of the Nü just spent time boondocking in the Arizona desert. We have taken it upon ourselves to make the past month just as fun down here, and have taken some extra long showers in their honor. Jim and Rene wrote a great post about it here.


(photo shamelessly swiped from Jim & Rene - it's full of people who make me smile)

We love A and her family so much that we shot out their tires and unplugged a bunch of wires in their RV so they also had to stay longer. We don't do that often, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. They haven't quite clued in yet, so we'll just continue to sneak over during the night and screw things up on their vehicles as needed. In the meantime, while they are stuck here, A got some new ink. I did not get a shot of the whole piece, but under that gypsy and her amazing traveling wagon, it says "Prone to Wander." Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Unbelievable. You can't take your eyes off of it. Not to mention she has really enjoyed leaving it open to breathe during the arctic blast we have had going on. That has not been a pain AT ALL.



My sister-in-law turned 50 (which is really difficult for her, because she actually LOOKS about 23 ... I know ... life is hard). Anywho, we all drove to be a part of a fun little surprise party for her. She was running her second half marathon the next day. She went from 5K's to the Half just to see if she could before this milestone birthday. And she did. Cause she's really amazing and always chases life. Love her.



Last, but not least, I was able to take a sans clothing dip with my two gals this past week. Just over 24 hours before the winter blast. It was a first for A. First time for me in a river (my skinny dipping has been limited to chlorinated pools). It was pretty dang cold, but it ended up being yet another time to connect with these two amazing people. We have all lived a lot of life, and we have more to go. We connect on a million different levels, and we just plain enjoy each other. Not to mention, the Guadalupe will never. be. the. same. again.



It's all good! Okay, so it's 59 degrees in my living room right now, but other than THAT - all good!

Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

"A woman nurses her toddler in a public bathroom out of the eyes of her community. While a woman in the next stall flushes the toilet with her foot to avoid touching any part of the space with her hands."



(photo by Rachel Valley)